It’s Thanksgiving weekend and I hope everyone has something to be thankful for. If you’re reading this, that means at least you have internet, and probably cable – or at least a television – so I’m sure all of you have something to celebrate.
Who knows when you’re reading this because not only is it a 2-hour episode, which means it’ll take me longer to write, but it also means I don’t know when it’ll be posted, and then when will it be read…?
All those questions are meaningless right now, because I have to focus on one hell of a big night of Survivor, and just how in the hell will my liver be able to take drinking 2 bottles of wine as I write this? Thank god for spellcheck cuz my liver can’t spell for s**t…
Let’s get right to it (and forgive me if I gloss over some scenes) we have a lot to cover and I still need to buy dessert for tomorrow…
Previously on…Survivor!
-3 idols are floating around, held by Adam, David and Jay, which means they’ll be a big part of tonight’s episode
-Ed Sheeran, Moobs, and Sundae all view Jessica as the biggest threat (really?)
-Despite finding out about Adam’s Advantage, the boneheaded move to steal food FROM HUNGRY PEOPLE sealed Taylor’s fate
We’ve reached Night 25 and the remaining castaways return to the Vinaka camp. Adam immediately begins apologizing for not revealing his Advantage to the group and offers the lame excuse that he didn’t do so because it would mean revealing Taylor’s secret. But why the hell doesn’t he just say, “I didn’t tell anyone because that’s not how you play Survivor. People don’t always reveal when they found a hidden idol, do they?”
Bret plays pragmatist and says, “We voted out Taylor because he stole from us,” and Adam is now dead-set on targeting Jay, who targeted him. And of course, Adam has to make a gross statement about tasting Jay in his mouth, but I didn’t catch all of that and I’m kinda sickened right now…
David asks if there’s any food left from Taylor’s folly and Adam admits he knows where it is…but Jay shoots that down with a, “No, he moved it…” Jay mentions in confessional he wants to make good with the tribe after last Tribal, so he digs up the remaining Mason jar and gives it back to the tribe. However, he knows he’s on the outs for having eaten some with Taylor previously…
But, the fact he’s not used his idol – especially when it would be expected of him to do so – is giving Jay a lot of confidence he’s playing the game the right way. According to him.
Chris and Bret take a midnight stroll and discuss that even though Taylor going home was what needed to happen, the next move they make doesn’t have to be taking out Jay. It’s to take out the next big player…and that’s Jessica. Chris is still bitter that she helped orchestrate voting Paul Lee Roth out of the band, and it’s her that’ll be on the chopping block next, if it’s up to him. They know they’ll have to do it quietly, which will require solid 6 votes next Tribal.
No, not Jess! I was just beginning to appreciate her boobs!
But watch it, Chris, if you’re saying, “It’s the last thing I do,” (like he is) then you might be going home soon. You know how those editors work…
On Day 26, Ken and Hannah are sitting on the beach, enjoying the sunrise. While he’s appreciating the beauty of nature, Hannah’s appreciating something a little more…carnal. We’ve already established how delusional she is, but now she’s under the impression that she could end up with someone like Ken.
Yes, Hannah, you could end up with him. Just you, Ken and your dirty face and nasty legs full of bug bites and scabs…that could happen.
And once again, I’m wondering if a random confessional that Hannah taped about something else is being manipulated into one where’s she’s theorizing she could ever bone Ken. And it just pisses me off that Survivor has to be a reality show instead of a competition show.
Zeke and Will take a walk where they discuss now is the time to re-evaluate where things stand. Will feels slightly annoyed he wasn’t part of the last vote, and knows it’s time to break from Jay and latch onto another sinking lifeboat. And that lifeboat is going to be Zeke.
And in an act of quid pro quo, for Zeke’s trust, Will divulges to him that Jay has an idol. It’s the only card Will has left to play in this game, and he’s got to play it. He’s hoping this will now solidify his alliance with Wilson (the volleyball, remember) and Larry Fine to rebuild the Freaks and Zekes Alliance. The Okie from Muskogee promises “100%” he won’t tell anyone, so you know that can’t be the truth…
He tells David…
Who tells Chris…
…and they both tell Hannah
Chris tells Bret…
David tells Ken…
…and for good measure, Zeke tells Chris also.
So basically, screw Will and any promises made to him, Zeke is out for alliance blood, and he knows exactly how to get it. Speaking with Chris, they discuss/device a plan to flush the idol from Jay with a misinformation plan, but Chris is also interested in Plan B: getting rid of Jessica. They agree to go with the Make Jay Think He’s Going Home and We’ll Take Out Jess plan, heretofore know as Operation: Okielord.
We fly in to our first challenge and before we get to it, I can finally say I know where the season was filmed. Anyone can read on Wikipedia it was shot in the Mamanuca Islands of Fiji, but I’ve learned it was taped on Mana Island. If you enter the following coordinates into Google Maps:
-17.669644, 177.095036
You’ll see the exact coral formation this challenge takes place over. Boring, I know, but some of you may dig knowing that. I do…
I am going to make a simple statement and re watch the episodes before I discuss the game play . I think Bret was a total douchebag bully at the second tribal !!!!! I also think he is lying about being gay . Not that I care if he is I just think he was an ass and hope he is gone soon ! Oh how stupid are these players ? Jay is the biggest threat and its not close . He has 3 votes guaranteed if he makes the final tribal . Michelle , Taylor and Will ( who has no chance ) . Simple math morons . Plus he will be able to argue that he was a strong player who won challenges and made final 3 even though his alliance was blown up early in the game !
Hi! Longtime reader, just too lazy to work up the energy to go through the registration process required to comment…until today. This has definitely been a pretty weak season. I can’t stand the fact that Sunday, Bret, and Will are still hanging around. Jessica was one of our top picks to win. I’m now solidly on Team Ken (mostly because he’s hot and seems normal). And I 100% agree with Rick in that Jay is a huge threat! Super excited for this season to end. Next season’s cast is pretty epic. Hopefully they don’t disappoint! Keep up the good work. This recap is something I look forward to every week 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this aside from the objectification comments you made about Jessica. She is attractive, yes, but she is way more than that.
Lena Marie Jessica is obviously a smart person . However when you are on TV in your underwear for 10 weeks you are going to be objectified . That goes for the men and women . The game play has been wildly inconsistent but the Tribal have been CRAZY !!! Jen welcome aboard !!! Yes next season may go down as one of the best ever with that cast ! Zeke vs David as the ultimate battle for Survivor power . Man how bad are the players to let that happen ! Zeke is an ok player but David is useless !
Folks, thanks for all the comments this week! THAT is what I’m talking about, always good to hear from you all…
Rick – I hear ya on Bret’s actions, but I really gotta wonder how much more happened at Tribal that they’re not showing us. I’ve heard they go for a few hours, so you know there’s a lot more that could have led to Bret’s anger. And besides, it’s a friggin’ game, right? All’s fair in love and Survivor…
-Not gonna touch on whether Bret is gay or not. I’ve never heard anyone claim to be (and isn’t) so I’m gonna go with he is what he is…
-And yes, you’re right about Jay and Jury votes. I’m surprised people don’t have more conversations early on about them.
-Keep up the comments, dude…!
Jen – Thank you for registering! I know, it’s such a hassle but it means so much to me that you did. And I think you can comment on any WordPress sites, so…you’ve got THAT going for you…which is nice.
-I totally agree with you on Sunday and Will, but I am getting fonder of Bret. Maybe it’s his drinking elbow, or just that he seems to be able to not let his emotions get the best of him…until that Tribal meltdown. We’ll see. And I do like Ken, a) because he’s a stud (no homo), and b) because he seems really down to Earth. Those are the players I’ve always liked, and wish we got more of them. On the flip side, sometimes he’s as boring as a box of rocks, but I’ll take that over the Russells, Brandons, Dans or Wills (no collar) anyday…
-Looking forward to next season too. Can’t wait. And thank you for your kind words. It really means a lot to me. Write in more!
LenaMarie – first of all, thank you for sending in your comment. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to write in. That said, I gotta defend the fact that I’ve been wholly supportive of Jessica since week 1. I’ve complimented her many times, said very nice things about her character, gameplay and moxie. And considering how her pre-game cast photo and first 8 episodes portrayed her — shall we say, rather frumpy — I don’t think it’s so wrong to say that a woman looks hot when she’s been (or the show has been) hiding it. Hell, a decade ago, I used to work in a strip club and if I said “you have great tits” to an employee, she’d be thrilled. And yes, I know that’s not a compliment I can make nowadays in my current situation or job, but it doesn’t mean I’m objectifying Jessica when I write it (maybe I’m just being flirty…?). And I don’t think she would have retweeted my column, or liked it, or continued to read it, if she felt objectified. Clearly, there are times I have to cross lines to try and make a joke, but that’s what any wannabe comedic writer does. And if I wanted to write a clean cut, straight-and-narrow recap, I wouldn’t be doing it on a site that defines itself with the words “slanted” and “sophomoric” at the top of every page. It’s just the format, my dear, and I hope you understand that. I look forward to your continued patronage and comments… Fish
Rick – keep ’em coming, buddy! Hope you had a great holiday! Looking forward to a Jay/Ken/Zeke FT…
Bret is growing on me as well. I do enjoy watching him knock back the drinks on the rewards…but not make a total ass out of himself in the process. The hubs and I were talking last week that one refreshing thing with this season is there is nobody we truly despise (like Dan). You know, the villain who has crossed the line from entertaining bad guy to despicable human being where I can’t even watch the show because I hate them so much. So I can appreciate that with this cast. The conversation between Bret and Zeke after the tribal where Chris left was pretty great. Two dudes having a grown up discussion. It was nice.
I may be too late in my comments for Mr. Fish to see them. We are all thankful for you Fish. Love your recaps as always. I know you work hard to put them together each week. Hope your son is doing ok. At least he has a cool story about breaking his leg. 🙂 I kept giggling when Hanna would say “trust cluster” since I kept thinking “cluster F”. She is such a dork. “Oh Jeff, you just said the phrase I said, trust cluster. tee hee. ” BARF! She has weird teeth too. Shows a lot of gum (maybe call her “gums”?) Yeah, she is hot for Ken. She has a better chance with Bret (whatever that’s supposed to mean!) I like the first post suggesting Bret might be lying about being gay. That would top even Johnny Fairplay’s lie. Poor Jessica. That was the worst. I just don’t get why her eyes were bugged out so much. It looked painful. I actually liked Chris too so I hated to see both of them go. To have all the annoying millennials still there is even worse. I am rooting for Ken. Jay is Joe Part Deux. He even had a man bun this week. They should do an all starts with a tribe of tan, Jungle book type guys and put Joe, Ozzy, Malcom and Jay on it. It could be called Manbundo.
I meant “all stars” above. Quick edit
HA kinbville that’s a great idea . I am not a fan of Bret but what a move it would be to pretend to be gay to further an alliance ! Old Johnny Fairplay and grandma . What a classic move that was . I think after punching Bret in the face Zeke would even laugh it off . Zeke seems like a likeable guy . I think he kind of blew up his original game plan to kind of play it low key . He made a power move and left himself no choice but to go pedal to the metal from here on out !
First time commenting!
Hannah has melasma. She’s not dirty. It’s when the sun leaves a splotch. Pregnant women get it a lot. You can’t scrub it off. Sometimes it lightens or you can get it bleached or lasers. Just FYI. And David has a scab it’s not just dried blood. But it bothered me too. And yes, Hannah is becoming so skinny that her pubic bone is jutting out. Women typically have a layer of fat on their lower stomachs to protect a pregnancy. More fun facts. So annoying if mr. sorry.
Great recap. Long show. Sad to see Jessica go. Her eyes were wonky but her body was nice to watch (straight woman here! You are stating fact, I didn’t take offensive but I’m used to it which is not good either. She takes care of herself and has played a good game. That was a painful elimination. I wish we were privy to more because I don’t get it sometimes! The Day of TC and then the ceremony is such choppy editing and I’m so heavily invested. Editing is awesome, which is why the audience gets blindsided too, but choppy with cutting up conversations and adding in facial expressions (similar to Bachelor).
Ok question: why don’t they do eating challenges anymore? Or at least not as often? Thanks in advance for any insight!
You see, folks, this is why Al Gore created the internet. So smart people can talk about sophisticated topics. I had no idea I’d be learning about female anatomy and skin conditions today, but goshdarnit, that’s exactly why I started writing these columns… But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Jen: Yes! I love Bret. I’d love to knock back a few and just pick his brain about gay stuff. Seriously. And I’m so down with you about “no villains.” It’s such a cheap device that shows use thinking “America loves villains, let’s give them one.” To be honest, we have enough villains in our regular lives. We don’t need to see them on TV. It’s one of those casting beliefs that I think was wrong a long time ago. When Russell became Public Enemy #1 it wasn’t because he was a villain, it was because he was successful. Yeah, he was a dick, but he found idols, he made alliances, and he manipulated the f**k out of people. For that, he was a great player, he just chose to wear the mantle of villain a little too much.
Kinb: It’s never too late for you! 😉 Thanks for writing in and thanks for your kind words. You complete me… And yeah, I think you’re on to something with Hannah and gums. Maybe I’ll call her Mrs. Ed, or Hubba Bubba, or Pollydent… And I think anyone who lied about being gay would be looked down upon so much. TBH, I always thought that would be a great gameplay, but to do it right, you’d have to go in all flamboyant and over the top Nathan Lane. And then do a big reveal at Final Tribal. “I was acting…I am Master Thespian!” and then maybe people would appreciate the ruse. But having hidden it all game til now, I don’t think he’s putting anything on. Good theory though. Yeah, I’m still lamenting Jessica’s departure. I’m still trying to hook up an interview with her. I’ll ask about her eyes if I can. Chris…meh. Did you hear he ate dog shit in his casting video to get on the show? Gross! And yeah, I’ve been longing for an “All-Surfer” season for a long time. Bring back all the “bros.” Love those guys… Just a big dumb season, and then everyone takes the short bus back to camp…
Rick: You know, I keep saying it. Zeke is playing a masterful game, and knows how to keep his emotions out of things. Did you see how stone cold he was at the last Tribal when people were freaking? That’s his debate background, right there. I think he’s going to do very well this season, just watch…
Avital: Hello, foxy lady… Nice pic… 😉 And thank you for writing in. I really appreciate it. And thanks for dropping some cold hard facts on me. I am glad you cleared those things up. I’ll refrain from lambasting poor Hannah from now on…until she does the next annoying thing. Deal? And please tell me, what does “So annoying if mr. sorry.” mean? I’ve asked people here and everyone’s like…”no idea, Fish.” Thank you for enjoying the read. TBH, I’m always kinda amazed at how they end up. I really start with nothing each week and then just vomit words onto the page. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes not. But I do try to amuse you guys as much as I can. Who wants a boring old recap? And yeah, it’s amazing what hunger can do to bodies. For some, it makes them gross, but with Jessica, she got hotter and hotter. And when I see her pics on Twitter now, you can tell that she’s very sexy in real life. I wonder what Figgy would’ve looked like if she had stayed on another 10 days… And you’re right about editing like the Bachelor. I’ve been saying for a few seasons now there’s gotta be some crossover between shows regarding staff. Whether it’s producers, editors, camera guys, whatever…some of the tricks they learned on other shows are peaking through on Survivor. And I don’t like that! Survivor was always different than other shows, that’s why these casting decisions, story arcs, and despicable behavior are things I don’t need/want to see. Just give us a competition and make it less about drama. I know these folks think they know what we want, but I really think they’re overthinking some things… Not sure about the eating challenges. Personally, I don’t like them because they were such a Fear Factor ripoff. And they’re gross. If I get that interview with Jessica, I’ll ask her. Stay tuned.
Thanks again for all your comments. I’m loving this week’s participation! Let’s see what tonight brings! Loved Ones? Reward stolen? Adam’s murder…? Oh crap, I gotta stop by the liquor store after work… Cheers! Fish
Ha! That wa supposed to say “so annoying of me, sorry!” That’s what I get for typing on my phone when I should be sleeping.
Does anyone know if Adam was able to see his mother before she passed away. Such a tragic story. He seems like a great guy. I just hope he got to say goodbye.