October 13th, 2017 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Returning to camp, Patrick does his best “I’m sorry” routine, but no one really cares about that right now. Lauren heads off to take a rinse, giving the others a chance to confirm it’s Lauren who’s going home. But since Patrick is…a douche, he thinks it’s a good idea to have a chat with Lauren, who’s probably the last person who wants to speak with him right now.

“We good?” he asks her.

“As good as I can be,” is what I read in my English-Hillbilly translation app…

But after hearing these two exfoliate together, it’s clear nothing is good. And when Lauren calls him out for that sh*tty grin he’s sporting, she knows he’s writing her name down. Later, she finds Ali and tells her what transpired at “the spa” and even Ali knows it’s going to come down to Ginger Spice vs. Carnie Wilson Spice.

And when Ryan and Devon have a few moments to discuss what to do, it’s clear they’re totally unsure. Both players offer something good, but who will help this tribe avoid more Tribal Councils in the future. As the players head to Tribal, Lauren confesses the following…

“If I’m going home tonight, I’ll promise you I’m not going home without a fight.” Let’s see if that rings true, or is it just a hollow threat three hours before your torch is snuffed…

Players make their way to Tribal and Jeff opens the discussion. He asks…

-Lauren: at what point is this not about “getting along” and admit “it’s not working?”

Her reply is all about Patrick and the sandbags. It’s clearly not working between these two…

-Ali: what say you?

I don’t dwell on the past…

(Lauren’s eyebrows are raised.)

-Patrick: you wanna f**k Ali right now?

Yes sir…

-Lauren: You got something to say?

Patrick’s been looking for the idol. But I haven’t!

-Patrick: Uhhh…

Lauren says Patrick’s a dumbass…
Says she don’t trust redheads… (really?)
Ryan says he’s a virgin (WTF, Casting, is that what you’re looking for?)
Ryan adds, “Someone is influencing the group in a negative way.”
Devon is voting to win the next challenge…
Lauren agrees with Devon, but says “This ain’t about ‘what was done’ but how to ‘make it better’”

And I’m wondering if something big is about to be played, like she’s gonna vote for Ryan. That would be awesome, BTW, and something NO ONE is expecting. And of course, this is when Ryan speaks up and says that after the merge, “this group needs to decide how they’re going to fit in with the other tribes.”

-Patrick: What’re you thinking?

“Uh, who can talk the best, and who can move a couch up three flights of stairs…”

-Ali: WTF did Patrick just say…?

Uh, some people may not need their couches moved, so I don’t know what that cracker is saying…

-Patrick: are you as big of a douche as the ladies say you are?

I am. But I am willing to not be a douche…

And then Ryan spins some bullsh*t. Not to degrade his career choice, but does anyone give a sh*t about what he says about the future?

Jeff is done listening to all the bullsh*t. It’s time to vote.

A single vote for Patrick and Lauren are revealed (once again, by each other) and no Immunity Idols are played. Jeff reads the votes:

Patrick (oooh, that reaction from Patrick is telling)

Boom goes the Tapatio as The Five Queens in Birmingham just rescinded their offer.

“You guys are awful,” Patrick mutters, becoming the first blindside of the season. And I’m wondering if he realizes how awful he was to have in their tribe. As his torch is snuffed, he turns to his tribe for the last time and tries to throw a shady glance, but he’s a ginger, and everyone just laughs at his dumbass for trying to look intimidating. He looks like Ronald McDonald after burning some fries and trying to make it look like it’s the Hamburgler’s fault.

Hey Patrick Spice, don’t expect any questions at the Reunion Show…

Next time on…Survivor!

-Drop. Your. Buffs. Sh*t’s a changing…

And during Patrick’s final words, it’s revealed he was voted out unanimously, so take that, Ron Weasley! You ain’t shizz. Back to Auburn and back to obscurity…


  1. Hi Fish!
    Glad you kept the My Two Cents going! Honestly, it bothers me how everyone has to be so politically correct now in fear of stepping on someone’s toes. He laughed. Big deal. My husband thinks it’s cute when I get really into the games as well. It’s because it’s UNEXPECTED. Football is traditionally a mans sport. It’s their thing. Women watching now? Cool. Nothing wrong with that. I think there’s bigger issues than to attack a guy for having an honest, spontaneous and not necessarily negative response. It’s just being misconstrued as negative because everyone wants to make a big deal out of everything nowadays.
    As for your Survivor recap, you’re on the ball as usual. I disagree with you only on one point – I think Ali is quite stunning and already skinny enough… haha. No one wants a twig that looks like they’re dying, right?
    Alan needs to go. I don’t even know why he came on the show. His game strategy is laughable at best. Glad Patrick left. Thanks for the little tidbit that Patrick and Ali knew each other. Sneaky sneaky!
    Keep up the writing! Your recaps are just about my favourite 🙂

  2. Thanks again for a great recap. They are truly something I look forward to each week! This season of our favorite show is shaping up to be kind of a dud, I’m afraid. I still like little Ryan the Bellhop. Ali seems to be a decent player. I’m so glad that Patrick is gone. He was getting painful to watch. Alan is still nuts, Joe is still awful, and I still think I like Chrissy. My problem is that no one is very memorable. And when you drink as much wine as I do while watching, players need to be memorable 🙂 Hopefully some front runners will start to emerge soon.

    The hubs and I were talking about the “hook ups” this season. To me, that’s icky. You’re stuck on an island with no soap, shampoo, or razor. There are bugs and sand everywhere and that’s uncomfortable. You’re just asking for a UTI. Well, maybe not in the virgin’s case, but anyone else who gets their freak on is begging for a raging infection. Hubs thinks it’s out of sheer boredom and that if players hook up in the ocean, it’s more sanitary. Anyone have any thoughts on this burning topic? Moving on…

    I’m really enjoying the M2C. Here’s MY two cents: Cam Newton is hot. He can say whatever he wants. I’m with you on this, Fish. You can’t pick and choose when to fight for the first amendment. It’s all or nothing. ALSO, I don’t think this was super offensive. My husband would die laughing if I ever asked about routes. I watch football strictly for the chips and beer that go along with it. I don’t have a favorite team or a favorite player. I choose who to root for based off of which uniform I like better. So, yeah, it might be funny if I asked anything remotely “footbally.” I do appreciate other sports, but have never gotten into football for whatever reason.

    I’m going out of town this week where wifi is scarce so I might have to watch double episodes next week. Have a good one!

  3. Hi lil! Thanks for the comment, and for reading! Yeah, the whole PC thing has gotten so magnified. And it didn’t help that “the whole PC thing” also became part of Trump’s platform. It’s like “if you didn’t give a crap about people who aren’t PC you will now because Donnie baby says people are too PC.” Huh? I think people should stop following the herd and make some original decisions. Friggin’ lemmings…

    Sorry for the Ali hate. BTW, I included that line about Ali just for you! 😉 Besides, I like twigs… And I guess Alan is playing the ABW card that I was referring to in last week’s comment section. Why can’t players just be nice?!

    Hi jen! Thank you for writing in and I’m glad you like my recaps. Both of the comments this week give me the warm fuzzies…

    Re: dud of a season. Let’s hope things improve this week. Evidently something exciting is happening at Tribal Council. Not sure if it’s true, but I read somewhere that someone said we’re drawing rocks. I can’t even say that’s a spoiler because I have no idea where I saw that. It may have even been in a dream and I can’t remember. Honestly, there are times I drink and write and the next morning I read something and say, “I don’t even remember writing that sentence…” That’s funny, right? It’s not sad, right?

    Re: Ryan. Ew. Just ew… And Ali is growing on me. I do like her vibe now, and the way she communicates with others. However, I thought she could have spoken to Lauren with a little more believability when asked who she’s voting for. Just seemed like she had a problem lying and that’s never good on Survivor. And as much as the idea of hooking up would be on my mind when girls are “scantily clad and showin’ body,” I do wonder how funky people’s breath is and how stinky everyone must be. Ocean sex seems doable, but the cameras are always watching… Next thing you know, it’d be an episode of the Bachelor and Jeff would have to give out roses… And I’m glad you also like M2C. As I said, I wonder if Cam laughed simply because it was a woman. Or was it THAT woman? I don’t know. The whole thing was so dumb and such a “let’s make this into more than it is because we’re the media and we have to create news.” We all know that happens sometimes… There are some days I read articles on Yahoo or CBS Sports and I just wonder, “Why the hell is this even online?” And then I remember, everyone needs to create a steady stream of content. However, it’d be nice if there was an online editor who says, “This is even too dumb for us to publish.” I guess the bar is lowered some days…

    Have a wonderful couple days! I think I’ve decided what to do with all that Survivor swag I acquired. Will tell everyone this week… Stay tuned!


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