November 3rd, 2017 | 2 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

As we head to break, Ali confesses that after her blowup at Ryan, she knows her name is on the chopping block, but so is J.P., considering what Ryan mentioned earlier. Let’s see how this tribe finds another way to dig their own grave.

Later, it’s still Day 16 and Soko is ready to start scrambling to see who’s going home tonight. Somehow, J.P. can make sarcastic jokes about how bad this tribe is, and his confession tells us he’s convinced Ali is going home.

He and Ryan discuss it’s obvious Ali is next to go, and from J.P.’s total confidence it’s Ali, I’m starting to wonder if he’s setting himself up for an epic Tribal facepalm. Ryan finds Ali and when she admits she knows she’s next, Ryan gives her the slightest inkling that it may not be her tonight…

“I think I found my crack,” she says, and I just spit a vodka cranberry all over my laptop…

Ryan and Ali agree J.P. is a huge physical threat and needs to go home, and that’s all Ali needs to hear to say she’ll speak to Chrissy about where her head’s at. Ali knows she can’t really trust Ryan, but she knows she only needs to make it to the merge and then see where the chips fall.

She tells Chrissy her own biggest downfall could be her loyalty, and she’s ready to give her “L card” to Chrissy. Chrissy replies that she doesn’t care about keeping Soko strong, because they’re probably going to merge soon, and she’s only interested in who she can beat after the merge.

We (and Ali) assume she’s talking about J.P., but maybe she’s referring to how clever Ali can be. Our resident actuary knows this chick just voted for her last time, so her bulls**t meter is cranked up a notch, and lets us know the one person she’s loyal to is Ryan, and between the two of them, they’ll decide who’s going home tonight.

They find a moment to sit down and discuss everything they’ve heard since they got back to camp, and agree they want to play with people who love the game. I’m not sure that’s a vote of confidence for J.P., because the only game he seems to love is hockey. Old time hockey…

Truthfully, Ryan doesn’t understand why everyone wants to work with him, because he’s “a weasel,” but he’s just glad he has J.P., Ali, and Chrissy all wanting to play with him. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t felt this appreciated in a while… The tribe grabs their torches and begins the long trek to Tribal, and for someone, it’ll be their last time.

The moonrise and shot of the Milky Way (damn, it would be awesome to stare at the sky in Fiji, right?) signifies we’re about to enter Tribal. Players enter, and Jeff opens the line of questioning. The following is procured:

-Ryan says when the tribe got back to camp, Ali punched him in the nutsack.
-Ali says she “made a mistake,” and apologized. They’re good now.
-Chrissy starts chanting, “Merge! Merge! Merge!”
-Ali tells Jeff they’re all thinking about numbers moving forward…and trust.
-J.P. admits he may be a target (and is sounding more and more Canadian as the season progresses, amIright?)
-J.P. then offers some “strategery,” and isn’t it cute to hear him talk about smart stuff?
-Jeff asks Ali something, but the takeaway from her response is, “J.P.’s an idiot.”
-Ali admits she doesn’t speak Canadian…
-Chrissy confirms J.P. is playing a game other than Survivor…
-Ryan tells Jeff he doesn’t know if he wants to play hockey, or start watching YouTube videos
-J.P. admits that maybe he’s not playing a great game

The wind picks up suddenly, which must be the ghost of James Clement trying to knock some sense into J.P. and everyone feels the presence of a man with two idols in his pocket. Whoops! Actually, no, those aren’t idols. That’s his d**k…

-Ali says she hopes her connections are re-established, but she doesn’t know anything anymore.
-Chrissy reveals they’re all “great players,” (cough, cough) but is correct in saying everyone can both benefit and hurt each others’ games. It’s time to vote.

J.P. votes for Ali and vice-versa. Let’s see how this plays out. Jeff tallies the votes. No idols are played.


“You’re kidding me,” she laments, as she realizes she’s been played again by the weasel…

And as her torch is snuffed and she departs, we realize a few things:

1. there’s one less Hustler in the game
2. who knows what she and Patrick are gonna discuss at Ponderosa, those two Auburn alumni?
3. there’s one less cute girl left this season
4. another non-white player is gone early. Hmmm… (just sayin’)

Jeff drops a hint to the players he knows they think a merge is coming, so let’s see if that’s the case. The 3 Amigos grab their torches and head back to camp.

Next time on…Survivor!

-You. Are. Merged! (jeez, no drama there…)
-Ben is gonna target Cole (I think the marine wants Jessica as a “spoil of war”…)
-And everyone is lining up their alliances. Looks like there may be two super alliances forming…

In Ali’s final words, she admits she let the weasel get the better of her, and Chrissy is a super liar, which may bode well for the actuary later (another hint at a deep run?). Let’s hope Ali will get a chance to speak at the reunion show…

Alrighty then, kids, another week, another episode closer to the finale. Since baseball season is over now (I’m already over it) it’s time to focus on other shows. Here are my suggestions:

Berlin Station is back. Just go watch it…
Will & Grace are back. And it’s like they were never gone. The writing on that show is still superb, even though Debra Messing looks more like Lauren now than Ryan…
Gotham is still staying strong, but let’s hope they don’t start cutting corners…
And I’m gonna start DVRing the new S.W.A.T. because that theme song reminds me of so much of my childhood. I’ll let you know what I think next week.

Once again, thanks for coming back to spend a little time with me. I know this column isn’t for everyone, but I hope you can find a chuckle or two within. I’ll endeavor to keep things light, or snarky, or tawdry, because that’s the way it’s been for more than 100 of these. And even though I write for what seems like 16-32 year old perverted males, I know most of my readers are probably 30-55 year old women living in Canada…

I wasn’t aware you had Mad Magazine up there…

Anywho, I hope you found some happiness this week. I know I did…

Time to crack open a Labatt’s and see how the Kings did tonight. That’s hockey, right?

Gotta go see what “Icing” finally means,

Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: or Bryan Fischer


  1. Digging the 80 s references. Maybe some Bob and Doug Mackenzie lines for JP next week. You are not the only one who noticed the camera men are into the backsides of Survivor this season. Ali ass has been on tv more than her face . This was the behind the scenes look at Jessica s bum this week. Maybe they hired a bunch of ex Hollywood execs as cameramen. Awesome strategy in the immunity challenge . I agree no one seemed to notice that once they had the person with the block entirely drop the rope it seemed much much easier . Not a Joe fan but he is showing a lot and not just of his package. I guess the trend of sending home the physical threats isn’t happening this year. Ben, JP , Cole, Joe,Desi and Devon should make for some interesting challenges. Then you have the brains like Mike and Ryan . The strategist Chrissy, Lauren and Ashley. I think this season more than most we are not seeing as much of the strategy . I think its because there is a lot going on. The dead weight is about gone, I think this season will get really good really fast .

  2. Rick! Thanks for the comment, dude. Man, it was getting a little lonely around here… 😉

    Glad you’re diggin’ the jokes, too. It’s funny what pops into my head when I write/drink. No idea how that “16 Candles” thing came up, but I’m happy you got it. And yeah, let’s hope there’s a reason to mention “back-bacon” and “aboot” in the next episode… Is he seriously from Canada? And thank you for confirming what I’m seeing with the butts. There’s nothing wrong with showing some booty on TV, which is one of the reasons some fans tune in. Nowadays, you can’t say anything remotely sexist without being lambasted for it. I know you know that, and I know you dig a little “locker room banter” in the recap. As I’ve said before, if they don’t like what I write, that’s fine. But I don’t need to know they don’t like it. Just don’t read it. But this current attitude that everyone needs to be respectful of everyone else all the time is kinda hard to accept when you’re a writer… If you’re writing comedy, sometimes you gotta take some chances. Some people won’t like it. Some will.

    And I agree with you on the rest of the season. This is what I’ve always wanted: a bunch of strong players after the merge. Let’s see them fight it out in the challenges and hopefully have enough brains to make some big moves. And hopefully there are no “personal story” distractions to tilt the game in someone’s favor. Looking forward to the rest of the season.

    Now, back to the Cowboys-Chiefs game!

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