Players take their seats and the 3 players lucky enough to have avoided Tribal thus far (Andrea, Ozzy, Zeke) grab fire and take their seats as well. Debbie then gets to take a seat to watch Tribal unfold to see what chaos she’s getting into. Jeff queries the tribe…
-Andrea says it’s all been about taking out strong threats
-Ozzy says he’s always debating who to take out
-Sandra throws herself on her sword and says “It’s probably me tonight.”
-Tai proves, once again, that he doesn’t belong here, and says he’s nervous
-Sarah says there are a couple names being considered
-Meaning Tai is even more nervous now… (guaranteeing he’ll play an idol, right?)
-Meaning Sandra now has someone she can try to work with…
-So Tai does what Tai does and petitions Sandra to work with her. He whispers sweet nothings into her ear, and she agrees. And since no one’s good at keeping secrets, Probst gets him to spill that he’s targeting Ozzy (NO!), keeping with the tradition of voting out someone strong.
-But now everyone’s talking and figuring out who to vote for. Tai? Sandra? Ozzy? Varner?
It’s a mess and I’m sure I won’t be happy with the end result.
Zeke finally speaks up and tells Tai how little he can trust him because Tai’s always telling people (Zeke, Sarah, Andrea, Ozzy) how much he trusts them, but then he pulls this s**t at Tribal. And since Tai seems to be the only one going to look for idols, he’s even more threatening. Tai is naturally dumbfounded for being called out in public, and the frustration on everyone’s face is apparent.
“Can we just vote?” blurts out Varner.
And all I’m thinking is no matter who’s targeted, Tai should play an idol, meaning Sandra or Ozzy is going home. And only one of those do I want to see go home. Fingers crossed…
Votes are cast and Jeff collects the urn. He asks for hidden Immunity Idols…
And with 2 idols in his pocket, you’d think it’d be a no-brainer that Tai plays one, right? Just to make sure he sticks around, no matter what, right? Nope, he keeps his hands in his pockets, and I don’t want to know what he’s doing right now… Jeff reads the votes.
Tai
Tai (uh-oh!)
Sandra
Sandra
Sandra
Sandra
Boom. The Queen is Dead…long live the Queen. But who’s the new queen? We’ll have time to figure that out later. For now, let’s do something we’ve waited 27 seasons to do…say goodbye to Sandra. And as she gets her torch snuffed for the first time, she leaves proudly, con respeto, and then we hear over the intercom:
“Attention, Target team members, we have a cleanup on aisle 17. Sandra, can you please handle that?”
JP then sic’s Debbie on her new tribe and everyone heads out, with her nipping at their heels, leaving Probst to scratch his head, once again, at what he just witnessed.
And as one of Survivor’s royalty leaves the show, I’m left wondering how many players will be able to maintain (or build) their Survivor: Legends resume for when that season occurs. I read yesterday that Season 35 just started filming this past Monday. Don’t know where. Don’t want to know where. But I’m sure it’s a bunch of newbies who are itching to start their own Survivor oeuvre. Let’s hope the next few seasons live up to the standard that earlier seasons set. God knows the last few haven’t…
Next time on…Survivor!
Mana is crumbling, and Nuku is imploding. Could Ozzy be in trouble? Probably not if they’re saying he is this week. Let’s just see what happens next time, shall we? During Sandra’s final words, we see that Tai voted for her, so what was all that Ozzy talk about? A total misdirect? Probably, and just another example of the showing messing with us by not showing how the players plot to do things without us seeing it.
And as we see Sandra for the last time, she confirms what we all know: she owes everything she has to Survivor, but she still considers herself the Queen. Let’s hope she’s referring to Anne Boleyn, and not Freddie Mercury, even though when I look at her, I only see a “Fat Bottomed Girl.”
Regardless, I’m happy that Ozzy didn’t go home, or anyone else that I wanna see do well, and once again, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this season will turn itself around and get rid of some of the dross that’s lasted this long. I’ll let you determine who I think needs to go home…and who I think should make the jury. Because as much as I care about who wins, I also care about who makes the jury. As we all know, a riveting Final Tribal can make up for a lackluster season.
Because if you have one last chance to ask a question that’ll prove your worth, make a statement, or simply make for good TV, then you do it. That’s what 25 years in Hollywood taught me. These people should be asking themselves one question: Does it work? And if after all this time the show is requiring players to run their FT questions by a producer, then I think the show is doing something wrong.
Don’t give us your “pick a number between 1 and 10.” Don’t ask, “What is your opponent’s best quality?” and for f**k’s sake, don’t ask, “How many zeros are there in a million?” because then you’ll just make yourself look stupid and eliminate any chance of you coming back. (Yeah, Lisi, how many views does “Tightie Whities” have now?”).
That’ll wrap it up for another week. And while many of you may be wondering who’s going home next week, I’m more interested in who will be winning the Masters this week. And with all the drama surrounding Dustin Johnson and his lower back, I’m just hoping he pulls off a miracle and can play. Because there’s nothing better than seeing Paulina giving him a kiss in a skimpy little dress, and then trying to see if CBS can avoid broadcasting an upskirt on a Sunday night. But, if for some reason he can’t make it, there are eight other golfers I placed bets on, so as long as one of them wins, I’m fine with it. [Update: Thursday morning, he withdrew…boo!]
BTW, Mama June looks like a droopy-eyed armless child that’s had 4 too many, or 4 too few surgeries. Is she drunk in these interviews or were those the eyelids she was shooting for? I can’t even say she’s become more f**kable because she still has that hillbilly accent that makes me think she’s sleeping with relatives. And I’m sure there’s a good chance that’s already happened… Shudder.
So, once again, until next week, I am your friendly neighborhood Fish, expounding on all things Survivor, and some things beyond the line of decency. If you’re okay with that, please come back next week. And if you’re not? Well…I’ll leave that to my posse. Fish don’t need to fight any more battles after the 2016 I had.
I need to drink more water…
Fish
Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com or Bryan Fischer
On point this week my friend . Just a few things from me . One is why do I have the feeling (sickening feeling ) we may be 20 years away from a Cocharan , Debbie super survivor baby ????? All that booze !!! Two less than attractive people !!!! Nothing stopping Cocharan from the row of shame back to land !!!! Just saying !!!!! I for the first time ever was rooting for Sandra . Not because I like her ( respect her game and the way she took being voted off though ) . Simply for the fact TAI is so freaking stupid ! Honestly he hit my very last nerve at Tribal . You have two idols . You have an alliance with a clear target . Sit down , shut up and vote Sandra . Feel like you may be in trouble play an idol . Hell play two but don’t go off on radical half baked tirades . Man you are quickly playing your way to worst player ever !
I cannot even with Tai and I am so glad you feel that way too! Excellent commentary of the state of things…. I am not even sure who I WANT to win now, as I am still waiting to be entertained……One thing for sure, if they wanted the visit from Cochrane to have any impact at all for the viewers (Or Debbie), they should have duct taped her mouth. She is incapable in any way of simply listening and absorbing information without running over someone or trying to “best” them in the conversation. Please tell me AGAIN why she was considered a “game changer” in the first place? Please. Anyhow, enjoy the masters! I would tell you how close (but still morally so far away) you were with the Mama June assessment, but I imagine Fish likes his lunch in his belly so ……I’ll spare you! Love from Calgary! See you next week!
Trish
BRob tweeted on Saturday, APRIL 1st… (You fool.)
I call DIBS on the Survivor offspring future edition . Think about it . Malcolm and Coconuts have a baby , Cochrane and Debbie , Boston Rob and Amber , Caleb and Tai ( adoptions count ) , Phillip and Sandra , Tony and one of the female cops , Sierra and Ozzy , the Culpeppers pop out another one , Rupert and Wiggles ( a big beastly child . Come on do the math thousands of combos . I think we have a hit !
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks “cock-ring” every time Cochran is on. I bet he’s used one before. Nice” psycho killer Que’st que c’est” reference. I also was thinking that Varner probably enjoys being on the bottom with 3 gay men. OH Fish, if you ever are sick one week, I can fill in for you. I have the same dirty mind, only a girl version. Poor Sandra (not really). I wasn’t that sorry to see her go. I don’t get why everyone finds her so endearing. She’s not interesting and sat around like a big fat budda most of the game. I can’t decide if Tai is brilliant or just stupid/lucky. I mean, say what you will about him, he now has 2 idols and still managed to stay in the game. It was disappointing to see Cochran show up. I love Boston Rob and he’s so much more fun to watch. Cochran seems to have some kind of weird imagined “swag” now which makes him more than a nerd, he’s now a creepy nerd. Oh well. President Elect Debbie seemed to like hanging on him so at least he got lucky.
Ricky Bobby! Thanks, as always, for your support. I thought both of them were thinking, “If I keep drinking, I maybe just could…” but then we’d have to see some f**ked up slo-mo staring in each other’s eyes, and even Survivor won’t do that to us… And yeah, I was actually proud of the way Sandra went out. No theatrics. It was time to swallow that pride, for sure. And it’s obvious now that Tai was setting up Sandra for her downfall. All that nervousness, all that “I’m voting for Ozzy,” all that bulls**t Tai stuff. They just didn’t show us any of the scenes where he talks to Ozzy (and others, I presume) about “I’m gonna say I’m voting for you,” because then Survivor doesn’t get it’s blindside. But, with all the stuff they show us, don’t you think we’re entitled to see that? Hmmm…. Keep commenting, Rick, and I want to know more about BBQs…!
Trish! Thanks for coming back. I love that you’re invested now. And I’m truly hoping for some fireworks later this season. Seems like the show always has to create some drama, so I’m not really sure where that’ll come from this season. Looks like Debbie could be the guilty party. No one wants to get rid of her due to goat status, yet she continues to believe she’s playing an A-level game? And with all Tai’s power, how far will he go? I hate to think he makes another FT, but could you imagine if Tai, Debbie and anyone else makes it? Looks like “anyone else” is winning S34. I do hope Ozzy and Brad go far, as they are on my list. And what about Sierra’s Legacy Advantage? They don’t even mention that at all anymore… And I WILL enjoy the Masters! I bet on Sergio to win back in December, so my 50-1 odds paid off handsomely. And thanks for sparing me the Mama June truths. What’s the over/under on her putting on the weight again…?
ck432! But what if I don’t believe in April Fool’s…?
Ricky! I think CBS needs to do a Survivor/Amazing Race hybrid with those teams. THAT…I would watch.
Kate! You’re so dirty, I love it! XO I may take you up one day on your offer. Let’s discuss offline… And your thoughts on Sandra are why so many of us questioned why she’s so high on herself. yeah, she won twice, but that doesn’t mean she’s a good person/good tv. It’s like Trump saying, “vote for me, because I’m rich.” Who gives a s**t? If you’re a d**k, you’re a d**k. It’s great for all you people on the east coast, but when North Korea launches one toward LA, we Angelenos are gonna be pissed all those red state motherf**kers made this happen… (sorry, no politics in the column, but comments are open season). And yeah, why invite Cochran back? I don’t think a majority of Survivor fans think he’s “the bomb,” but maybe he’s still under CBS contract so they didn’t have to pay him…? And it’s not like he’s some master player that made all these incredible moves, he got lucky… Rob, Russell, Coach, or a dozen other players would have made for better TV… Again, casting let us down…
Have a great week! I’ll see you again on Friday.
Fish