May 26th, 2017 | 4 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

Well, folks, we rounded 3rd and we’re headed for home. The only question left is…are we going to cross the plate standing up? Are we going to avoid the tag and slide home safely? Or are we going to Pete Rose this mother**ker and barrel into Ray Fosse? Hell, we might even trip over our own two feet and eat dirt before we reach home…

Yes, it’s here. The finale. The biggest day of the year for us Survivor fans. If you think about it, it’s better than Christmas, a birthday, or Mother’s/Father’s Day because it comes twice a year. So, is everyone as stoked about tonight’s episode as I am? I really hope so because I splurged and bought the big bottle of Skyy and I’m fixin’ on finishing this mother**ker tonight.

Holy crap, two paragraphs in and we’ve already gotten 2 “mother**kers,” must be a sign of good things, or a reminder that Mrs. Fish paid us a visit this week… Onward!

Yes, all is good in the Fish bowl for now as life produced some good news this week. What does it mean? Who knows? But we’re not here to dwell on personal matters, let’s get straight to the show and what tonight holds.

Yes, even though I wasn’t picked to attend another finale, I’m not too heartbroken as it would have meant tonight’s column would probably get to you on Saturday. That would be unacceptable. But now that I’m starting on it tonight, it looks like there’s a good chance you’ll see this on Friday. I won’t hold my breath, because with 3 hours of television to recap, chances are this is going to take a minute… Time to refresh!

What do we know? We know that Tai has two idols, Troyzan has one, and Sarah has immunity at the next vote. And depending on who wins the next Immunity Challenge, there could be at least 4 people immune at our first Tribal. Wouldn’t that be cool? I could sit here and think about all the permutations of how the Tribals will go tonight, but why waste time? Let’s just get to the show and find out who wins this bi*ch. And based on the tweet I sent out earlier, I’m hoping the final comes down to Sarah, Brad and Tai, and Sarah takes the cake. There, that’s my prediction.

I’m probably wrong…

We cut to Jeff Probst at CBS Radford (it’s the little CBS lot in Studio City, not the real CBS Television City…but I’m not bitter) and he gives us a little backstory on the season. Big names out early, lots of game changing events, and hopefully we won’t be witnessing Varner’s on-air suicide. And yes, we’re going to talk about Zeke being outed, and we’re going to find out about all these idols and how they’re played, but we can’t do that if we don’t start the show. Let’s get ready to rhumba… Who’s dancing with me?

Previously on..Survivor!

-They brought back 20 game changers (or 20 players they thought would increase ratings)
-“You gotta go big or go home”
-Spy Pit
-Sugar Gate
-Debbie Does Delusional
-Tribal Chaos
-Big Moves
-Trans-cendental Mediation
-Sandra Bullock’s The Blind Sides
-Sarah bollocks Cirie by stealing back her Legacy Advantage
-Sending Cookie Puss to the jury

6 are left. Who will survive the next 3 votes…?

We get montages of each player and how they may fare tonight, but this doesn’t matter to us. Let’s just get to the episode proper…

4 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGES FINALE – 5/26/17

  1. Congrats to Sarah . I feel Brad should won . The knock being he didn’t play the social / strategic game . Well with the exception of Tai he didn’t make anybody mad .He was a total dick to Tai . Sarah lied and backstabbed everyone. Now I rant . Cirie yes you got off the couch . That’s it . You did nothing to make yourself a better competitor . How many times on Survivor and still cant swim . Ozzy don’t care to hear your political opinion . Now Jeff . I am calling you out . This season was fixed . The Zeke thing . Jeff how did you know Cirie got zero votes You said you don’t look at them . Its pretty strange Sarah could only use her advantage at 6 and by some miracle there were 3 idols still unplayed . Gee what a way to make Cirie elimination so dramatic . I am still debating if I will watch next season .

  2. I’m surprisingly okay with Sarah winning. Once it got down to the final 6, I was going to be hella pissed if she or Brad didn’t win. They are really the only 2 left at the end who remotely played the game. I think if Brad could have kept his social game going, he would have taken it. But he kind of imploded there at the end. If you had told me at the beginning that the final three would be Brad, Sarah, and Troyzan, I would have laughed and stopped watching. Way to vote out all the actual game changers early and be left with a bunch of weak players. I’m sure Tai is a lovely person in real life, but man, he sucks at Survivor. I agree with Rick that this season felt WAY more scripted and “fixed” than in the past. Why can’t they just drop a bunch of people on a beach and see what happens? I say I won’t watch next season, but I just can’t stay away.

  3. Great recap, as usual. I’m ok with Sarah winning. Brad is an a@@. His “I don’t need the money” comment. He did win a lot of challenges but it’s about more than that. And now I’ve realized I just didn’t like Brad, because I wanted Ozzy to win – lol.

    Thanks for a great season of recaps.

  4. Howdy, friends, and thank you for the final comments of the season. I also received some emails, so thank you to those readers as well. Let’s get right to it…

    Rick! While last year I thought Ken deserved to win because of his challenge prowess and lack of dick moves, this time I’m not sold on whether Brad should have won. Yes, he had challenge prowess, but his dick moves at the end cost him. Who knows what Tai told everyone when he got back to Ponderosa — his video didn’t reveal any of that — about how he was being treated by Brad. All-in-all, it just proves that you gotta be cool to the other players above anything else. I don’t think Sarah was totally innocent, but she did it all without being a bi*ch. I’m with you on Cirie, not with you on Ozzy, and am willing to consider the fix is in. I know they manufacture some things, but they do have certain guidelines they must follow being a gameshow. One thing I’ve read in the past, or heard somewhere, is that Jeff and the producers look at the all the votes and reorder them to build the most drama. That makes total sense as that’s the whole point of entertainment: create drama for the viewers. So in that regard, Jeff totally knew Cirie had zero votes. And while I don’t think the show is totally innocent, there was no way they’d know the Legacy Advantage would go the 6 vote ahead of time. I think some Tribals just materialize and the show takes what it’s given. Please come back next season, you’ll forget all about this b.s. come September. Have a great summer, Rick. Lots of BBQs!

    Jen! You and I feel exactly the same about the Brad or Sarah thing. It was really about which goat would join them. I’m surprised Brad took Sarah instead of Tai. What was he thinking? Perhaps the fatigue, and dehydration, and hunger got to his head because he just pulled a Woo and brought the wrong person to the end. I don’t even know if I would like Tai in real life. Guys like him — eternally positive and looking up — get on my nerves. I mean, at some point, you gotta talk crap about people and complain about shit… Maybe that’s just me… But I really hope the show does something about the way it navigates the story arcs. I think they try too hard, and it takes it toll on the overall experience for the viewers. Thanks for all your comments, Jen. Enjoy your summer!

    RSanon! (I only use this handle for you cuz that new one confuses the crap outta me). Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad something still works. With all the b.s. I’ve been dealing with, I’m relatively surprised I can still find something funny to say every few sentences (hopefully!). Yeah, that whole “I don’t need the money” should never be uttered by a contestant. The show should make that one of it’s bylaws. The whole premise of the show is to win the million, and it kinda cheapens the experience for us to see that some people don’t care. It’s like when people quit. That is such an affront to the viewers those people should instantly be removed from the finale, reunion, and anything show related. So many people want to play, and then to quit is such a p**sy move. And let’s hope they bring Ozzy back one more time for Survivor: Legends…whenever that is. Thank you for a great season of comments. Hope to see you in September. XO (no homo)

    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment, email, or tweet anything about my recaps. I’m really touched you enjoy what I do. Love to you all!

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