SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 11/11/16

Howdy, folks, and welcome to this week’s installment of Survivor: Mancave starring…mostly guys from the original 20 castaways. So far this season, we’ve seen mostly women – and non-white women – voted off and leaving the men to fight it out in a Not Suitable For Primetime game of Lightsaber Boner Jousting. Gentlemen, do not cross your streams… I’m sure all the female viewers will be thrilled…

However, let’s not “beat” around the bush anymore, there’s been some other stuff going down in America this week that we should be talking about…BUT…I promised myself I wouldn’t dive down that rabbit hole. This whole country is already up in arms, and I really don’t wanna take a drink or eat a cake to follow some rabbit to somewhere peaceful. Screw that, I’ll take a drink… Any suggestions?

For everyone’s sanity, I’ll endeavor to steer clear of the politics tonight and just focus on Survivor, because that’s why we’re all here, isn’t it? There’s been way too many protests/riots/uprisings already, and I’m not going to add to that pile of crap.

So let’s dive right in to tonight’s episode, curiously entitled, “I’m the Kingpin.” Now, there doesn’t seem to be anyone playing like a kingpin in this cast, so I gotta wonder whose delusions of grandeur we’re following this week.

-Is it Grandpa Zeke and his bingo capabilities?
-Is it Chris, the trial lawyer/football player, who’s anxious to become a dominant player?
-Is it Adam, who’s ironically known as “The Homeless Whisperer” in real life?

We’ll find out soon, because the waist-coated rabbit just ran by me again, so let’s follow him to one of the camps, or Ponderosa, or to Jeff Probst. Oh, lookie here, it’s JP…

Previously on…Survivor!

-Adam had sex with Taylor (“I screwed you”) and will therefore be a major player in tonight’s episode…
-Zeke & David have a callback audition for The Blue Lagoon 3, aka Brokeback Atoll…
-We get to see MichOnka again, ensuring she gets another residual check… Which producer or editor is she sleeping with to get so much friggin’ air time?

Night 20 and Ikabula slinks back to camp. Jay is super stoked he took out “The Closer,” and can’t hide his glee. Everyone else agrees they’ve never seen a player react the way she did, and both Moobs and Sundae are claiming to be thankful they’re still around.

Meanwhile, Larry Fine (that’s Hannah, remember The Three Stooges reference?) wants everyone to know that she WOULD have voted with them if they had only TOLD her, but Jay calms her by saying he only wanted her to remain clean. But as I’m seeing each week, staying clean doesn’t seem to be very high on Hannah’s list, and tells him how crappy it was she wasn’t included in the vote.

“I felt like a damn fool,” she cries, but that could have been easily remedied by not ACTING like a damn fool. Understand, Mr. Fine? Regardless, she knows the fact she was left out of the vote clearly indicates she’s very low in the Millennial pecking order when it reconvenes at the merge. She tells us she’s “ready to play,” which is…nice to hear on Day 20 of 39.

The next morning, Jay and Bret are sitting around plotting a murder it seems, when the site of a fast approaching Zodiac grabs their attention. They quickly hide the box of lye and “act naturally.” Hannah and Sunday pop out to find out what’s going on, and I’m just wondering if they were digging the grave. (I feel really bad for Will right now…)

Hannah’s anxiety already begins to kick in as she asks way too many questions about this boat and what it might signify. When it lands on shore, the “captain” (I guess) hands a small scroll over to Jay and steps out of camera range.

Dude, is the show getting lazy or what? The guy hands a scroll to the cast?! AYFKM? They couldn’t hide it in a palm tree or bury it near camp? Make ‘em work for it…? They’re just handing scrolls over now? What has become of my ultimate adventure…? I don’t think Ozzy would approve…

Jay reads the note which says they have 5 minutes to pack their s**t and head to the merge camp. It’s go-time, and these weekend warriors all made it. Elation is the key word here as everyone sees a new start to their game. They quickly grab everything worthwhile,

-their personal things
-some cooking items
-a “hamma” (as Bret calls it)

And I gotta say, Bret is starting to lose a lot of his baby-fat and looking pretty good. Does he have a stylist in camp? And since I think he’s “single-ready-to-mingle,” I’m sure he was “swimming in it” when he got back to Massachusetts. Nevertheless, he’s no longer Moobs, he’s Magnum P.I…

Over at Takali, they also got word to bag their bags and are gathering things as well. Adam has clearly matured a lot in these 3 weeks (gosh, they grow up so fast!) because he’s no longer yelling his confessionals and already thinking forward to his post-merge strategy. He knows this is the time to separate the great players from the mediocre ones (and admit it, Adam, there are a lot of sh**ty players who make the merge, too) and he desperately wants to be a great one. A good one is all I can maybe see in his future…

The two Zodiacs play Boner Jousting with each other as they race toward the Vanua camp – the new home for the Vinaka tribe. Not sure where they got that name because it sounds like Binaca, but I guess everyone’s breath was inspiration enough…

The Vanuans see the boats speeding toward them and rather than thinking it’s a cadre of Fijian pirates ready to storm their camp, they somehow figure out they’ve made the merge and are happier than a clam. Zeke celebrates with a salute to White Men Can’t Jump and rushes out to meet everyone.

And anyone who had an early significant alliance is happy af to reconnect with them…and then give a perfunctory hug to everyone else. “OMG! It’s so great to see you!!! Oh, hey there…you…”

Some of the happier ones to reconnect are:

Hannah & Zeke
Jay & Taylor & Michelle
Ken & David & Jessica
Bret & Chris & Sunday

Clearly, we’re still playing Millennials vs. Gen-X, but let the fireworks come later. Right now, it’s time to drink booze, feast, and party. And what a coincidence, that’s what I’m doing right now!

Jay lets us know how incredible he’s feeling, because based on the last few votes he’s been involved in, he’s developed a Super Alliance of:

himself
Tails
Adam
Hannah
Bret
Chris
Sunday

Which sounds pretty impressive, considering there’s only 13 people left. Let’s see if his master plan will come to fruition.

“I’m the kingpin, but no one knows…” and there you get your titular reference…