SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 11/18/16

We got an obstacle course Reward up and from the preview I saw beforehand, it looks like the teams are not going to be very fair. Let’s just get to it. Jeff tells them about the stages:

-retrieve a key
-unlock a crate
-drag the crate under a net
-throw bolos

They’re playing for a trip to a resort, where they’ll lounge poolside, dine on cheeseburgers, fries and cocktails…or milk for Will, who nearly loses his virginity at the sound of the word “cheeseburgers.”

Team captains selected were Chris and Hannah – hello, opposite sides of the spectrum – and the teams they schoolyard picked are:

Purple Team
Chris
Bret
Ken
David
Sunday
Taylor

Orange Team
Hannah
Adam
Will
Zeke
Jay
Jessica

And right away you can see the disparity in talent. Not that Jay and Jessica aren’t qualified participants, but seriously, Hannah? You were just saying how you’re ready to play, and not be a goat, and excited to be part of some strategy, and you pick the lamest team in Survivor history? Is there an intelligence test to get on this show or are they using the “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” method of weeding out the smart ones and going with the dim bulbs…? (I know because I applied for that show years ago…)

And just as everyone – except Helen Keller – could guess, the Purple Team is destroying this challenge. I can’t even mention the highlights of both teams, because there are none for Orange. Note to Hannah: if there’s a physical challenge, pick strong people, not your friends. Idiot…

And it looks like Jessica is thinking, “How the f**k did I end up on this team?”

Meanwhile, Purple is destroying the challenge and then Taylor steps up and throws bolos like he’s been boloing ass in Argentina since adolescence. Good for him… There’s nothing good to be said about Hannah’s picks, and as the Purple team heads off to feast/drink/swim, Hannah can only confess how stupid she looks for having picked a terrible team.

At the resort/reward challenge, a few dudes are forgetting they’re on a competitive show and just wanna get sh**ty. Magnum is at the top of that list as he begins throwing down cocktails like he owns the bar. I’m just glad there’s no p**sy around to grab, otherwise Bret may have a restraining order against him in Fiji. He provides the best comic relief I’ve seen this season with his drunken rants/comments/laughing, and it just touches me in a way that only drinkers can appreciate. Goddammit, I hope he wins now…

And even when Sunday discusses strategy and the fractured Gen-X tribe, I don’t care because I know Magnum is drunk, and happy, and that’s all that really matters…

Back at the Vinaka camp, Jay and Adam go for a poop and Jay takes the opportunity to feel Adam out for what he’s thinking. Adam tells him that since he was on the outs with the Millennials, he felt it only natural to climb into the Gen-X bed and make sweet passionate love to them.

He then confesses he may be playing too aggressively now, and doesn’t think it uncouth to belittle Jay for where he stands. I don’t think it’s so jerky to tell someone, “you’re on the bottom,” considering it’s a game and half the stuff people say are lies, but Jay is particularly offended at Adam’s statements and I’m wondering if Jay is just playing this up for drama.

Nah, couldn’t happen, right…?

A moment later, after Jay relays to Will, Hannah, and Zeke that Adam just demoralized him for being “on the bottom,” he gets them all to admit that Adam is an ass*ole and no one should work with him anymore. He can’t be too smart if he’s gloating to Jay about how things played out, and Zeke is the leading advocate of the truth, which is that people vote against those who make others feel like they’re on the bottom…

Day 25 rolls around and Bret is sober again. Damn, I miss drunk Bret already… He and Sunday discuss why Jessica is against them, but the fact they both voted for her previously is the reason. But since Sunday knows that Jay is now on the bottom, she’s going to take this moment to try and forge something with her Ikabula brother from another mother… She tells him to write Jessica’s name down tonight, and to pass that message along to Taylor and Will, so there’s 4 votes against Jessica. And with her Day 26 Legacy Advantage, I just wonder how solid this agreement is between Sundae and Jay.

Off to the Immunity Challenge we go and it’s the “balance a ball on a bowed piece of wood” we saw way back in Survivor: South Pacific when Whitney outlasted Dawn and Jim Rice to win Immunity. Back then, most of the Upolu tribe opted to eat rather than participate, so let’s see if we get a better turnout this time.

After describing the challenge, Jeff tempts the players with grilled ham & cheese, potato chips and beer/soft drinks to anyone willing/confident enough to sit out. And after losing out on the Reward Challenge, I think only Millennials will be willing to forego the competition and eat, and sure enough, only Will and Zeke decide to chow now, ask questions later…

Will’s explanation for not participating actually makes a lot of sense, “I could lose to the ‘well-balanced’ surfer boys and go back to camp empty, or I could sit out and go back with a full belly,” and it doesn’t seem all that unreasonable. I also saw a deleted scene from this episode today with Will where he explains how big of a boner he had to eat cheeseburgers last challenge, so he’s ready to bite into any meat toot sweet. I think that’s why Zeke chose to join him at the table, sitting unusually close to the little boy.

Meanwhile, the challenge gets underway and immediately Hannah takes a seat. Way to prove yourself, Larry…

After the first period, Sunday makes a great save, and then Magnum drops out. As he goes to take a seat on the bench, he sees Zeke chugging a beer and Bret whines,

“Why didn’t I opt out?”

The players move down a section and immediately, Jessica, Sunday, David and Chris all drop out. Well, that was quick. We’re down to Jay, Adam, Taylor and Ken. And then Adam and Jay fall out, leaving Taylor and Ken – the well-balanced surfer dudes – to battle it out. Each with their own crazy approach, Taylor’s method of not paying attention and thinking about Figgy’s kooch eventually lets him down and he drops his ball. Ken doll is the victor!

And once the necklace is placed around Ken’s neck, Jeff reminds everyone that someone is going home. To which Jay confesses it’s either him or Taylor, but hopefully this crazy Jessica vote will come to fruition.

When everyone returns to camp, they slap a low five to Ken’s plastic penis and immediately begin thinking about who’s going home. Once again, they reassure us it’ll probably be Jay or Taylor, since Will is viewed as a non-entity. But in case an idol is played, it’s probably better to split the vote. David is now providing commentary on this possibility, and from what he’s telling us, it’s definitely going to be either Taylor or Jay. Man, they’re not hiding it tonight, are they?

The Majority alliance gathers quickly to make a decision, and everyone agrees that splitting the vote will be the best approach. However, once the group splits up, Sunday admits to Bret that she’s not comfortable with the decision, since she still has a crush on Jay from Ikabula. And now that there’s a moment to think, she admits to Bret she’d rather take out Jessica – and hold on a second, when did Jessica get those incredible boobs? You know I usually pay attention to that kinda stuff, and to find out she’s packing the sexy since Day 1 makes me wonder if I’m losing my mojo… Oh well, I guess starvation does some bodies good.

“We have to do Jess next time,” she says, and Magnum grins… He wants to stay tight with Sunday, so he tells her he’ll speak with Chris.

But Sunday is too dumb to let this “vote for Taylor or Jay” conversation without her, and shares a hammock chat with Jay to spill the beans. I think this kind of openness may not work out for her later in the game, but she’s not telling him anything he doesn’t already know. When Taylor approaches, he learns what everyone already knows: it’s one of them tonight. (But is it ever THAT easy…?)

And with an idol in his back pocket, Jay knows he has options, so he’s not done fighting yet. The two bros take a walk down the beach, where Taylor reveals his secret stash to Jay, and they enjoy a Last Supper together. While dining, Jay tells us about his 3 options:

1. Walk in with the idol around his neck.
2. Give the idol to Taylor after the vote, but that could backfire if they’re splitting
3. Keep it hidden, hope for the best, and hope they didn’t pull a fast one on him

Taylor then decides that since nothing matters anymore, he might as well tell Jay about Adam’s Reward Advantage – which still seems more like a curse than an advantage, but we can debate that later – Jay then stares at Tails like they’re now the ones starring in Brokeback Atoll which is creeping me out a little.

So since he’s already spilled the beans to Jay, Taylor wonders what the harm (or help) it might be to tell everyone at Tribal. Jay is all in favor of that…but of course he’s in favor of anything that takes the spotlight away from him. Taylor confesses he’s still trying to avenge Figgy’s “death,” and this reveal could be the final thing that swings the pendulum off him and onto Adam. We’ll see…