“And now, the end is near, And so I face the final curtain…”

As my buddy, Paulie, would say, “that’s the damn, skippy, ladies and gentlemen.” We’ve reached the final curtain for the Fish. Or should we say, “the final frying pan?”

Tonight’s the night we say goodbye to a lot more than just Survivor. It’s my final column, and the last chance for anyone to get their final blows in. Come on, boys and girls, dish it out. I can take it! Just don’t call me fat…! That’s so mean…

Hopefully, there’ll be nothing to criticize, because I fully expect to have a wonderfully written, succinct, eloquent, and amusing recap for you. Off to the freezer I go! I picked up a bottle of Belvedere to celebrate my final night of Survivor writing, and I’m gonna down this sucker through a friggin’ turkey baster tube! Bring it on, cirrhosis, you bi*ch!

“Excuse me while I whip this out…!”

(Whips out turkey baster, pulls off bulb, shoves tube in bottle. Chugs…)

Spits out Belvedere all … Continue reading

December 23rd, 2017 | 7 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H


Once again, my friends, we’ve reached the penultimate episode, and what an appropriate word since there’s a urologist this season. Should we then call it the peen-ultimate episode? Not sure that’s as funny as I think, so let’s just say it’s the second-to-last episode and move on. There’s already been way too many dick jokes about Dr. Mike, and I’m having trouble finding new ways to work Viagra and boners into my recaps…

Lots to get to tonight since we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty, and you know the show is going to amp up the drama. Happens every season. I’m guessing we’re in for a good episode tonight, because the last thing a show wants is a boring episode in the penis-ultimate one…

In case you saw the comment I made on last week’s episode, I posted a link to where you can see who the cast is for next season. I’m not gonna mention the theme because I know some of you may want to find that out while watching the Reunion show, … Continue reading

December 15th, 2017 | 2 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H


Hey folks, how was your week? So, I’m not sure I wanna admit this, but I’m looking forward to tonight’s episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you think that’s because it’s only an hour long – TBH, that’s part of it – but it’s more that I’m growing fonder of this season.

Yes, my pretties, the Fish is converting back to being a fan. And I’m sure we all want to enjoy Survivor again. That said, I’m gonna drop that little hint I found out about next season, but I won’t be spoiling anything. Okay, ready? SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT.

Season 36 will be called Ghost Island. I don’t know anything else about the theme or the location, but I’m guessing they’re going back to Fiji. The only other thing I can offer is a list of the players, in case you wanna do your own research and start creating your own “Survivor Player Collage/Masturbation Aide.” I guess those Survivor buffs you bought from the CBS Store will finally come in handy…

Ghost Island sure … Continue reading

December 8th, 2017 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H