Ladies and gentlemen, where do we start?
Wait, how ‘bout we start at the shenanigans played on us last week when the show failed to reveal the fact Dr. Bones gave Joe a fake idol at Tribal Council AND THEY DIDN’T TELL US! Did you happen to see my tweet from the other day?
.@survivorcbs I call Shenanigans! Why didn't we hear about the fake idol that Dr. Mike gave to Joe? #Survivor fans want to know the truth… These screengrabs show Joe before the vote, and during the vote at #tribalcouncil What's in his hand, Jeff? pic.twitter.com/1fl1Vpgfs5
— Bryan Fischer (@BF_TheFish) November 29, 2017
You can clearly see Joe has nothing in his hand (taken during questioning) and then abracadabra, he’s holding something red in his hand (a freeze-frame during the voting period).
To be fair, I’m not the one who discovered this. I saw a tweet by someone who mentioned it, but I can’t remember where I saw it. And if you think it’s sh**ty I’m not citing sources, well, I don’t care. I’m not a real journalist, and I’m not trying to win a Pulitzer. I just wanted to point this out to my beloved readers and throw a little more gasoline on the “This Season of Survivor Sucks” campfire. Any thoughts, guys and gals?
One thing I can say is it finally explains why NO ONE voted for Joe last week. We all recall Ben’s “4 votes on Cole, 3 on Joe” mandate, which suddenly morphed into no votes for Joe. So now we know. And I’m not sure how I feel about this. Shouldn’t we have been given this info? Are they trying to make us feel a certain way about Joe? About Mike? About the color red? I can’t say, but that’s all I’m gonna say about that…
And I’m not gonna say anything about Matt Lauer… Just. Don’t. Care.
And lastly, do I even need to mention tonight is a double episode, meaning double the fun, double the eliminations, double the drama…and double the writing! F**k me, let’s get right to it because I just realized I don’t have enough vodka to get me through the night, so that means I’m writing a lot of this sober tonight. And you know what happens when Fish writes sober, right? Actually, never mind, I’ve never written one of these recaps sober. Moving on!
Previously on…Survivor!
-The Magnificent 7 is running the show…
-Trust is an issue when Ryan reveals too much to too many…
-Ben is a big bully who doesn’t think he’s a big bully…
-at Tribal, Mike started some s**t…
-and played an idol (or two?)…
“9 are left, who will be voted out tonight?”
Everyone heads back to camp, and I’m still wondering if they think Joe still has an idol to play? That information would come in handy to the viewers. I guess we’ll find out tonight…
It’s Night 24 back at the Solewa camp and immediately Joe lays in on Mike on how he made a dumb move playing his idol. Nothing is mentioned about “Joe’s idol,” so maybe Editorial got the note from Production to not include any of that. Chrissy confirms what Joe has made clear: Tribal Council could not have gone any better for the “Mag 7” as they voted out Cole and got the Urolotard to play his idol for no reason whatsoever…
“Joe and Mike are dead men walking,” she states.
Mike does his best to explain to Joe, and us, why he did what he did, but he seems to be grasping at straws. He tells us he doesn’t wanna be “that idiot who goes home with an idol in his pocket,” but when he justifies it with all this other b.s. about playing it so Joe will stick around, that’s where he loses me…
“Nice try, Lady Liberty,” Ben cajoles, and Joe chortles at the logic in that statement…
And the logic being tossed around camp is if Mike had a plan to keep him and Joe together, then it should have been discussed BEFORE TRIBAL not AT Tribal. Before Mike starts crying in front of everyone from embarrassment, he heads away from the others to shed a tear privately. But even now he’s confessing he has a plan, and that plan is to start playing his game, and not just be content at 9 or 8 or 7. We’ll see about that. He’s talking a big game, and as I said in my comment yesterday to Jen, “4+3 >2, but 3+2 >4,” so let’s see if these Healers can put some crazy s**t together tonight…
The next day (Day 25) we head out to a Reward challenge where Jeff is in his signature blue shirt. It’s the “use your feet to build a stack of blocks and place a flag challenge,” previously seen on San Juan del Sur and Cambodia. Baylor won it (S29) and Spencer won it (S31), so you know dexterity will come in handy…or footy.
Jeff reveals they’re playing for a tour of some nearby islands – which probably look exactly like the one they’re on now – plus a feast of cheeseburgers, fries and beer. Cheeseburgers and beer!? Now you’re talking, Jeff. Let’s get this show on the road…
Summarizing as always, because…it’s a 2-hour episode! Duh…
-Jeff starts talking about “building foundations” which is similar to building alliances, but no one is listening…
-Lauren is evidently good at using her feet for things (how does she hold her fishing pole?)
-Mike and Ashley are doing well.
-Uh, Jeff, don’t say Mike is “right on her tail” when discussing Lauren (I think that’s what got Matt Lauer in trouble)
-Ryan, Ben, Devon and Joe seem to be in the slow lane…
-Mike begins his 3rd level of blocks, taking the lead from Lauren.
-Everyone’s playing catch-up to Mike, who’s down to one piece left and the flag…
-And I’m wondering why the camera crew is not giving us better shots of Ashley and Chrissy’s crotches – there are many, trust me – but I get it. Sexual harassment has no place in entertainment anymore…
-Mike grabs the flag and attempts to claim this land in the name of Urologists everywhere…
-But he knocks over a block on his top row! Boner move there (too easy). He has to replace the flag and fix the fallen block.
-Opening the door for Lauren to try her “hand” at the flag. She grabs it and circles the hole – like a drunk kid on prom night – and finally penetrates the hole. Individual Reward is achieved!
Now let’s see who she’s gonna pick to go with her… We know it ain’t Mike or Joe.
“Devon,” she says automatically, no surprise she’d bring a Hustler.
“There’s room for one more,” Jeff tells her.
“Ben,” who’s as happy as a clam and gives her a big kiss. Meanwhile, Devon looks to be in a state of shock from the pre-cheeseburger feast. He’s got weird concentration habits…
“One last seat,” Jeff reveals.
“Ashley.”
That comes as a bit of a surprise, and even Jeff calls attention to the fact she didn’t pick the only other Hustler there (Ryan), but when Jeff asks Ryan if he reads anything into being snubbed, he does the diplomatic thing and says, “Ben and Ashley haven’t gone on any rewards,” so Ryan is cool with it. Very smart move, Ryan, don’t piss anyone off at this stage in the game.
As the losers head back to camp and the victors head to a seaplane, two things are noticeable:
1. Devon is still limping around like an extra on “Schindler’s List.”
2. Lauren confesses Ryan is wrong on why she picked Ben and Ashley. This isn’t about them not winning any rewards, this is purely strategic on Lauren’s part. The Mag 7 isn’t as strong as it appears,
“It’s getting ready to blow up,” she teases…
The plane takes off and they get a glimpse of the reef along the shoreline. As a lifeguard, we know Ashley can appreciate the ocean, and as a soldier, we know Ben’s been in a plane before. Oddly, the pilot decides to do a fly-by of the Solewa camp, where Joe is waiting to give the winners a good look at his dirty butthole.
Mike sees how low the plane is flying and whimpers that his “wife would be mad at him if he was on that plane,” and I’ve just realized who wears the pants at Doc Flaccid’s house. And based on what I’m seeing, I’m hoping Roy Halladay’s wife isn’t a Survivor fan…
But, seriously, Mike, you’re a pussy…
He’s more pissed about losing a challenge he was leading, and so his sentence will be served with the likes of Chrissy, Ryan and J.P., who are only here to be led like sheep to the slaughter. For their crimes, he decides the Healers need to stir things up. It’s time to “bust some jokes” and pay homage to that famous comedic duo.
“Lewis and Martin?”
“Abbott & Costello?”
“Burns & Allen?”
“Murphy and Nolte?”
Nope.
“Siskel & Ebert.”
Seriously, Mike, you’re a dumbass pussy…
They start their 30 seconds of comedy, and the only good thing to come of it is we can now call them the “Coco-nuts” alliance because of Joe’s “Dominicanness” and Mike’s affinity for balls. As the Coco-nuts continue to piss off Chrissy, Ryan and J.P., it’s clear these two fools are on the bottom of any alliance within the Solewa tribe.
Ryan and Chrissy head off for a little confab about what to do, and it’s clear they want Joe to go next and then Mike, because “Mike isn’t a very good player.” Ryan is totally fine with this plan, but the question comes up, “Who’s the first of the Mag 7 to go?” And they agree it needs to be Ben, since he’s such a strong player. Well, that settles that…
“Choices can always be made”. I feel like you’re “Fisching” for comments by provoking readers. Consider me provoked.
Let’s say I’m an actress. A 5’2, 120lb actress who bumped into an actor friend that I’ve done movies with in the past. We’ve hung out together plenty of times and are always friendly. He asks me up to his room to read lines with him and I think nothing of it since it’s something that’s happened in the past several times. Except this time he gets super aggressive, bolts the door and blocks it, shoves me into the bedroom and proceeds to rape me. Let’s say he’s asserting his size and I’m not as physically strong as him. What are my choices?
I bet you’d say to report it. Only, let’s say this actor is an A lister and I’m a D lister. No one would believe me. People would think I’m lying or assume I’m over exaggerating or creating drama because “that’s what women do”. So I decide to cry it out and hold it in forever – because THAT’S what women truly do. So please don’t say “choices can always be made” – that is so unbelievably incorrect. On many levels (shooting victims, domestic violence victims, etc).
On the other hand, I do think that all of the sexual harassment claims are getting out of hand and that they should be properly investigated, instead of getting leaked to the media and the accused losing their entire career. But I digress…
It’s 2017. There are so many situations where choices are stripped away from us. There are so many abusers and criminals out there that think they can get away with bad behaviour. Even regular Joes. Hopefully this Hollywood Harassment holds a mirror up to society’s flaws and garners better appreciation and treatment of women, and illustrates that “choices” can often be a complete illusion.
Lil-
I’m gonna tread lightly because we’re talking about a very serious subject and I’m not just provoking readers for clickbait. As I’ve mentioned — many times — I don’t care how many people read my recaps. I just write…
And I don’t know if you’re an actress or not, and may be personally invested in your scenario. That said, I’ll say this…
Based on the situation you presented, I’m not gonna say you shouldn’t have gone to his room, because you were relatively comfortable with this person and thought it was a professional situation.
But…if he raped you in that situation (per your words) I would say, hell yes, report that motherfucker. FYI, even if he’s an “A-lister” and you’re a “D-lister,” the law doesn’t give a shit about that. It’s a crime.
The problem, I see, in your scenario is you assume this person is “above” you. He’s not. He’s just more famous. And as long as this “cult of celebrity” exists, people who’ve been victimized will suffer.
The one thing I’ve always believed is that actors, famous or not, are just people. They just have a different job. Yet, as long as people keep putting them on a pedestal, celebs/execs/successful people will continue to get away with whatever they’re getting away with.
Understand, I’m not arguing with you. I do think anyone who’s been an abuser deserves to be taken down…swiftly. TBH, I wouldn’t care if they’re personally injured…
I don’t give a shit about ANYONE’s career being destroyed by recent allegations, because there’s probably some truth behind it. If not, I’m sure they can afford to hire an attorney to defend them. The one thing I’ve learned about a lot of successful people in Hollywood is they’re:
-assholes
-bullies
-perverts
-snobs
…and none of those qualities are things I want to be associated with. Unfortunately, many people — actresses, assistants, fans — will look the other way when celebs are dicks because they wanna tell their friends, “I hung out with (A or B-lister) last night!”
Who gives a fuck who you hung out with!? The fact you think you’re better off because you hung out with a celeb says a lot about you.
Now I’m digressing. The point is, everyone needs to treat everyone else with respect. And everyone — even D-listers — need to realize the power they hold. Stop glorifying the cult of celebrity, and stop allowing the jerks in Hollywood to keep winning. Or GTFO…
What we all need to realize is that more important than any of this Hollywood bullshit is the law. And until Hollywood realizes that — both high and low — they’ll continue to treat the meek like a commodity… Don’t be cattle.