SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 10/27/16

Back at Ikabula, Hannah is addressing her panic attacks with Sundae and how it’ll reflect on the rest of her game. I seriously could write a few paragraphs about how ridiculous she is for coming on a show where anxiety – or afflicting anxiety on your competitors – is valid gameplay. So why on God’s green Earth would she come on the show in the first place? Ok, it’s about the money, but why on Earth would the producers want her on the show? It just goes to show you how much they enjoy manipulating the process, and possibly are negligent in who they choose to compete.

To be honest, I’m focusing more on the fact Hannah looks like Sean Hayes as Curly in The Three Stooges by way of` The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert so I think I’ll call her Curly from now on…

It’s STILL Day 16 – holy s**t, did someone tell the group they need to “try harder” today? – and Takali is becoming Bonerville. Ken walks away from camp, leaving FigTails and Adam in the shelter. FigTails starts removing their dirty underpants and ask Adam if he “wants to watch” but he’s too grossed out by them. He tells them he’d rather peek through a hole in the palm fronds as they’re getting it on, which seems kinda weird, but it makes Adam feel more comfortable.

So after stealing a few smooches, Taylor confesses that he wants to shout his love for Figgy from the rooftops, or just tell Ken and Jess about their showmance. Since they’re a Power Couple, and the Millennials are bulldozing their way to the finale, he’s confident there’s no reason to hide their love from the masses. Figgy heads off to find Jessica, so she can get validation that what they’re doing isn’t weird.

Jessica (and Ken) are stupefied Figgy would even think they didn’t already know about FigTails, and I’m sure the fact she wakes up with Taylor’s seed on her mole didn’t already give it away. Regardless, she still must “act the lady” and pretend she’s embarrassed, but really, did she actually think she was hiding anything? Or is this just one of those “manufactured” scenes that reality shows give us? You be the judge…

Ken confesses he’s a bit concerned that this Flower Couple thinks they’re in charge, and he’s not about to sit around and watch his chances diminish. He’s gonna make whatever moves he needs to stay safe, and hopefully that’ll work out for him.

OMG, it’s Day 18 (WTF happened on Day 17 they’re not telling us?!) and we’re flying in to another beach Immunity Challenge. The tribes file in and Jeff gives them the lowdown.

-race along a balance beam
-climb a structure
-release bags of coconuts
-haul them onshore
-hang them up
-untie all the bags
-maneuver 3 balls through a table maze and drop them into a slot

Sit-outs are Adam, Will and Sundae, so let’s get it on!

Ken struggles early allowing Jay and David (what?) to take the early leads, but when Chris, Taylor and Moobs go, it’s Taylor who gives Takali the lead. As Figgy and Jessica race in to untie the bags, Jeff says “you’re looking for three balls,” and Figgy says, “I already found two…”

Nevertheless, the Jessicas untie their bags first and get going on the table maze. It’s not as easy as it appears because you also have to stand on a single peg of wood, so the tilting table is proving very difficult…for everyone. Even with their lead, Jessica and Figgy can’t figure out how to work the table, and soon, everyone has caught up to them.

Annoyingly, Michaela is barking orders at Hannah, and proving she would be a terrible person to date. “Stop moving so big,” she yells at Curly, who is on the verge of another panic attack. I can just picture Michaela, instructing her lover, as he tries to pleasure her.

“Not there. A bit higher. Now faster. Too fast! Slow down. Not too slow! Okay, that’s good. Nope, wrong. What’s the matter with you!? Okay, good. Wait. Stop, go get my vibrator… You suck…”

But somehow, Michaela’s method sinks the first ball, and I’m guessing she’s gonna continue to be a bi**h throughout this challenge. Even when Curly says she’s being barked at, Michaela’s only retort is that she’s “just trying to get you to win,” which is just another way of saying, “I can’t do this by myself, so this is how you can contribute.”

Curly is clearly miffed… But they just sunk their second ball, so clearly the Moe-Curly relationship is working.

Taylor whispers, “Nice and easy, Fig,” but I don’t think he’s talking about how to do this challenge…

And when Hannah asks Moe “Just let me know if you need…”

“Shut up!” is the reply she gets, and pokes her in the eyes for good measure. Keep in mind, this is the girl who almost had a panic attack SITTING OUT a freaking challenge, and now you’re gonna play her that way?! I’m seriously hating Michaela so much again. I’m thinking of tweeting evil messages at her right now… And if I was Hannah, I would have dropped out of the challenge and told that POS to shut her yap.

But somehow, it works, and they get their 3rd ball in the hole. I’m sure that reminds Michaela of her first week in college, or maybe just every Friday night to this Thunder B**ch… (I’m really not a fan of hers, am I?)

Michaela then doubles down on her lack of gameplay etiquette when she begins giving pointers to Zeke and Michelle. AYFKM? No, I am not. She’s actually helping another tribe win their challenge because she hates Figgy that much. She’s even clapping when “Micheke” lands their first ball. But then the Jessicas drop their second ball. And then so does Micheke. It’s a race to land the last ball as both teams are dancing around the last empty slot.

And it’s Micheke who does it just after the Jessicas lose their ball off the side of the board. What a thrilling conclusion, and who would’ve believed it after having such a big lead! To be honest, I’m just happy that I’m not talking about Michaela right now, the f**king bi**h that she’s proving to be. And knowing we have to watch her all season is really spoiling this cocktail…

When Jeff hands out the Immunity Idols, he asks Michaela why she was rooting for the other tribe and her reply is that she’s looking out for other Millennials. But when Taylor says, “there’s Millennials over here,” her nasty reply is “Yeah, but there’s three of you. If you can’t figure out how to work together than you deserve to go home.” Ouch, b**ch much?

And it just makes me wonder how this show chooses which b**ch gets on the show. Yeah, I know there have been many (Kass, Alicia, Jerri, Abi, Eliza) and you know much of what they said is played up for the camera, but what Michaela’s doing doesn’t seem steeped in gameplay at all. It’s just her being dumb, and petty, and reactionary. I’m gonna make a bet that I won’t have anything nice to say about this chick all season (and next), and I’m okay with that…

As everyone heads back to camp, Figgy confesses that it sucks, but “if the Millennials are smart, they’ll take out one of the Gen-Xers.” And that, my friends, is a loaded statement.

Upon returning to camp, the mood is somber, but they’ve got work to do. Adam confesses he can float either way, so it’s gonna be a tough decision. But whichever way he slides, somebody’s gonna come back to camp pissed off…at him. And something tells me Adam doesn’t like it when he’s hated.

He takes a walk with Figgy who wants to confirm he’s still a Millennial, but his answers are more about knowing FigTails is on board with him, and not the other way around. And even when they’re discussing who they should target – Ken or Jessica – the way he’s answering is so…shady. “I think we should take out Ken.” Instead of, “We gotta target Ken, because he’s a bigger threat.” It’s so annoying how bad the Millennials are at reading people. But Figgy is down with taking out the Ken-doll, because he’ll be a bigger threat in challenges later in the game.

They meet up with Taylor who confirms the Ken vote, and even then, when the three Millennials are together, Adam is hemming and hawing about the vote. Not the best way to convince your tribemates you’re voting with them.

Taylor, not the brightest light on the porch, surprisingly admits Adam could be double-crossing them, but Taylor says that’s impossible because Adam isn’t that smart. Ok… He then chuckles his way through another confessional… Despite his flippancy, he and Figgy know they can’t trust anyone, so they gotta be ready.

Adam returns to camp and sits down with Jessica to discuss what she can do for him. She gets him to reveal that FigTails is targeting Ken, which is her lifeblood, so that can’t happen. She does the smartest thing I’ve seen anyone do this season and asks him,

“Where is your heart at, right now?”

And when Adam yells at her (not really) that he doesn’t know, she knows she’s gotta kick this gameplay into overdrive. Because if Ken goes now, then she goes next, and then where is that Legacy Advantage…?

Jessica finds Ken and informs him like a good Asst. District Attorney, “They are voting for you, so this is what you need to do, and you need to do it now, and then we will run this game.” Okay, you may be getting ahead of yourself, sweetie, but I appreciate the confidence.

Ken takes the hint and pulls Adam aside for a heart to heart. He lays it out for him that if he sides with FigTails, he’ll only have a short shelf life with the cool kids, where he’s on the bottom of that pack. But if he chooses the Gen-Xers, he’ll sit with Jessica, Ken, David, and whomever else they have. And I’m not sure why Adam doesn’t ask him, “Wouldn’t I be on the bottom of that alliance, too?” but I don’t think he knows how to speak to a man as handsome as Ken, because he’s clearly diverting his eyes to the ground throughout their conversation. But when he hears Ken say that “he’ll never write your name down,” I think that was the clincher. Adam finally has a chip in the big game…