November 17th, 2017 | No Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Later on Day 20, we head over to a Red and Blue challenge, letting us know we’re splitting up the band. Our buddy Jeff is there to explain the challenge:

“Players will race up a ladder and through a series of obstacles. At the top of the structure, they’ll need to launch sandbags at 5 targets using a slingshot. First team to win gets to head off to a private island and enjoy an Italian feast: spaghetti, bread, salad, and red wine.”

The twist is that teams will be decided randomly, leaving one player unpicked. And instead of that player being SOL, they win the lottery and get to enjoy the night at Olive Garden without having to lift a finger. Let’s find out the teams!

Blue Team

Red Team

Ok, let’s just agree the Blue team is going to win, right? I mean, come on. I hate to think a challenge is pre-determined, but this is a clear example of one team being able to dominate the other. It also means Joe doesn’t have to do s**t to enjoy a date night at “the Gahden,” because you know he’s gonna hit the red wine and not stop ‘til he’s thrown out of the joint.

The challenge gets under way and it’s Ben vs. Ryan to get things started. They maneuver through the course simultaneously and launch sandbags about the same time. Neither connects, but while Ryan heads back down, Ben continues launching. On his 3rd attempt he finally hits a target, which forces him to swap out. Meanwhile, Chrissy has launched for Blue – and missed – and is heading down after one attempt. Two different approaches, let’s see whose strategy works best.

It’s now J.P. for Blue and the Erection Connection for Red. J.P. launches and comes close, while Mike is that “one lucky sperm who finds the egg” and hits a target. He can now “descend” the tower (get it?). Lauren heads up the ladder for Red while J.P. eventually connects for Blue. It’s 2-1, Red is up, or “erect,” if you prefer…

Cole races up the course and reaches the slingshot at the same time as Lauren. While she launches – and connects! – his launch falls short. Ashley heads up for Blue and Cole launches another…and another miss. He heads down, sullen, and Devon races up the course. Who, on his first launch, connects, while Ashley misses hers. It’s J.P.’s turn again and Ashley continues to shoot for Red.

J.P. hits his shot, and we’re tied at 3! It’s Devon’s turn once again. Ashley continues to shoot, and miss, while Devon connects on #4 on his first attempt. J.P. is up once again and moves through the course quickly to obviously clinch this win for Blue. A split second before J.P. can launch, Ashley releases another sandbag, and hits #4! We’re all tied up! Has Desi even gone once? But, with tongue sticking out to judge windspeed and direction, J.P. launches…and connects! Let’s hope the All You Can Eat coupon Joe brought is valid in Fiji.

But before Jeff releases everyone, he has one final twist. The meal being served will be consumed one-at-a-time. So, the first person to dine could eat the entire meal, if they so choose. And Joe, as the lottery winner, gets to decide the order in which the team will eat…

“I don’t like that,” mutters Devon.

Joe, knowing he’s a target right now, has some deciding to do, because he can go first and pig out, or he can choose a more diplomatic order, thus helping his standing in the game. Let’s see if Lil Tony chooses wisely, or chooses Woo-ly…

When they reach the feast, Joe chooses smartly and says Devon can eat first – because it’s his birthday (who knew?!) – and Joe will eat last, since he didn’t do squat. This is obviously going to earn some Brownie points with this group, because he didn’t play dirty. Devon heads into the jungle to see what the feast entails.

He approaches a table with a giant bowl of Caesar salad, a huge plate of pasta, bread and wine. He dives in and admits he took a little more than his fair share, but when it’s revealed he didn’t catch the clue imprinted on the pasta plate, we don’t feel bad for him.

J.P. is up next, and does the very Canadian thing by being considerate of his fellow teammates. This dude was born in Saskatoon, right? Thunder Bay? Guelph?! Can someone please expose his hometown? Because I’m sensing he was raised on hockey, back bacon and his mom drank Labatt’s while pregnant…

Cole is up next and he’s talking about taking more than his fair share. Considering his girlfriend is gone and he was backstabbed at Tribal, he has no problem eating as much as he wants. He’s also lucky enough to find the clue on the pasta plate – which states an idol is hidden under the Tribal flag back at camp – and does his best to hide that clue by covering the plate with a cloth and moving the remaining pasta on top of the cloth. And seriously, when have you EVER seen pasta served on a cloth? So dumb, why don’t you just chuck the plate?

Chrissy is up next…

Ms. Bake Foobies takes a seat and confesses she’s a huge fan of the game, so she knows to look for a clue, and starts lifting every utensil and plate on the table. She’s looking around, checking out trees, and eventually shoves the napkin aside to see the clue on the plate, and I’m dumbfounded she doesn’t say,

“I’ve never seen pasta served ON A FRIGGIN’ CLOTH so someone else must have seen this clue.” But no, she thinks she’s the first to see it and hopes Ryan will as well.

When Ryan takes his seat at the Olive Jungle, he’s perfectly fine eating from the Kids Menu, because what he really wants is a clue to an idol. When he finds it, he’s smart enough to take the plate and bury it in the jungle, and hopefully will be able to return to his team without a huge smile on his face. He returns to his teammates and Joe heads off.

Immediately, Chrissy starts whispering to Ryan about the clue. Can’t this woman keep her mouth shut!? She pseudo-whispers she saw the clue, and Ryan replies he hid the plate, so at least Joe won’t know about it. Let’s see how this drama unfolds when everyone returns to camp. I’m kinda excited to see how this s**t hits the fan. As Ryan and Chrissy continue to whisper about the clue, Cole is smart enough – did I just type that? – to say, “Whatcha all whispering about?” and knows they probably found the clue as well. He confesses he’s ready to dig like Scooby Doo and these clowns are merely Scooby Don’ts in his book…

The team marches back to camp and tells the losers how small their feast was, to keep them at bay. When Cole announces he needs to “go pee,” Ryan seizes the opportunity to go dig for the idol under the flag. Since Cole actually does have to pee, Ryan is able to quickly dig up the idol and shoves it into his shorts. Not the first time he’s done that this season.

Chrissy heads over to check on him, and he tells her to cover up the hole he’s just dug, and that’s what draws Cole’s attention. Cole, without sanitizing, rushes over to the flag, and starts wrestling with Chrissy, pushing her out of the way and digging, and soon, everyone’s involved, including Ben, Devon and Joe, the jig is up…

After the flag posts almost come crashing down on Devon, Ben stands up and announces Cole has the idol, since he saw him “tuck it into his shorts.” But when things cool down and they return to camp, Cole confesses he doesn’t have the idol and he’s in trouble.

Ben believes Cole has an idol and I can’t wait to see what happens over the next 37 minutes… Cole tells us his only play at this point is to pretend he has the idol, or win Immunity. And the only thing I’m thinking right now is about Desi’s butt, which is featured prominently in this scene. Me-f**king-ow… Damn, I need to get laid…

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