May 11th, 2017 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

Who’s up for another episode of Survivor!? I know I am, because it’s all I got right now. Too soon? Okay, let’s steer clear of any personal news and keep the spotlight on our favorite reality show. (It is still your favorite show, right?)

To be honest, I have been seeing a lot of negative comments on this season, and I can totally see where some of you are coming from. The show isn’t the same as it once was…but what is? Car models evolve. Vacation spots lose their luster. Rock stars get old. Except Billy Idol. What’s up with that guy? He hasn’t aged in like…30 years. Freak of nature that one.

But yes, all our favorite things from the past have begun to show their age – cough, Jeff Probst – and we can’t hang on forever to the standards we set over 15 years ago. There won’t be any more Boston Robs, there won’t be any more Coaches, there won’t be any more Parvatis. There’ll only be cheap knock-offs made in China, and they won’t be as good as the originals.

However, if you ask me, a whole season of cute young Asian girls is exactly what I’d like to see right now, so where’s my photo album from my trips to Bangkok? I think I hid it so the wife would never find it… But I said I’d keep the personal stuff out of tonight’s column so let’s dig in and see where the Makutards are going this week…

Oh yeah, it’s the Loved Ones visit, I just remembered. Can’t say it’s one of my favorite episodes of the season, because – again – it’s not the same any more. It used to be the relatives would compete WITH their unshowered Significant Others and give us a little perspective into the contestants’ personal lives. Now, it’s just Jeff giving the players a chance to hug their SO, ask them one question, and then send the SOs to the bench to watch the players compete. I realize there may be liability issues if they competed, but don’t you think we viewers want a little more, I don’t know – participation – from the relatives? I know I do…

And yeah, maybe some of the hokey things they say about each other is a little too molasses-y, but did any of us read between the lines when Zeke’s dad said about Zeke, “this is my hero.” Kinda takes on a new meaning now, don’t it…?

All I’m praying for is that the show hasn’t forgotten that reality TV is about entertainment too, and when it’s time to bring out Tai’s Loved One…they bring out a Bonsai tree… THAT would be good television right there…

Seriously, the only Loved One I’m interested in is Monica Culpepper, because I really wanna see the look on her face when she smells Sierra’s loins on Brads stomach, and gives him that, “Oh no you di’int” look…

But there’s so much more to get to tonight, so let’s not waste any more time on what I want to see. It’s time to crack open tonight’s coconut, and get down to the heart of the matter…like, what skin rejuvenator has Jeff Probst been using for the last 15 years…?

Previously on…Survivor!

-“The minority was hopeless,” Jeff exclaims (and how many times has THAT been said in the Survivor cutting rooms?)
-but actually meaning Brad and Sierra are on the short end of the stick
-meaning Sierra is willing to do anal just to stay…
-and Andrea is now in a power position
-and Maku Minor don’t give a crap about Tai
-but Zeke got his Identity passport cancelled and he went bye-bye.

Night 29 and Maku Maku returns to camp in tatters. Since the Maku Minor tribe didn’t know Zeke was being targeted by Maku Major, they turned on one of their own (Tai) and now they’re even more of a minority – just Sierra, Brad and Troyzan – leaving Tai feeling like a lone wolf in a non-gay forest…

Andrea checks in with Michaela to see if she’s okay, but anything said at this point is lip service to Michaela, as she thinks some in her alliance may be getting a little too big for their britches. Later, Cirie and Sarah join the conversation, and when they realize all the Maku Nots voted for Tai, they ponder whether he could be pulled over to strengthen their numbers, and discuss breaking up the Brad/Sierra coupling next…

The next morning, “the Culpeppers” are hanging around the fire, and based on all the facial hair I see on Sierra, I’m beginning to wonder if she’s also transgender. Woman, grab a razor! God, I hate hirsute women…

She heads off to have a chat with Sarah, and decides now is the right time to tell her about her Legacy Advantage, and what it means, and when she can use it, and what she can do with it if she’s voted out, and who she’d will it to, and I’m thinking she’s revealing a little too much about her ace-in-the-hole. And for the cherry on top, Sierra tells Sarah she’ll vote for whoever they want, whenever they want, for as long as they want.

Dude, keep some of your pride!

Sarah then lies to us and confesses all this new information means she wants to keep Sierra around, and how important she may be to her game. I think their conversation just put the final nail in Sierra’s coffin to go home before the final six vote, but that’s just me being, I don’t know…a fan of Survivor. Why would you show all your cards, dummy!? But the implication is that she’ll turn on Brad and his blurred crotch in the next shot, so let’s see if all this comes to fruition.

3 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS – 5/12/17

  1. I finally got a reminder of why I watch Survivor this week . The grand delusion some people life with . Michaela and Tai s conversation about people not being able to outsmart them was classic . Tai you are possibly one of the most compassionate souls on earth . My friend you are not a smart man though . Its cool Forrest Gump was dumb too and look what he accomplished . Michaela sorry but having zero control over your emotions is not a sign of intelligence . Let s put it this way if it was me and you two in a round of jeopardy I would be calling my banker before the game started . Look man I am on Jeopardy going to be throwing some cash your way soon . Invest wisely . No I cant possibly lose to these 2 . Not a chance . I have replayed that part several times when I need a laugh . Kudos to Sarah for making sure Sierra was voted out and still getting Sierra to give you her advantage . That was impressive . She is a challenge threat and is also playing a great social game . It might be too late by the time the others figure out she is probably the one to beat . Culpepper and his golden arm . Damn he left no doubt about the reward challenge . If he gets a few ball throwing immunity challenges he wont be beat . Aubrey I am so disappointed in her play ( at least what they show ) . I expected more . I know not getting voted out is priority one but if doing nothing leaves you no chance to win what s the point ? Fish have a great week my friend . Bottoms up !

  2. Oh man, when Michaela was kicking the box and her Mom told her to hold her temper (or something like that), I laughed so hard. #1 – obviously she’s not any different at home. #2 – she’s an adult and her Mom still needs to tell her how to act like one. Very funny.

    Great recap as always – made me laugh. I do NOT want to see Tai in the final. Please please do not bring him along as an easy non-vote. I like your idea of Sarah, Andrea, and Cirie.

    Thanks again – cannot wait to see this weeks show. It is getting better, I agree.

  3. I think I spoke too soon on the comment love. Maybe I’ll just keep quiet from now on… 😉

    Rick! You are harsh! Funny stuff, though. Yeah, I don’t think they’re the brightest lights on the porch, and I don’t even think they’re “good TV,” so I’m trying to figure out why they’d be cast on the show. Tai is not what you’d call “Survivor gameplay savvy,” and Michaela is just not someone who should be on TV. I just don’t get why she was brought back. She must be giving it up to someone in production… I agree with you on Sarah, she’s doing everything under the radar and keeping her hands clean. Brad’s a beast. And like I said, Aubry is doing nothing to win. Not a great gameplan. Thanks, Rick. I got a new car this weekend so the resurrection of Fish continues! Have a great week!

    RSanon! I’m so with you on Michaela. I can’t even tell if she’s doing it on purpose. As I’ve said many times, people are cast as “characters,” so I think producers told Michaela her character is “bitchy, emotional, baby.” So her goal every episode is to get snotty, cranky or upset every week. Then, the show shows us all those moments. I could be wrong, but nobody’s that much of an idiot for 32 days straight. And I’m praying for no goats this season. No Tai, no Michaela, no Troyzan. And preferably no Cirie since she doesn’t deserve to win after that swimming debacle. Let’s hope next week is great too. With 8 people left, and only two more episodes, that probably means 2 go home next week, 3 in the first half of the finale, and then a FT with 3 contestants. I guess… Unless someone gets evac’d, or there’s a FT with 4 (but they’d never do that, right?) Can’t wait. Thanks for writing in.

    Hugs and kisses to everyone…

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