December 1st, 2017 | 2 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Back at the Reward, the winners are toasting their burgers and anxious to get down to business. Lauren is the one who wants to get down to business as the others keep shoving burgers down their necks.

Lauren finally reveals she picked this four because she wants to play with them, and “everyone is fooling themselves if they think the Mag 7 are gonna stick together.” She tells them she wants to be open, and honest, and keep the “Burger Alliance” of two Heroes and two Hustlers together ‘til the end. She asks for some openness…

-Devon spills that Ryan has an idol
-Lauren reveals she has the Secret Advantage, and tells them how she can play it.
-Ashley says she doesn’t have any secrets to tell.
-Lauren relays her strategy that as much as they hate Joe, they need him to stick around.
-Ben is willing to go along with that, because he needs to downplay the whole “King Arthur” theory the other players have about him.
-They toast their allegiance to the Burger Alliance and claim to be solid ‘til the Final Four.
-Devon reveals he’s very surprised at Lauren because she started the game as a doofus, and now she’s “in it to win it,” which is what he’s doing. So, he’s gonna stick by her and see where this group will go.

As Devon moves to make another burger, he grabs a bun revealing there are letters from home stashed under the stack. Immediately, everyone breaks into tears at getting that small taste of love from home. Emotions are running high and it’s clear THIS moment is bonding the Burger Alliance even deeper than the pact they made to stick together. I believe it…

Day 27 breaks and Ben is watching the sunrise from a nearby bluff. He’s re-reading his letter from home and confessing how important his family means to him. Having gone through combat, he knows he came back fragile, and he owes his life to his wife for saving him. He’s here for them, and their letter is giving him the fuel to get through the next few days.

As he’s heading back to camp, he looks down and sees an emblem etched into a rock and thinks he’s found an idol. What he’s actually found is a clue to an idol, but that’s good enough for this tried and tested Marine. He’s got a map now, and a mission, and nothing’s getting in the way of him seeing this through. He heads to the area on the map, and begins his recon. Soon enough, he scans the tree line above him and sees a clay pot suspended in a palm tree. Now, if he can only figure out how to get it down. He looks around and finds a log nearby and it’s long enough to smash the pot. The idol falls out and miraculously, Ben can’t find it.

I’m just kidding, he picks up the idol is suddenly supercharged to know he’s a force to be reckoned with again. He confesses his wife is the one who found it for him, by giving him the energy through her letter. Ben is a super soldier again…

Black-shirted Evil Jeff introduces us to the first Immunity Challenge of the night and it’ll take place in the middle of a reef. The fly-in shows us it’s the infamous, “Bermuda Triangles” challenge we’ve seen in Marquesas, Pearl Islands, Panama, Caramoan, Cagayan and Cambodia. It’s changed slightly over the seasons, starting at a higher level than previous versions, and even though I wanna be pissed at Kirhoffer for mailing it in this week on the challenges, I can’t hate on him for the new ones we’ve seen lately. But, one thing we’ve learned from when Woo won it in Cagayan: having shoes on will help your cause.

Jeff takes back the necklace from Lauren and describes the challenge. We already know how it works so I don’t need to relay that to you. And based on how much balance may play a part in this, I’m hoping Ashley and Devon’s surfing will serve them well.

But Jeff has one more trick up his sleeve, and that’s to tempt any players comfortable enough with their standing in the game to forego the challenge – and obvious pain – and take a pass…partaking in a huge bowl of peanut butter and chocolate treats. A tempting option for anyone who feels safe.

After a moment of reflection, the ones who feel safe right now are:


…which probably reveals something to the players who didn’t go on the burger challenge. I wonder if they had the same thought. Nevertheless, the others are gonna fight for Immunity, while Jeff brings a huge bowl of See’s Candies over to the “Burg-outs.” He starts the challenge…

And no one’s wearing shoes! WTF?! Don’t they know how to win? I guess the show made them remove shoes to damage their feet quicker. Let’s cut to the chase…

-after much banter from Jeff, the hockey player drops out first (he coulda won this if he was in skates, I bet…)
-after 20 minutes, players must move to the top of the structure, and already we can tell this is not going to be easy for some. Remember, Andrea and Brenda went over 2.5 hours in Caramoan, and you know Jeff’s sensitive skin can’t take the sun for that long anymore.
-Chrissy falls off immediately…
-Joe drops out next
-the final three are all using different techniques, with varying degrees of success and trouble
-Ryan can’t maintain his “peeping through the guest’s bathroom keyhole crouch” and falls off
-It’s Dr. Mike vs. Surfer Ashley and Jeff announces that Ashley is “rock solid”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Mike tells him, but I think that’s what he likes to hear from his clients or his Viagra representative about his clients…

I’m really liking the cooter shot we keep getting of Ashley, but before my mind can wander too far down that pervy trail, Mike jumps into the water, probably because he was getting a boner too.

As the necklace is placed around Ashley, what’s important now is that Chrissy, Ryan and J.P. didn’t win, so one of them needs to go home. But that’s what Ashley tells us. What the hell does she know?

38 minutes into the episode and sharks are swimming offshore. And they’re circling this camp too. The Mag 7 head off to discuss which Healer to take out first, and it’s clear there are a few options. With Mike’s newfound “abilities” in challenges, he’s become a bigger threat than anyone – literally, anyone – would’ve believed, so it’s not a clear “Take out Joe first” agreement. The group has a plan, and, as usual, it’s “let’s do the dumb thing and split the vote.”

“Boys on Mike, girls on Joe.”

Devon, Lauren and Ashley take a pee break and realize the Mag 7 alliance is crumbling, and Lauren is the first one to say that Chrissy, Ryan and J.P. are all threats (we’ll call them, the Threeats).

Chrissy – is the mastermind
J.P. – is a dominate physical force
Ryan – has an idol

So, one of them needs to go. Devon decides he’s a real gamer and wants to come up with a plan of his own, so he heads over to Ben and Ashley and tells the Marine he needs to vote for Mike. And…wasn’t that the plan 15 seconds ago? I’m lost. Devon’s plan is that Ben will vote for Mike, and – I guess the rest of the Burger Alliance will take out one of the Threeats, leaving the remaining Threeat players still loyal to Ben, so they can be controlled. I guess that’s what’s happening. But none of this is making sense to me.

It’s “Secret Spy Ben,” but they’ll need to recruit Joe and Mike for at least one vote. Lauren and Ashley head over to Mike and Joe, and reveal the plan to break up the Round Table. Of course, the Coco-nuts are down with this, because they’re down for anything. Let’s head to Tribal and see what happens. Lauren takes us to break and tells us “4th of July is coming early,” and I hope she realizes it’s almost Christmas here…

Tribal Council is afoot, and the players take their seats. Desi and Cole enter – holding hands – so I wonder what they’ve been up to back at Ponderosa (that didn’t happen, pervs!).

Jeff opens the dialogue:

Dr. Mike: Any fallout from your lame idol play last Tribal?

-I needed to make a statement. I did. And I’m a doctor, so they’ll believe me.

Chrissy: Is Mike as crazy as he seems?

-Jeff, Mike is nuts. But not the hairy kind. He’s also a comic, but he’s kinda limp at that, too.

Mike: That true?

-Jeff, regardless of how floppy I am, Joe and I are two votes. Two powerful votes.

Ryan: Is that accurate?

-Who knows? The Mag 7 is rock hard, like Viagra hard, but I give ‘em credit for trying…

Joe: What say you, Mr. Coco?

-Maybe I listen to Ryan, or maybe I listen to someone else…

Devon: What you got?

-Jeff, like a lotta horny dudes, Joe is just looking for a crack. Maybe he found one.

Lauren: Is this the calm before the storm?

-Jeff, I probably shouldn’t say this right before voting, but there’s a chance the Mag 7 isn’t as solid as everyone thinks (okay, that’s not EXACTLY what she said, but that’s ESSENTIALLY what she said). Dumb scum…

Chrissy: What’s the mastermind got for us, tonight?

-Jeff, we’re all a part of the 7, but we’re all playing different cards. Some have a stronger hand than others.

Joe: That sounds like a crack you’d like to hit…

-Maybe if she washed her ass, and mine, but she doesn’t even include us as players at their table, so I ain’t gonna hit that…

Lauren: You wanna tell us about any Mag 7 dysfunction?

-Jeff, there’s some s**t going on, but I ain’t gonna spill…

Ryan: When is the Mag 7 gonna fracture?

-Uh, probably soon, since I don’t know…

J.P. takes this moment to mention something about the rules of hockey, but, as always, I don’t speak Canadian, and I have no idea what he’s talking about…

-Ashley confirms something may be up…
-Chrissy admits she thinks about Survivor while she pees.
-Devon admits he trusts “some” players to have his back.
-Ben lies and says he trusts some people…
-Chrissy should run for public office…

Jeff can’t believe what he just heard and says it’s time to vote. Three votes for Mike and one for Joe are revealed before Jeff goes to collect the urn. He asks for Hidden Immunity idols and none are played. He reads the votes:


Boom! It’s the Night the Lights Went out in Saskatoon, and I think this qualifies as an Icing penalty. Ryan and Chrissy are stupefied, and Ben plays along like he’s shocked. Lauren and Devon are tickled they pulled it off, and Mike and Devon are already busy writing another 7 minutes of material for the Coco-nuts. Awesome blindside by the Burger Alliance.

And as J.P. departs off the ice, I can see Desi is looking extra hard at the fireman and his hose… Sorry, Cole, you were but a fling.


  1. “Choices can always be made”. I feel like you’re “Fisching” for comments by provoking readers. Consider me provoked.
    Let’s say I’m an actress. A 5’2, 120lb actress who bumped into an actor friend that I’ve done movies with in the past. We’ve hung out together plenty of times and are always friendly. He asks me up to his room to read lines with him and I think nothing of it since it’s something that’s happened in the past several times. Except this time he gets super aggressive, bolts the door and blocks it, shoves me into the bedroom and proceeds to rape me. Let’s say he’s asserting his size and I’m not as physically strong as him. What are my choices?
    I bet you’d say to report it. Only, let’s say this actor is an A lister and I’m a D lister. No one would believe me. People would think I’m lying or assume I’m over exaggerating or creating drama because “that’s what women do”. So I decide to cry it out and hold it in forever – because THAT’S what women truly do. So please don’t say “choices can always be made” – that is so unbelievably incorrect. On many levels (shooting victims, domestic violence victims, etc).
    On the other hand, I do think that all of the sexual harassment claims are getting out of hand and that they should be properly investigated, instead of getting leaked to the media and the accused losing their entire career. But I digress…
    It’s 2017. There are so many situations where choices are stripped away from us. There are so many abusers and criminals out there that think they can get away with bad behaviour. Even regular Joes. Hopefully this Hollywood Harassment holds a mirror up to society’s flaws and garners better appreciation and treatment of women, and illustrates that “choices” can often be a complete illusion.

  2. Lil-

    I’m gonna tread lightly because we’re talking about a very serious subject and I’m not just provoking readers for clickbait. As I’ve mentioned — many times — I don’t care how many people read my recaps. I just write…

    And I don’t know if you’re an actress or not, and may be personally invested in your scenario. That said, I’ll say this…

    Based on the situation you presented, I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t have gone to his room, because you were relatively comfortable with this person and thought it was a professional situation.

    But…if he raped you in that situation (per your words) I would say, hell yes, report that motherfucker. FYI, even if he’s an “A-lister” and you’re a “D-lister,” the law doesn’t give a shit about that. It’s a crime.

    The problem, I see, in your scenario is you assume this person is “above” you. He’s not. He’s just more famous. And as long as this “cult of celebrity” exists, people who’ve been victimized will suffer.

    The one thing I’ve always believed is that actors, famous or not, are just people. They just have a different job. Yet, as long as people keep putting them on a pedestal, celebs/execs/successful people will continue to get away with whatever they’re getting away with.

    Understand, I’m not arguing with you. I do think anyone who’s been an abuser deserves to be taken down…swiftly. TBH, I wouldn’t care if they’re personally injured…

    I don’t give a shit about ANYONE’s career being destroyed by recent allegations, because there’s probably some truth behind it. If not, I’m sure they can afford to hire an attorney to defend them. The one thing I’ve learned about a lot of successful people in Hollywood is they’re:


    …and none of those qualities are things I want to be associated with. Unfortunately, many people — actresses, assistants, fans — will look the other way when celebs are dicks because they wanna tell their friends, “I hung out with (A or B-lister) last night!”

    Who gives a fuck who you hung out with!? The fact you think you’re better off because you hung out with a celeb says a lot about you.

    Now I’m digressing. The point is, everyone needs to treat everyone else with respect. And everyone — even D-listers — need to realize the power they hold. Stop glorifying the cult of celebrity, and stop allowing the jerks in Hollywood to keep winning. Or GTFO…

    What we all need to realize is that more important than any of this Hollywood bullshit is the law. And until Hollywood realizes that — both high and low — they’ll continue to treat the meek like a commodity… Don’t be cattle.

Leave a Reply