Welcome back, one and all, for another installment of Survivor: Topsy-Turvy, where players are now ranked on how weak they are, how weak their alliance is, and how weak they perform in challenges. Currently, our leaderboard looks like this:
Cirie – the weakest…duh
Troyzan – so weak he’d vote himself out
Michaela – her weakness (or others’ displeasure with her) places her near the top
Zeke – what may have been his season seems to be slipping through his fingers
Tai – would be higher, but his crotch rocket idols protect him for a while
Aubry – has she really done ANYTHING this season?
Andrea – normally would be too nice to bring to FT, but she’s been getting bitchy lately…
Sarah – she’s only above Sierra because she was a flipper
Sierra – her advantage HAS to come into play later, right?
Brad – the most unweak…meaning he can’t win this season…
It’s almost like Bizarro Superman who loves the green kryptonite and hates Lois Lane (not a comic book fan so if you are, don’t bother correcting me about Bizarro Superman, I don’t care). The only saving grace this season is that no matter what happens, we won’t have a final 3 as bad as Survivor: Caramoan, where Cockring decimated the ultra-worthy Dawn and Sherri at FT. Gosh, the good old days…
Nope, now we have Blindside City, voting blocs, and pliable alliances. And nothing is guaranteed each week. Not even that Jeff will wear a blue shirt. Okay, maybe some things are set in stone…
But before we get into the meat tonight, I wanted to give a shout out to all the commenters this past week. It was one of the biggest hauls of comments this column has ever received, and that’s not including all the ones I threw in myself. A guy’s got to try, right…?
And in case you didn’t catch the comment section, I wanted to give all my readers a chance to finally see who I am. I’ve been a little protective – or was I just being shy… – about releasing my face, but that’s only because I worked in Hollywood. Didn’t need my boss getting any backlash over his right-hand man trashing a possible client. But since I’m no longer in that biz, who gives a crap about my ugly puss?
True, I’m not the sexy man in my Twitter profile pic, but that’s what happens at the age of 50. Woe is me! So, if you’re so inclined, you can go check out the speech I gave for a worthy charity called Big Sunday last week for their gala event. In it, I detail some of the struggles my family went through last year, and how we recovered. Please don’t judge, I didn’t have a teleprompter!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGexhJn1E3U&t=5s
Now that all the self-promotion is out of the way, let’s get back to some Survivor hijinks. I haven’t watched any teasers of tonight’s episode, so I’m going in blind! TBH, I don’t even remember what last week’s teaser showed us, so I’m just going to hit play on my DVR and see what unfolds. And if I had my druthers, I’d like to see Cookie Puss (Michaela) go home tonight, because she’s a petulant little child, and gets really cranky when her diaper is full. Let’s see who’s going to change her tonight…
Previously on…Survivor!
-Maria Von Trapp and the oddly feminine Friedrich are not singing a duet…
-Sarah is in the catbird seat, but she needs those damn Von Trapps to sing a duet!
-Sending Debbie to the kennel…
Returning to camp (Night 26), Maku Maku is oddly quiet about the blindside that just happened. No one seems to want to speak about the vote, so Sarah chimes in and asks if anyone wants to know what happened.
“I flipped…suck it.”
Players are shocked she owns it so easily, but Sarah’s a game changer, and she wants any future jury members to know that she’s playing hardball. Brad, Sierra, Troyzan and Tai are kinda sitting around dumbfounded about going from a 6-5 advantage down to a 4-6 disadvantage, but I think with all those Hidden Idols and Legacy Advantages, they’ll be just fine. Let’s see what shakes out…
Fish ~
I was not reading last year because I did not think you were recapping anymore. Your speech was awesome. I know you do not know me, but you cannot imagine how proud I am of you and your strength to tell your story.
On to the recap – I do not know where this season is going. They are showing Sarah and Andrea making some plays, but Cirie, Sierra, and Brad really faded into the background this episode. Once Sierra and Brad realized they were not top dogs anymore, it was like the wind was let out of their sails.
Seriously? Michaela could not do anything to please you at this point – lol. Now she cannot even cry well – haha.
Andrea is playing a much better game than last time, if I am remembering correctly. Somehow I think Tai might be going home with two idols down his pants. He is so clueless! Maybe next episode he might dole them out to help secure their four??
Debbie is still a piece of work. Just do not show her on camera anymore – please! You never fail to crack me up. Sometimes I’m afraid I might pee and that would not be a good thing. I am anonymous, so I can say that. When you talked about her and Ozzy being how big?? Boy, you certainly have a gift.
Keep on making us laugh. We love it!
Hey Fish. I watched the video and have to say – you were nothing like I imagined in my head! I am not saying that is a bad thing at all – just had you cut out to be a young, hipster type! I much prefer the more mature Fish! I can’t even imagine what you and your family have endured. You are an example of a true survivor! You were very brave, and humble, to share your story…..
Now I will stop being sappy! I haven’t commented lately because I was – and still am – in mourning after Malcolm, and then Ozzy, were voted off. And honestly, this season is such a bore! I may have to try your version of therapy as the wine isn’t cutting it any longer.
I am hoping Tai goes home soon as he doesn’t seem to have a clue that there is a game even going on, as well as Troyzan. I would love to see Tai get sent home with idols in his pockets. I still can’t figure out why his alliance placed a couple votes for him. Apparently, we are not being shown half the stuff that is discussed before tribal. It is irritating to me that they do that. Michaela doesn’t bother me as much as she obviously does you, but I am curious about the tears this time. I figure it was probably just her TOTM.
My prediction is there will be a female Final 3 with Aubrey – who has been absent this whole season, Sierra – who is totally obnoxious (and by the way – how can she have painted fingernails on day 27 still?!) and Andrea – who I have to say I was very surprised she came up with the “reinventing” word.
I am so ready for this season to be over. The only good thing about it is reading your column on Friday. Keep it up so I can endure the last few weeks!
Hang in there Fish, and throw back some tequila today in lieu of the vodka for some Cinco de Mayo celebration!
Hello! Sorry I’ve been MIA the past few weeks. Life has been next level bonkers. The hubs and I were both off yesterday and binge watched the last 4 episodes. And then, of course, I had to come read all of the Fish recaps 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your video. I know that was hard, but you are truly amazing. You have no bigger fans than us, your loyal followers. Keep your head up and your vodka glass full!!
On to the show – I’m running out of people to root for here. I was so excited for this season to start because of players like Ozzy, Malcolm, Tony, Sandra. I have to say, it’s been a bit of a let down watching all the “threats” get taken out by non-game changers like Troyzan, Tai, Michaela, Sierra. If Michaela didn’t have such a piss-poor attitude about everything, she could actually be a threat. But she is miserable to watch and probably unbearable to be around.
I miss the old days of survivor when there were strong alliances that stuck together for the whole thing. These shifting votes aren’t as fun to watch. Does it up the question of who gets voted out each week? Sure. But it’s not quite as fun to watch. I would love nothing more than to see Tai get ousted with 2 idols.
Who is everyone’s pick for final three? I guess at this point I’d say Andrea, Aubry, Cirie. Culpepper has played a decent game, but I still kind of loathe him. If Michaela, Troyzan or Tai make it in there, I quit. I love a strong final tribal without goats.
And I just reread my thoughts. I know that Cirie is a super weak player, but I love her. I’ve loved her forever and can’t help but want her to win. I know what you’re all thinking…but I seriously love her. And Aubry even though she’s done nothing this go round.
Late to the party this week . I was on vacation . Headed to the Derby for some drinking and gambling . Before I forget Fish do you know what kind of rules they give before a challenge ? I would think that the block challenge would be easiest if you did the final block first and worked backwards . Just my opinion . The voting blocks leads to more drama at tribal but it leaves viewers screwed because we cant see all the side bars that happen before they go to tribal . I am not sad Zeke is gone but I think that it was a bad move . Why risk it when you have such a small numbers advantage ? Sierra was a better play .
Thanks for the love, folks. I really needed to hear it this week.
RSanon: Thank you.. TBH, I never thought I was being strong (the speech or through my struggles) I was just doing what needed to be done. No use cryin’ over spilled milk! Yeah, it’s funny to see how Brad and Sierra reacted to their loss of power. It’s like they saw the Emerald City, and then got pooped on by flying monkeys. I don’t know what it is about Michaela, but she’s always portrayed poorly. Like I said last week, the editor’s are purposely showing us footage of her, and there’s gotta be other scenes where she comes across better. But we’re NEVER shown them. As mentioned, her “character” is the petulant little child, and that’s what they’ll continue to show us. It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya! Andrea is playing a great game, much better than ever before. And she’s not as oblivious as she was previous times. Tai is dumb. Debbie is so gross, that’s the only reason I poke so much fun at her. I’m just a schoolyard bully… And thank you for laughing, and telling me you like it. It’s always good to hear.
Bosslady: Thank you, ma’am! I hope opening up a little will help me/my story connect with more people. It’s easy to sit anonymously behind a keyboard and trash people, so I wanted to expose myself a bit more. Let’s hope something good will come of it. And yeah, a little voddy gets to work much quicker than the vino! And yeah, what’s up with the random Tai votes? There was a LOT we weren’t shown last week. Michaela…I don’t even wanna go there…Possibly an all-girl alliance, let’s just hope there are no GOATS! Thanks for your support, bosslady, I really appreciate it, now more than ever.
Jen: We missed you! Welcome Home! Thank you for your comment. I’m glad I was able to touch you. That sounded weird…you know what I mean. And I know what YOU mean about the shifting alliance hatred. It’s just kinda fun to know some people aren’t gonna flip. That makes the flipping more shocking when it does happen, you know? I hope final 3 is Brad, Andrea and Sarah, and let’s get some good FT questions!!! You can have your Cirie/Aubry love, I just don’t think they’ll have much to say at FT that warrants them winning, IMHO… Thanks, Jen!
Ricky: Whaddup, man? Hope you had a great time. Watching the ponies is always a fun time. So, when I interviewed Coach a couple years ago, he talked about pre-challenge protocol and what goes on. He said Jeff goes over EVERYTHING in the challenge, and all the players are given the opportunity to ask all the questions they have. Everyone should know exactly what the deal is when he calls “go!” Re: the block challenge, that may have been something they discussed, but no one opted for that. I would guess they told players they had to start at the beginning. And it’s not like players will respond to a direct question on Twitter if we asked them, it seems. I agree with you about the “side bars.” Like I said above, there’s a lot we’re not being shown this season. It’s almost like the show is trying a little harder this season to keep us in the dark on how each person is voted out. Not sure I like it this way… I agree that taking Zeke out was a little premature, because what, are his brains so much stronger than others that he can control his place in the game? I would think Brad or Sierra would have been a better vote, just so you keep a big number advantage. Thanks for the comment, bro…!
And thank you to all of you who come and read the comments but don’t write in. As long as you’re staying satisfied, I’m satisfied. Have a great week everyone!
Fish