It’s #TribalCouncil time – does Twitter even care about in-game hashtags anymore? – the players take their seats and Jeff gets the festivities under way. He calls in Desi – who’s apparently secured a sponsorship from Johnson & Johnson to promote baby oil – and Mike takes this opportunity to whisper to Joe,
“I need you to follow my lead tonight.”
This produces a quixotic look from Joe, but he’s always ready to turn on a dime, so let’s see where Tribal is heading tonight… Jeff starts the dialogue:
Joe: Where is the game right now?
“Jeff, it’s lost, because I’m not part of the Round Table.”
Joe: Who isn’t part of the Round Table?
“The Healers”
Cole: You agree with that?
“Jeff, no one’s talking to me about s**t. So, yeah, I agree with that.”
Chrissy: What’s the vibe at camp?
“Jeff, Joe is a douche.”
“Mike,” says Joe, “you wanna get my back?”
Mike does. “Jeff, Survivor is a representation of America, and when Joe speaks up and acts like a douche, why is it that he suddenly ISN’T a target? If, by me speaking up, I become a target, then so be it, because I know how to play this game.”
And it’s obvious (to me) Mike is trying to get everyone to vote for him without making it seem like he’s doing that, but he may have just burned his chance of playing his idol appropriately. Let’s see what else unfolds…
Lauren: Do you buy what Mike is selling?
“Jeff, I don’t understand what is going on, but I think Mike just made a mistake. But I’m not sure…”
Chrissy chimes in. “Jeff, we’re thinking about how to vote tonight, so we can vote correctly at the next Tribal.”
Mike adds. “Who’s the ‘we,’ Chrissy?”
“The Alliance of 7.”
Cole: Are you concerned?
“Jeff, I’m a threat. Tonight, or the next Immunity Challenge.”
“Jeff,” says Joe, “these people live in a fantasy world.”
Mike wants everyone to know that math still exists in Survivor, and Ashley retorts that it isn’t just about math. “There’s relationships, deception, and the game is re-invented in every conversation.”
Ben: Based on what Ashley just said, it’s not just about numbers, it’s relationships, right?
“Jeff, it’s true that relationships will dictate this game, but it’s alliances of two or three people who will dictate the finale. Joe, on the other hand, is a d**k.”
Cole: I’m gonna mention you, because you’re still the biggest threat.
“Jeff, f**k you, but I’m glad Dr. Dickenboner opened his mouth.” (insert pun here)
A few players start whispering what they’re gonna do, but it’s time to vote and Jeff tells Lauren to get her boo-tay over to the voting booth. No votes are revealed as each player takes their turn. Jeff grabs the urn.
“If anybody has a hidden Immunity Idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so.”
With much aplomb (and no one really cares about Mike’s speech) he heads over to Jeff and plays his idol for himself. I’m sure Joe is a little annoyed the urologist didn’t play it for him, but that’s Survivor for you. Jeff reads the votes.
Ben
Mike
Mike
Cole
Cole
Cole
Cole
Cole
So, what happened to the 3 votes for Joe, Ben?
Boom goes, what? The Virgin Killer? Not sure what to call Cole as he’s really done nothing wrong this season, except play really dumb. As his torch is snuffed and he heads down the path, I think we’re all realizing Dr. Dickenstein played his idol stupidly, thinking he had made a big show at Tribal that didn’t amount to anything. As everyone grabs their torches and heads back to camp, you know Mike is wondering what just happened…
Next time on…Survivor!
The Alliance of 7 is destined to fail…
And that’s all Joe and Mike needs to hear.
Can’t wait…
In Cole’s final words, he mentions something about Jessica’s butt, but I couldn’t understand what he said. Let’s hope she still has her V-card intact when he gets to Ponderosa, but…oh snap, she won’t be there. I wonder if Desi is gonna sneak in and use some of that baby oil to take care of “Lil Cole”…?
Well, folks, what else can we talk about this week? I’ve done my Thanksgiving dinner with the family so I’m now free to move on to more “delicate” topics. Considering the topics of guns in America and “how we were taught to shoot as kids in Nazi Germany” were discussed at the dinner table, I don’t think anything’s off-limits at this point (and that’s not a joke, btw…)
But, I don’t wanna piss off the last dozen or so people who read my column, so I’ll stick to some light and fluffy fare. And…I can’t think of any. I can’t even make jokes about LaVar Ball anymore because even THAT’s gotten political. Whatever happened to just bitching about stuff without having to explain myself…? I guess that’s just the world we live in, and we should get used to it.
Well, it’s almost Black Friday and I can’t wait to see how consumed with saving a couple bucks Americans have gotten. And don’t get me started on the fact corporations are now starting Black Friday on Black Thursday – otherwise known as Thanksgiving – so they can make a few more billions of dollars. Forget about those family memories you’re gonna miss out on, retail workers…your overtime wages will make up for that… Sad.
I’m gonna go make another drink and not think about how shitty America is…
I think I need a weed card…
Fish
Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com or Bryan Fischer
Howdy! Happy belated Thanksgiving. So, remember when I said I didn’t think this cast was that bad? I take it all back. I must have been drunk. These people are a bunch of morons. They all claim to be such huge fans of the show, but they sure aren’t playing like it. Here’s my big question: Dr. Mike played his idol, but he voted for Cole. What exactly was he trying to accomplish with all that? If he was trying to shake up the game, shouldn’t he have voted for one of the 7? We have pondered this and can’t come up with an answer. As for Cole, I’m glad he’s gone but would have been happier if they’d been strategic and voted Joe out. I want him to win now just out of spite for this group being so dumb 🙂
I can’t wait to see what happens once the idiot brigade of 7 has to turn on each other. I do appreciate them sticking it out as a group (those shifting “blocs” were the most frustrating thing in the world) but they are making incredibly dumb decisions.
Whipped cream vodka is disgusting. The only thing worse is birthday cake vodka. Have a good one! I might actually watch on time this week.
Jen,
Thank god, a comment. I thought the site had turned off comments… ;-P
Thank you for seeing the light on this cast. Funny enough, I was having a conversation a week ago with Reality Steve about the cast. He said, “I’m trying to get a read on this season and I can’t. So I’ve decided to watch it like I watch Bachelor and just looking for editing clues and tips.” Which is totally how I see this cast. No one is “big league” in my view, and all I can do is look for little things to write about. And, trust me, I know my columns haven’t been as funny as I’d like lately, but that’s because NO ONE DOES ANYTHING. It’s like this cast — or the show — forgot that we need drama, and good soundbites, and chaos, to enjoy the show. These people are so f**king boring! They got rid of “the couple,” the crazy black man, the crazy white man, the personal assistant who looked like she knew what she was doing, and Desi, who was also smart enough to come up with a good soundbite. Now, we have next to nothing…
RE: Mike voting for Cole. One thing I’ve read about last week’s episode that seems kinda shitty… Evidently, Mike had made a fake idol and gave it to Joe. Yet, we didn’t see any of that during Tribal. He probably made a big deal of giving him a fake idol during Tribal, so everyone didn’t vote for Joe, and then when it was revealed it was fake, Mike played the real idol on himself. Very peculiar the show didn’t give us any of that. Someone said you can see the fake idol in Joe’s hand as someone else is voting, but we never hear anything about it. Very odd…
And yeah, I do like that the 7 are sticking together, but I’m sure things’ll get turned on its head this week when 4+3 realizes that 3+2 > 4 and we’ll get a new alliance. And, it’s a double episode, so f**k me, that’s a lot of writing… Thanks for writing in, Jen. I really appreciate it.
Fish
A double episode?! Ain’t nobody got time for that. The fake idol thing would make more sense, I suppose. I do feel that there have been some votes in the past at tribal that didn’t make sense. I’m sure they are editing things but I’d like to see what happens to lead to the votes. Some explanation for why things went they way they did.