April 7th, 2017 | 6 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

Off to Mana we go and it’s “welcome home” for some and “welcome aboard” for others. Troyzan’s just happy to be away from Tavua, and Brad is a little concerned he’s surrounded by a lot of new people. He’s cool with Sierra, he’s flirted with Hali, but Cirie, Aubry, and Michaela are mysteries to him. At least Troyzan has met Brad’s wife, so that’s enough of a connection to the only other man on this tribe. And believe me, the fact Troyzan is a man means something to Brad, man’s man that he is. I just hope Troyzan doesn’t tell him about those nude pictures he took of Monica at Ponderosa back on One World…

But he’ll overlook that right now while off collecting wood with Troyzan. Brad wants to know where Old Fabio stands, and the photog is on board with anything Brad will offer. Troyzan doesn’t want to be gutted again by women – like on One World – so he’s willing to work with Brad till the end. And with the alliance that Brad has with Sierra, they know they only need one more person to have the upper hand.

At Nuku (Day 14), after a brief assessment of the state of the camp, it’s clear that Varner and Sandra are at the bottom (again, Jeff might be used to that position) which is disconcerting to him. For Sandra, however, it’s SOP as she knows she has work to do. And like many times before, she’ll assess and maneuver, but eventually…

“The Queen stays queen.”

But Zeke and Ozzy know that Sandra is the dangerous one, and discuss taking her out on a trip to the well. They decide they need a cover story to tell her, and settle on telling her (and Varner) they’re targeting Tai, with the help of Sarah and Andrea.

Zeke follows this up with a conversation with Tai, informing him that Sandra is the target, but even Tai knows that things may not be as they seem. Rather than cowering in fear, he’ll do the one thing he’s proven good at: finding hidden immunity idols. And since he’s at a new camp, there may be another one here.

He heads over to the water well and uses the same method he used at Nuku, and splashes some water on a board, and wouldn’t you know it, he finds another symbol, and digs below it, unearthing another idol. This dude is on fire…! He shoves the second idol in his drawers and now just looks ridiculous with all that jammed near “little Tai.” He heads back to camp, more paranoid than elated, because he’s not one to deal with this much information without blowing a gasket. Or blowing a Gascon…?

So let’s head over to Exile Island where Psycho Debbie, Qu’est-ce que c’est, is arriving. But she’s not heading to some barren beach with rocks and crabs scampering about, she’s heading to a yacht, which looks surprisingly like the one they started the season on. And as she climbs on board, she sees a ton of food, and supplies, and beverages, and realizes how lucky she is. I’m surprised to see there are 2 chairs at the dinner table, so I wonder what that could mean…?

She also reads a note saying the yacht is stocked with booze, so Debbie is totally fine being exiled here. In fact, I’d be willing to join The Thin White Puke. Let’s hope Boston Rob doesn’t arrive now, because one look at Debbie and he may jump overboard and swim to shore. Nevertheless, as she climbs into a hammock, ready to take an afternoon siesta, an ominous Zodiac approaches. Could it be? The other Boston Terror!?

Nope, it’s f**king Cochran, who already looks sunburned from the 6-minute boat ride from base camp. Let’s see what this douche can do to make the season even worse…

He comes on board, throws up over the side – natch, he’s Cochran – and sits down with Debbie to assess anything she wants to discuss. He’s familiar with her game, so he knows she’s full of s**t about most things, but he knows if he speaks clearly, presents good arguments, and thinks objectively, he might be able to help her through this difficult period of being away from everyone else.

Nope. She’s happy to be on Exile, doesn’t give a s**t about what he has to say, and is clearly drunk from the open bar on Exile Yacht. Even when he tries to help her by saying, “swallow your pride with Brad and just pander to him,” she looks like she’s not buying anything Cochran is selling. But…it must be the alcohol…she says she’s going to listen to him, and from the creepy way she’s staring at the guy who outlasted Dawn Meehan and Sherri Biethman, she looks ready to f**k his little brains out…

“But I have one more game changing twist for you.” – again, the theme is slipped in! – and from the way Debbie is hugging “Cockring” it looks like she wants him to slip something in her… Gross!

He shows her an Exile Advantage box, which contains three Advantage scrolls. She reads them off:

-A kit to make a fake Immunity Idol
-An extra vote at Tribal
-An advantage for her tribe at the next Immunity Challenge

And he tells her she gets to choose one. Not sure which is the best choice, because they all offer benefits, but she selects the extra vote, knowing that’s a tangible advantage that will benefit her for sure. Let’s hope she chose well. And as Cochran jumps overboard to wash Debbie’s stink off him, he tells us she may be in a good place, if she keeps the right mindset. So there goes that assessment, because the one thing Debbie doesn’t possess is the right mindset…about anything.

And goshdarnit, why did Boston Rob tweet out that he was the one who was showing up tonight!? You toyed with us, Rob, let’s hope you’re dealt 3-9, off suit, for the rest of the year…

It’s Day 16 at Nuku and Zeke and Varner are laying out – while wearing their shirts – atop a huge rock. Okay, I get it, skin cancer is a valid concern, but where’s the sunblock? Varner reveals he almost s**t himself when the new tribes were revealed – man, a lot of scat references from Jeff – and Zeke confesses he’s got a crush on Jeff, and just wants him to feel comfortable enough so the others vote out Sandra first. But, he tells Jeff that he doesn’t trust Tai – per the plan – so Jeff is 100% onboard with taking out anyone who’s name doesn’t rhyme with Def or Flandra… And since Varner is still trying to reach the jury on his 3rd season playing, he’ll do whatever it takes to get there.

He later tells Sandra about Zeke’s plan to take out Tai first, but something isn’t computing for her. As much as we all wanna hate on Sandra for being undeserving of her wins, chica knows how to play, and can smell something fishy, and it ain’t her. She knows she has some work to do, and we’ll just have to see how the next Immunity Challenge pans out.

Off to the Challenge we go and we see water, platforms, barrels, and Jeff Probst. Let’s get right to it…

Mana takes the early lead as they get through the monkey bars first, but Nuku begins to make up the distance in the “load barrel pieces onto a sled” section. Once they hit the beach, the incline of the sand means they have to use logs to help roll the heavy sled up the beach, but with only two guys, the Mana tribe seems to be losing their lead. But, they do get their sled on the mat first, and can begin assembling their puzzle first. Sierra, Cirie and Aubry will handle puzzle duty.

Nuku, meanwhile, struggles to get their sled home, but eventually does, and as Ozzy, Zeke, and Sandra begin laying pieces, Mana pulls a miracle out of their asses and completes the puzzle in record time. Unbelievable! And once again, Sierra jumps into Brad’s arms, wrapping her sweaty, sweet loins around his waist… Monica, you taking in all of this?!

As the Immunity idol is handed out and Mana heads off, Varner tells us he’s not going home tonight unless Tai pulls out an idol. And considering where Tai stashes his idols, I’m not sure what may be pulled out tonight. All I can say is I hope that either Sandra or Varner goes home, based on what I’ve seen this season, and who was voted out last week.

Back at Nuku, the tribe is sullen and staring at each other like they’re deciding who to eat first when the food runs out. Varner whispers to Sandra “it’s great to not be on the bottom anymore,” but Sandra’s too smart to simply buy that. She knows she’s still got some work to do, because this is the first time in 3 seasons she’s felt uncomfortable. She pulls Zeke aside and tells him how strong of a player he is, and how uncomfortable she is that Debbie, Tai and Aubry are still left in the game. And if they need her, she’s willing to work for them to vote out anyone they (Zeke, Ozzy, Andrea, Sarah) want.

Ozzy, Maria, and Sarah then steal away to discuss what Sandra just suggested, and while her argument has validity (about the Kaoh Rong triumvirate), it’s more important to take out Sandra now, when they can.

But now Tai is getting nervous because he’s seeing everyone having conversations without him and he’s freaking out a bit. Why would you freak out when you have 2 idols? He approaches Ozzy and Varner and spills the beans to Jeff that everyone is voting for Sandra, thus spoiling the plan of blindsiding her, but who knows what’s going to play out? Sandra is now calling Tai “Public Enemy #1,” but with his two idols, will something get switched up at Tribal where he gives an idol to her? That would be crazy considering what she just said, but who knows what other lunacy will be produced at Final Tribal this season? Let’s see what happens…

6 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS – 4/7/17

  1. On point this week my friend . Just a few things from me . One is why do I have the feeling (sickening feeling ) we may be 20 years away from a Cocharan , Debbie super survivor baby ????? All that booze !!! Two less than attractive people !!!! Nothing stopping Cocharan from the row of shame back to land !!!! Just saying !!!!! I for the first time ever was rooting for Sandra . Not because I like her ( respect her game and the way she took being voted off though ) . Simply for the fact TAI is so freaking stupid ! Honestly he hit my very last nerve at Tribal . You have two idols . You have an alliance with a clear target . Sit down , shut up and vote Sandra . Feel like you may be in trouble play an idol . Hell play two but don’t go off on radical half baked tirades . Man you are quickly playing your way to worst player ever !

  2. I cannot even with Tai and I am so glad you feel that way too! Excellent commentary of the state of things…. I am not even sure who I WANT to win now, as I am still waiting to be entertained……One thing for sure, if they wanted the visit from Cochrane to have any impact at all for the viewers (Or Debbie), they should have duct taped her mouth. She is incapable in any way of simply listening and absorbing information without running over someone or trying to “best” them in the conversation. Please tell me AGAIN why she was considered a “game changer” in the first place? Please. Anyhow, enjoy the masters! I would tell you how close (but still morally so far away) you were with the Mama June assessment, but I imagine Fish likes his lunch in his belly so ……I’ll spare you! Love from Calgary! See you next week!


  3. I call DIBS on the Survivor offspring future edition . Think about it . Malcolm and Coconuts have a baby , Cochrane and Debbie , Boston Rob and Amber , Caleb and Tai ( adoptions count ) , Phillip and Sandra , Tony and one of the female cops , Sierra and Ozzy , the Culpeppers pop out another one , Rupert and Wiggles ( a big beastly child . Come on do the math thousands of combos . I think we have a hit !

  4. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks “cock-ring” every time Cochran is on. I bet he’s used one before. Nice” psycho killer Que’st que c’est” reference. I also was thinking that Varner probably enjoys being on the bottom with 3 gay men. OH Fish, if you ever are sick one week, I can fill in for you. I have the same dirty mind, only a girl version. Poor Sandra (not really). I wasn’t that sorry to see her go. I don’t get why everyone finds her so endearing. She’s not interesting and sat around like a big fat budda most of the game. I can’t decide if Tai is brilliant or just stupid/lucky. I mean, say what you will about him, he now has 2 idols and still managed to stay in the game. It was disappointing to see Cochran show up. I love Boston Rob and he’s so much more fun to watch. Cochran seems to have some kind of weird imagined “swag” now which makes him more than a nerd, he’s now a creepy nerd. Oh well. President Elect Debbie seemed to like hanging on him so at least he got lucky.

  5. Ricky Bobby! Thanks, as always, for your support. I thought both of them were thinking, “If I keep drinking, I maybe just could…” but then we’d have to see some f**ked up slo-mo staring in each other’s eyes, and even Survivor won’t do that to us… And yeah, I was actually proud of the way Sandra went out. No theatrics. It was time to swallow that pride, for sure. And it’s obvious now that Tai was setting up Sandra for her downfall. All that nervousness, all that “I’m voting for Ozzy,” all that bulls**t Tai stuff. They just didn’t show us any of the scenes where he talks to Ozzy (and others, I presume) about “I’m gonna say I’m voting for you,” because then Survivor doesn’t get it’s blindside. But, with all the stuff they show us, don’t you think we’re entitled to see that? Hmmm…. Keep commenting, Rick, and I want to know more about BBQs…!

    Trish! Thanks for coming back. I love that you’re invested now. And I’m truly hoping for some fireworks later this season. Seems like the show always has to create some drama, so I’m not really sure where that’ll come from this season. Looks like Debbie could be the guilty party. No one wants to get rid of her due to goat status, yet she continues to believe she’s playing an A-level game? And with all Tai’s power, how far will he go? I hate to think he makes another FT, but could you imagine if Tai, Debbie and anyone else makes it? Looks like “anyone else” is winning S34. I do hope Ozzy and Brad go far, as they are on my list. And what about Sierra’s Legacy Advantage? They don’t even mention that at all anymore… And I WILL enjoy the Masters! I bet on Sergio to win back in December, so my 50-1 odds paid off handsomely. And thanks for sparing me the Mama June truths. What’s the over/under on her putting on the weight again…?

    ck432! But what if I don’t believe in April Fool’s…?

    Ricky! I think CBS needs to do a Survivor/Amazing Race hybrid with those teams. THAT…I would watch.

    Kate! You’re so dirty, I love it! XO I may take you up one day on your offer. Let’s discuss offline… And your thoughts on Sandra are why so many of us questioned why she’s so high on herself. yeah, she won twice, but that doesn’t mean she’s a good person/good tv. It’s like Trump saying, “vote for me, because I’m rich.” Who gives a s**t? If you’re a d**k, you’re a d**k. It’s great for all you people on the east coast, but when North Korea launches one toward LA, we Angelenos are gonna be pissed all those red state motherf**kers made this happen… (sorry, no politics in the column, but comments are open season). And yeah, why invite Cochran back? I don’t think a majority of Survivor fans think he’s “the bomb,” but maybe he’s still under CBS contract so they didn’t have to pay him…? And it’s not like he’s some master player that made all these incredible moves, he got lucky… Rob, Russell, Coach, or a dozen other players would have made for better TV… Again, casting let us down…

    Have a great week! I’ll see you again on Friday.

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