After the helicopter ride, the players land on a nearby island and get to enjoy a trip to the Reward Challenge mini-bar. Honestly, has anyone ever played a season and got to drink this much beer? I can see why Bret is putting on weight again, he’s taking in 10,000 calories a Reward in beer alone…
After throwing back a ton of brewskis, David finally gets up to go poop and Sunday wants to watch him. That’s really not my thing, but have at it, Sunday… This leaves Zeke and Bret to clean up all the empties. Zeke is now professing how much he’s enjoying his new “drinking buddy” Bret, who’s waxing a bit philosophic while infused with so much alcohol. In his confessional, Bret begins opening up about “not caring about what other people think,” and “learning who you are,” and it seems he’s heading down a self-realization path to enlightenment right now.
They begin talking about being in each other’s lives from now on, and since they only live about 180 miles apart (I measured!), it looks like these two might be hooking up at Bret’s family’s place on the Cape in the near future…or perhaps Fire Island may be more appropriate…?
“Well, I will tell ya you’re not the only gay guy out here…”
Hold the phone just one gosh darn minute!
“You?” Zeke asks, and even he’s not sure who Bret is talking about.
“Shhh, I’m playing a game here-ah.” Bret chuckles…
And the look in Zeke’s eyes is either a newfound appreciation for the Ambiguously Gay Duo, or it’s the alcohol. And it seems Zeke is wondering why Bret wouldn’t have come out to the others on his tribe, but Magnum’s explanation is that when he found himself on a macho tribe (with Ken and Chris) it just didn’t make sense.
“I’m a different generation,” he says, and I think this is when the true difference between Millennials and Gen-X is evident. Nowadays, being gay is just as accepted (or it should be) as being left-handed, but in Bret’s day, it wasn’t the case. And while he says he’s never had a problem with it, he admits “it’s just in my head.” But he appears totally at ease at this moment – perhaps the most Bret’s been all season – when discussing his life, thoughts and reasons for keeping it quiet.
Zeke gives us a great little scene about Bret’s generation being “pioneers who paved the way” for homosexuals to come out so easily nowadays, and if you really think about how guys like Bret – who were in the military during the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell period – you wonder how troubling it may have been for many guys (and girls) to simply…live…back then.
“You have to play Survivor the way you live your life,” Zeke says, and while I want to agree with that whole-heartedly, I just wonder if guys like Boston Rob, Tony, and Mike Holloway would totally agree.
And it just occurred to me that maybe I’ve been referring to Bret as “Magnum,” – not in a Tom-Sellecky kinda way – but in a “I’ll take a 6-pack of Purple Hand Beer and a pack of Magnums,” kinda way…
And just as Zeke is about to head to the other side of the table to show Bret how truly proud he is of one of his pioneers, Sunday returns to the gay chuppah and forces the men back into game mode.
Smoothly, Bret changes the topic to their opinion on David, and they all agree he is a target. And if they can only gather their numbers quietly, they could pull off the blindside of Zeke’s principle enemy. And with this new rainbow coalition with Bret, he may just be able to do it… David returns, not having a clue what he just missed, but is wondering why Zeke is sitting on Bret’s lap…
When they get back to camp, Hannah immediately grabs David because she’s got thoughts up in that head of hers. Even though she’s existing somewhere between David and Zeke, she’s decided she wants to go after the guy from Oklahomo…
She tells David that Bret told Zeke he was gunning for David, and then Zeke told Will about David’s idol. This news hits David especially hard, but Hannah’s says there’s “a good part.”
“The good part is, Zeke trusts me…”
And David just looks at her like nothing involving you is a good part… But, no, she exclaims, this means if Zeke is gunning for David, she’ll know about it. And okay, maybe this is true, but does anyone think Hannah is clever about anything at this point? Since when did anxiety become an indicator of clear thought?
David (presumably) lies to her and says his idol will be used for either her or him, which sounds lovely to Hannah – and to both Bret and Jay who are walking nearby trying to eavesdrop. They don’t get close enough to hear, but they may see how unhappy David is right now for having his game implode before his eyes. And before this Neurotic Duo can tear itself apart any more, David says it may be time to target Zeke now, put himself in the crosshairs, and then use his idol to send Zeke home. Let’s see if they can put all those pieces together…
We’ve arrived at Day 30 and it’s the final Immunity Challenge of the evening. It’ll require players to reach through a caged door and maneuver a handle blindly through a maze. Once players get the handle through and pull it out, they can use the key to unlock their door and then complete a slide puzzle. Simple enough, right…?
Jeff say’s “go” and the players start manipulating their handles through the maze. Not being able to see the paths they’re taking – both the correct ones and the dead ends – proves frustrating for some, and not so tough for others. Jeff can’t reveal who’s doing well, as that would indicate progress, but we can see Will is moving along pretty well.
And so is Jay who is using his other hand to find the end point and then work his way back to the handle. Seems like a smart move for the guy whose back has been against the wall for a while now. And while the others continue to flounder, Jay gets his handle free and unlocks his door. He races to his puzzle table and immediately begins sliding pieces around. There are only 8 tiles, it shouldn’t take too long, but let’s see how good he is at slide puzzles considering how poorly his team performed at the snake puzzle.
With some players seemingly on the verge of finding the “out point” for their handles, they just can’t seem to work it out and Jay is flying through the slide puzzle making great progress. As panic begins to set in for some, Jay slides a couple more pieces around and completes the rout! Immunity for the “Peruvian Ozzy”…
Everyone lines up, and Jeff calls Jay over to place the Immunity Necklace around his neck. As the camera pans the other players, I have to ask…is Hannah wearing a cup? She’s got a major bulge in her shorts like she’s playing infield on a Fijian softball team. Or maybe she’s sporting some major bush? Working the pubic bone? I need some clarification…
Everyone returns to camp – not in a straight line, whatsupwiththat? – and Jay relishes his victory for a few moments. This means he’ll be around for a couple more votes at least, having the necklace and a Hidden Idol in his pocket. And he ain’t sharing nothing with nobody!
Everyone scatters leaving David and Jessica alone at camp where he divulges his bone-headed move of telling Bret and Sunday about targeting Zeke. Even Jessica can see that was a stupid move and lets him know. However, since he saved her butt with an idol, she needs to protect him now, and the two of them inform Ken the plan is to vote for Zeke tonight.
Ken is obligated to go with them, since he promised David he’d never write his name down – but really, what does a promise made on Survivor really mean? – yet Ken is an honorable guy and will stick with them.
Zeke and Hannah are then collecting water together and he mentions he’s going to go after David since he’s been gunning for him and holds an idol. He asks Hannah who she thinks is the most dangerous player in the game and from her delayed/insipid/asinine/brotarded response, he can clearly see she’s not on board with him. She just can’t bring herself to lie to Zeke’s face, or even just tell him what he wants to hear, which is another reason why she should never be on this show. That’s part of the game, you dumb bi*ch!
Zeke gives her an ultimatum on who she’s going to align with, and she either doesn’t know what that means, or she doesn’t realize Zeke is asking for a response. Her only reply is, “okay,” so he knows where she stands now. And since David has an idol, Zeke’ll probably target Hannah now. See what you get when you don’t wash? He finds Will, and then Sunday and Bret, and finally, Jay, and tells all of them he’s set his sights on Hannah. They’re all on board…meaning Zeke has 5 votes in his army.
Hannah finds Adam and tells him about the David vs. Zeke feud and says they need to pick a side. Adam asks which one should they choose, and she tells him they need to vote out Zeke. Adam is on the fence about it, admitting he’s nervous with her plan, considering how nervous of a person she is. I guess he doesn’t want to go down with her ship, and knows he needs to start playing his own game.
Hannah then grabs David and tells him she has Adam, along with the David/Jess/Ken group, so they’ll have five votes vs. Zeke’s five. And if that happens, she realizes they’re going to come after her. She tells David she’s probably going to need his idol tonight; so he starts running the numbers if he did that. He assumes with a tie, there will be a revote, and if no one flips, then they may go to drawing rocks. And no one likes it when that happens…just ask Paschal.
Nevertheless, David is becoming as neurotic as Hannah is, and has one final confession.
“I hope I play the idol for the right person.”
I am going to make a simple statement and re watch the episodes before I discuss the game play . I think Bret was a total douchebag bully at the second tribal !!!!! I also think he is lying about being gay . Not that I care if he is I just think he was an ass and hope he is gone soon ! Oh how stupid are these players ? Jay is the biggest threat and its not close . He has 3 votes guaranteed if he makes the final tribal . Michelle , Taylor and Will ( who has no chance ) . Simple math morons . Plus he will be able to argue that he was a strong player who won challenges and made final 3 even though his alliance was blown up early in the game !
Hi! Longtime reader, just too lazy to work up the energy to go through the registration process required to comment…until today. This has definitely been a pretty weak season. I can’t stand the fact that Sunday, Bret, and Will are still hanging around. Jessica was one of our top picks to win. I’m now solidly on Team Ken (mostly because he’s hot and seems normal). And I 100% agree with Rick in that Jay is a huge threat! Super excited for this season to end. Next season’s cast is pretty epic. Hopefully they don’t disappoint! Keep up the good work. This recap is something I look forward to every week 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this aside from the objectification comments you made about Jessica. She is attractive, yes, but she is way more than that.
Lena Marie Jessica is obviously a smart person . However when you are on TV in your underwear for 10 weeks you are going to be objectified . That goes for the men and women . The game play has been wildly inconsistent but the Tribal have been CRAZY !!! Jen welcome aboard !!! Yes next season may go down as one of the best ever with that cast ! Zeke vs David as the ultimate battle for Survivor power . Man how bad are the players to let that happen ! Zeke is an ok player but David is useless !
Folks, thanks for all the comments this week! THAT is what I’m talking about, always good to hear from you all…
Rick – I hear ya on Bret’s actions, but I really gotta wonder how much more happened at Tribal that they’re not showing us. I’ve heard they go for a few hours, so you know there’s a lot more that could have led to Bret’s anger. And besides, it’s a friggin’ game, right? All’s fair in love and Survivor…
-Not gonna touch on whether Bret is gay or not. I’ve never heard anyone claim to be (and isn’t) so I’m gonna go with he is what he is…
-And yes, you’re right about Jay and Jury votes. I’m surprised people don’t have more conversations early on about them.
-Keep up the comments, dude…!
Jen – Thank you for registering! I know, it’s such a hassle but it means so much to me that you did. And I think you can comment on any WordPress sites, so…you’ve got THAT going for you…which is nice.
-I totally agree with you on Sunday and Will, but I am getting fonder of Bret. Maybe it’s his drinking elbow, or just that he seems to be able to not let his emotions get the best of him…until that Tribal meltdown. We’ll see. And I do like Ken, a) because he’s a stud (no homo), and b) because he seems really down to Earth. Those are the players I’ve always liked, and wish we got more of them. On the flip side, sometimes he’s as boring as a box of rocks, but I’ll take that over the Russells, Brandons, Dans or Wills (no collar) anyday…
-Looking forward to next season too. Can’t wait. And thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. Write in more!
LenaMarie – first of all, thank you for sending in your comment. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to write in. That said, I gotta defend the fact that I’ve been wholly supportive of Jessica since week 1. I’ve complimented her many times, said very nice things about her character, gameplay and moxie. And considering how her pre-game cast photo and first 8 episodes portrayed her — shall we say, rather frumpy — I don’t think it’s so wrong to say that a woman looks hot when she’s been (or the show has been) hiding it. Hell, a decade ago, I used to work in a strip club and if I said “you have great tits” to an employee, she’d be thrilled. And yes, I know that’s not a compliment I can make nowadays in my current situation or job, but it doesn’t mean I’m objectifying Jessica when I write it (maybe I’m just being flirty…?). And I don’t think she would have retweeted my column, or liked it, or continued to read it, if she felt objectified. Clearly, there are times I have to cross lines to try and make a joke, but that’s what any wannabe comedic writer does. And if I wanted to write a clean cut, straight-and-narrow recap, I wouldn’t be doing it on a site that defines itself with the words “slanted” and “sophomoric” at the top of every page. It’s just the format, my dear, and I hope you understand that. I look forward to your continued patronage and comments… Fish
Rick – keep ’em coming, buddy! Hope you had a great holiday! Looking forward to a Jay/Ken/Zeke FT…
Bret is growing on me as well. I do enjoy watching him knock back the drinks on the rewards…but not make a total ass out of himself in the process. The hubs and I were talking last week that one refreshing thing with this season is there is nobody we truly despise (like Dan). You know, the villain who has crossed the line from entertaining bad guy to despicable human being where I can’t even watch the show because I hate them so much. So I can appreciate that with this cast. The conversation between Bret and Zeke after the tribal where Chris left was pretty great. Two dudes having a grown up discussion. It was nice.
I may be too late in my comments for Mr. Fish to see them. We are all thankful for you Fish. Love your recaps as always. I know you work hard to put them together each week. Hope your son is doing ok. At least he has a cool story about breaking his leg. 🙂 I kept giggling when Hanna would say “trust cluster” since I kept thinking “cluster F”. She is such a dork. “Oh Jeff, you just said the phrase I said, trust cluster. tee hee. ” BARF! She has weird teeth too. Shows a lot of gum (maybe call her “gums”?) Yeah, she is hot for Ken. She has a better chance with Bret (whatever that’s supposed to mean!) I like the first post suggesting Bret might be lying about being gay. That would top even Johnny Fairplay’s lie. Poor Jessica. That was the worst. I just don’t get why her eyes were bugged out so much. It looked painful. I actually liked Chris too so I hated to see both of them go. To have all the annoying millennials still there is even worse. I am rooting for Ken. Jay is Joe Part Deux. He even had a man bun this week. They should do an all starts with a tribe of tan, Jungle book type guys and put Joe, Ozzy, Malcom and Jay on it. It could be called Manbundo.
I meant “all stars” above. Quick edit
HA kinbville that’s a great idea . I am not a fan of Bret but what a move it would be to pretend to be gay to further an alliance ! Old Johnny Fairplay and grandma . What a classic move that was . I think after punching Bret in the face Zeke would even laugh it off . Zeke seems like a likeable guy . I think he kind of blew up his original game plan to kind of play it low key . He made a power move and left himself no choice but to go pedal to the metal from here on out !
First time commenting!
Hannah has melasma. She’s not dirty. It’s when the sun leaves a splotch. Pregnant women get it a lot. You can’t scrub it off. Sometimes it lightens or you can get it bleached or lasers. Just FYI. And David has a scab it’s not just dried blood. But it bothered me too. And yes, Hannah is becoming so skinny that her pubic bone is jutting out. Women typically have a layer of fat on their lower stomachs to protect a pregnancy. More fun facts. So annoying if mr. sorry.
Great recap. Long show. Sad to see Jessica go. Her eyes were wonky but her body was nice to watch (straight woman here! You are stating fact, I didn’t take offensive but I’m used to it which is not good either. She takes care of herself and has played a good game. That was a painful elimination. I wish we were privy to more because I don’t get it sometimes! The Day of TC and then the ceremony is such choppy editing and I’m so heavily invested. Editing is awesome, which is why the audience gets blindsided too, but choppy with cutting up conversations and adding in facial expressions (similar to Bachelor).
Ok question: why don’t they do eating challenges anymore? Or at least not as often? Thanks in advance for any insight!
You see, folks, this is why Al Gore created the internet. So smart people can talk about sophisticated topics. I had no idea I’d be learning about female anatomy and skin conditions today, but goshdarnit, that’s exactly why I started writing these columns… But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Jen: Yes! I love Bret. I’d love to knock back a few and just pick his brain about gay stuff. Seriously. And I’m so down with you about “no villains.” It’s such a cheap device that shows use thinking “America loves villains, let’s give them one.” To be honest, we have enough villains in our regular lives. We don’t need to see them on TV. It’s one of those casting beliefs that I think was wrong a long time ago. When Russell became Public Enemy #1 it wasn’t because he was a villain, it was because he was successful. Yeah, he was a dick, but he found idols, he made alliances, and he manipulated the f**k out of people. For that, he was a great player, he just chose to wear the mantle of villain a little too much.
Kinb: It’s never too late for you! 😉 Thanks for writing in and thanks for your kind words. You complete me… And yeah, I think you’re on to something with Hannah and gums. Maybe I’ll call her Mrs. Ed, or Hubba Bubba, or Pollydent… And I think anyone who lied about being gay would be looked down upon so much. TBH, I always thought that would be a great gameplay, but to do it right, you’d have to go in all flamboyant and over the top Nathan Lane. And then do a big reveal at Final Tribal. “I was acting…I am Master Thespian!” and then maybe people would appreciate the ruse. But having hidden it all game til now, I don’t think he’s putting anything on. Good theory though. Yeah, I’m still lamenting Jessica’s departure. I’m still trying to hook up an interview with her. I’ll ask about her eyes if I can. Chris…meh. Did you hear he ate dog shit in his casting video to get on the show? Gross! And yeah, I’ve been longing for an “All-Surfer” season for a long time. Bring back all the “bros.” Love those guys… Just a big dumb season, and then everyone takes the short bus back to camp…
Rick: You know, I keep saying it. Zeke is playing a masterful game, and knows how to keep his emotions out of things. Did you see how stone cold he was at the last Tribal when people were freaking? That’s his debate background, right there. I think he’s going to do very well this season, just watch…
Avital: Hello, foxy lady… Nice pic… 😉 And thank you for writing in. I really appreciate it. And thanks for dropping some cold hard facts on me. I am glad you cleared those things up. I’ll refrain from lambasting poor Hannah from now on…until she does the next annoying thing. Deal? And please tell me, what does “So annoying if mr. sorry.” mean? I’ve asked people here and everyone’s like…”no idea, Fish.” Thank you for enjoying the read. TBH, I’m always kinda amazed at how they end up. I really start with nothing each week and then just vomit words onto the page. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes not. But I do try to amuse you guys as much as I can. Who wants a boring old recap? And yeah, it’s amazing what hunger can do to bodies. For some, it makes them gross, but with Jessica, she got hotter and hotter. And when I see her pics on Twitter now, you can tell that she’s very sexy in real life. I wonder what Figgy would’ve looked like if she had stayed on another 10 days… And you’re right about editing like the Bachelor. I’ve been saying for a few seasons now there’s gotta be some crossover between shows regarding staff. Whether it’s producers, editors, camera guys, whatever…some of the tricks they learned on other shows are peaking through on Survivor. And I don’t like that! Survivor was always different than other shows, that’s why these casting decisions, story arcs, and despicable behavior are things I don’t need/want to see. Just give us a competition and make it less about drama. I know these folks think they know what we want, but I really think they’re overthinking some things… Not sure about the eating challenges. Personally, I don’t like them because they were such a Fear Factor ripoff. And they’re gross. If I get that interview with Jessica, I’ll ask her. Stay tuned.
Thanks again for all your comments. I’m loving this week’s participation! Let’s see what tonight brings! Loved Ones? Reward stolen? Adam’s murder…? Oh crap, I gotta stop by the liquor store after work… Cheers! Fish
Ha! That wa supposed to say “so annoying of me, sorry!” That’s what I get for typing on my phone when I should be sleeping.
Does anyone know if Adam was able to see his mother before she passed away. Such a tragic story. He seems like a great guy. I just hope he got to say goodbye.