May 26th, 2017 | 4 Comments | Posted in Survivor 34 - Game Changers

As we all know, there isn’t a lot to recap at the reunion show, so I’m going to skim over much of it. If something sticks out, I’ll mention it, but this recap is already too damn long to talk about Cirie, Aubry, Sierra and Michaela any more. Let’s get to it. And boy, did I drink a lot of vodka tonight…

-Sarah’s big moves are recapped

-She tells us how Tony was instrumental in her preparation

-She admits she played a little too hard at times

-Jeff asks Brad if he miscalculated the F4 vote, but Brad is more interested in apologizing to Tai for bullying him, and he gets his final “loin hug” of the season.

-When Jeff can finally reign in the Culpepper ego, he’s able to ask the question, “If Brad voted out Sarah instead of Tai, who would you have voted for?” And when hands are raised, it looks like it would have come down to a 5-5 tie, Brad vs. Tai.

This is where it gets a little interesting… Jeff tells them that if this had happened – or if it happens in the future, and right now is an appropriate time to mention the next season of Survivor has already wrapped production so Jeff could be alluding to something that may happen next season? – then the player not involved in the tie (Troyzan) would then move to the jury and cast the deciding vote. And we all know he would have voted for Brad. So…again I say, Mr. Dawn Thomas, do you vote out the player that wronged you, or should you have voted out someone that may have voted for you on the jury? We’ll never know, and I’m mostly confused at how Ozzy raised his hand that he would have voted for Tai instead of Brad. Seriously?

-And Jeff loves pointing out the fact Brad played well enough to win, but “one decision” will haunt him forever…

-Tai tells Jeff the emotional part of the game is “not in my nature,” but “if you ever want me back,” and I’ve stopped listening to Tai, based on those two polar opposite sentences. Why would we ever want to see Tai back?

-Cirie has stupid hair now, and suggests you need to connect with the other players.

-Next up is the Zeke-Varner moment that shook the world. And one thing is definite: Zeke crushed it, and is still crushing it. And Jeff verifies that Zeke took the word “metamorphosis” and made it about his situation. He goes on to say some other wonderful things about his situation, but tonight is about Sarah. Zeke had his moment…

-Varner is up next and he gets a chance to once again apologize for his actions. He reminds us that he owned his mistake and even though he and Zeke won’t be close friends anymore, he also has his support group who helped him through his tough time. And it doesn’t hurt finding a new job after being given the sack. Ok, enough with the Trans story, this is called Game Changers, not Gender Changers…

-Aubry gets a chance to shoot down those rumors of banging Cochran on the Exile Island boat… Let’s hope her real boyfriend isn’t intimated by geeky gingers…

-Sandra gives us a little Latin hustle and shows us why she won twice. Orale pues, chismosa!

-Michaela is given a chance to explain some things, but I just fast-forwarded through that chick’s last 30 seconds of Survivor time…

-Sierra admits she dug her own grave by telling Sarah about the Legacy Advantage

-Malcolm says it was tough to go out like he did.

-Ozzy gets on his soapbox and says the new FT is kush and Trump is a f**king dick…

Up next is the big reveal of Season 35. Let’s watch… Oh wait, I need to write about it. Here’s what I think after watching the tease.

Oh…they’re back in Fiji. That’s…original. I guess they fired the Locations Crew a while ago and they’ve just given up on looking for something new… Or did they just have a lot of coupons left at the Mamanuca Albertsons? But back to the new season, it’s going to be,

Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers

Um. Okay. That’s…different. I guess it could work. Not sure why they’re not going with my Survivor: Holy War or Survivor: Sabotage, but I presume they know what they’re doing, having done it for 34 seasons. However, if the same team had been doing it for that long I’d agree, but something tells me they’re using a lot of crew members and executives that came from other reality shows, which is why Survivor has become a little more…reality TV…and a little less Survivor, the last half dozen seasons or so. We’ll see…

So, I guess that means it’s time to go out and make a new Survivor casting tape. From what I’ve learned, if you try to upload a new video using an old email address, the show sends you back an automated message saying, “Yeah, we got your s**tty video last year. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.” So, my suggestion is that you submit using a brand-new email address. I think I may even try a novel approach and go with, “My family was homeless last year but Survivor kept me alive through it all,” and see if that works. Because if there’s one thing I learned while working in entertainment, you got to have an angle. So, everyone go out there and be the best storyteller of your unique angle and see if the 22-year old casting assistant viewing your video is drawn into your story. Or have fake tits…

As always, I got to throw a little shade at the show for not including everyone. Couldn’t we get a single word from Ciera, Caleb, Debbie (okay, maybe not her), Andrea, Hali or JT? And yeah, they all get $10K for attending, but don’t the fans deserve a final goodbye? So frustrating to not get one last look at Andrea, and hoping she’ll give us a few bars of Do, Re, Mi…

Well, I guess that’s going to wrap it up for another season of Survivor, brought to you by yours truly. I hope I’ve lived up to everything you were looking for in your Survivor recaps, and I hope I didn’t cross too many lines. I know I crossed a few… And while the future looks bright, there’s always a chance the bulb breaks. As I’ve revealed – probably too much – this season, things aren’t always peaches and cream in the Fish Bowl, but I’ll always find a way to get through.

I mentioned there are some opportunities that have presented themselves, which I’m pursuing, and with my “normal” job and “normal” life, I do have a direction. But just like you, sometimes we get sidetracked. These experiences make us who we, but I’ll say it again, they don’t define us. Adversity builds character, but it doesn’t create it. We define ourselves by the choices we make, in good times and bad, so try to remember you are creating your own destiny. Be it on good decisions or bad, fear not, you will end up with a unique story to tell your kids when you’re older.

As I’ve said before, my favorite quote is from Thoreau in Walden where he says,

“Whatever have been thy failures hitherto, be not afflicted, my child, for who shall assign to thee what thou hast left undone?”

So, run with it. Go do something that you’ve left undone, and don’t sweat the little stuff. No one will remember that s**t anyways. But do us all a favor and don’t be too big a dick while making your mistakes. Otherwise, Fish may have to tell you to “eat a bowl of dicks.”

Taking a last, slow, sip of my Skyy cocktail while I finish up this season. Ouch, that burns a little… Yes, I’m sure drinking a whole bottle of vodka in one night does not bode well for my liver or IBS, but it was a long show. And I’ve been in training for many years. And…it’s Survivor.

Stay tuned for my updated Rankings of Every Player. I’ll need to take some time to get that to everyone. I’m pretty sure Ozzy just became the Greatest Player Ever, but let’s see how it all shakes out. I’ll endeavor to get to it in the next week or so. I promise. And we’ll see about all that Survivor swag. I can always keep it for next time.

And will there be a next time? I never know. As much as I enjoy writing these, there’s always the chance things may change in the future. I’ll have a good chat with Reality Steve – the best boss in the world – and see where we are this fall. Hell, I may even attend his party in Vegas next month and finally have a drink with the guy. We’ll see. But I must extend to him my thanks for giving me the forum to entertain all of you. Huzzah!

And my sincerest thanks to all of you for stopping by each week to give it a read. I truly appreciate all of you, whether you bother to comment, email, tweet, or like what I’m doing. And a special thanks to those of you who sent me nudes. I’m a huge fan of those too… Meow! But can someone please tell Tai I’m not interesting is seeing his “Bonsai tree” anymore…?

May the force be with all of us.

Still throwing spaghetti at the walls,

Twitter: @BF_TheFish
AIM: or Bryan Fischer

4 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGES FINALE – 5/26/17

  1. Congrats to Sarah . I feel Brad should won . The knock being he didn’t play the social / strategic game . Well with the exception of Tai he didn’t make anybody mad .He was a total dick to Tai . Sarah lied and backstabbed everyone. Now I rant . Cirie yes you got off the couch . That’s it . You did nothing to make yourself a better competitor . How many times on Survivor and still cant swim . Ozzy don’t care to hear your political opinion . Now Jeff . I am calling you out . This season was fixed . The Zeke thing . Jeff how did you know Cirie got zero votes You said you don’t look at them . Its pretty strange Sarah could only use her advantage at 6 and by some miracle there were 3 idols still unplayed . Gee what a way to make Cirie elimination so dramatic . I am still debating if I will watch next season .

  2. I’m surprisingly okay with Sarah winning. Once it got down to the final 6, I was going to be hella pissed if she or Brad didn’t win. They are really the only 2 left at the end who remotely played the game. I think if Brad could have kept his social game going, he would have taken it. But he kind of imploded there at the end. If you had told me at the beginning that the final three would be Brad, Sarah, and Troyzan, I would have laughed and stopped watching. Way to vote out all the actual game changers early and be left with a bunch of weak players. I’m sure Tai is a lovely person in real life, but man, he sucks at Survivor. I agree with Rick that this season felt WAY more scripted and “fixed” than in the past. Why can’t they just drop a bunch of people on a beach and see what happens? I say I won’t watch next season, but I just can’t stay away.

  3. Great recap, as usual. I’m ok with Sarah winning. Brad is an a@@. His “I don’t need the money” comment. He did win a lot of challenges but it’s about more than that. And now I’ve realized I just didn’t like Brad, because I wanted Ozzy to win – lol.

    Thanks for a great season of recaps.

  4. Howdy, friends, and thank you for the final comments of the season. I also received some emails, so thank you to those readers as well. Let’s get right to it…

    Rick! While last year I thought Ken deserved to win because of his challenge prowess and lack of dick moves, this time I’m not sold on whether Brad should have won. Yes, he had challenge prowess, but his dick moves at the end cost him. Who knows what Tai told everyone when he got back to Ponderosa — his video didn’t reveal any of that — about how he was being treated by Brad. All-in-all, it just proves that you gotta be cool to the other players above anything else. I don’t think Sarah was totally innocent, but she did it all without being a bi*ch. I’m with you on Cirie, not with you on Ozzy, and am willing to consider the fix is in. I know they manufacture some things, but they do have certain guidelines they must follow being a gameshow. One thing I’ve read in the past, or heard somewhere, is that Jeff and the producers look at the all the votes and reorder them to build the most drama. That makes total sense as that’s the whole point of entertainment: create drama for the viewers. So in that regard, Jeff totally knew Cirie had zero votes. And while I don’t think the show is totally innocent, there was no way they’d know the Legacy Advantage would go the 6 vote ahead of time. I think some Tribals just materialize and the show takes what it’s given. Please come back next season, you’ll forget all about this b.s. come September. Have a great summer, Rick. Lots of BBQs!

    Jen! You and I feel exactly the same about the Brad or Sarah thing. It was really about which goat would join them. I’m surprised Brad took Sarah instead of Tai. What was he thinking? Perhaps the fatigue, and dehydration, and hunger got to his head because he just pulled a Woo and brought the wrong person to the end. I don’t even know if I would like Tai in real life. Guys like him — eternally positive and looking up — get on my nerves. I mean, at some point, you gotta talk crap about people and complain about shit… Maybe that’s just me… But I really hope the show does something about the way it navigates the story arcs. I think they try too hard, and it takes it toll on the overall experience for the viewers. Thanks for all your comments, Jen. Enjoy your summer!

    RSanon! (I only use this handle for you cuz that new one confuses the crap outta me). Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad something still works. With all the b.s. I’ve been dealing with, I’m relatively surprised I can still find something funny to say every few sentences (hopefully!). Yeah, that whole “I don’t need the money” should never be uttered by a contestant. The show should make that one of it’s bylaws. The whole premise of the show is to win the million, and it kinda cheapens the experience for us to see that some people don’t care. It’s like when people quit. That is such an affront to the viewers those people should instantly be removed from the finale, reunion, and anything show related. So many people want to play, and then to quit is such a p**sy move. And let’s hope they bring Ozzy back one more time for Survivor: Legends…whenever that is. Thank you for a great season of comments. Hope to see you in September. XO (no homo)

    Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment, email, or tweet anything about my recaps. I’m really touched you enjoy what I do. Love to you all!

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