December 8th, 2017 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Tribal Council is up, and Jeff calls in the Jury.

Shiny Desi
Stoned Cole
Yoked J.P.
Tony Vlachos…

Jeff opens the line of questioning…

“At today’s Immunity Challenge, Devon and Ashley seemed pretty tight. That so?”

Devon: Jeff, I’m tight with my alliance. I would have taken a shoulder rub from Lauren too.

Ben: Jeff, I thought I was a masseur in the Burger Alliance. I guess not.

Ashley: Jeff, the Burger Alliance has imploded. Things have flopped…

“Ashley, I think you’re saying Ben is now a target. That so?”

Ashley: Yup…

Ben: Ok, let’s start playing the game.

Lauren: What’s up with you telling the others about my Idol?

Ben: That’s my game. Dumbass.

Lauren: Well, I hope you got a lot of ammunition…

Chrissy: I’m gonna spill the fact I know Lauren has an extra vote…

Lauren: That Secret Advantage isn’t even a thing, because I accidentally left it at camp, and now I will be forever judged by that mistake…

Chrissy: So…as a math wizard…I think we can vote you out tonight, without having to do much of anything…

Lauren: Uh…y’all know Forrest Gump is my favorite movie, right? And Ben has a fake idol, so he’s just as dumb as I am…

Ben: Jeff, yes, I have a fake idol, but this is more for Joe Anglim than it is for Chrissy…

Mike: This is my time to shine, so I’m gonna throw the other half of Lauren’s Idol into the fire. I’m such a mensch!

Lauren then dives into the fire to retrieve the shell (Skupin-like?) but clearly cannot do so. She knows she’s been outed, and I’m guessing that’s not a first for our center-fielder…

Mike is beaming, knowing this is the greatest moment of his life. And the fact that’s true, speaks volumes about the Dick Jockey…

Jeff says something, but no one’s listening to him anymore. We’re listening to Ben,

“Lauren, my advice, don’t reveal you have an Idol or an Advantage.”

Lauren then reaffirms she’s not going to play the Advantage, and even offers it up to Chrissy.


Mike, Ryan, and others chime in they’d like the Advantage too, and it’s clear Lauren is outclassed on this show. Time for her to go back to putting worms on hooks, and trying to figure out how to hold the pole while using her feet.

Ben says, “Why don’t we just leave it to Lauren, and send her home.”

I’m not sure that’s even English…

Devon tries to play the “Ben is more dangerous than Lauren” card, but Ryan begins whispering to Mike they need to send Lauren home, and Devon is paying more attention to them then he is to anyone else. Meanwhile, everyone’s bi*ching about who to send home.

Jeff finally has a chance to chime in, and asks Chrissy if this is “absolute chaos.”

Chrissy: It is. And from what I can gather. I’m going home next.

Ben: Lauren, you’re a threat. Period.

Lauren: We’re all threats, Mr. PTSD, you don’t get a pass just because you got shot at. I had to fish!!!

Meanwhile, Devon has broken Survivor Tribal Council Rule #1 and gotten up from his stool without permission. He heads over to Mike to discuss taking out Ben, but then all hell breaks loose. Soon, everyone is whispering to someone about who to vote out, and it’s clear it’ll be either Ben or Lauren. I bet Lauren wishes she didn’t give Mike that shell, or left her Advantage at camp tonight… Run, Forrest, run…back to camp!

Devon is ready to vote, so let’s vote!

No votes are revealed before Jeff collects the urn. He asks for Hidden Immunity Idols and after a pregnant pause, Ben finally stands and lets Jeff know he has a real Hidden Immunity Idol too, and plays it for himself. This comes as a shock to a few of the others, who clearly didn’t know Ben was packing.

“This…IS…a Hidden Immunity Idol, any votes cast for Ben will not count. I’ll read the votes.”


Boom goes…all the bullsh*t, because everything that was said about voting for Lauren was a total lie, except for Ben. Should we say Ben just pulled a “Wentworth?” Classic Tribal move.

But something about this vote is pissing me off, and it’s the fact some were saying “it’s Lauren” to people who voted for Ben, but then they voted for Ben too. Kinda glad Ben turned the tables on everyone and proudly claimed, “F**k you,” to everyone, but I’m left wondering how the rest of his game will play out. Does he even have a chance of winning now when everyone wanted him gone, or will they forget all of that and vote for him, if he reaches Final Tribal?

So many questions. So many twists left. I really hope things are amped up the next couple episodes.

And can we discuss how embarrassing Lauren’s departure is? Is this like, a James Clement level of stupidity? You have an Advantage, and a Hidden Immunity Idol, and YOU’RE VOTED OUT? I don’t wanna reveal too much about how I feel about certain parts of the country, but it appears that contestants from the South are some of the dumbest mother**kers who’ve ever played Survivor. Maybe y’all – and I used that on purpose because ‘y’all’ ain’t a f**king word – aren’t very bright, and should stay away from applying to be on reality TV shows. Your flaws become apparent, and we left/right coasters will continue to poke fun at you. Get used to it…

Next time on…Survivor!

Ben is the Fuhrer…
But some may want Ashley out first.

Who will go home first?

In Lauren’s final words, she admits she’s a big boob and that’s all I need to hear. Time to turn off Survivor and click over to Pornhub. I think “big boobs” are tonight’s theme, and let’s hope no one has a Southern accent. Something about that accent makes me think of Roy Moore, and no one wants to think about Roy Moore right now.

BTW, I’m just kidding about the South hate. Some of my best friends are hillbillies. Thought I should say that before I lose another 5 readers…And yes, I know there are ass*oles on the coasts as well.

Loving you!

Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: or Bryan Fischer


  1. Hey there! Okay, Lauren is potentially the dumbest. I was kind of starting to like her and then this episode happened. A) Why tell people you found the idol? Dumb. B) Why keep offering your immunity/advantages to people? Super dumb. C) Why tell Ben you are going to vote him out?

    I think I want Ben to win this whole thing. He’s been grating on my nerves, but at least he’s trying to play the game. The problem is, he’s stuck playing with a bunch of morons.

    I can’t stand people who look at their “resume” instead of what is best for them in the game. Voting Ben out would have been a huge move, but they told him they were voting for him. AND, it would have left the Burger Alliance at 3 vs 3. Why not keep him for another vote and then work to get rid of him? I don’t know where they find these people for casting, but they need to do a better job. I haven’t looked at the casting for the next season. I hope it’s decent!!

    I will say, these last two episodes have been a little bit more exciting. Like people have finally woken up and realized they’re playing survivor. And I do love the Loved Ones episode. I was kind of disappointed in their challenge, though. It seemed a bit anticlimactic.

    At this point, I’d be happy with Ben, Mike, or Devon winning. Chrissy has pissed me off, Ashley hasn’t done anything, and neither has Ryan.

    I hope you have a good week!

  2. Hi Jen! Thanks for the comment.

    Yeah, Lauren seems like that kinda person who knows they’re not that bright, so they overcompensate by trying to be nice/confident/tough. Like that’s gonna fool anyone!? Look, dumb people — not you, Jen — we all know you’re dumb. You can’t hide that shit. It comes out in what you say, how you react, and how you plan. Just accept the fact you’re dumb and keep quiet. As Judge Smails said, “The world needs ditch diggers too.” So, wise up, dummies, and stay unwise… (Ahhh, that was refreshing…)

    My prediction is Ben/Ryan/Chrissy at Final Tribal, only because I predicted Ben/Ryan, and I see Chrissy getting a FT edit. We’ll see. And maybe I’ll see b/c I just applied for Finale tickets. Will keep you posted…

    I honestly don’t care who wins. I just can’t even any more…

    I’m with you about casting. I think they’re either too lazy to search through all the applications, or they just read everyone’s app and go off who’s “story” is best. It’s like there’s no thought put into personality any more. Look, everyone’s gonna go into the casting interviews and SAY they’re gonna be energetic and create drama, but the producers have to do better. I also haven’t looked at next season, maybe I’ll do that now and write something about them tonight…

    Yeah, they phoned in that LO challenge. Sad… I guess I’d like Ben or Devon to win. We’ll see next week.

    Thank you, Jen. I did have a good week. Just hoping to get through December without any drama.

    Love ya!

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