March 31st, 2017 | 11 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

Another week, another series of highs and lows in the Fish Bowl. No need to get into it right now, since the only other person who goes through as many pendulum swings is Debbie. I truly think she’s on the brink of something. Mutiny? Redemption? A nervous breakdown…?

And while I don’t want to be the guy who makes fun of anyone with a mental disorder, I do want to be the guy who makes fun of the “reality star” who thinks she’s a big-time player and knows what’s up…on her 2nd time playing!

But what about the Debbie Wanner we don’t know? Who is she? Where did she come from? What does she really do for a living? I don’t care about any of that, but I do care about the scandalous things she did in her past. Excuse me, what? Scandalous? You seriously didn’t know about her scandalous past? Well, let the Fish enlighten you about something Debbie did long before she earned the title of Reality Show Moron.

Now, I’m not one to sit and judge someone on their prior transgressions – Lord knows I’d never be married if that were the case – but it’s just a little something to digest this week as you’re watching one of the Game Changers melt down on national TV. Maybe they should have called this episode: Debbie Does Delusional.

And while I have my theories on why we saw this epic meltdown last week, it’s not because I think she’s going home this week (although that would be awesome). On the contrary, two weeks ago there wasn’t a hint of Malcolm being in jeopardy and look who took the fall last week?

So, employing that theory, it’s not Debbie going home tonight, and I fear it may be someone I don’t want to say goodbye to. But since that’s the way the last few seasons have played out – week in and week out – there’s no reason why tonight should be any different. Let’s see which one of my favorites are going home tonight…

And it better not be Maria Von Trapp!

Previously on…Survivor!

-Maria scores on the table maze and gets felt up by her tribe… (schwing!)
-Chaos ensues at Final Tribal as Jeff Probst realizes he’s lost control of the show…
-And we see J.T. clearly telling Brad that Sierra is being targeted, thus sending Malcolm to his grave (but, in all fairness, J.T. didn’t know they’d vote for his BFF, right?)

Night 11 and Nuku returns to camp after Tribal, unhappy, unfed, unwashed. Sandra wonders aloud why Tai would have given his idol to Sierra, who just so happens to be the one Nuku was targeting. She’s implying that J.T. snitched their plan to Brad, but J.T.’s only retort is that he told Brad he was safe. And when the accusations start flying about “what else did you tell Culpepper?” J.T. knows he done f**ked up.

Using his hillbilly logic, he thought Mana would take the opportunity to vote out Sandra, but instead, they took out the strongest person on the Nuku tribe…right after Hali said they should “take out strong players.” Which evidently made J.T. crap his drawers and think he might go home, yet, he didn’t think about what repercussions it might have to any other strong players on his tribe…

So dumb. But that’s what a million bucks and a million beers does to one’s brain.

And two million bucks and two million shots of tequila have empowered the Queen to recognize when somebody’s bullsh**ting her, so she has her crosshairs on “el Gordo.”

Morning breaks and J.T. knows he’s on the hot seat. He has one thing in mind and that’s finding an idol. He stops by Survivor: Starbucks for a sugar rush and sprints off into the jungle for his morning constitutional.

Now, having seen a lot of Survivor, we all know the type of places where idols are stashed: crooks in branches, hollowed out tree stumps, or down holes that may house idols, clues, or venomous spiders.

Fortunately for J.T., the crook in a tree he finds holds a clue to an idol, meaning he’s got to dig to find salvation, and – what a coincidence! – everyone’s taking a poop break in the ocean. He grabs a shovel, digs for 30 seconds, and finds his guarantee to three more days on the island. Time for a beer!

Next up on the agenda is our first challenge, which is taking place on an adorable little sandbank (check out: 17°40’20.6″S 177°07’53.2″E) in the middle of the ocean. As we fly around, we can see this one will involve balance, coordination, and puzzles. Oh, just like every other challenge we’ve seen this season!

11 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS – 3/31/17

  1. Yeah my body isn’t swimsuit ready yet ( maybe standing next to JT though ) . I know you hate ( wont say her name ) but I loved how she poured that glass of water and sat there like a boss ! Spit water throw the cup or bottle something was going down if she was voted out !!!! I have decided if my life is ever dependent on a man throwing or launching objects at targets I pick Brad . Not Brady , not Nolan Ryan . Brad Culpepper and his rocket right arm to safe my life . I must confess I enjoy watching a player go home with an idol . Especially a dumb one ! I was however really hoping that Hillbilly played the idol and voted off Sandra !!! Why is she still here damn you people ???! Don’t know your opinion but if she makes final tribal she should win hands down ! I don’t care she has two wins already . It would be an insult to the game to vote against her just because she has won already . I cant stand her but I am about whats right and darn it vote her off now if you don’t want her to win ! Stop letting her play you for fools !! I am shocked with the way this season is going . Jeff better be practicing his Ozzy wins individual immunity call because man they are picking off strong players ! I am almost at the point of rooting more against people than for them ! Aubry ( almost zero camera time hmmmmm ) and Zeke are my picks I think . Ozzy cant win can he ? The way they are voting off players he has to go soon I guess ! OH well . Have a good weekend ! I need some Oregon Duck wins to win my pool ( buy the boss a nice thanks for putting up with me gift ) . I assume she will post soon ! Probably complain about my dog peeing on a gift she got for her new nephew ! Its a tough life I live my friend !

  2. So what do you think about Debbie and the President Elect on Homeland being separated at birth? They look so much alike! Poor Debbie. Everyone loves a looney on Survivor (aka Phillip), just not an angry looney (Brandon Hantz). Either Brad is a total genius and handled her exactly the right way, or we missed some major editing. All I can say is Debbie is sure lucky her tribe won. I was really grossed out watching her skinny, bony almost naked self do pushups. NOOOOOO Poor JT, that was just sad. I honestly don’t know why nobody wants Sandra out. I guess they are truly thinking that nobody will give her the million 3x so she’s the perfect goat. But Sandra could have the last laugh and be the one who eats goat instead. Kind of funny that her way to get JT riled up was by eating the sugar. Sandra doesn’t even like sugar (HA!) but she forced herself to eat it. I personally think the Queen looks like she eats a lot of sugar and high carbs in her real life. And hey, that Target employee outfit is not looking any looser. Nobody seems to be getting skinnier this season. I thought it was weird that Michela didn’t seem to mind when Sandra fessed up that she ate the sugar and therefore threw Michela under the bus to get JT mad. That was a huge sign right there but Michela is way to arrogant to get how Sandra doesn’t give a crap about her. And if Michela says “bye Felecia” to one more person who is voted out, I may have to punch someone in the face. I hope the whole cast yells it at her when she gets voted out. Final thought, why is Aubry on so much Xanax and how did she manage to smuggle it on the island?

  3. Since I am a Southern I reckoned I could translate what JT said when he was casting his vote but I could have listened until the cows came home and still not understood him!

  4. Was enjoying the recap until you really revealed what a f#$%ing racist you are. “What Black girls do in the jungle.” REALLY…. SEE WHAT THE TWITTERVERSE HAS TO SAY!!!

  5. Rick! I’m still trying to figure out what “she” meant with that gesture. It was…oddly time. And I think players are assuming Sandra’s the perfect one to take to FT because no one will give her another win. Who knows? Maybe all the players discussed it at some point and that’s why they’re not afraid of her staying…? I hope Ozzy goes on a run because I’d like him to move up my rankings. Hell, I’d like to see him win! I think Aubry just got a stay of execution with the tribe swap coming up, and I’m always cool with Zeke doing well. He seems to play the game as it should bee played. Sorry about the Ducks, and for that peeing thing. I’m sure the boss can oversee that, right…?

    Kate! Yes, the “President-Elect” reference was a shout out to you. I’m still grossed out by Debbie. A reader emailed me a wonderful gift. Here’s Debbie’s modeling page: What a joke… I almost pity her… And J.T. too. There’s the issue of not playing it, but how do you not even bring your idol to Tribal? That’s just dumb. There’s no other way to state it. I think we’ve seen the last of the hillbilly… Except for the reunion show. Yeah, what happened to losing weight on Survivor!? I know it’s only been 13 days, but don’t you think they’d lose a bit more? And these folks could stand to lose a few… Yeah, that “bye Felicia” thing is grown old. I don’t think she’s aware of how to improve her “brand” at all… Or seem likable. Not sure about the Xanax, but she does seem very low key… Can’t wait for next week!

    susie! I know! I rewound that section over and over again and I couldn’t make it out. And I’m pretty good with accents. The fact the show didn’t include subtitles makes me believe they’re purposely poking fun at him. Because if you’re going to feature a soundbite that prominently — and if it’s clarity is at all questionable — then they would subtitle it. You know the topic was discussed in post production, and someone made the call to not subtitle it to make a statement about him. That’s my theory. But I’m glad you agree… Keep coming back…

    tmac! Glad you got some enjoyment but where do you get the racist thing? I’ve been talking shit about Michaela sisnce last season, and not because of her race, but because she’s acted like a total fool since Day 1. Have you read my recaps before? And BTW, the facts are…she’s black, they’re in a jungle. And again, I’ve been talking crap about her for a long time now. If you think “black” and “jungle” can’t be mixed in a sentence without intending racism, then you’re putting race before everything else. I’m just trying to get a laugh. And if you were paying attention, I made a lot of comments about how Women of Color were targeted last season…but I guess you didn’t read/remember that.

  6. Yes. I’ve read your recaps and yes you’ve talked shit about Michaela since last season….don’t try to patronize me by saying “she’s black and it is a jungle.” That’s exactly what racist do when they want to pretend their not. In fact, I can’t think of any people of color you’ve ever thought was a decent player. If you know anything about black people and judging from your comments, you don’t, the mere mention of blacks and jungles in the same sentence is insulting. Racist, Racist, Racist, Racist.


  7. BTW….Black women do the same thing as any other women in the jungle…whatever that is. I personally have never been in a jungle. The statement should have simply been whatever women do in the jungle. Why point out she’s black?…. We see that…..

  8. Cirie is black too TMAC ! Not one word has been said about her !Look at Deb she is white we make fun of her all the time ! JT is a white man . Bring your BS elsewhere ! You are the racist ! Look in the mirror ! You cant read an opinion based column on a reality show without playing the race card . You are a sad pathetic human being . People like you make this world a sadder place !

  9. Now you’re just being dumb. Go ahead and believe what you want, but I’m not interested in your conspiracy theories. I’ve never thought a POC was a great player?! What about Jeremy, James, Alicia, and Earl? And what about ALL the Asian and Latin players – especially all the Asian women! — who I’ve CLEARLY been a fan of… (Asians and Latins count as people of color, too, in your book, right?). It’s obvious you want to pick a fight, but I’m not taking the bait. As I said, it was just an attempt at a joke.

    Racist is a big word to throw out at someone, but I think you need a bit more ammunition before you accuse me of that. Judge someone based on their beliefs, and their actions, not their (typed) words, especially when those words are on a reality show blog that’s based on being snarky and mean… Okay, Tracy? Oh wait, Tracy Mac…as in Tracy MacDonald…from middle school? I had a feeling that was you. Are you still pissed off at that time I laughed at you when you slipped on a banana peel…?

    See, there you go, I just mentioned you and a banana peel in one sentence. Is that racist? Am I not allowed to make a joke about a black person and a banana peel? It’s just a f**king joke…

  10. TMAC (aka Michela). HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I think Michela is actually the racist. Bye Felicia!

  11. Not be a dick, TMAC, but I think you mean “Thy’re” not their up there. I mean, if you are going to throw the most inflammatory word around, I assume you want to use the appropriate grammar.

    Fish, first time poster, wouldn’t normally, although I love your column, but I couldn’t sit here and read that nonsense and not say anything. Glad you didn’t let this get you down….now I’m tapping my foot for last night’s recap….
    Love from Calgary!


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