March 24th, 2017 | 6 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

We head over to our first challenge of the episode and, as always, it’s an obstacle course. Whatever happened to mixing up the challenges, guys? Seems like every one is an obstacle course on that same rectangular patch of dirt… Kirhoffer!

Nuku and Tavua realize that Caleb went home last time, and “that’s crazy,” is the only way to describe it.

Jeff details the challenge and the first surprise tonight is that only two players from each tribe will run it – meaning a lot of players won’t be earning points in my Rankings of Every Survivor Player list. The challenge will require one player to balance a ball on a pole through a series of obstacles, adding sections of pole along the way; with the second player throwing sandbags at nine targets, attempting to knock them off their perch. First two tribes to finish win reward, which is a trip to Survivor Starbucks, where coffee and chocolate cookies are the only thing on the menu for the winner, or a pot of iced coffee for second place.

Now I know when you’re hungry and thirsty, ANYTHING sounds great, but is this really a challenge that’ll replenish your spirits? I know, chocolate cookies sound divine when you’re eating rice every day, sleeping in the wild and pooping in the ocean, but couldn’t they come up with something a little more nourishing? Maybe Kirhoffer’s crew ate the intended reward while constructing the challenge and this is what Probst could grab off the craft service table, but we’ll never know… Let’s just get to the Sit Out Challenge and see who’s not playing…

For Nuku – J.T. and Malcolm will not be sitting out
For Tavua – Ozzy and Troyzan will not be sitting out
For Mana – Tai and Brad will not be sitting out

Hmmm…anyone else notice there’s a definite lack of estrogen in this challenge? Does that bother anyone? Is Tai really a better choice than Sierra and all her horse wrangling skills? And how does Zeke and Varner feel right now? Oh wait, never mind, they’re high in estrogen too…

As the challenge gets underway, the first thing I’m asking myself is, “What is J.T.’s abs routine?” Dude is putting on weight being on Survivor. How is that even possible…?

As expected, Ozzy is crushing this challenge and takes the early lead. But, I mean, it’s frickin’ Ozzy! He’s supposed to crush challenges. He finishes the 2nd section before the other guys can finish the first, and is obviously used to handling a long pole… What? Is that funny? Is there a joke there? Not sure what you guys are thinking of but I’m talking about an obstacle course…

Just before finishing the 3rd section, Ozzy blows his wad and drops the ball. He must now restart the 3rd section, opening the door for J.T. to pass him. But no, Ozzy whizzes by J.T., and hands off to Troyzan, who can now unlock his sandbags and start throwing. Soon, J.T. also finishes, allowing Malcolm to unlock his as well.

Troyzan throws first, using what I can only describe as a “Walter Johnson-esque” side-arm technique, or maybe it’s more of “A League of Their Own” style…? Regardless, he hits his first target, and is doing adequately, until Malcolm starts throwing like a boy and nailing target after target.

Meanwhile, Tai is still trying to get through section 3, after having dropped his ball. Brad waits patiently for the Chicken Man, who’s obviously not used to wielding a long pole. Or is he…? Maybe somebody else’s…?

With only 3 targets left standing for both Malcolm and Troyzan, Tai finally hands off to Brad, who’s not felt pressure like this since his days in the NFL. He quickly unlocks his chest and starts firing his sandbags like a man(!) and connecting on his first toss.

After a bit of back and forth, Malcolm eventually succeeds in knocking over all his targets, giving Nuku the win and the opportunity to have all their names misspelled on their coffee cups… Brad then cranks it up a notch and connects on 5 consecutive throws, leaving only three targets to Troyzan’s two. After a couple more misses, Troyzan has to go collect his bags, but it’s all over. Brad connects on his last two throws, clinching the “come from behind” (something I’m sure Tai is well familiar with) victory.

Jeff distributes the spoils and sends everyone away. And as Troyzan heads off, wondering what the fallout will be, Cirie confesses that he just solidified how low on the totem pole he is…

Tavua returns to camp and it’s “you win some, you lose some,” but Ozzy is secretly happy they lost because it means his tribe needs to keep him around to provide for them. Despite what some people say about Ozzy, he’s always in “game mode” and thinking how to better his position. He heads off to the beach to do some fishing, which’ll both feed the tribe, and feed his soul. Dude is still one with nature…

Sure enough, he bags some fish and a stingray, and brings them back to the delight of Troyzan and Andrea. And BTW, Andrea is starting to look a little bit like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music with those pigtails. So adorable. And I can only hope that she’ll soon start looking like Julie Andrews in S.O.B. when she exposed her tits…

Over at Nuku, the tribe is getting buzzed on caffeine and chocolate and it’s causing Sandra to run her mouth about how she’s “the Queen.” God, she must be unbearable to be married to, ya know? She’s telling us how she’s put everything in her tribe in line, all her relationships are solid, and she’s got nothing to worry about.

But that’s never the case in Survivor as J.T. and Malcolm prove in the next scene. The two BFFs are discussing taking out Sandra next, specifically because she thinks she’s in charge. And right now, I’m having a lot of trouble understanding what the heck J.T. is saying half the time. Can we get subtitles for everything he says too? I can understand more of what Tai says.

And as the guys march out into the surf to do some laundry, I now realize what Malcolm needs to do with any money he makes on the show. He needs to go buy himself an ass! Kid’s got a backside like Shaq’s opinion of the Earth… Seriously. Nevertheless, J.T. likes where his game is heading and knows he can use Malcolm to take out Sandra next.

The following day (Day 11), it’s Immunity Challenge time and another massive one awaits. Uh-oh, Jeff’s wearing his black shirt, so you know that means he’s got trouble up those rolled-up sleeves of his. He describes the challenge, which is a “single caller, blind-folded pairs, retrieve bags” kinda deal we’ve seen many times. It’s always a great opportunity for everyone to smash their crotch into wood posts, leave them bruised, battered, and possibly barren…

The table maze at the end of the challenge is something Ozzy should be good at, so let’s see how everyone else does. Sandra and Troyzan are sitting this one out.

“Oh, by the way,” Jeff interjects, “here’s why I’m wearing my black shirt. Only the winning tribe will avoid Tribal Council tonight. The other two are going.” And as everyone digests exactly what that means, Jeff giggles to himself devilishly and gets the challenge underway…

Needless to say, I’m not going to cover every second of the challenge, but there are some highlights/lowlights:

-The callers are Cirie, Brad and J.T….oh wait, that’s not J.T., that’s Varner. Sorry, I was looking at the abs…
-Brad’s voice is not cut out for yelling
-Cirie’s is…
-Michaela is doing a kind of “chicken dance” rather than walking
-Nuku heads to the table maze first
-Tavua heads to the maze second
-J.T. scores the first ball
-Ozzy lands one, natch
-Malcolm lands the second ball for Nuku
-Sarah gets the second ball in place for Tavua
-Julie Andrews takes the handles for Tavua, trying to catch Varner
-Brad drops in the first ball for Mana
-And as Varner takes it slow and steady to reach the inner circle, Andrea races through to reach it as well.

And in what I can only refer to as a “brain fart,” Varner panics and loses the ball down one of the chutes, opening the door for Maria Von Trapp. And she does not let the children down…

“Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on idols,
Fat Ozzy fishing, and Queens with two titles,
Hidden clue parchments all stuffed near Troy’s schwing,
These are a few of my favorite things.”

And any hard feelings of not winning the Reward Challenge is forgotten as Tavua gets the night off.

Varner is crushed, and Aubry is getting crushed as he sobs uncontrollably onto her face. It’s almost…sad. Whatevs…Tavua is handed their immunity idol and heads for the Alps…

For the other two tribes, Jeff has one more surprise in store as he reveals that BOTH TRIBES will be coming to Tribal – together – to vote out one person. Everyone starts doing the math of what that might mean, and considering Nuku has 6 players to Mana’s 5, that could bode well for Nuku. But this is Survivor, and math means nothing, right? Just ask Brad, who’s still trying to count things on one hand and coming up short…

“Where’s the 6th finger…?”

Aubry puts it all into perspective,

“This Tribal is going to be insane.”

Nuku returns to camp and instantly thinks, “We got this,” because they have six players. But when Malcolm confesses, “it may be simple on paper, but that’s the only place it’s simple,” we know what he means. Something always happens to screw up someone’s game right before Tribal, so let’s see what that is tonight.

The attitude at Nuku is that Mana will try to get J.T. to vote with them, but he assures his Nuku tribe that he’s sticking with them. The Queen speaks up and says they should target Sierra, as she’s their strongest female, but J.T. is adamant they go after Tai, “because he’s sneaky as hell.” Varner is the voice of reason, as always, when he confesses “it’s a tribal game, but it’s an individual game from the beginning, regardless of what anyone says.”

Malcolm wonders who Brad might be targeting, and when J.T. says “Sandra,” Malcolm agrees, but adds, “he might be going after me, but if he thinks you and I are solid, then he’ll go after Sandra.” The combinations of who might vote for whom are getting convoluted as we don’t know who’s truly with whom, so we’ll just have to see how it all plays out. J.T. knows that he’s in the driver’s seat, and will need to decide if he’s gunning for Sandra, Sierra or Tai.

At Mana, everyone is deliberating who to target because they know they’re on the short side of the vote. Debbie suggests Sandra, and Brad is suddenly a math wizard again. He asks “Blue Eyes” (Hali) what she’s thinking, and tries to get her to understand that her loyalty now means more than ever before. She’s able to carefully weigh out her options for both short-term and long-term game, and confesses she’s seriously considering flipping.

With the tribe all together, the subject of who to target is still the only thing on everyone’s minds. Brad says he thinks J.T. will be voting for Sandra, but Sierra thinks it may make more sense to go after Malcolm. Brad knows that J.T. won’t go after his BFF, but instead of wondering who Nuku will target, their focus will be on presenting a united front and vote five strong.

Tai, bless his little chicken heart, knows the only way to guarantee anything is to go find an idol, so he starts poking around every tree, reaching up into felled logs, and doing that crazy tree stump challenge I saw in Flash Gordon in 1980. Seriously, why would you reach your whole arm into some dank log where snakes, rats and spiders would love to hide?

Incredibly, Tai finds a tree with a little bend in a branch and what do his eyes behold? A clue to an idol. Now, all he’s got to do is find the idol. Can he do it before Tribal? He heads over to where the parchment indicates and starts digging. And what are chickens good at? Scratching at the dirt. And sure enough, Chicken Little unearths the worm and finds a hidden Immunity Idol. Tribal Council just got a little more interesting…

He heads back to camp and when the group has one final chat about what’s about to go down, Tai – being Tai – can’t keep his mouth shut and must reveal his big secret. “I’m gay,” he tells them…

Okay, that’s not his big secret. And yeah, it’s probably best he did tell them about his idol, but what about not saying anything and just letting the game play out? Sierra is stoked for Tai’s idol, and Brad just wants him to understand that it’s got to be played on whichever of the four players Mana is targeting: either Tai, Brad, Debbie or Sierra.

“This is going to be crazy, because it could be anybody tonight,” Sierra portends…

6 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS – 3/24/17

  1. Pingback: Latest on Rachel’s Filming & What Exactly is Considered a “Spoiler?” – Reality Steve

  2. I totally agree with you Fish. I don’t understand why you take out the strong players now. I guess they worry that once its individual immunity, then the strong players will win. But even that logic is flawed bc only one strong player can win immunity at a time, so you just take out which ever strong player doesn’t have it then. I hear ya on JT. He def. porked up. And doesn’t a million dollars at least buy you some straight teeth? Did he always have those jacked up teeth? He is even more back woods now than he was when he first played. How is that possible? I’m sure you will disagree with me since your little head probably has an opinion on Sierra that I can’t understand but MAN IS SHE ANNOYING. That shit eating grin she had on her face at tribal made me want to slap it off and the kiss she gave Malcolm was really mean, I thought. Kind of a Judas kiss actually. Brad is doing quite well. I read on a Survivor spoilers site that Brad is one of Jeff’s favorites and that’s why he’s getting such a great edit. I also heard Sandra and JT get voted out soon. I like Brad but him calling Hali “blue eyes” was slightly old man pervy creepy. I bet Miss Monica C. didn’t like that. Aubry, Zeke and Michela have been laying low too. Zeke reminds me of Rocky the Squirrel. That beaver/rodent face of his is also super annoying. I used to love Tai but find him baffling this season and he seems to be so easily manipulated. All you have to do is say, “Tai, play this game for yourself” and then tell him whatever you want him to think that means, and he’ll do it and thank you for giving him such great advice. My son Jack thinks Sandra looks like a mean school bus driver. Oh and Debbie, looks exactly like the actress playing the President Elect this season on Homeland. They must have been separated at birth. Google Elizabeth Marvel. Ok, that’s all I have. I can’t say I’m disappointed but outside of Cienna being voted out, all the people I wanted to watch play have been voted out so I’m becoming less and less interested in these people. Oh, one more rumor I head on that website. Apparently, Caleb was a total dick and everyone mostly hated him around camp this season. Not sure if it was true but interesting….

  3. “When JT bites,
    When the “Queen” bee stings,
    when I’m feeling sad… I simply remember my favorite things (Malcolm!!) and then I don’t feel so bad!”…. I wonder if I was the only one that sang that while I was reading it?
    Hey Fish – I am the infamous (HA!) boss that Rick refers to. The one that gives him Thursday as basically a day off so he can talk all things Survivor. Though after this episode, I may never let him speak of it again since I am in a deep depression now that Malcolm is gone and may never watch again. What are these “game changers” thinking?! IMO, none of the remaining players are worthy of winning this game. Well – I take that back. I would love to see an Ozzy win but I don’t think that will happen. Tai is a blubbering idiot, Sandra is an egotistical loud mouth, Hali and Sierra (who pissed me off by insulting Malcolm with that kiss at the end) are worthless, and don’t even get me started on Olive Oyl Debbie. Culpepper is at least playing the game at this point even if I haven’t liked the guys he has taken out. And I do like Aubrey but she has been relatively non-existent up to this point. This season is becoming one of my least favorites. I would love to see a season full of all the physical threats – that way they can’t use that as a reason to get rid of anyone.
    Anyway – love your recap as always. And will probably cave and watch next week and scream at the TV when they do something stupid like vote Ozzy off….However, I will definitely be throwing a party when the Queens reign is over!

  4. Oh man boss lady must be super angry to actually post . I may take a sick day Monday !!! We had the Survivor all physical threat discussion . Thursday . Its become the trendy play to keep goats and vote of the lions . Troyzan throws like a girl ( not boss lady though she is a helluva second basemen ) . I was embarrassed for him and his family after watching that ! That my friends is why some boys join the drama club !!! That tribal was wild ! Why they didnt follow through on project vote of the Queen is beyond me. Coffee for a reward ? Come on Probst ! Loosen the budget a little ! Have to admit loved the twist . It made for great drama ! Oregon one step closer to winning it all . No loyalty just who I picked in my bracket ! Till next week !

  5. kinbville – I’m dying laughing over the “mean school bus driver” comment. SPOT ON! And her use of double negatives makes me crazy (Nobody got no idol). In one interview, she was wearing khaki pants and a red shirt and the hubs actually googled if she works at Target.

    I’m in mourning over the loss of Malcolm. Not only was he fun to look at, but I really thought he stood a chance. JT is the biggest moron ever. I’m fuming over all this talk of voting out the strongest players first. That doesn’t make for fun TV viewing. Fish, I’m totally on board with a Survivor:Warriors season to see the best of the best fight it out. I couldn’t stand Brad in the past, but he’s actually playing a decent game this go round and isn’t nearly as obnoxious as I remember. And I’m so glad they’ve kept the Michaela commentary to a minimum. She would push me over the edge.

    I’m hoping to see more from Aubrey. She is one of my dark horse favorites to win.

  6. Hello, one and all, thank you for coming back!

    Kate — You’re right, it’s almost like a vote of fear. “That person can win immunity later so I’ll take him out now.” That’s dumb. Who knows if you’ll be around later so just take out gameplay threats… So dumb. And yeah, even I know I should go to the dentist. And I’m broke! Doesn’t JT wanna find some hot broad to divorce later? Fix those chompers, Gomer… I’m okay with your attitude on Sierra. I’ve never had a strong opinion on tall women because…ew… It’s like being in bed with a dude, with their legs all wrapped up around yours. I’m 6′-4″ so you’d think I’d like a tall chick to dance with, but when the f**k am I going dancing? I wanna little spinner who thinks I’m a sexy beast, not some freak show giant I met in a Dutch brothel… And don’t give me no spoilers! Who do you think I am…Reality Steve?! I don’t wanna know what’s gonna happen next week. Stop it, woman, or I’m gonna take Jack’s bartender license away… And yeah, “Blue Eyes” seems very creepy, pervy, chauvanistic, and just plain wrong. I’m surprised she didn’t say something. Based on Jack’s comment, I think I’ll refer to Sandra as “Otto” from now on. Let’s see if everyone gets the joke… I watch Homeland so I see what you’re saying. Off topic, I think Homeland thought Hillary was going to win and that’s why the President-Elect is female. Maybe I’m wrong… Interesting about Caleb. I can see it. And likely that CBS protects its “asset” by giving him a pretty good edit. XO

    bosslady — Welcome to the table, la Jefa! I love your lust of Malcolm. I wish I worked for you so I could tease you about your horny thoughts! That’s what I do! I agree with everything you’re saying. I’m hoping Ozzy, Brad, Varner, Sarah, Andrea, and Zeke go far, because everyone else is f**king annoying. Is it so much to ask for a good FT? I would love to come to St. Louis(?) and watch the finale with you guys. Let’s see how schedules line up…

    Rick — thanks for getting bosslady involved in the conversation. Don’t worry, you’re good to go. Not sure if Troyzan needs rotator cuff surgery, or if he’s just a pussy. I’ve played baseball/softball for decades, so I can judge, and right now, bosslady just moved up my “Sexy Chart” by being a Second Base(wo)man. As a former pitcher, 1st baseman, I’d love to get to Second Base with her… I saw a tweet from Coach that said at Tribal, “you don’t get up from your seat,” so the fact that Tribal fell apart, you know Probst has lost control. I hate to use the “jump the shark” phrase, but when the show loses control of it’s players, the show loses control. Coming from 25 years in Hollywood, you NEVER let your talent get the upperhand. Especially when your talent is a bunch of reality show dicks who think they’re real celebrities. News flash! They’re just people who agreed to sell themselves out. Stop thinking your shit doesn’t smell. Look at J.T. Does anyone feel inferior to him?

    Jen — Love your input, as always. That whole double negative thing makes me so angry. I ain’t got no time to appreciate Sandra when she talks like a hood rat…. Dude, two million dollars buys a lot of education, if desired. Or, she can just stay ghetto and fall back on her reality show wins like it means something… I’m okay with Aubry going deep. She should have won last time so she deserves it. I know it’s a game show so CBS has to follow certain rules, but for f**k’s sake, you’re making television, so control who does well. Manipulate the challenges to favor certain players and give some help to others. Keeping your viewing audience happy is how you guarantee future seasons, and that’s what’s important, right? Or did I just spend 25 years in television not understanding how it works…?

    Let’s see what happens this week. And please let me know who you think goes to FT…

Leave a Reply