Right away, it’s off to a Reward Challenge and it’s the pulley/bench/numbers/word solve thing we saw last season where big ex-football player Chris Hammonds was chosen to sit in the bench while his weak tribe struggled to hoist him around. Still don’t know why they chose him and it showed when the Millennials won the challenge. So, let’s see what the geniuses of S35 have brought to the table.
And, wouldn’t you know it, Jeff’s in a blue shirt. Damn those Wardrobe department slackers! No originality…
Jeff describes the challenge, but who cares about that, let’s talk about the reward! A helicopter ride, a resort, and food…with cheesecake! And I’m not even sure, but I don’t think I’ve ever typed the word “cheesecake” in a Survivor recap. This alone has made the players, and me, get a little wet…
And what else?! They get to sleep in a real bed? The players are clearly sensing how important this challenge will be, and since it’s a schoolyard pick, everyone’s playing so everyone’s juiced… The teams:
Blue Team
Andrea
Sarah
Aubry
Zeke
Squidward (new nickname thanks to my favorite bartender, Jack)
Orange Team
Sierra
Troyzan
Cirie
Tai
Michaela
Jeff yells “go” and this challenge is under way. Michaela, surprisingly, beats the former NFL player through the obstacle course and reaches her bench first, but Blue’s teamwork on the pulley allows them to collect their 10 numbers a shade ahead of Orange. Andrea and Troyzan face off in the second leg…
The “pullers” on Orange aren’t working too well together, allowing Andrea to finish her batch of 10 numbers first, but since she takes two turns to bring her numbers to the puzzle table, we’re neck and neck as round 3 starts. It’s Sarah vs. Sierra and this will decide it, or will it? After taking a hard tumble in the obstacle course, Sarah catches up and both women reach their bench seconds apart.
And once again, the Orange team can’t maneuver their teammate around as fast as Blue, and when Michaela starts bi*ching that Tai’s trying to do a reach-around on her, Orange is falling even more behind. What they probably don’t remember is that it took 45 minutes to solve the puzzle last season, so a few seconds here probably won’t make a dramatic difference in the long run. But it’s always so nice to hear Cookie Puss yelling at someone during a challenge.
Sarah gets her pieces on the table first, allowing Andrea, Brad and Zeke to start solving. Sierra hauls all her pieces in one load, meaning she, Michaela and Cirie can start untying theirs. As players begin trying to find an 11-letter word that applies to Survivor, I’m getting the feeling we’re going to be here awhile. But wait, Troyzan has a suggestion!
“Pornografic?”
No, Troy, that’s not it. But thanks for trying…
50 minutes have past – seriously? – and neither team is getting any closer so that means Jeff needs to start throwing clues at them. “This puzzle is a great metaphor for this season,” he tells them, and I think he’s going to start playing charades and giving them words that rhyme with the answer. Please don’t, Jeff. It’s a million bucks, make them earn it…
“Reinventing?” Andrea whispers to Zeke, and she may be onto something. While Blue quickly shifts tiles around, Orange is trying to steal glances and/or wallow in their ineptitude. But Blue’s word scramble, having the hardest word discovered, seemingly falls into place and the phrase “Reinventing how this game is played” simply produces itself. Blue is going on a luxury reward, and Orange will be heading back to camp to eat burned rice and poop in the ocean.
As the victors head off, Brad confesses he’s super stoked to go on the challenge, because he’ll get to eat and spend time with four players from the Maku Minor alliance that just decimated Maku Major. We’ll see if that transpires…
And by the way, whatever happened to Exile Island? Was that just a one-and-done thing?
Blue is taking a tour of some lush islands in a helicopter and finally land at a resort on Totoriki Island. The wash from the propellers throws clouds of dust into their OJs, but they don’t care, they need fiber anyway. They toast, drink up, and head into the resort and find the kind of spread your eyes and stomach crave on Day 27. Time to strap on the feedbag, and use toilet paper for the first time in a month.
Zeke compares Survivor to climbing Everest – I’m sure he just pissed off a bunch of mountaineers – but he’s right that Survivor does get harder as you near the end. He begins bonding with Brad about football, drawing the attention of Andrea, who is still kinda miffed that Zeke turned on her. She watches closely as Brad and Zeke try on hats together, and talk about chest hair, and plugs… And as night approaches, Brad looks devilishly across the table to see who’s bed he’ll be sharing tonight… and who doesn’t want to cuddle up with Brad Culpepper since Sierra isn’t here?
Day 28 breaks and the losing Orange team is tired and cranky they didn’t go on the reward. Tai and Troyzan share a conversation about informing each other if their names are mentioned, and Troyzan wonders if they should go out looking for an idol. Tai says, “nah,” and the fact he does would speak volumes to me, but Troyzan is too dumb to realize Tai is revealing something about the possibility of finding idols.
When the Blue team returns from paradise, they show off their clean butts and everyone looks like they gained 8 pounds, and that doesn’t go unnoticed by the losers. No one mentions that Cirie seems to have gained 10 pounds in the last 2 episodes, but we’ll leave that one alone for now…
Aubry comments that she’s not too keen on the Zeke-Brad bonding either, and is wondering who should be the next to go. Cirie and Andrea then share a hammock confab, and discuss the idea of blindsiding Zeke next, because they’d still have the numbers, and he’s the smartest one out here. Cirie even goes so far to say that Zeke knows more about the game than she does, and she’s played 4 times! Wait, how can he know more than you if you’ve played 4 times? Wouldn’t that make you…not a game changer? We’ll see. For now, Cirie has bigger ideas…
“We can feel out Officer Sarah.” Bow chicka wow wow…
Since neither Andrea or Cirie wants to go on record and say who should go home next, they play footsie and ask Sarah who she thinks needs to go home next. Cirie ultimately asks her if Zeke is a possibility, but the felt-up officer replies “she knows how to handle him,” so he’s not a concern to her.
And not wanting to be sneaky with her ally, Sarah tells Cirie about the Advantage she has that’ll allow her to steal a vote. Which, for some reason, makes me think she’s revealing too much to Cirie, but Sarah is confident she’s tight with the FCP, and if it doesn’t work out, she can always flip back over to the Brad/Sierra/Troy/Tai side and vote out someone else. This girl is playing loose and fast, and that’s just the way I like my girls…!
There’s an eerie calm over camp as no one seems to be scrambling. This is putting Zeke off a little because he wants to be playing Survivor hard. But he knows he’ll be able to wrangle something and offers to go fill canteens. Sarah heads off with him, and the two discuss what’s upcoming, and they both like the order of Sierra-Andrea-Tai to go home next. I know it’s impossible in “New Survivor” to plot out that many votes, but they seem confident this could work.
Zeke even says he wants to go and make a Final 5 alliance with Brad-Troyzan-Michaela and the two of them, and Sarah is fine with that too. These ever-changing alliances are so hard to keep track of! But what’s definite is that Sarah and Zeke are tight. Right?
He heads over to Brad and Troyzan and tells them he’d like to work with them “in the future,” but can’t reveal who the next vote will be. But, he says it’s neither of them, so they’re both down to work with anything and anyone. Even if Brad has to vote for Tai or Sierra, which he confesses.
Fish ~
I was not reading last year because I did not think you were recapping anymore. Your speech was awesome. I know you do not know me, but you cannot imagine how proud I am of you and your strength to tell your story.
On to the recap – I do not know where this season is going. They are showing Sarah and Andrea making some plays, but Cirie, Sierra, and Brad really faded into the background this episode. Once Sierra and Brad realized they were not top dogs anymore, it was like the wind was let out of their sails.
Seriously? Michaela could not do anything to please you at this point – lol. Now she cannot even cry well – haha.
Andrea is playing a much better game than last time, if I am remembering correctly. Somehow I think Tai might be going home with two idols down his pants. He is so clueless! Maybe next episode he might dole them out to help secure their four??
Debbie is still a piece of work. Just do not show her on camera anymore – please! You never fail to crack me up. Sometimes I’m afraid I might pee and that would not be a good thing. I am anonymous, so I can say that. When you talked about her and Ozzy being how big?? Boy, you certainly have a gift.
Keep on making us laugh. We love it!
Hey Fish. I watched the video and have to say – you were nothing like I imagined in my head! I am not saying that is a bad thing at all – just had you cut out to be a young, hipster type! I much prefer the more mature Fish! I can’t even imagine what you and your family have endured. You are an example of a true survivor! You were very brave, and humble, to share your story…..
Now I will stop being sappy! I haven’t commented lately because I was – and still am – in mourning after Malcolm, and then Ozzy, were voted off. And honestly, this season is such a bore! I may have to try your version of therapy as the wine isn’t cutting it any longer.
I am hoping Tai goes home soon as he doesn’t seem to have a clue that there is a game even going on, as well as Troyzan. I would love to see Tai get sent home with idols in his pockets. I still can’t figure out why his alliance placed a couple votes for him. Apparently, we are not being shown half the stuff that is discussed before tribal. It is irritating to me that they do that. Michaela doesn’t bother me as much as she obviously does you, but I am curious about the tears this time. I figure it was probably just her TOTM.
My prediction is there will be a female Final 3 with Aubrey – who has been absent this whole season, Sierra – who is totally obnoxious (and by the way – how can she have painted fingernails on day 27 still?!) and Andrea – who I have to say I was very surprised she came up with the “reinventing” word.
I am so ready for this season to be over. The only good thing about it is reading your column on Friday. Keep it up so I can endure the last few weeks!
Hang in there Fish, and throw back some tequila today in lieu of the vodka for some Cinco de Mayo celebration!
Hello! Sorry I’ve been MIA the past few weeks. Life has been next level bonkers. The hubs and I were both off yesterday and binge watched the last 4 episodes. And then, of course, I had to come read all of the Fish recaps 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your video. I know that was hard, but you are truly amazing. You have no bigger fans than us, your loyal followers. Keep your head up and your vodka glass full!!
On to the show – I’m running out of people to root for here. I was so excited for this season to start because of players like Ozzy, Malcolm, Tony, Sandra. I have to say, it’s been a bit of a let down watching all the “threats” get taken out by non-game changers like Troyzan, Tai, Michaela, Sierra. If Michaela didn’t have such a piss-poor attitude about everything, she could actually be a threat. But she is miserable to watch and probably unbearable to be around.
I miss the old days of survivor when there were strong alliances that stuck together for the whole thing. These shifting votes aren’t as fun to watch. Does it up the question of who gets voted out each week? Sure. But it’s not quite as fun to watch. I would love nothing more than to see Tai get ousted with 2 idols.
Who is everyone’s pick for final three? I guess at this point I’d say Andrea, Aubry, Cirie. Culpepper has played a decent game, but I still kind of loathe him. If Michaela, Troyzan or Tai make it in there, I quit. I love a strong final tribal without goats.
And I just reread my thoughts. I know that Cirie is a super weak player, but I love her. I’ve loved her forever and can’t help but want her to win. I know what you’re all thinking…but I seriously love her. And Aubry even though she’s done nothing this go round.
Late to the party this week . I was on vacation . Headed to the Derby for some drinking and gambling . Before I forget Fish do you know what kind of rules they give before a challenge ? I would think that the block challenge would be easiest if you did the final block first and worked backwards . Just my opinion . The voting blocks leads to more drama at tribal but it leaves viewers screwed because we cant see all the side bars that happen before they go to tribal . I am not sad Zeke is gone but I think that it was a bad move . Why risk it when you have such a small numbers advantage ? Sierra was a better play .
Thanks for the love, folks. I really needed to hear it this week.
RSanon: Thank you.. TBH, I never thought I was being strong (the speech or through my struggles) I was just doing what needed to be done. No use cryin’ over spilled milk! Yeah, it’s funny to see how Brad and Sierra reacted to their loss of power. It’s like they saw the Emerald City, and then got pooped on by flying monkeys. I don’t know what it is about Michaela, but she’s always portrayed poorly. Like I said last week, the editor’s are purposely showing us footage of her, and there’s gotta be other scenes where she comes across better. But we’re NEVER shown them. As mentioned, her “character” is the petulant little child, and that’s what they’ll continue to show us. It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya! Andrea is playing a great game, much better than ever before. And she’s not as oblivious as she was previous times. Tai is dumb. Debbie is so gross, that’s the only reason I poke so much fun at her. I’m just a schoolyard bully… And thank you for laughing, and telling me you like it. It’s always good to hear.
Bosslady: Thank you, ma’am! I hope opening up a little will help me/my story connect with more people. It’s easy to sit anonymously behind a keyboard and trash people, so I wanted to expose myself a bit more. Let’s hope something good will come of it. And yeah, a little voddy gets to work much quicker than the vino! And yeah, what’s up with the random Tai votes? There was a LOT we weren’t shown last week. Michaela…I don’t even wanna go there…Possibly an all-girl alliance, let’s just hope there are no GOATS! Thanks for your support, bosslady, I really appreciate it, now more than ever.
Jen: We missed you! Welcome Home! Thank you for your comment. I’m glad I was able to touch you. That sounded weird…you know what I mean. And I know what YOU mean about the shifting alliance hatred. It’s just kinda fun to know some people aren’t gonna flip. That makes the flipping more shocking when it does happen, you know? I hope final 3 is Brad, Andrea and Sarah, and let’s get some good FT questions!!! You can have your Cirie/Aubry love, I just don’t think they’ll have much to say at FT that warrants them winning, IMHO… Thanks, Jen!
Ricky: Whaddup, man? Hope you had a great time. Watching the ponies is always a fun time. So, when I interviewed Coach a couple years ago, he talked about pre-challenge protocol and what goes on. He said Jeff goes over EVERYTHING in the challenge, and all the players are given the opportunity to ask all the questions they have. Everyone should know exactly what the deal is when he calls “go!” Re: the block challenge, that may have been something they discussed, but no one opted for that. I would guess they told players they had to start at the beginning. And it’s not like players will respond to a direct question on Twitter if we asked them, it seems. I agree with you about the “side bars.” Like I said above, there’s a lot we’re not being shown this season. It’s almost like the show is trying a little harder this season to keep us in the dark on how each person is voted out. Not sure I like it this way… I agree that taking Zeke out was a little premature, because what, are his brains so much stronger than others that he can control his place in the game? I would think Brad or Sierra would have been a better vote, just so you keep a big number advantage. Thanks for the comment, bro…!
And thank you to all of you who come and read the comments but don’t write in. As long as you’re staying satisfied, I’m satisfied. Have a great week everyone!
Fish