November 3rd, 2017 | 2 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Upon returning to the Soko tribe (Night 14) Ali instantly lays in to Ryan about “how could you do that to me?” Ryan keeps trying to explain – rationally – he believed Roark was a threat to him and he didn’t like that Ali and Roark were going to work together; but all Ali hears is, “I betrayed you and now I’m working with Chrissy.” Yet all Ryan is saying is, “Ali, you’re scaring me.”

Ali confesses – while crying (really?) – how betrayed she feels by the bellhop, but it doesn’t matter. She’s proving she doesn’t understand how this game works, and maybe it’s time to take the bosses’ dog for a walk around the block. And what does this mean to Ryan?

Ali needs to go.

The next morning at Yawa, Doc is out fishing, trying to prove he’s a man. And, glory days, what has he done! He’s speared a minnow! Yay, the tribe can now eat for another 18 seconds! He swims back to shore and cuts the head off the guppy on the beach – and I’m wondering how many grams of protein he just left in the sand – and heads back to camp, ready to show off his manly abilities.

As he begins to cook his fish over the fire, he’s getting a little R-E-C-C-T-T-P from Jessica and Ben, when the unthinkable – I mean, obvious – thing happens and Mike’s fish drops off his skewer into the open fire. This is very amusing to both his tribemates, but after a little dogged effort to save the charbroiled guppy, he shares what little (charbroiled) fish he has with the others.

Ben admires the kindness of the Doc and confesses he’s the kind of player he’d like to play with down the line. Someone who thinks of others, someone who shares, unlike that big oaf Cole who’s caught a couple large fish and ate them himself. Ben is starting to not like Cole…

“Cole’s showin’ his true colors, and it ain’t good…”

Cole suggests the tribe cooks a meal, but no one seems too hungry, and it becomes a bit of an issue between him and Lauren that he’s hungry NOW. She tells him to go cook his rice, but he doesn’t want to appear to be greedy, yet that’s exactly how he’s appearing. And from the crazy look in his eyes, he’s beginning to scare me…

He starts talking big, like, “I’m the reason they’re here, and I’m hungry,” and “the Donger need food,” but his act is not going unnoticed by the others (well, Jessica doesn’t seem to notice) and with Lauren and Ben feeling like they’re on the bottom, they know that if they can pull Dr. Mike over to the rational side, they’d be sitting pretty.

Later that day, it’s off to the beach where we have a poles/buoy/balance-beam/boat/platform/slingshot kinda challenge. Black-shirted Jeff calls everyone in and the other tribes find out Roark is gone. From everyone’s reaction, I sense there’s a lot of,

“Oh, yeah, I totally saw that…”

So, no fans of Roark on the mats anymore. Jeff describes today’s Reward Challenge.

Two players will race out and grab two poles (I’m keeping track, this will be Jessica’s 2nd this season), and then they’ll need to pick up their buoy on either side and walk over a balance-beam. When all four members are on their mat, they’ll need to climb into their boat, untie some knots, and pull themselves out to a platform, where one player will use a slingshot to knock over two targets. Tribes will be playing for a pizza party for 1st place, or a single pizza for 2nd place. Yawa will sit out the Little Blue Pill, and knowing Cole’s gonna crash soon, I presume they lose this challenge. Let’s see.

Cole/Ben, Ali/J.P. and Ashley/Desi handle the poles. Something tells me Ali and Desi may know something about handling poles, but that could just be the vodka talking…

The only ones to get through the initial attempt without dropping their buoy is J.P. and Ali, meaning Soko has a bit of a lead. Ryan and Chrissy then head over the balance-beams, which they do without incident. Meanwhile, Yawa has now successfully gotten their buoy to the mat, meaning Lauren and Jessica can take off. Obviously, Soko reaches their boat first and can begin untying knots.

Desi and Ashley drop their buoy for a 3rd time, meaning they might be s**t outta luck on the Chuck E. Cheese party. But when Soko attempts to start pulling their boat, we see they stupidly forgot to untie one knot, giving Yawa a chance to catch up, and even pass the Yellow tribe.

Levu finally reaches their mat, so Devon & Lil Tony can race over their balance-beam – and why didn’t the stronger guys handle the buoy? – while I’m pondering that, I’m’ distracted by the guys’ shlongs bouncing hither and yon in their boxer briefs. (seriously, don’t they have shorts back at camp?). Levu races to make up time, and jump into their boat as quickly as possible to catch up.

Ben (Yawa) and J.P. (Soko) reach their platforms and begin launching first. Both have failed first attempts, allowing Levu to reach their platform, who are quickly making up for lost time.

-Ben misses #2, Joe misses #1, J.P. snags #1, and Soko celebrates wildly…
-Ben then connects on #1, and Devon replaces Joe. Let’s see how he does…
-He launches a miss, and then everyone takes a moment as a set of waves comes in, rocking the platforms a bit.
-Joe swaps back in for Devon.
-After taking a lengthy pause, J.P. launches…

And hits #2! Soko is gonna skip the salad bar and go straight to the pepperoni!

And as Ben and Joe both line up their shots, Ben launches his a couple seconds earlier…and connects! Yawa gets to share a pie. So much for my predictions…

And I just remembered I bet on the Dodgers to win the series (lost) and bet on the Astros to win tonight with a combined score of over 7 runs (lost) so I really need to reconsider my gaming habits… Thankfully, I was 13-0 in football picks last weekend, so I think I know what I should be focusing on…

Jeff’s voice brings me back to reality (tv)…

“Soko, take your 10 pizzas,”
“Yawa, take your 1 pizza,”
“Levu, suck it…”

And as we head to break, the hockey player (J.P.) says, “there’s no way this tribe can do anything without me, no way.” So, let’s see if they’re setting up “Gordie Why?” for the fall tonight…


  1. Digging the 80 s references. Maybe some Bob and Doug Mackenzie lines for JP next week. You are not the only one who noticed the camera men are into the backsides of Survivor this season. Ali ass has been on tv more than her face . This was the behind the scenes look at Jessica s bum this week. Maybe they hired a bunch of ex Hollywood execs as cameramen. Awesome strategy in the immunity challenge . I agree no one seemed to notice that once they had the person with the block entirely drop the rope it seemed much much easier . Not a Joe fan but he is showing a lot and not just of his package. I guess the trend of sending home the physical threats isn’t happening this year. Ben, JP , Cole, Joe,Desi and Devon should make for some interesting challenges. Then you have the brains like Mike and Ryan . The strategist Chrissy, Lauren and Ashley. I think this season more than most we are not seeing as much of the strategy . I think its because there is a lot going on. The dead weight is about gone, I think this season will get really good really fast .

  2. Rick! Thanks for the comment, dude. Man, it was getting a little lonely around here… 😉

    Glad you’re diggin’ the jokes, too. It’s funny what pops into my head when I write/drink. No idea how that “16 Candles” thing came up, but I’m happy you got it. And yeah, let’s hope there’s a reason to mention “back-bacon” and “aboot” in the next episode… Is he seriously from Canada? And thank you for confirming what I’m seeing with the butts. There’s nothing wrong with showing some booty on TV, which is one of the reasons some fans tune in. Nowadays, you can’t say anything remotely sexist without being lambasted for it. I know you know that, and I know you dig a little “locker room banter” in the recap. As I’ve said before, if they don’t like what I write, that’s fine. But I don’t need to know they don’t like it. Just don’t read it. But this current attitude that everyone needs to be respectful of everyone else all the time is kinda hard to accept when you’re a writer… If you’re writing comedy, sometimes you gotta take some chances. Some people won’t like it. Some will.

    And I agree with you on the rest of the season. This is what I’ve always wanted: a bunch of strong players after the merge. Let’s see them fight it out in the challenges and hopefully have enough brains to make some big moves. And hopefully there are no “personal story” distractions to tilt the game in someone’s favor. Looking forward to the rest of the season.

    Now, back to the Cowboys-Chiefs game!

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