The women head off to Final Tribal and finally it’s about to unfold. With 8 people on the jury and we already know where 3 of those votes (Jon, Baylor and Jeremy) are going, we’re looking at one vote for each going in and 5 votes up in the air:
Josh
Reed
Wes
Keith
Alec
Missy uses her opening statement to say that loyalty and integrity were her strong points and her biggest move was voting out Jon. Whatevs.
Jaclyn feeds us the “I was a target from the beginning. I lucked out after the tribe swap. I’m a big reason why ‘these two’ are still here. And I have MRKH! Don’t forget I have MRKH! This game is similar to my real life. When I was down, I picked myself up. And I have MRKH…”
Natalie actually incorporates “outwit, outplay, outlast” in her speech so that means something. (Truthfully, I don’t know how she can’t win at this point, considering the game she’s played.) She continues by bragging how she kicked ass in challenges, was awesome around camp, and after her sister left, she steeled herself to go the distance. She wraps it up by saying that she should have gone home the night before, instead of Keith. Let’s see if honesty wins her any points.
Final questions are up now and I’m praying we get some anger. I mean I want to see all that putrid, boiling, pent up frustration come out of these guys who’ve lived their lives watching Survivor and having to watch THESE THREE fight it out for the million. Unreal.
Jon is up first. We know who he’s going to vote for but let’s see what he brings. He actually surprises me by asking Jaclyn a serious question. He wants her to present a situation where she made a decision all by her lonesome. She does, and we all see what he just did there. Very clever Jon…
Prediction: Jaclyn (duh)
Keith asks Natalie how it feels to have a lie be the last thing she said to him. She defends it as him being a big threat, but he’s just appalled (no, he didn’t use that word) that she would do that when he went half the game without having to lie. He’s done with this mess.
Prediction: Missy
Alec asks Natalie for her biggest move and she replies it was taking him out. Props! Make the guy feel important. Take heed, ladies, Natalie knows what’s up… He then asks Missy to defend her role as “motherly” in the game. She explains how she directed her minions to take out anyone that didn’t trust her. Jaclyn gets no question. Not even, “So, were you flirting with me…?”
Prediction: Natalie
Baylor gives us the “Kat” speech and tells us how amazing her mom is. The fact that she finished the game on one foot is a perfect metaphor for their lives outside the game. Tears…
Prediction: Missy
Josh asks Jaclyn if she thinks that being aligned with a strong player allowed her to go deep in the game. She says that if he’s referring to Jon being the “strong player,” than no because they made all those decisions together. Josh then wants to know one decision she made all alone and she said it was taking out him. I’ll have to check that episode, but I’ll allow it. And it’s funny how people always say their biggest move was taking out the person asking the question. Kind of ridiculous and fake at this point….
Prediction: Natalie
You know Wes ain’t gonna bring nothin’ so I’ll just move on. He does ask Jeff about that nude scene on Two and a Half Men again, “man, I loved that,” he says as he licks his moustache all the way back to his seat… Jeff tells him he’ll autograph his merkin for him and send it to the firehouse…
Prediction: Missy
Jeremy employs the same no-nonsense approach a few others have used previously (Erik Cardona & David Murphy) and says that Natalie deserves it so just give it to her. He’s not mad, he’s not going to rip anyone, he just wants to go home, I think.
Prediction: Natalie
Reed brings it home and let’s hope they’ve saved the best for last. He’s in the cherry spot, so he’d better bring the brattiest, snarkiest, snippiest questions imaginable. He starts with nothing but love for Natalie and Jaclyn, but then lets loose on Missy. Thank God we have some shade thrown because it was starting to look like Tribal Council was happening at noon. I got to applaud him for slyly putting her down in the most eloquent ways, which leaves Missy speechless, Baylor dumbfounded, Alec’s mouth agape, and Wes’s tongue hanging. Thank you, Reed, for saving the best for last. I think you may have just guaranteed a return visit to a future season, with or without Josh. The speech leaves Baylor blubbering and Missy with some things to consider.
Prediction: Natalie
So, with that, I’m looking at:
Jaclyn 1 vote
Missy 3
Natalie 4
Jeff reads the votes in Los Angeles:
Jaclyn
Natalie
Jaclyn
Missy
Natalie
Natalie
Natalie
Natalie (unread)
Oh yeah, Twinnie for the Winnie! (I stole that…) Natalie is the big winner and gets bragging rights over her sister for eternity. What other reality show can she go on now? I have to say she deserved it over the other final 9 players, but I just wonder how this season would have turned out if the game had been played “correctly.” No bartering, no extra bag of rice, no quitting, no giving up rewards. Just play the f**king game like you’re supposed to! I guess there’s no use crying over spilled coconut milk (and rice), Natalie gets the cash and the glory.
I’m going to quickly skim through most of the reunion show because it’s not part of “the season.” So please forgive me if I’m not relaying everything said… We’re already 16 minutes deep into the Reunion Show, so there can’t be too much to discuss. I guess the producers knew this group didn’t have a lot to offer, so let’s just say hello to everyone, and find out who’s on Season 30, shall we?
One topic that’s discussed repeatedly is how difficult it is to play with “wild cards,” like Keith. I’m hoping that we’ll never see him again, but for some reason his goofiness was infectious for a lot of fans. I pray he’s not coming back because I think he still doesn’t know how to play the game. However, I must admit it’d be interesting to have a season of “Superfans” vs. “Wild Cards.” Agree?
The Reed vs. Missy spat was interesting. I get both sides, but he could have thrown her a fake TV “I’m sorry” just so she could hear those words. May not have meant anything, but he did come across as kind of a bitch…
Finally, this is it. Season 30 preview. Let’s get it on… (unpausing DVR now…)
What? This isn’t Survivor: Legends! This is something called White Collar vs. Blue Collar vs. No Collar. What the f**k is that?! Is this going to be another Brains vs. Brawn vs. Boob Jobs which loses its theme after 3 episodes…? And there are no returning players? What? Who decided on this? I bet the “appearance fees” of ex-players was too high and CBS just scrapped the whole idea. Gosh darn it, now we’re not going to get our Coach fix! And I know a lot of you were Jonesing for some Coach…
Or maybe they’re trying to pull a fast one and giving us this WC/BC/NC ruse, complete with artistic montage and Jeff REALLY selling it, and then they surprise us with Survivor: Legends! That would be the greatest twist ever on reality TV. Can someone please ask me first?
Or maybe they’re just playing with us and returning players will fit into one of those categories. It’ll be WC vs. BC vs. NC: Legends! Now THAT would be epic! I really need to be in on these creative pitch meetings so I can help mold the Survivor footprint. I won’t hold my breath for that, ‘because I’m sure a lot of other “experts” are already in those meetings. Fine, I’ll just watch the damn shows…
And seriously, is “No Collar” the best you could do? Not “Free Spirit?” Not “No Rules?” Not “420 Collar?” Did it have to be a 3rd collar? I thought “those people” don’t play by the rules so they don’t need to conform to the others. I don’t want to think the show rushed this one through, but weren’t we all expecting a little more…? Whatevs…we’ll all tune in like the lemmings we are.
So that’s it. We’re done for the season. I guess Kelley & Dale, Drew & Alec, Val, and Julie have nothing to say. No update, no comments, no nothing. I get it that Julie (the loveliest quitter…) doesn’t get to speak, but surely we could have heard something from the other contestants rather than those insipid moments with the audience!? Most of them are CBS employees anyway, so why should we care? Always frustrating when we don’t get a check-in with everyone, right, Erik Reichenbach?
And that is how we’ll wrap the season. A little disappointed, a little relieved, a little hopeful, but not too hopeful. This franchise needs to keep cranking it up instead of just trying new things. I don’t know who the brain trust is behind every big creative decision, but it needs a little tweaking. Things need to be thought through a little more, instead of just changing directions when an ant hits a wall. They need to find a way to scale that wall, or go through it. I’ll always love the show, because like you, I’m a fan. I have an infinite well of optimism that they can make it better, and I’ll always keep my fingers crossed for a miracle season of strong, sexy, smart players who are fans of the game. Please, Jeff, make it happen…
Until next time (maybe February 26th?) I’m the Fish signing off. Apologies for the delay in getting this final column to you. Just a lot going on. Please keep in touch with me via comment below, email, Twitter, or send me a bottle of vodka. Maybe someday we can all have a drink somewhere… Until then, happy holidays and enjoy the new year. There’s a lot on the horizon…
Affectionately,
Bryan
Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/BF_TheFish
AIM: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com or Bryan Fischer
Ok Bryan, you better not go anywhere! Now I’m going to be worried sick for 3 months. You better keep us posted if you do recaps elsewhere. 🙁
My thoughts/complaints/questions
1) Did Missy even break her foot? No recap on that? She kept saying it was broken yet they never did an X-ray. Kinda bugged me.
2)Reed’s speech was classic. Ouch. He must have been practicing that at Ponderosa for days. Give him a Tony!
3)I’m not fussing at you but man, why so anti-Keith? I myself have a soft spot for rednecks since many fairly close relatives are rednecks but let’s not digress. He actually did win immunity more times than most. You have to give him that. No, he wasn’t a schemer but it worked out somehow. He was a better player than Jac. or missy. I just think you were kinda harsh.
4)Everyone on the Survivor Facebook page thinks Alec was stoned at the final tribal. Do you think he could score that at Ponderosa?
5)What happened to Fan favorite? Also, notice no shots of past contestants…? I always love seeing them. I thought at least Tony would be on. (I loved Tony!) No Cass, no Woo? At least a grumpy shot of Russell (who I love even though you don’t like him)
6)Does the runner up win anything?
7)Don’t you think Jac looked just like Britney Spears at the Finale? But what an ugly yellow dress.
8)Loved the Christy MacNichol reference you did a few weeks ago with Wes. That was so funny! (showing my age here)
9)I actually fast forwarded through all the comments from Fans on the finale. Jeff, I could care less about the dumb fans, yes, call me mean but even the make a wish foundation kid.
I will miss these recaps each week. There is always a period of bad tv over the next few months. Even Homeland is almost over. Stay in touch Mr. Fish!!!
Not sure what I am more disappointed in, this season or the next season. The whole collar thing seems so contrived, so political, so much with the class warfare certain people are pushing these days. The white collar “makes the rules” , blue collar ‘follows the rules” is just bs. I am white collar and have never made any rules. Oh well off on a tangent perhaps the season will surprise me.
I was bored and did not fully pay attention, but the aftershow seemed pointless. No drama at all. The only thing I learned was that Reed and BF are religious, I some how missed that during the season.
I also did nor understand Jacyln’s statement on how the money will help her have kids. Too lazy to look it up, but is her condition treatable? That money can cure it?
Why was Missy forced to climb the tower during the last challenge? She was shown climbing down.
I think Missy had the funniest line, but perhaps I just heard wrong. She was talking about her experience with men and how with 7 men on the jury she should have no problems. Did she say she would have no problem taking on 7 men?
Kate – As my most dedicated commenter, I feel obliged to be straight with you. I’m not trying to take my “talents” (or lack thereof!) elsewhere. I’m just feeling like this juice ain’t worth the squeeze. I know it takes time to develop an online audience — and I do so appreciate the audience I have — but with the amount of time I have to put into this endeavor, with nary a dime earned, it’s just not making a lot of sense for my family. Perhaps I’ll contact Scott Ottersen to see what he experienced, but right now I’m thinking I need to be spending more time with the fam than watching a bunch of hillbillies run around an island. Not to sound bitter, but I used to have nothing but love for Survivor, but the past couple seasons have left a bad taste in my mouth. I began this adventure as a fan, and I’d like to remain one, so that might mean just being a viewer again. We’ll see how I feel come February… Regardless, I’ll always be happy to receive your emails/tweets/comments/etc.
Footgate: yeah, first it was not serious, then she was claiming she fractured her foot. What’s the deal? I saw tweets from Eliza stating the contract contestants sign mandates they participate in challenges. Why was she excused? Seems like the show decided it was too much work to boot her off than to just let her skate and see what happens. Kinda shitty if you ask me.
Speechgate: Yeah, with all of Reed’s Broadway/drama training, you know he knows how to deliver a speech. And it looked like it was rehearsed extensively. That’s what reality shows are about so screw anyone who says he was being cruel. She didn’t have to just sit there and take it (like Sherri didn’t do with Erik). Speak up woman, and tell that queen to STFU…
Keithgate: yeah, admittedly, I was harsh, but that’s because I don’t like rednecks on my shows if they don’t know how to play. I had no problem with J.T. but that’s because he knew how to play. And even HE pulled a boner with the Russell-clue fiasco. I just didn’t like that Keith was clueless about so many things… (and it was a writing device).
Alecgate: I have no doubt that Alec could score some weed in Nicaragua, all he had to do was ask the crew. I’m sure someone in construction or catering could hook that up. That’s usually who has it…
-I guess Fan Favorite went bye-bye a while back and no sponsors think it gives them anything. Too bad. Another victim of the show not wanting to “deal with it” anymore…
-I’m really surprised there may be no returning players for Season 30. As I said, it may all be a ruse, like Russell will come back as a Blue Collar, Spencer as a No Collar, etc… because Season 30 is supposed to be a BIG deal. I can’t see just a “normal” theme season…
-I’m not sure if this is accurate, but Yahoo Answers has the following:
1st Place: $1,000,000
2nd Place: $100,000
3rd Place: $85,000
4th Place: $70,000
5th Place: $55,000
6th Place: $45,000
7th Place: $35,000
8th Place: $27,500
9th Place: $20,000
10th Place: $15,000
11th Place: $10,000
12thPlace: $7,500
13th Place: $5,500
14th Place: $4,500
15th Place: $3,500
16th Place: $2,500
Mind you, this was from 5 years ago, so who knows…
-Jaclyn looked fine to me, but Missy looked oddly JUST LIKE JACLYN. Just goes to show you how deceptive make-up is cuz Missy looked totally different than she did on the island. She’s apparently my age (47) and she looked like a bucket of rocks on the show. But at the reunion show, she cleaned up rather well. Always frightening what lies makeup tells…
-Yeah, Kristy McNichol was my dream girl when I was 11-13 years old. The fact she was a tomboy was really sexy to me. I guess we now know why she was such a tomboy…
-And I’m with you on the crowd interaction at the Reunion. No one gives a shit about the crowd, or the kid, or the fans, or any of that. All we care about is the show, and maybe some former players. Not even Tyler Perry was worth a shit last year and they still spent time with him. Hell, Barry Bonds got more time on the finale than Kelley or Julie did. This is where Survivor fails. They think they’re big time producers but they still look like amateurs…
-I’ll endeavor to keep you informed where I land. It may very well still be here. I do kinda like it here… XOXO
Doc – I’m with you on the WC/BC/NC theme. It’s like someone got stoned and pitched the idea to a bunch of other stoners and they all giggled and said, “Let’s do it…” It’s really not THAT good, and it further divides people. Hell, I think Survivor: Legends or Survivor: Sabotage has more to offer than this, but let’s see how it plays out. As I said, it could all be a ruse.
-How could you not know Reed & Josh were Christian? It was one of their main story lines. Perhaps you don’t listen as intensely as I do but I do tend to lock myself away while watching…
-I haven’t researched exactly what MRKH is, but in my mind, it’s like something was wrong downstairs and she either had to have a hysterectomy or there was some other major “flaw” with her Easy-Bake Oven. I don’t need to know exactly what, I’ll just assume she’s looking up adoption agencies with that $85K…
-Yeah, funny how they’ll make Missy climb the tower to “get the shot” but they won’t make her play. I’ll bet you they wanted her to play, but some attorney said, “If she gets hurt, she could sue,” so they just let her sit out. Even though when you go on a show like this you essentially sign your life away.
-I missed that line from Missy but I’ll bet she’d have no problem taking on a room full of men…in court.
Take care, Doc…
Happy holidays, everyone, and Happy New Year!
Fish