Jeff calls everyone in and immediately, David knows this is a challenge he won’t like. His confidence is obviously not brimming, which is great trait to bring to this challenge/show/life… And seriously, David, you still have that spot of blood on your face from earlier in the show! Can you take a swim and wash your face?
Jeff details the challenge. Two teams of 5 will swim to a raft, where they’ll have to pull themselves to a platform. From there, they climb a ladder, retrieve a key, slide down a pole, and race back to shore. Once everyone gets to shore, teams unlock 4 crates with colored sides, stacking them until there are no repeating colors. We’ve seen this a few times in the past. It doesn’t matter when…it’s Thanksgiving, and I’m getting hungry (and drunk)!
Speaking of hungry and drunk, the teams are playing for a feast on a floating pizza parlor that’ll be docked 50 yards offshore. Pizza, chicken wings, and cold beer will be the spoils, and the sound of belching within earshot will be a dagger through the losers’ hearts. Bad news for one contestant is they won’t be competing.
David and his big rollercoaster of emotions decides to take the show in a direction I don’t like. He offers to sit out since he sucks balls at swimming, and doesn’t want to be responsible for depriving his team of a feast. Seriously, dude? I keep saying it…when are we going to have only confident players? Shouldn’t that be a requirement for being on a show like Survivor? I thought people had to pass a psych eval before they can even be considered?
Nevertheless, everyone tells David to STFU and compete, because “you never know.” But he’s too busy crying over his anxiety, or nerves, or sinkability. I don’t even know what to say because I hate scenes like this. They try to make it all emotional with the tears and the sad music, but really, this scene shouldn’t be taking place. Save the tears for the Loved Ones visit and let’s play for a million bucks. JFC…
Orange Team
Ken
Jessica
Chris
David
Will
Purple Team
Magnum (is he putting on weight again?)
Wilson
Sundae
Larry Fine
The Screamer
Jay picked the unlucky rock and is not competing, or capable of looking at camera. And trust me, rocks are a theme tonight… Jeff yells, “Go!”
Orange takes the early lead and keeps it up through all five players…
-Probst: “Jessica, quickly down that pole…!” (I’ll let you infer what he means)
-Adam is the only one to actually toss the key to shore to save time.
-Orange unlocks their cubes first and begin building (David and Chris)
-Zeke and Adam finally begin assembling the blocks for Purple
And somehow, they place cube after cube and do so in the right combination. That’s what I call a Survivor comeback… Go get some pizza, you crazy kids, you just won this challenge!
As the losers return to camp sulking, the victors are jumping for joy on the pizza barge. Hannah is especially excited but OMFG, once again, this chick has dirt all over her face. Wasn’t she just in the water? I hate to harp on it, but come on, girl – or someone else in the tribe – tell this poor slob she can use beach sand as an exfoliant. Is no one paying attention to what they look like on camera? Am I crazy for thinking that someone could say, “Hey Hannah, you got a spot of dirt on your face, let’s go take a dip and clean you up.”
I mean, seriously…
And while the Mudhen is concerned over being too celebratory this close to camp, Magnum is all about being well-fed, drunk, and boisterous…
“It’s like I’m sitting in a bahr eating pizza with a few friends…”
Man, I’m really starting to like Bret right now. And he’s starting to like Zeke – or pretending to – because he’s trying to pull Zeke over to his “dark side” since he’s been in the Okie “republic” for a while now.
One of the crew-members from the boat comes out with a tray, and everyone gets instantly excited because they know what these are. Bret tells us…
“Lettuce from home…” and Adam starts sobbing hysterically, the silly rabbit…
We watch a very emotional scene where Adam gets a letter from Johnny Fairplay’s grandmother and we know how much Adam misses her. (Seriously, it’s touching, I just need to speed things up…)
And when everyone takes a celebratory dip off the top deck, Hannah, of course, remains on board, not wanting to ruin the potato experiment she learned watching The Martian where she combines a spud, soil, and feces on her face so she can eat on Day 36…
Meanwhile, back at camp, Ken is grousing over the proximity of the pizza barge, and David STILL HAS THAT SPOT OF BLOOD ON HIS FACE! What the hell? He just competed in a swimming challenge and he’s still leaking blood?! Should someone call Medical? What the heck is wrong with these pigs…?
Anyway, Ken is bonding with David, but every time Ken tells him how much he’s grown on the island, Ken looks away while speaking. Sure, it could be Ken’s own communicative style, but could it also mean that he’s not telling the truth. What do you guys think? I recall Ken telling us about his communication insecurities, but if I wanna tell someone how much progress they’ve made with something, I’m going to make some friggin’ eye contact. Maybe that’s just me… David tells the supermodel he’s a fan and wants to sit with him at Final Tribal, so let’s see if that comes to fruition.
Jessica and her new sexy boobs walk up – seriously, are they giving away free breast augmentation in Fiji? – and they all discuss how the Chris/Bret/Sunday threesome (think about it, go ahead) and needs to be taken out. David does his best to lobby Jess and Ken that Chris needs to go, and believes he can get Hannah and Adam to go along. And, he thinks he may be able to get Zeke to vote with him, since it would be in Zeke’s best interest to take out his fellow Okie now. Not sure about that, but let’s go with it for now. Jessica is down with the “out with Chris” vote, because as she confesses, Chris is her arch-nemesis due to her earlier vote against Paul.
Day 28 arrives and it’s the first Immunity Challenge. Players will need to stand on a narrow beam holding a bamboo pole and keep a wooden statue from falling. At regular intervals, players move farther back on the beam, making the pole longer, heavier, and harder to keep the statue balanced. And not that I’m playing favorites, but how great would it be if Jessica won?!
“Let’s do this!” Jeff barks…
Highlights:
Ken is hallucinating there are ants crawling on him (there aren’t)…
Hannah drops out first (of course)…
Ken follows (those damn ants!)
“Holding onto more pole.” Really, Jeff?
Adam is now complaining about ants…
Causing Sunday to drop, then Chris, Will, Jay, and Bret…
“Take your stinking paws off of me, you damn, dirty ants!”
And I think it’s time to give Jessica a nickname. Everyone else has been given one. Considering how much she chews on that piece of wood, I think I’ll start referring to her as Det. Washington from Hill Street Blues.
After a few struggles with sweat, balance, wind and ants(?), Adam drops out and then Det. Washington out of nowhere. Zeke makes a couple nice saves and finally drops his statue in a moment of weakness. And in a total turnaround from the Reward Challenge, David is suddenly the one wearing the necklace. Maybe this guy will finally stop listening to those voices inside his head…or get more therapy. As we head to commercial, he confesses he wants Chris to go home.
Jay (remember him, the supposed next guy to go home?) needs to know what’s going on, but no one will speak with him. He sits down with the Mudhen and tries to get something…anything…from her, but all she can offer is “I don’t know.” Thanks for playing, Goat…” All Jay knows is if he’s sensing that his name is being written down, he’s going to “pull it out”…and then he’ll play the idol…
The old “Gen-eke” alliance (Chris/Sunday/Bret/Zeke) are reconfirming the plan is to take out Jess, but making it seem that Jay is going home. Sunday is all for it because she thinks “the Detective” is gunning for her, but seriously, why would anyone be gunning for Sunday? She has no chance of winning and doesn’t pose any threat to anyone. Honestly, the stupidity of some players is mind-boggling…
Bret thinks it’s smart to not mention anything to Jay, or else he’ll think they’re trying to flush the idol, but Chris doesn’t care how they handle Jay. He just wants Jessica to go home…and in a perfect world…Jay would play his idol too. All Chris needs to make this happen is Zeke’s group (Zeke/Hannah/Will) to vote for Jessica too.
Zeke and David then take a stroll to discuss the options. Zeke tells David about the Chris vs. Jess plan, and David says he’s also thinking about taking out Chris. Zeke doesn’t really care who goes home because he’s more interested in pitting the two Gen-X alliances against each other. No matter what, he’s safe and will be there to pick up the pieces. When David goes back to camp to report his findings to Jess, she realizes she’ll need to fight for her life in the game, because things are getting serious.
She pulls Adam aside and clues him in on what’s going on, and he confirms that he/Jess/Ken/David are solid, and they believe Zeke (and his underlings) are with them. To make this work, Jessica is going to have to trust a bunch of strangers, and it’s apparent from her tears how incredibly uncomfortable she is with that.
Meanwhile, Zeke and Hannah are discussing their options, which are to choose which side they want to help blindside the other. Funny how Jay isn’t even a conversation tonight… Zeke is wavering on which group he wants to help, because he can trust both Chris and David, but he needs to decide which army he wants to amass to help him get to Final Tribal. No more time to think, it’s time to head to Tribal Council, and the players march along the coast single file like the ants that were crawling on Ken’s belly…
Everyone sits and Jeff calls in Michelle and Taylor, who is sporting his new ‘do. Jeff opens the questioning…
-Jay says he’s still Lone Wolf McQuade
-Instead of saying, “Yeah, it’s Jay,” David gives a lengthy discussion of voting blocks and wraps it up with, “It’s predictability vs. blindside”
-Zeke confirms there are voting blocks, but they’re smaller, based on trust…
-Hannah coins the term “trust cluster” to signify something between a voting block and an alliance.
-Hannah is still a dork
-Bret recognizes there are multiple trust clusters but is more concerned with the trust paht of it…and who he can get rid of now.
-Chris thinks trust shouldn’t be an issue tonight, even though the lines keep getting redrawn
-and the camera keeps going to Jay, who’s noticing everyone is talking about “trust,” but not “the guy who ate food with Tayls”
-Adam informs Jeff there’s a “cold war brewing” and Jay is “one of those people we’re talking about.”
-Sunday confirms tonight’s vote involves trust, and the only way to judge that is based on past actions (like eating stolen food?)
-Jeff queries the group about whose “past actions” would justify them being voted out and only Adam, Jay and Jessica raise their hands. We know Adam and Jay’s reasons, so JP asks Taurean Blacque what she did…
“I had some run-ins with the Gen-Xers way back when.”
-Chris explains she’s talking about the blindside of Paul, but he claims he has a “short memory” and “she has nothing to worry about” tonight.
-David is 100% certain the vote will go as he expects…
-Zeke is 100%
-so is Sunday, Chris, and sarcastically, Jay too.
-and when Probst asks Zeke why Jay would react like that if someone had approached him, Grandpa lets Probst know that everyone is good at pretending they’re sticking to the plan.
“Appearances are very deceiving…”
It’s time to vote, and oddly, there were no discussions of Hidden Immunity Idols. Vote are cast and Jeff collects the urn. He asks if anyone wants to play a Hidden Idol, and Jay rolls the dice… No idol being played. Let’s read the votes.
Chris
Jessica
Chris
Jessica
Chris
Jessica (Jay can breathe easy!)
Chris
Jessica
Chris
Chris
Damn, they pulled it off. And Zeke helped orchestrate his downfall. Despite that, Chris is man enough to respect he got played, and exits with the Oklahoma rally cry…
“Boomer…”
“Sooner!” Zeke replies, which makes it all good, I guess…
Jeff warns the remaining players that no matter what you call the voting tendencies, the game is being played at a high level (really?) and there are more blindsides to come. Grab your torches and get the hell outta here, you crazy kids…
Chris leaves stating he was totally blindsided but admits he got outplayed by Jessica. No hard feelings, he says, because he gets to go home now. (Uh, he knows he has to stay to the end, right…?)
I am going to make a simple statement and re watch the episodes before I discuss the game play . I think Bret was a total douchebag bully at the second tribal !!!!! I also think he is lying about being gay . Not that I care if he is I just think he was an ass and hope he is gone soon ! Oh how stupid are these players ? Jay is the biggest threat and its not close . He has 3 votes guaranteed if he makes the final tribal . Michelle , Taylor and Will ( who has no chance ) . Simple math morons . Plus he will be able to argue that he was a strong player who won challenges and made final 3 even though his alliance was blown up early in the game !
Hi! Longtime reader, just too lazy to work up the energy to go through the registration process required to comment…until today. This has definitely been a pretty weak season. I can’t stand the fact that Sunday, Bret, and Will are still hanging around. Jessica was one of our top picks to win. I’m now solidly on Team Ken (mostly because he’s hot and seems normal). And I 100% agree with Rick in that Jay is a huge threat! Super excited for this season to end. Next season’s cast is pretty epic. Hopefully they don’t disappoint! Keep up the good work. This recap is something I look forward to every week 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this aside from the objectification comments you made about Jessica. She is attractive, yes, but she is way more than that.
Lena Marie Jessica is obviously a smart person . However when you are on TV in your underwear for 10 weeks you are going to be objectified . That goes for the men and women . The game play has been wildly inconsistent but the Tribal have been CRAZY !!! Jen welcome aboard !!! Yes next season may go down as one of the best ever with that cast ! Zeke vs David as the ultimate battle for Survivor power . Man how bad are the players to let that happen ! Zeke is an ok player but David is useless !
Folks, thanks for all the comments this week! THAT is what I’m talking about, always good to hear from you all…
Rick – I hear ya on Bret’s actions, but I really gotta wonder how much more happened at Tribal that they’re not showing us. I’ve heard they go for a few hours, so you know there’s a lot more that could have led to Bret’s anger. And besides, it’s a friggin’ game, right? All’s fair in love and Survivor…
-Not gonna touch on whether Bret is gay or not. I’ve never heard anyone claim to be (and isn’t) so I’m gonna go with he is what he is…
-And yes, you’re right about Jay and Jury votes. I’m surprised people don’t have more conversations early on about them.
-Keep up the comments, dude…!
Jen – Thank you for registering! I know, it’s such a hassle but it means so much to me that you did. And I think you can comment on any WordPress sites, so…you’ve got THAT going for you…which is nice.
-I totally agree with you on Sunday and Will, but I am getting fonder of Bret. Maybe it’s his drinking elbow, or just that he seems to be able to not let his emotions get the best of him…until that Tribal meltdown. We’ll see. And I do like Ken, a) because he’s a stud (no homo), and b) because he seems really down to Earth. Those are the players I’ve always liked, and wish we got more of them. On the flip side, sometimes he’s as boring as a box of rocks, but I’ll take that over the Russells, Brandons, Dans or Wills (no collar) anyday…
-Looking forward to next season too. Can’t wait. And thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. Write in more!
LenaMarie – first of all, thank you for sending in your comment. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to write in. That said, I gotta defend the fact that I’ve been wholly supportive of Jessica since week 1. I’ve complimented her many times, said very nice things about her character, gameplay and moxie. And considering how her pre-game cast photo and first 8 episodes portrayed her — shall we say, rather frumpy — I don’t think it’s so wrong to say that a woman looks hot when she’s been (or the show has been) hiding it. Hell, a decade ago, I used to work in a strip club and if I said “you have great tits” to an employee, she’d be thrilled. And yes, I know that’s not a compliment I can make nowadays in my current situation or job, but it doesn’t mean I’m objectifying Jessica when I write it (maybe I’m just being flirty…?). And I don’t think she would have retweeted my column, or liked it, or continued to read it, if she felt objectified. Clearly, there are times I have to cross lines to try and make a joke, but that’s what any wannabe comedic writer does. And if I wanted to write a clean cut, straight-and-narrow recap, I wouldn’t be doing it on a site that defines itself with the words “slanted” and “sophomoric” at the top of every page. It’s just the format, my dear, and I hope you understand that. I look forward to your continued patronage and comments… Fish
Rick – keep ’em coming, buddy! Hope you had a great holiday! Looking forward to a Jay/Ken/Zeke FT…
Bret is growing on me as well. I do enjoy watching him knock back the drinks on the rewards…but not make a total ass out of himself in the process. The hubs and I were talking last week that one refreshing thing with this season is there is nobody we truly despise (like Dan). You know, the villain who has crossed the line from entertaining bad guy to despicable human being where I can’t even watch the show because I hate them so much. So I can appreciate that with this cast. The conversation between Bret and Zeke after the tribal where Chris left was pretty great. Two dudes having a grown up discussion. It was nice.
I may be too late in my comments for Mr. Fish to see them. We are all thankful for you Fish. Love your recaps as always. I know you work hard to put them together each week. Hope your son is doing ok. At least he has a cool story about breaking his leg. 🙂 I kept giggling when Hanna would say “trust cluster” since I kept thinking “cluster F”. She is such a dork. “Oh Jeff, you just said the phrase I said, trust cluster. tee hee. ” BARF! She has weird teeth too. Shows a lot of gum (maybe call her “gums”?) Yeah, she is hot for Ken. She has a better chance with Bret (whatever that’s supposed to mean!) I like the first post suggesting Bret might be lying about being gay. That would top even Johnny Fairplay’s lie. Poor Jessica. That was the worst. I just don’t get why her eyes were bugged out so much. It looked painful. I actually liked Chris too so I hated to see both of them go. To have all the annoying millennials still there is even worse. I am rooting for Ken. Jay is Joe Part Deux. He even had a man bun this week. They should do an all starts with a tribe of tan, Jungle book type guys and put Joe, Ozzy, Malcom and Jay on it. It could be called Manbundo.
I meant “all stars” above. Quick edit
HA kinbville that’s a great idea . I am not a fan of Bret but what a move it would be to pretend to be gay to further an alliance ! Old Johnny Fairplay and grandma . What a classic move that was . I think after punching Bret in the face Zeke would even laugh it off . Zeke seems like a likeable guy . I think he kind of blew up his original game plan to kind of play it low key . He made a power move and left himself no choice but to go pedal to the metal from here on out !
First time commenting!
Hannah has melasma. She’s not dirty. It’s when the sun leaves a splotch. Pregnant women get it a lot. You can’t scrub it off. Sometimes it lightens or you can get it bleached or lasers. Just FYI. And David has a scab it’s not just dried blood. But it bothered me too. And yes, Hannah is becoming so skinny that her pubic bone is jutting out. Women typically have a layer of fat on their lower stomachs to protect a pregnancy. More fun facts. So annoying if mr. sorry.
Great recap. Long show. Sad to see Jessica go. Her eyes were wonky but her body was nice to watch (straight woman here! You are stating fact, I didn’t take offensive but I’m used to it which is not good either. She takes care of herself and has played a good game. That was a painful elimination. I wish we were privy to more because I don’t get it sometimes! The Day of TC and then the ceremony is such choppy editing and I’m so heavily invested. Editing is awesome, which is why the audience gets blindsided too, but choppy with cutting up conversations and adding in facial expressions (similar to Bachelor).
Ok question: why don’t they do eating challenges anymore? Or at least not as often? Thanks in advance for any insight!
You see, folks, this is why Al Gore created the internet. So smart people can talk about sophisticated topics. I had no idea I’d be learning about female anatomy and skin conditions today, but goshdarnit, that’s exactly why I started writing these columns… But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Jen: Yes! I love Bret. I’d love to knock back a few and just pick his brain about gay stuff. Seriously. And I’m so down with you about “no villains.” It’s such a cheap device that shows use thinking “America loves villains, let’s give them one.” To be honest, we have enough villains in our regular lives. We don’t need to see them on TV. It’s one of those casting beliefs that I think was wrong a long time ago. When Russell became Public Enemy #1 it wasn’t because he was a villain, it was because he was successful. Yeah, he was a dick, but he found idols, he made alliances, and he manipulated the f**k out of people. For that, he was a great player, he just chose to wear the mantle of villain a little too much.
Kinb: It’s never too late for you! 😉 Thanks for writing in and thanks for your kind words. You complete me… And yeah, I think you’re on to something with Hannah and gums. Maybe I’ll call her Mrs. Ed, or Hubba Bubba, or Pollydent… And I think anyone who lied about being gay would be looked down upon so much. TBH, I always thought that would be a great gameplay, but to do it right, you’d have to go in all flamboyant and over the top Nathan Lane. And then do a big reveal at Final Tribal. “I was acting…I am Master Thespian!” and then maybe people would appreciate the ruse. But having hidden it all game til now, I don’t think he’s putting anything on. Good theory though. Yeah, I’m still lamenting Jessica’s departure. I’m still trying to hook up an interview with her. I’ll ask about her eyes if I can. Chris…meh. Did you hear he ate dog shit in his casting video to get on the show? Gross! And yeah, I’ve been longing for an “All-Surfer” season for a long time. Bring back all the “bros.” Love those guys… Just a big dumb season, and then everyone takes the short bus back to camp…
Rick: You know, I keep saying it. Zeke is playing a masterful game, and knows how to keep his emotions out of things. Did you see how stone cold he was at the last Tribal when people were freaking? That’s his debate background, right there. I think he’s going to do very well this season, just watch…
Avital: Hello, foxy lady… Nice pic… 😉 And thank you for writing in. I really appreciate it. And thanks for dropping some cold hard facts on me. I am glad you cleared those things up. I’ll refrain from lambasting poor Hannah from now on…until she does the next annoying thing. Deal? And please tell me, what does “So annoying if mr. sorry.” mean? I’ve asked people here and everyone’s like…”no idea, Fish.” Thank you for enjoying the read. TBH, I’m always kinda amazed at how they end up. I really start with nothing each week and then just vomit words onto the page. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes not. But I do try to amuse you guys as much as I can. Who wants a boring old recap? And yeah, it’s amazing what hunger can do to bodies. For some, it makes them gross, but with Jessica, she got hotter and hotter. And when I see her pics on Twitter now, you can tell that she’s very sexy in real life. I wonder what Figgy would’ve looked like if she had stayed on another 10 days… And you’re right about editing like the Bachelor. I’ve been saying for a few seasons now there’s gotta be some crossover between shows regarding staff. Whether it’s producers, editors, camera guys, whatever…some of the tricks they learned on other shows are peaking through on Survivor. And I don’t like that! Survivor was always different than other shows, that’s why these casting decisions, story arcs, and despicable behavior are things I don’t need/want to see. Just give us a competition and make it less about drama. I know these folks think they know what we want, but I really think they’re overthinking some things… Not sure about the eating challenges. Personally, I don’t like them because they were such a Fear Factor ripoff. And they’re gross. If I get that interview with Jessica, I’ll ask her. Stay tuned.
Thanks again for all your comments. I’m loving this week’s participation! Let’s see what tonight brings! Loved Ones? Reward stolen? Adam’s murder…? Oh crap, I gotta stop by the liquor store after work… Cheers! Fish
Ha! That wa supposed to say “so annoying of me, sorry!” That’s what I get for typing on my phone when I should be sleeping.
Does anyone know if Adam was able to see his mother before she passed away. Such a tragic story. He seems like a great guy. I just hope he got to say goodbye.