SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 10/27/16

The next day at Ikabula (Day 16), the tribe is trying to motivate, but hunger and – being on Survivor – have really taken a toll on them. Everyone’s grumpy, everyone’s tired, and nobody’s motivated to do anything. Jay is proving he can fight through this malaise, since he has family back home – his mom and sister – who he’s passionate about taking care of. He ain’t got a dad or nuthin’ which goes to show that some Millennials’ grammar is as bad as my preposition usage…

He’s anxious to dispel the notion that Millennials are all out for themselves, and confesses that his passion will come through in the end.

“I’m gonna win Survivor.”

Let’s see if that prediction comes true, because they wouldn’t show it to us if it was way off, right? And since he doesn’t want Moobs to make fun of him extinguishing the campfire with his tears, he enlists Nate Morris (Will) to go find coconuts with him…and give him a hug.

But, he’s more interested in looking for an idol, so the pair do a bit of recon in the surrounding woods. They’re looking high and low, in every tree crook, pile of rocks, and fluffy bush, but they’re unsure of what to look for. Suddenly, Jay spots a hollow bamboo chute with the tribe logo on it. That’s odd, he thinks. It takes him a while to figure out how to extract what’s inside, which – to his delight – is the Hidden Immunity Idol. OMG, is he going to cry again?!

But even this can’t go as he wants because as he’s reading the note with Will and doing his happy dance, Michaela suddenly shows up to spoil their boner party. They’re like the guys at a circle jerk when some fat guy comes too quick standing in line… But knowing that Michaela is kinda/sorta – on their side (she is a Millennial) the guys are just a little bummed they couldn’t keep this secret between themselves.

As they should be, because her reaction is so stereotypical of women who think something’s being pulled over their eyes, and she just can’t hide her displeasure. At least pretend you’re happy for your tribemates, which is the correct play in this instance. But no, she’s pissed she didn’t find it, and I’m really beginning to hate Michaela… Man, I hope she doesn’t win.

Off to our first challenge we go and we’re introduced to a big playground with lots of dangerous things to fall over, run into, and smack against. Gosh, is this where all those injuries happen that was teased last week…? Methinks it is.

And while the other tribes get their first look at the new Vanua tribe – minus CeCe – a number of players react with surprise which makes Jeff call them out on it. Specifically, he asks Figgy about her reaction, who responds that she’s just glad she can still have a tickle fight with Michelle if they ever wind up together again, “I love her,” Figgy swoons… Taylor’s probably a tad jealous of Michelle right, or thinking of a threesome, which sounds kinda awesome to be quite honest.

Michelle just loves the fact Figgy can be so open in a game like Survivor, and utters the craziest thing ever on Survivor,

“I think the truth works well in this game.”

Uh…

AYFKM?

I can’t even hate on her that much because she’s so damn cute, just like a puppy dog who pees on the carpet. You just wanna pick her up (by the p**sy) and squeeze her. Sorry, no politics tonight…

To the challenge we go and it’s the old “blindfolded members are directed by a caller who tells them where to pick up puzzle pieces.” This one is a little different because then the caller must direct one of them to assemble the puzzle, while still blindfolded. Kind of a different take on this one, which is nice. The reward is a sugar snack fest for the winners: apple pie, brownies, cookies, cupcakes, iced tea and milk (for Will, if he wins, I guess). Second place gets some chocolate chip cookies… Third team gets to suck rocks. The teams choose their sit outs leaving us:

Takali:
The Mole (caller)
TayTay
The Screamer
Ken-doll

Ikabula:
JayBone (caller)
Michaela
Sundae
Nathan Morris

Vanua:
Bible Barbie (caller)
Ed Sheeran
Grandpa
David

Once again, no point in detailing every single moment, so I’ll mention the highlights.

-After smashing into a table right away, Ken decides to guard his plastic penis.
-Sunday is employing the “forehead to baseball bat” drinking game approach.
-David is either deaf, or dumb, or Michelle’s voice doesn’t carry very well.
-the puzzle assembly tables have been intentionally built at “nut height” for maximum pain/humor value.
-Jay tells Michaela to “run” to the next piece, and I sure hope he forgets to tell her to “stop.”
-Is anyone familiar with the phrase “Turn 90 degrees to your right?”
-Thank god Ken already has a daughter because he may not be able to make any more kids after this challenge.
-Michaela’s a b**ch because she shoves David and tells him to “move!” (Seriously, I hate her).

And while this is all going down, Hannah suddenly starts feeling unwell, so JP directs her to sit in the shade. And I don’t really wanna go off on Ugly Betty, but YOU’RE NOT EVEN COMPETING IN THE CHALLENGE! Are you kidding me that you can’t handle being a spectator!? OMG, the people they pick to be on this show… I recall seeing a tweet from Penner earlier today where he was aghast that Jeff let her sit in the shade. Claiming they would never do that in season’s past. It’s like after last season with all the medical evacuations, Cal-OSHA finally stepped in and directed the show to actually give a crap about players’ health.

And with the huge lead that Takali built, Ken is cruising along on the puzzle with Figgy’s guidance. After a little while, all three tribes are now working on their puzzle, with modest success. And even though they started last, Michelle and Zeke seem to have a good system going of listening, trusting, and stepping aside periodically so Michelle can look at the board. I think this honest thing may actually be working, as they’ve suddenly worked themselves into first place. I mean, it’s only a 12-piece puzzle, it can’t be that hard, amiright?

Meanwhile, Hannah can’t even deal with sitting in the shade, because now her face is tingling. I swear, was she licking toads off screen? What the hell is wrong with this girl?

Despite Hannah’s impending medical evacuation, Vanua is kicking ass and taking names. They complete the comeback, finishing the puzzle in record time. Soon after, Ikabula finishes theirs, sending Takali home empty handed.

We then have to watch the insipid Hannah freak out over her chocolate chip cookie anxiety, and thankfully Dr. Joe is there to talk her down from the cliff. I mean seriously, this chick is about to have a panic attack because the other people are competing? Who approved this chick’s application…?

Even when Probst calls Medical over to look at Hannah, Jay inquires,

“Hannah?”

Like, “why the f**k would Medical need to look at Hannah? She didn’t even compete.” I’m sure many of you feel the same way… Once Dr. Joe helps her realize she’s a nutbag and can fix her own problems, she calms down enough to realize just how stupid she looks right now and pulls herself back to normal. Crazy, panic-stricken, normal… Good luck this season, Betty…

The winners grab their junk food and head back to their respective camps, knowing they’ll have stomach cramps for days. But they won’t feel as bad as Figgy right now, who just let her tribe down. Let’s hope this episode gets better for her (she is a cutie!).

Later that day (Day 16 still) Vanua is enjoying the spoils of their win and enjoying a massive sugar high. They chit-chat about how bonded and content they are at this moment, and then discuss Figgy’s faux pas of announcing to EVERYONE how happy she was that Michelle wasn’t voted out.

“…oh, and Zeke too.”

This reminder that Zeke is a “catcher” on the Millennials tribe is really starting to harsh his sugar high, which is serious. He flips Figgy the bird and confesses that he may need to target Michelle next and then get into bed with the Gen-Xers to stay alive in this game. Wait a minute, wasn’t he just saying how dumb the Gen-Xers were to vote out CeCe? Just wait one gosh darn minute, you can’t change your mind in this game! Zeke, stick with the program!