What? A tie score?! What the hell happened? A rain delay too? OMG, don’t these people have to be at work tomorrow?
The losers return to camp and sit around moping over what to do. Bret and Sunday realize it’ll probably be one of them, and that doesn’t sit too well with Sunday, since she’s not used to having other people determine her fate, especially not a bunch of punk-ass Millennials. As is the custom this season, she sheds some tears and accepts her fate…
The two Gen-Xers take a walk and realize they must write each other’s name down, because that’s their only play…unless something else happens, Bret portends.
Nearby, Michaela has called together the Millennials to lay out her “rocks and shells” scenario where it doesn’t matter which Gen-X they take out tonight because if they stick together, they’ll dictate how the rest of the game will play out, guaranteeing them all the final four.
Her whole theory is based on the trust she feels for these four people, and she’s putting all her eggs in this insane basket that she can predict how the next 6 episodes will go. Good luck with that, NaOnka…
After listening to her theory, Jay suddenly confesses he’s had an epiphany. Let’s take out Michaela because she’s smart, good at challenges, and will never expect it. And I think I just fell in love with Jay, but not in a gay way. In a…“let’s celebrate becoming the kingpins of Gotham, you can be the Penguin and I’ll be Edward Nigma” kind of way… And that hot lookalike Ms. Kringle chick can be my side-bi*ch…
Jay takes Will on a nature hike of all the places to poop nearby and decides now is the time to describe his “Must Kill Michaela” plot. Will is in total agreement, because not only is she thinking way too far ahead in the game, she also knows Jay has an idol, which could work against him/them later. They hem-and-haw over the details, but decide the time is right. Even Will claims that Michaela is “so smart – which makes me doubt if any Millennial is bright enough to run the world someday – but I’ll cut the kid some slack, since he’s probably distracted by thoughts of how much tail he’s going to score once he gets back home…
And as the time ticks down to Tribal, Jay confesses this move could be the one that makes or breaks his game, because the aftermath of making a big move can never be predicted. We’ll see… It’s time to leave for Tribal.
Everyone takes a seat and Jeff queries the players…
-Michaela says everyone in this tribe can be trusted
-Jay confirms this show is nuts
-Sunday tells Jeff this tribe didn’t go nuts
-Michaela says the current Ikabula could run the game if Jeff would allow it
-Sunday confirms that she and Bret know they’re on the outs…
-Bret realizes the other tribes have had surprising votes, to which he’s open to, but considering how genuine he’s been with the Millennials – eliciting an eye-roll from Jay – he’s willing to make a move…any move.
-Will verifies that playing a dangerous Tony Vlachos “guns a’ blazin’” game may not be the best method because you need to find those who you trust and latch onto them.
-Jay tells Jeff that he/anyone needs to follow their gut because “that’s all you got.”
-Michaela states she’s only thinking about who she can be with at Final Five…
-Will asserts that the remaining 5 players will be a trustworthy group.
-Jay agrees and says the bonds will be strengthened by tonight’s vote
-and finally, Michaela agrees the tribe will be stronger moving forward, but she hopes that whichever of the Gen-Xers stay, they won’t feel like they’re at the bottom.
Jeff states that this group is either totally trustworthy (unlikely) or they’re about to blindside someone (likely), so it’s time to vote…
They do, Jeff grabs the urn, and no one plays a Hidden Immunity Idol. Let’s read the votes…
Bret
Bret
Michaela (who is shocked to see her name written down)
Michaela (more shock)
Michaela
“What?!” shrieks Michaela, and stares hard at Will and Jay.
“Did you do that?” she asks Jay.
“Yeah, I did that…”
She continues to leer at him…for an uncomfortable amount of time. And I could go on a rant about how she’s being a bully, or a bit*h, or several other unflattering things, but I’ve said enough about this chick…
“Seventh person voted out…”
Michaela
And now Hannah’s playing the role of Dumbfounded Betty.
Frustrated, pissed, shoeless, Michaela grabs her torch, curses Jay, and stomps over to Jeff. She can’t even look at Jeff as he snuffs her torch. She’s more interested in playing the role of SuperBi*ch and trying to intimidate Jay.
I must mention something here, for everyone to digest. If you’re a girl – not a woman – a GIRL, who’s been voted off Survivor, don’t try to intimidate anyone into thinking you’re such a badass that you’ll “do something” to get back at the person who just outsmarted you. I know I’ve already read exit interviews with Michaela where she says she was “over it” 45 minutes later, but she was “in it” right now.
Even when CeCe was blindsided a couple weeks ago, she was mature enough to accept it, wish the other players well, and move on. The way Michaela is handling herself right now is akin to all the worst bi*ches who’ve been shown the exit door on Survivor. I don’t need to open the can of worms of race, or age, or gender, or anything else right now, I just want to go on record to say how much I hate players/people like Michaela, and I hope this show thinks twice about letting immature bullies like her on anymore.
Of course, she’ll be back next season with a bunch of adults who know how to play the game, so I can wait for her to be eaten alive by savvier players. Rot in hell, you idiot… I’m just surprised Jay didn’t defend himself a little more when she was going on with her stupid antics.
“FU, bi*ch!” would’ve sufficed, but maybe I’m a bit too emotional for this game…
Meanwhile, Hannah is twitching like an idiot for having witnessed this, and I hope to God she’s having a panic attack right now forcing her out of the game. I swear, if these are the kinds of players that we have to watch on future seasons, I may not be up for this. Gimme all the All-Star and Blood vs. Water and Survivor: Legends seasons you got, but when I see this kind of player, I want to puke.
Just makes me think that Survivor has become more of a reality show, and less of a competition show. I’ve always been a fan, but this is the kind of casting that forces people away from the show. Just like The Walking Dead lost a bunch of viewers with their incredibly violent season premiere, Survivor can lose viewers with who they choose to present to their fans.
What shows sometimes forget is they only exist because of the viewers, and they should run all their decisions through the “What would our viewers think if we…” filter. And that’s how they need to conduct their casting. Stop thinking “Who will be the most dramatic/emotional/controversial” and start thinking, “Who will be the most relevant?” “Who will generate the biggest connection?” and “Who will future players emulate?”
Trust me, it won’t be players like Michaela. Her 15 minutes will only be extended by the poor decisions of someone on the show, and let’s hope THAT person has someone to answer to.
And before I move on, I know there’s a whole other discussion here about how 5 of the 7 people voted off so far have been Women of Color (and 6 of 7 if you consider Figgy a WOC, but I think most people think of her as just a “white girl”) but that isn’t something I can get into right now. Maybe in a future column if any more WOC go home. Oh, wait, what’s that? There are no more WOC…? Well then, problem solved, right…?
Oh wow, I did such a huge happy dance to see Bleck-kay-lah gone. She was so full of herself, so rude, ugh she was just outright annoying. Go sell someone a timeshare and get off the TV Felicia! Anyway, what happened to the big rumor that she was one of the final 3? Do you think that was a red herring? I was sure she wouldn’t be voted out bc I thought there had been some spoiler that leaked basically saying she was one of the last finalists? What do you think Fish? 2nd, this really bugged me and you mentioned it but didn’t discuss. Bret and Sunday-WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WRITE EACH OTHER’S NAMES DOWN????? To me, that is the stupidest strategy every. Here’s why…yes, you both thought you were on the bottom. So its not like if one of you suddenly was voted out, that the other one would be safe just bc you put down your ally’s name. You would still be on the bottom and would have possibly F’d up a chance to get someone else out. It seemed so dumb, I almost wondered if they were sort of “acting” upon the directive of a meddling producer to throw us-the audience-off from the surprise of Mikey-a-la going? Am I being totally paranoid? That just seemed like the worst thing ever. To me, if you are on the bottom 2, show some guts and make a smart vote. Bugged me SO MUCH!!!! Hanna has big boobs BTW Fish. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed but may be too distracted by the pile of hair and giant glasses she has. She kind of reminds me of Rocky the Squirrel or maybe the squirrel on Sponge Bob-Sandy Cheeks? Definitely some type of rodent. I loved how you said in the recap that you fell in love with Jay when he said to Michela, “yeah, I voted you out.” I felt exactly the same way. Jay went way up on my list of favorites. And here’s another question….do you really think Hanna is that astute that she could just figure out Bret is a cop simply bc of his Boston accent. My son Jack, who is 12, is convinced the producers leaked a hint to her. See, he’s paranoid now too. (or just cynical like mom) What do you think? Yes, I also agree with you about the “types” that all of these shows feel they must cast, like its a sitcom which has to have the straight man, the wacky neighbor, the slutty sister in law and the kid who is smarter than every one else. So annoying. That’s why I like the weird, annoying people sometimes, but I guess one could argue they are a type too? Big Brother has been totally ruined the past few seasons by doing that. They are all about 20 years old, very attractive and all wanting to be famous. Its no fun. At least Survivor has tried a bit to still have some people who are a mix of ages, races and not all in perfect shape. Anyway, great recap as always and sorry I’m going on and on, but I had a lot to say. I too am worried about Tuesday. You probably wouldn’t like my vote since I think I’m a much more conservative person than you. Its weird though, some of the people I like the most are ones who are TOTAL political opposites of me. I’d never agree with you about it, but I still like you anyway. Have a great week Fishy! Luv your biggest fan.
Great episode !!! Great recap !!! Hannah actually had the nerve to tell everyone to stay honest ? 6 episodes or 387 anxiety attacks ago you stabbed the only person who opened up to you in the back ! For people you knew didn’t respect you . Hannah you are a clueless human being . Get your s&^t together kid . Jay has ice water in his veins . He was so cool and calm . Yes I did that ! Simple and accurate good move sir ! Well played !
I mostly liked Michaela in the same sense that one can be mostly dead or mostly pregnant, it doesn’t seem possible but it happens. Also, I’m mostly glad your back Fish!
Hola, amigos! Thank you for writing in, I know it’s kind of a pain to register and comment but I want you to know how much I appreciate your effort. Now let’s dish some dirt…!
kinb: Hey, my #1 reader! Missed ya! I’m so glad we’re on the same page about Belch-kay-la. Just a snapdragon, that one… I never heard she was going to be final 3, but since they’ve revealed the cast of S34 — of which she’s included — it was assumed she would do some damage this season. I guess a) going topless in that challenge, b) being an outright bitch every week, c) being available, and d) on a boring season, it wasn’t hard for her to make herself seen. Seriously, the only other people who could have been considered are:
Ken – probably not gonna be away from his daughter for that long, or he wins
Jessica – same can be said for her, or she wins…
Jay – the only one who could’ve taken Michaela’s spot, maybe this mean he wins…?
Figgy – Seriously, why isn’t she on S34? She would have been perfect. This is a perfect example of the show opting for high drama beeyotches than sexy players…
Taylor – couldn’t be away from baby mama…
David, Bret, Chris – couldn’t be away from work for that long
Paul, Rachel, Mari – left the game too early to make a connection with viewers.
Sunday, Adam, Hannah, Will, Lucy, CeCe and Michelle – boring af…
Zeke – is on S34…
Yeah, the Bret/Sunday thing could’ve been just a seed planted by a producer. I think if you’re in that situation, you say to the other, “Let’s both vote for Hannah,” and then you vote for Sunday. Doesn’t make sense…
You’re right about me not noticing Hannah’s boobs. She just doesn’t register on my boob-dar… I think it’s that whole Larry from the Three Stooges thing. He was never sexy to me. Now, Shemp, that dude was a goer…
Yeah, I also wanna believe the producers get more involved than they let on, but who knows? Coach made it seem like producers are merely there to observe, but I can’t believe the whole “reality show producer pool” is so vast that the same mistakes (or methods) used by Bachelor/ette producers are not used on Survivor. Let’s hope not…
No comment on Big Brother, I’ve never watched it. I hate Julie Chen, and the format just seems like everything I hate about reality TV. I hate that it’s in the same discussion as Survivor… But I do like your point about Survivor casting different types. I just wish they found more interesting/savvy/sexy people.
I’ll refrain from discussing anything political tonight. It’s the last night of America’s youth, tomorrow is our Bat Mitzvah. We’ll finally become a grownup. But I’ll say this, the more conservative candidate may have some good ideas, but the way those ideas are presented ruins it for me. I need a smooth operator. A good communicator. We’ll see what happens. It wouldn’t surprise me who gets elected because this country has a lot of stupid people in it.
Thanks for all your support. I love your passion!!!
Rick: Why do you still hate BBQs!? I don’t get it… Seriously, dude, thank you for continuing to write in. Sorry I didn’t get back to you last week. I was moping over the lack of comments coming in. However, I appreciate your dedication to the column. I agree with your thoughts on Hannah and Jay, but I really wished Jay would’ve spoken up a bit more and threw it back at Michaela. If someone stared me down like that, I’d be sure to slap him/her down
a little. Or definitely yell out some funny/nasty shit as she walks away from Tribal. Gotta give the folks at home something to remember too. And you can’t let bullies get away with that shizz. Make ’em look stupid. Thanks for writing in!
Susie: I’m glad you’re back! Missed ya! I think you just complimented me, but I’m mostly confused… 😉 Let me just say I’m glad to be back, and hope it continues for a long time. I truly missed it/all of you. Keep reading, and — despite what I wrote — use that social media to spread the word! Good luck this week!
And I really hope we can put this whole election behind us so I can stop talking about it. It’s hard to be an adult and NOT have a strong opinion on what’s going on, but I know none of you came here for that. I hope I’m not losing any readers based on what I’ve written.
Remember, everyone, nothing I say means anything. Half the shit I write is the equivalent to drunk tweets. I’m just trying to get a laugh… Please keep that in mind…
Now, offer to buy me a drink and I’ll meet anyone, anywhere, in Southern California to take them up on it! Bartender, make it double!
Mazel tov!