It’s now Day 29 and the rains have come. While most everyone is hunkering around the campfire, Chrissy is “taking a moment” and languishing under the shelter. She looks beat, and almost like she’s ready to quit. Mike realizes the same thing I do – she may be crampy – and asks if she needs a hug. He’s a husband, he knows the drill.
And based on what he told us earlier about the seaplane flying low, I’m sure he’s getting some s**t right now from his wife back home, wondering why he’s offering hugs to other women. I’ll read his exit interview later and see if he reveals anything about his family…
Rice is brought to Chrissy, which appears to recharge her batteries a little. She, once again, mentions she’s an actuary, and that means she’s considering all the possible outcomes ahead. I doubt that experience has much to do with playing Survivor, but let’s keep working that angle Chrissy/Survivor. She confesses – emotionally – this has been a dream of hers for 16 years, so,
“I hope I can have the last laugh.”
Yeah, get in line, sister…
We’ve reached Day 30 and it’s 2nd Immunity Challenge time. As we fly in over the course, you can tell it’s gonna separate the men from the boys. Or the women from the men. Or, everyone from Ryan and Mike… It’s for Immunity, so no one’s sitting this one out…
Jeff takes the necklace back from Ashley and describes the challenge: players will maneuver a Survivor “one-wheeled-barrow” through a series of obstacles balancing an urn atop it. Inside the urn is a key they’ll use to unlock a bunch of wooden blocks with letters on them. Those 12 blocks then need to be transported over some more obstacles to a mat, where players will use them to solve a 12-letter word puzzle using the blocks. The word they’re trying to solve is INVULNERABLE, so let’s hope we don’t end up with a 45-minute dunce-cap challenge with players who’ve never done a crossword before.
As physical as this challenge appears, I think with a 12-letter word, players will have to rely on their brains more than anything else. For this reason, I think Mike, Chrissy, and maybe Ryan do have a shot, because everyone else is kinda dumb, so things may balance out… Let’s see what happens when Jeff calls “Go!”
-There’s a learning curve to getting over the see-saw.
-Ben is killing it in the physical part of the game
-Ryan and Mike are not…
-Ben is stacking his blocks while Devon employs a “lay down” approach
-Ashley is hot on the guys’ tails
-So is Chrissy…
-Devon is the first to get all his blocks on his mat.
-Ashley hauls eight pieces at once and is “hot on Devon’s ass”
-Solving the word is proving difficult for everyone
I’m using my gaming prowess and the only words I’m coming up with are
Unreliable V(egan) (agina) (asectomy)
and
Unlivable RN
But I’m wondering who the nurse is they’re referring to. I think I’ll just let someone figure it out for me.
Chrissy appears to be making progress, and Devon can only steal glances at her tower to help him solve. “He’s not a smart man,” and admits he doesn’t even know any 12-letter words. Chrissy continues to shift blocks, possibly onto something.
Suddenly, Chrissy, Devon, Ben and Ashley are all working feverishly to move their blocks around, but does anyone know what the word is? Let’s see…
As Chrissy manipulates a few more blocks, she yells to Jeff, “I got it!” And sure enough, she does, the actuary is proving to be INVULNERABLE, and what happened to menstrual girl grabbing her tummy in the shelter a few hours ago?
Chrissy is more than happy to have that pearl necklace placed around her neck (a first?) and is showing off those amazing teeth like she’s signed a sponsorship deal with Colgate. She is obviously ecstatic, and who can blame her? 16 years is a long time to realize a dream, I know it took me that long to score with a non-Asian chick…
As we head to break, Chrissy lets us know how important this win was, because she knew she would’ve gone home tonight had she not won. And I can’t fault her for anything. She won. She’s smart. She’s sexy (after a shower). I hope she makes it to Final Tribal and I’m there at CBS to see her win it all at the finale…
When they return to camp, Ben lets us know it’s okay Chrissy won, because there are still three other candidates to go home. It’s time to “get to gettin,” so let’s see who’s being targeted.
The Burger Alliance calls a meeting and Ben says they don’t need Joe around anymore. Devon agrees, and I presume the girls do too, but they don’t appear to respond. The question, Devon asks, is what will be said to Joe and Mike to steer them toward another fake scenario?
Devon follows this up with another conversation with Ashley and Lauren and informs them he’s going to tell Joe that he, Joe and Mike will vote Ryan, while Ashley, Lauren and Lauren’s extra vote will vote Ben. In reality, Lauren won’t be playing her extra vote, but it won’t matter as the Burger Alliance will all be voting Joe.
When Joe and Mike head over to consult with these three, Devon tells them the plan is to create a 3-3 tie, and then on the revote send Ben home. Joe and Mike are totally down with it, because they really don’t have any other option, unless they wanna go hit up the Flunkies.
However, when Devon tells them, “We don’t need to talk about it anymore,” my spider senses would be tingling. You hear that, any future Survivor players? When someone doesn’t want to talk anymore, it means they’re lying to you and they don’t wanna say anything later to contradict that lie. File that away in your memory banks…
The Flunkies are huddled together, and Chrissy is trying to convince Ben he’s the next one to go, so they need to stick together and vote as a block. She realizes the others will be splitting their votes, so maybe if these three stick together, something magical might happen. She’s gunning for either Devon or Ashley, since they’ve burned all the Flunkies previously, and Ben is playing along as much as he can. He even argues that Ryan should play his idol, guaranteeing he won’t be going home. All the pieces seem to be falling into place. What could go wrong?
Ben reminds us he has an idol, and that he’s gonna be as content as a kid in a candy store watching Joe get his torch snuffed. We’ll see…
Later, Lauren and Ashley are out searching for a new poop spot, and Lauren blurts out they’d be crazy to take Ben to Final Four. Ashley agrees, and they start running scenarios how to make this happen:
If they talk to Devon…
If they use Joe and Mike’s votes…
If they don’t screw up what Production told them to say…
Ashley mentions that both would look like chumps next to Ben at Final Tribal. Ben the married, ex-Marine, with kids…but how can they pull this off now?
And for f**k’s sake, I just read the news about Kate Steinle and the illegal immigrant. And I can’t even. How about we just pull an Escape From New York and build a wall around San Francisco? Who’s gonna play Snake Plissken to go in and save Hunter Pence? Shit, this country is messed up…
Ok, back to reality (TV) and the Double-Secret plans to vote out Ben. Ashley pulls Devon aside and reveals she’s considering switching from White Castle to In-N-Out and taking out King Arthur. Devon is flummoxed, but when he says, “Wow!” I’m thinking he’s not 100% on board with Ashley’s/Production’s plan. He confesses he needs to make big moves and needs to be ruthless, but is he willing to throw away a jury vote so early by voting out Ben? Let’s see what transpires as we head to Tribal.
Players file in and Jeff calls the Jury in. Desi is still shiny as all get out, and J.P. isn’t making eye contact with anyone. Maybe he’s just embarrassed he banged Desi last night…after Cole did. I gotta check the Ponderosa videos when I’m done here for clues… Isn’t anyone a pervert anymore? Besides Lauer and me?
Jeff asks:
Mike: Why you smiling?
Jeff, I’m high on life, and Joe found some mushrooms near camp today…
Chrissy: You ‘shrooming, too?
Jeff, after 16 years, I got to play Survivor, and win Immunity. I’m f**king stoned to the Bejesusbells right now…
Joe: What does Tribal mean to you?
Jeff, it’s risky, and can I tell you a joke we wrote about Mark Burnett?
Ben: I need to change the subject quick. Do you agree that Tribal is where alliances are tested?
Jeff, where’s my Oscar? Because I’m playing Col. Kurtz better than Brando ever did. I’m probably getting Martin Sheened outta here tonight, too…
Ryan: Is Ben smoking the same s**t Sam Bottoms did at the Do Lung bridge?
Jeff, I haven’t seen Apocalypse Now, my mom won’t let me…
(Joe chimes in) Jeff, Sam Bottoms dropped acid at the Do Lung bridge, don’t let Ryan mislead you… And Ben ain’t s**t. He got played and let’s see where that gets him tonight…
(Mike chimes in) Jeff, I’m gonna assert my opinion right now, even though no one cares.
(Ben chimes in) Mike, stick a testicle in your mouth. I need to put Joe on blast. Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand? You’re a puppet, and you don’t even realize it…
Mike: Ben is saying you and Joe are boobs. Are you…boobs?
Jeff, just because we’re Taylor Swift’s new boobs, that doesn’t mean we’re not Taylor Swift!
(Joe chimes in) Jeff, I like the feeling of this sports bra, I think everyone else does too.
(Ryan chimes in) But I think he just wants to deflect from the fact he’s got a boner right now…
Mike makes an analogy about 2 different urologists doing penile enlargement and one of them pulls a “Lorena.” (not sure what that means)
And I’m starting to get annoyed that no one is actually “saying” anything. They’re just talking now. Time to fast forward to the vote…
Votes are cast yet none are revealed. Jeff collects the urn…
“If anybody has an idol…”
Ryan takes a moment and finally calls out, “Jeff!” It’s a valid idol so he’s safe. Jeff reads the votes:
Ryan
Ryan
Ashley
Ashley
Joe
Joe
Joe
Joe
Damn, Lil Tony is back delivering pizzas! Ben celebrates, Devon takes a moment to complement, and Chrissy takes a moment to burn Joe…
“That was an incredibly tight alliance…” (burn!)
Joe gets snuffed and heads off. Chances are, we won’t see him around anymore, unless there’s a season called Survivor: Twinsies and he plays with Tony Vlachos. Jeff reminds everyone that blindsides are a bitch and sends them off…
We are getting down to the nitty gritty dirt tribe and things are finally starting to look up. As boring as the season was earlier, the pace has increased. Thank God it did, otherwise a lot of viewers may have jumped ship. I think I’m gonna go check the ratings this season and see how it compares to recent seasons.
Something I discovered today while doing recap research is I stumbled onto a site where info on Survivor 36 is already being posted. No spoilers, mind you, but I now know the name of the season, and even the players who will be contending for the title of Sole Survivor. Let me know your thoughts on me spilling this info, and believe me, that’s all the info I have. I know that’s what RealitySteve.com is all about, but I’ve never wanted to spoil any Survivor stuff for you. Drop me a comment Yay or Nay…
Like many of you, I don’t want to know ANYTHING about future seasons, but I just happened to see this, and if I’m not seeing any spoilers, I’m okay with it. I could start researching all the names and who they are, but why would I do that? I’ll let Reality Steve hold the monopoly on that franchise and I’ll just write recaps. Plus, I don’t think you guys wanna know anything. I know I don’t… And, since Survivor isn’t revealed until the live show, none of us will ever be sure we know who wins until Jeff pulls out those parchments. Let’s keep it that way, huh?
Next time on…Survivor!
-The Loved Ones Challenge will no doubt bring more rain
-It’s Every Man for Himself
-Ben is filling out his application for the Joe Anglim School of Fake Necklace Art School
In his final words, Joe is contrite, which is a word he’ll probably need to look up, if he were to read this column.
Alrighty then, 3 more weeks to go before the Survivor Finale. Once again, I’m gonna try and attend as a seat filler, and let’s see if they pick me this time. I’ve struck out a few season’s in a row, so I gotta keep it on the downlow. Don’t blow my cover. You can blow anything else though…
I’ll leave you with one final thought, and hopefully this won’t piss anyone off.
One of the lessons you learn working in Hollywood – in my case, over 25 years – is to prove to your supervisors and bosses that you can “take it.” Whatever “it” was. It became part of the mantra of “paying one’s dues” in Hollywood, just like our bosses had to do before us. It’s “the way it’s done” in Hollywood.
The practice of pushing boundaries wasn’t frowned upon. It was accepted. It was…normal. And if you couldn’t hang, you wouldn’t last. You grew a thick skin and hoped you could find a path with as little abuse as possible. There’s a reason for the phrase, “There’s no business like show business,” because once you were “in” you were really in.
Now, many of the stories we’re hearing about are pure and simple sexual harassment, I freely accept that, and some of these creeps need to be in jail. But, when some of these actors were put in situations that could have led to something inappropriate, I must ask them, why didn’t they leave? And, if something did occur, why didn’t they report it IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT HAPPENED?
Once again, I’m not defending any perverts, or harassers, or criminals, but I’ve always thought that ANYTHING that happened to me is partly my responsibility. It’s a lesson I’m teaching my son, so he can become the master of his own reality. I’m sure some of you agree, some don’t, and some may see this as victim blaming. It’s not. I just think choices can always be made.
Drop me a comment on anything that crosses your mind and I’ll respond. I was able to buy a bottle of Skyy before my editing phase tonight, so I’m hoping I found a little more humor…
BTW, can I marry a bottle of vodka legally in California?
Fish
Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com or Bryan Fischer
“Choices can always be made”. I feel like you’re “Fisching” for comments by provoking readers. Consider me provoked.
Let’s say I’m an actress. A 5’2, 120lb actress who bumped into an actor friend that I’ve done movies with in the past. We’ve hung out together plenty of times and are always friendly. He asks me up to his room to read lines with him and I think nothing of it since it’s something that’s happened in the past several times. Except this time he gets super aggressive, bolts the door and blocks it, shoves me into the bedroom and proceeds to rape me. Let’s say he’s asserting his size and I’m not as physically strong as him. What are my choices?
I bet you’d say to report it. Only, let’s say this actor is an A lister and I’m a D lister. No one would believe me. People would think I’m lying or assume I’m over exaggerating or creating drama because “that’s what women do”. So I decide to cry it out and hold it in forever – because THAT’S what women truly do. So please don’t say “choices can always be made” – that is so unbelievably incorrect. On many levels (shooting victims, domestic violence victims, etc).
On the other hand, I do think that all of the sexual harassment claims are getting out of hand and that they should be properly investigated, instead of getting leaked to the media and the accused losing their entire career. But I digress…
It’s 2017. There are so many situations where choices are stripped away from us. There are so many abusers and criminals out there that think they can get away with bad behaviour. Even regular Joes. Hopefully this Hollywood Harassment holds a mirror up to society’s flaws and garners better appreciation and treatment of women, and illustrates that “choices” can often be a complete illusion.
Lil-
I’m gonna tread lightly because we’re talking about a very serious subject and I’m not just provoking readers for clickbait. As I’ve mentioned — many times — I don’t care how many people read my recaps. I just write…
And I don’t know if you’re an actress or not, and may be personally invested in your scenario. That said, I’ll say this…
Based on the situation you presented, I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t have gone to his room, because you were relatively comfortable with this person and thought it was a professional situation.
But…if he raped you in that situation (per your words) I would say, hell yes, report that motherfucker. FYI, even if he’s an “A-lister” and you’re a “D-lister,” the law doesn’t give a shit about that. It’s a crime.
The problem, I see, in your scenario is you assume this person is “above” you. He’s not. He’s just more famous. And as long as this “cult of celebrity” exists, people who’ve been victimized will suffer.
The one thing I’ve always believed is that actors, famous or not, are just people. They just have a different job. Yet, as long as people keep putting them on a pedestal, celebs/execs/successful people will continue to get away with whatever they’re getting away with.
Understand, I’m not arguing with you. I do think anyone who’s been an abuser deserves to be taken down…swiftly. TBH, I wouldn’t care if they’re personally injured…
I don’t give a shit about ANYONE’s career being destroyed by recent allegations, because there’s probably some truth behind it. If not, I’m sure they can afford to hire an attorney to defend them. The one thing I’ve learned about a lot of successful people in Hollywood is they’re:
-assholes
-bullies
-perverts
-snobs
…and none of those qualities are things I want to be associated with. Unfortunately, many people — actresses, assistants, fans — will look the other way when celebs are dicks because they wanna tell their friends, “I hung out with (A or B-lister) last night!”
Who gives a fuck who you hung out with!? The fact you think you’re better off because you hung out with a celeb says a lot about you.
Now I’m digressing. The point is, everyone needs to treat everyone else with respect. And everyone — even D-listers — need to realize the power they hold. Stop glorifying the cult of celebrity, and stop allowing the jerks in Hollywood to keep winning. Or GTFO…
What we all need to realize is that more important than any of this Hollywood bullshit is the law. And until Hollywood realizes that — both high and low — they’ll continue to treat the meek like a commodity… Don’t be cattle.