November 23rd, 2017 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! And what do we all do at the dinner table? We state what we’re thankful for. I’m thankful for:

-my beautiful son
-a supportive family
-a good attorney
-Reality Steve
-my fatty liver
-and my faithful readers 🙂

So, what are you thankful for…?

The Thanksgiving column is always a special one because I never know…

-when I’ll finish it
-when it’ll be posted
-when it’ll be read

…based on the fact this holiday – and being with family – is more important than a silly little reality show (but we all know we like Survivor more than our families, right?). Thinking ahead, I know I’ll use the excuse the Survivor finale is the same night as my mom’s birthday this year, which is why I won’t be attending her birthday dinner at Coco’s on December 20th…

Yes, it’s time we all start thinking about the finale, and who’ll be there, and which of these boring mother**kers (sorry, mom!) will achieve the title of Sole Survivor. Somehow, none of these castaways seem to be in the same class as Boston Rob, Hatch, Parvati, Earl, or Yul, but someone’s gotta win, kinda like Vecepia, Chris, Natalie, or Michele. Yes, Survivor ain’t always pretty, but someone has to win, and continue the debate of “Who really deserved to win?”

As we know, this season no one deserves to win, but let’s see what the next 4 episodes produces. I sure hope the show will come up with some amazing story arcs to suck us in, increase our empathy for one of these boobs, or we’re considering whether to bounce over to The Amazing Race again…

This being Thanksgiving, I don’t wanna be too hard on the players, but look where we were last year – Bret coming out and Jessica’s purple rock debacle. So, I sure hope something big is happening tonight. And if not, it’s back to wondering what the hell happened with the casting department this season…

But let’s not go THERE tonight. Let’s go to Fiji, and see what color shirt Jeff is wearing…

Previously on…Survivor!

-Mike and Ryan have idols…
-a Power 7 alliance is running the show
-Mike is desperate to join them, so he followed orders
-Lauren shoved something in her bra, and it wasn’t an enhancer…
-Desi went home (boo!)

“10 are left. Who will be voted out tonight?”

It’s Joe, right? Joe is going home…?

The morning of Day 22 arrives, and Dr. Mike knows he needs to throw other people under the bus to save his skin. He admits he did as he was told and voted for Joe, but when Desi went home, he realizes he’s not being told EVERYTHING. He realizes he needs to have them pay attention to other people on the tribe, instead of him, and mentions Cole and his peanut butter crimes.

Lauren, on the other hand, is stoked she got away with playing her Secret Advantage, and hopes it’ll work out for her later in the game. Since Ben is the only other person who knows about it, she seeks him out and confirms the two of them are solid. He says they are – for now – and Lauren is good with that.

Meanwhile, Ryan and Devon take a walk and Ryan divulges he has an idol bulge in his shorts. Devon reacts the only way he knows how, and says,

“You know I’m not gay, right?”

Ryan gives him a thumbs-up and show him the Immunity Idol. And thank God Devon doesn’t have to blow anyone like he did to get on the cast. The guys hug it out and make it clear they’re solid until seven and then they’ll see what happens from there.

Let’s head out to a Reward Challenge on the water. There are platforms, there are buoys, there are ladders. Jeff calls everyone in and describes the challenge. Players will swim out to a ladder on a platform. They’ll climb the ladder and jump into the water where they’ll need to untie a key under water. Once they retrieve 3 keys, they’ll need to unlock a chest and use the balls inside to shoot baskets. The team who makes 5 baskets first wins Reward – a tour of the Fijian islands on a yacht – where they’ll enjoy chocolate cake, sandwiches, cold beer and red wine. Let’s pick teams!

Blue Team

Red Team
The Viagra Kid

Let’s summarize:

-Chrissy vs. Ben and Chrissy finishes first
-Cole vs. Ashley and even though Cole is strong, Ashley makes up some time.
-J.P. vs. Devon and our hockey player does what no one else could do and retrieves a buoy without coming up for air. He releases the final buoy and gets it to the platform. Joe and Mike can now begin unlocking the locks.

Devon does his best to keep things close, and gets the final blue buoy to the platform a short time later. Ryan and Lauren can now unlock their balls…

However, Joe is shooting lights out and sinks 3 quick baskets for Red. Who woulda thunk? Ben, utilizing an underhanded method, also sinks 3 quick baskets, and we’re all tied up. After another miss by Ben, Joe sinks #4, and then somehow connects on #5 from 3-point range. Red is going to feast, and Blue can suck (purple) rocks. A dinghy arrives to take Red to their Reward, while Blue is told to swim back to camp, ya losahs! (that was for Bret)


  1. Howdy! Happy belated Thanksgiving. So, remember when I said I didn’t think this cast was that bad? I take it all back. I must have been drunk. These people are a bunch of morons. They all claim to be such huge fans of the show, but they sure aren’t playing like it. Here’s my big question: Dr. Mike played his idol, but he voted for Cole. What exactly was he trying to accomplish with all that? If he was trying to shake up the game, shouldn’t he have voted for one of the 7? We have pondered this and can’t come up with an answer. As for Cole, I’m glad he’s gone but would have been happier if they’d been strategic and voted Joe out. I want him to win now just out of spite for this group being so dumb 🙂

    I can’t wait to see what happens once the idiot brigade of 7 has to turn on each other. I do appreciate them sticking it out as a group (those shifting “blocs” were the most frustrating thing in the world) but they are making incredibly dumb decisions.

    Whipped cream vodka is disgusting. The only thing worse is birthday cake vodka. Have a good one! I might actually watch on time this week.

  2. Jen,

    Thank god, a comment. I thought the site had turned off comments… ;-P

    Thank you for seeing the light on this cast. Funny enough, I was having a conversation a week ago with Reality Steve about the cast. He said, “I’m trying to get a read on this season and I can’t. So I’ve decided to watch it like I watch Bachelor and just looking for editing clues and tips.” Which is totally how I see this cast. No one is “big league” in my view, and all I can do is look for little things to write about. And, trust me, I know my columns haven’t been as funny as I’d like lately, but that’s because NO ONE DOES ANYTHING. It’s like this cast — or the show — forgot that we need drama, and good soundbites, and chaos, to enjoy the show. These people are so f**king boring! They got rid of “the couple,” the crazy black man, the crazy white man, the personal assistant who looked like she knew what she was doing, and Desi, who was also smart enough to come up with a good soundbite. Now, we have next to nothing…

    RE: Mike voting for Cole. One thing I’ve read about last week’s episode that seems kinda shitty… Evidently, Mike had made a fake idol and gave it to Joe. Yet, we didn’t see any of that during Tribal. He probably made a big deal of giving him a fake idol during Tribal, so everyone didn’t vote for Joe, and then when it was revealed it was fake, Mike played the real idol on himself. Very peculiar the show didn’t give us any of that. Someone said you can see the fake idol in Joe’s hand as someone else is voting, but we never hear anything about it. Very odd…

    And yeah, I do like that the 7 are sticking together, but I’m sure things’ll get turned on its head this week when 4+3 realizes that 3+2 > 4 and we’ll get a new alliance. And, it’s a double episode, so f**k me, that’s a lot of writing… Thanks for writing in, Jen. I really appreciate it.

  3. A double episode?! Ain’t nobody got time for that. The fake idol thing would make more sense, I suppose. I do feel that there have been some votes in the past at tribal that didn’t make sense. I’m sure they are editing things but I’d like to see what happens to lead to the votes. Some explanation for why things went they way they did.

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