October 5th, 2017 | 5 Comments | Posted in Survivor 35 - H vs. H vs H

Day 5 at the Heroes tribe and J.P. is out fishing. He knows he needs to put the “Power Couple” talk on the back burner, and one way to do that is to provide food. He succeeds in skewering a good-sized lobster, and the tribe is thankful to be eating some high-class fixins…

Later, Chrissy and J.P. head out for a chat, and what we’re about to see is how the show is setting up Chrissy’s season. Methinks they’re setting her up for a deep run in the game. We see her systematically chat with each member of the tribe, producing the following:

-even though no one would suspect her of aligning with J.P., she says he’s too dumb to work with (nice, how’s that Reunion Show gonna go?)
-Ashley is smart, but Chrissy doesn’t believe that she’s not in a Power Couple alliance with J.P.
-Alan could be loyal, but after his blow-up at Tribal, he’s a loose cannon.
-leaving Ben, which makes perfect sense to Chrissy. She’s smart, he’s social, no one would suspect it, and they both have great teeth. And based on this camera angle, I’m beginning to wonder if Chrissy has fake boobs. I think she just moved up a few notches on the Fish boner scale…

We then get a little comic relief as cracks are starting to form over at the Hustler casino. Or more accurately, Patrick is starting to show his cracks…

Besides the “getting pinched by a crab” scene, he’s also asking crazy questions, jumping around, dancing, dropping sh*t, and just being an all-around pain in everyone’s ass. Lauren, in particular, is bugged by the ginger’s antics, and with the age differential between her and everyone else, she’s beginning to think she needs to do some damage control.

She takes an exfoliating break with Ali and drops the hint that Patrick might need to be the first to go. This puts Ali in an odd place, as she reminds us she intended to work with Patrick. But if he’s gonna play the fool around camp, she may need to re-evaluate her alliance. Or…she’s just saying that to misdirect us and she’ll vote out Lauren the first time they go to Tribal. We’ll see…

The next day (Day 6) we fly into our first challenge and the tribes are standing on platforms on the ocean. The other tribes discover Katrina went home (natch, they probably thought…) and Ryan confesses he’d like the opportunity to work with Chrissy at some point down the line because of their SuperIdol connection. Probst takes the boobie idols back and describes the challenge.

In it, 3 players will jump into the water and push a floating ring to an area where they’ll need to dive down and push puzzle pieces out of a cage. Once all the bundles are collected, the remaining 2 players will use the pieces to solve a sign-post puzzle. In addition to Immunity, the tribes are playing for Reward, which is a deluxe fishing kit for the winning tribe and a minimal version for the runner-up. Sitting out will be Joe for the Healers and Lauren for the Hustlers. Time to get ‘er done!

No need to detail who’s doing what, but I will say the Hustlers get to their cage first. And with all dives being done by Devon, they collect their 3 pieces first and make their way to the puzzle platform. Meanwhile, the other tribes are experiencing some trouble, but with J.P. and Cole’s multiple dives, both tribes eventually collect their pieces.

The Hustlers have Simone and Ali solving their puzzle, while the Heroes chose Chrissy and Alan to solve. When the Healers finally arrive on the platform, it’s Desi and Mike handling the puzzle. But with the varying lengths of pieces that need to be placed at three different heights, then spun around to see if they’ll clear some metal frames, it’s anyone’s game still. As Jeff says,

“If it was easy, it wouldn’t be Survivor,”

…and we can see that as multiple pieces need to be removed and swapped with other pieces to see if they’ll make a better fit. Out of the blue, the Healers tribe seems to have found a groove, and place their final piece to spin the sign-post, and all the pieces clear the brackets…the Healers win Immunity!

But second place is still up for grabs and with the lead the Hustlers had, they’d better not lose. But…they do, as the personal assistant and the diversity advocate (whatever that is…) are no match for the actuary and NFL player. Well, for the actuary, as Alan was only there to place the pieces on the top tier…

After collecting their idols, the tribes break for camp and the decision of who needs to be voted out is settled by Devon. It’s Simone, since she can’t do puzzles. And is anyone else thinking it may not be Simone now because Devon says it will be? I’m thinking Patrick’s put a target on his back, and I’m thinking Lauren has already labeled herself an outsider. So, who did you think is going home? Let me know who your prediction was in a comment…

When the Hustlers return to their beach, we’re shown two snakes slithering in a tree, so I’m wondering if that’s foreboding something about to happen. The three women take a walk to the well and Simone brings up that Patrick should go since he’s been getting on everyone’s nerves, to which Lauren agrees, but even she knows the idea of taking out a strong player may not be in their best interest.

Not in their best interest?!

Ya think? I’m not sure how long I’ve typed this sentence, but…

“Keep your tribe strong at the beginning.”

I don’t care if one of your players is a serial killer, if he’s strong, you keep Ted Bundy around for a few votes until you reach the tribe swap, or the merge, or the next time there’s a major shake-up. Why would you get rid of Patrick when you can dump Simone? Or Lauren (who sat out a water challenge for fishing gear, mind you), or Ryan, who’s probably the only one weaker than Simone on this tribe. I’m mean, seriously, the idea of taking out Patrick first is the dumbest thing I’ve heard this season, aside from the dumb things earlier this episode and last week.

I don’t wanna go out on a limb here and say this season is already doomed to fail, but I think we can agree this crop of idiots is not showing us much. And we’re not blind superfans who love EVERYTHING ABOUT SURVIVOR. We demand a lot, and damn it, we’d better be rewarded with some keen players… Come on, Casting, do your damn job!

But, Lauren is smart enough to know they shouldn’t spend too much time away from the boys, so the girls head back to camp. However, the guys have already discussed getting rid of Simone, that is, until Ali and Patrick take a walk, and then Ryan has conversations with Ali, Simone and others. He’s most concerned with who he can trust moving forward, and with all the clips of Patrick acting like an idiot, it almost looks like the show is setting the ginger up to fall. Or, setting us up to make it look like Patrick’s the fool, but Simone will take the fall.

It’s still too early in the game to play these kinds of editorial games, and frankly, I’m surprised the game/show has evolved into this monster where tribes are thinking themselves out of existence. Here’s a reality check, Hustlers. If you keep Patrick around, you strengthen the chances that you don’t have to return to Tribal. Period. Moving on…

I can’t believe I had to type that, but the stupidity of the current cast doesn’t cease to surprise me. And I hate to admit it, but it seems like the last few SEASONS of Survivor have fallen prey to this same level of ineptitude, so I’m beginning to wonder if the show is getting dangerously close to jumping the shark. All these idiots come onto the show with a load of preconceived notions of how to play the game, but they’re wasting their time. The game is simple:

-Early on, keep your tribe strong.

-Early on, make alliances and stick to them.

-Later, establish multi-tiered alliances: a core 2, a couple more who are loyal, and then see what happens.

-After the merge, scramble to stay alive and always keep your eyes and ears open.

-Hopefully, reunite with your core alliance and keep the alliances fluid.

-Do your best to do well in challenges, but not too well…

-And then scramble, scramble, scramble…

-And at some point, you’re gonna have to lie to someone and break their heart, but that’s part of the game.

But these fools obviously wanna come back to Tribal as much as possible because that’s where their résumé is made, so they’re discussing taking out their strongest player.

Or, their weakest one.

Or, Dick Butkus. Because the one thing the show likes to do is surprise us, and there’s been not one mention of taking out our softball captain. And if I may remind you of something I wrote last week, “Frankly, I think [Lauren will] be the first out of the Hustlers, just because she’s got a funky accent.”


  1. As usual, I agree with you Fish. Joe is a douche. I’m not surprised his useless brain couldn’t figure out that it was a drawing of the well. I knew it wasn’t a raft and that the “OCEAN” was just a map indication, not the location itself. I agree that Cole probably should have played dumb too, but I suppose it’s hard to think game in the heat of the moment. He seems good hearted and did the honest thing. Hopefully it doesn’t bite him in his tush.
    As for Patrick… he is a nut case. Honestly. ADHD for certain. And that’s coming from someone with a BA in Psychology. I don’t see him lasting. He’ll get annoying really fast – I’m already annoyed, and I’m not even on the island.
    I really REALLY love Devon. I can see him going far and being a very Ken-like player. Granted, he’s a lot younger and not as mature, but I can see him fairing well. I may be biased because I find him gorgeous (not as gorgeous as Ken, but he’ll have to do for this season)…
    I’m really liking the “my two cents” section of your recaps. I’d love to see them be a permanent fixture! I actually agree with everything you said about gun control. Guns are banned here in Toronto but things still happen. Unfortunately there isn’t a law banning stupidity, or a cure for it either.
    Keep up the great recaps and PLEASE continue with the “my two cents” feature!

  2. As mentioned above, probably of heat a the moment that Cole gave away the meaning. He was smart enough to hack the map odd the tree later. But I was screaming NO when he told Joe the meaning.
    I now have a crush on Ali the bra/pantie outfit looks great to me!
    I fell for the Survivor fake and thought Patrick was a goner..
    Wait there is a black woman on this season? Is this a case of Survivor slow playing her, that she will be a force later? Or just not the usual Angry Black Women survivor likes to feature, so less air time?
    What was the point of having the Survivor destinations on the boards? Did I miss something? Were those clues? Perhaps the order of the seasons?
    As for guns, I have never owned one because I am afraid I will do something like your dad. Man I do stupid stuff when drunk. But I do feel people should have a right to own, just not sure how to regulate it or if it should be. I also don’t trust our government. I guess living in the burbs, just makes guns pretty much a non-factor in my life. I should care more, but have enough other ScheiB to worry about. Like why aren’t there more hot women on this season!

  3. Dang my reply looks crazy. I wish we could edit.
    As mentioned above, probably a heat of the moment that Cole gave away the meaning. He was smart enough to hack the map off the tree later

  4. Hi lil, welcome back. Thanks for being “on it” with your comments…

    Yeah, what’s up with Joe? Makes me feel bad for the convicts he has to work with. As in, “is this the best person to be someone’s probation officer?” Just think he’s one decision away from being a convict on his own… And fingers crossed Cole gets to hang around and mack on Jessica a little more… While I agree Patrick is a doofus, I think the one thing we’re forgetting is that we saw maybe 45 seconds of him acting like an idiot over the course of 3 days. He’s probably not THAT bad, we just got to see all the times he acted like an idiot. As I said in the column, they had to give us SOMETHING else besides “Simone is 100% going home.” I like Devon too. He’s got an amiability about him that serve him well. I’m sure he’ll show a dark side later — hopefully a lot later — and we’ll see how his alliance with the bellhop works for him. As we all know, sometimes players get caught on the wrong side of the numbers, but let’s hope that doesn’t happen to Devon. I like a person who can smile when he’s playing a game like Survivor. Makes me think he’s really having fun… And THANK YOU for liking My Two Cents. I am liking the opportunity to actually “say something” each week, aside from the drivel in my recaps. At the end of the day, I’m just throwing shit at the walls in my recaps, but with M2C, I can explore more adult topics. Hopefully I’m not ostracizing a huge segment of my readers. If so, oh well… I had a conversation with a friend a few months ago about some of the jokes I made at Michaela’s expense. My friend was saying that I “owed it” to my readers to not cross certain lines, and my retort was that I can’t write my column as if I’m trying to win a Pulitzer. Sometimes, I gotta cross some lines to make a joke, or make a point, and sometimes, I just say shit to stir the pot. My column, to a degree, is like my Twitter, where I say stuff just to get a reaction sometimes. That’s the whole point of social media anyways, right? So thank you for reading, and this week’s M2C will be about the Cam Newton/female reporter kerfuffle… Stay tuned!

    doc! What’re you, drunk!? I’m like, is this even English…? I’m kidding bro. Love that you’re invested… Yeah, I think Ali is growing on me a little. I am looking forward to how the “Survivor diet” affects everyone… And yeah, Desi’s kinda not an entity yet, but maybe that means she’s coming hard later on (I wish). And to all things holy, I pray that they don’t make her play the ABW card. Can we just get a woman who is serious about winning without playing a stereotype? You know they cast players for a reason, and typically, the ABW card is punched… I think the locations were just names on the boards, nothing more… And yeah, I grew up in the ‘burbs (which is one of the reasons I thought it stupid my dad wanted a gun). Having lived in the “the city” for the last 20 years, I can see why some people might want one, but even then, I wasn’t in a bad neighborhood. I’m sure if I lived in the ‘hood I’d have no problem owning a gun for protection, but not where I lived. Now that I’m back in the suburbs, I’m back to hating guns altogether. There are just so many horror stories of kids finding/shooting their parent’s guns, and it pisses me off that the kids were able to even do that. Who doesn’t lock their gun up? I’m not even an owner and I know how to store a firearm. Again, there should be some kind of intelligence test given… As I said, nothing will change until something really bad happens… (And I can’t believe all these “really bad” shootings haven’t motivated our leaders to do something.).

    Thanks for the comments! Keep ’em coming…

  5. Fashionably late, per usual. I’m struggling with this season. Usually there are at least a couple of standouts early on that I can get behind. I think maybe I like Chrissy now that we have her explanation for not using the super idol. Ryan seems okay in a darling, nerdy way. And I like Devon. Everyone else is just kind of blending together for me at this point. I loathe Joe and Alan. I also feel like the editing is being dumb this season, too. It seems all over the place and I don’t like it. Maybe it will get better once we go to two tribes? I can’t really put my finger on what is bothering me about it. I just feel like they’re trying to mislead me on purpose and keep me in the dark. I’m crabby tonight, clearly 🙂

    Fish, I’m really digging the My Two Cents part of this. Probably because I agree with you on everything. I cannot believe that our leaders don’t see the wisdom in stronger gun regulation. I, also, grew up in the burbs without any exposure to guns (my dad had a drinking problem, but no guns). So, I’m probably a tad biased, but I don’t get the need to have a personal arsenal. You want to protect your family? That’s awesome. I support that. But do you need 47 guns to accomplish that? Nope.

    Here’s hoping this week’s episode gets me a little more invested. I think maybe I’m just bored with these people. Cause they’re idiots right now. Have a good few days! I’m planning to watch on time this week 🙂

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