The episode starts with Abi thanking the other four “Survivors” for keeping her, and with her not knowing how to thank them. Well, you kinda just did, so don’t over think it too much and fry your pea brain. But, you know who you should really thank? Yourself. For sucking at life. Because that is the true reason they kept you around. They were worried about Carter beating them, and nobody on this Earth would be worried about you winning the game, so they had to get rid of him while they had the chance. So, in the end, what have we learned here, today, Abi? I guess I should reword that for you: what SHOULD we have learned today? Yes, you suck. And, didn’t I tell you that she’d be stupid enough to think that (maybe) part of the reason they kept her was because they believed her nimrodded story about having a hidden immunity idol? Good one, Abi.
Also, Skupe, it’s not ironic that Abi thought she’d be in the final 5 with different people. Irony means something completely different. It’s more moronic that Abi is in the final 5 to begin with, not really ironic. I won’t get into a grammar battle, because I SUCK at grammar issues, but I do know that it’s not really “ironic” that Skupin thought Abi thought she’d be in the final 5 with four other people than the people she ended up with. Jesus, I just confused the hell out of myself. I don’t even know where I was going with this whole argument. I think it’s ironic that I tell you I suck at grammar and then go and try and preach a sermon to someone about how they used a word in the wrong context. See…that’s irony. Write it down. Learn it. Use it from now on.
Abi hasn’t met her quota of trying to put people down yet, so she approaches Lisa in order to tell her that she’s the scum of the alliance. She’s fourth out of the four, and she needs to continue playing the game with her if she wants any chance at winning, because if she goes to the final three with Malcolm or Denise, she’s going to lose. Now, even though Abi is an idiot, she has a point. I don’t think Lisa stands a chance at winning if she goes against Malcolm or Denise, but at the same time, with how the jury votes in Survivor, you never know. However, with that said, Lisa still stands a MUCH BETTER chance of winning against Abi and Skupin than she does Malcolm and Denise. The big-butted one spoketh some truth and isn’t just crapping words out of that big butt hole of hers. Smartly, Lisa knows she must keep Abi close, if not to take her to the final three, to at least be nicer to her than the others to earn her vote if she does make it to the finals. But, with how horrible Survivor is at hiding the ending from us, we know she’s going to vote Abi because of how they made a point to show us how Lisa talked about how she still wanted to vote Abi out because she wanted to keep true to her final four agreement with Denise. Geez…do we even need to watch the final 45 minutes? Just kick the Brazilian b*tch off already and let’s get to the season finale on Sunday!
Over at the reward challenge, we learn once again just how nonchalant people are about the game of Survivor. Watching them take their dandy @ss time throwing those rings was nothing short of annoying! Do you even want to win the reward? You heard Jeff about the pizza and soft drinks (seriously, who the hell uses the term ‘soft drinks’ anyway, Probst? Get with the times), right? I’m pretty sure, at one point, I even saw someone licking their finger and holding it in the air to judge the wind. Come on, throw the stupid ring and as soon as you let go of the one, start throwing the next one, and so on. And, right after you throw the last one in your hand, don’t even watch it, just start running to go pick them up! They’re all standing their like Michael Jordan after his “final shot,” watching it as if they know they’re hitting the post! Anyway, Skupin wins, and returns the favor to Malcolm for picking him last reward by picking him to go along, as well as Lisa. So, if I’m Denise, I immediately start worrying about them making a final three pact while they’re on that trip. Also, I start planning how I’m going to manufacture a noose, so I can hang myself the second we get back to camp, because having to spend an entire afternoon with only Abi would be more torturous than I’m willing to put up with…
Denise doesn’t kill herself, but instead has to hear about how Abi is crushed she wasn’t chosen to go on the reward with Skupin. Really, Abi? You’re crushed? Have you NOT heard anything that these people have said about you these past 30some odd days? They DESPISE YOU! Even if the reward was having your pubic hair skinned off with an ax, they still wouldn’t choose you because it would mean having to spend time with you! You truly can’t be that dense to think that they might have actually chosen you to come along on a once-in-a-lifetime trip in the Philippines, swimming with whale sharks! Also, sweetheart, you are nowhere near the swing vote! Have you watched the show before? Do you know what the term ‘swing vote’ means? It doesn’t mean you’re the swing vote just because you’re open to vote for anyone. It means that the remainder of the people, other than you, are tied with who they are voting out, and YOU are the deciding vote, meaning both sides are going to come to you for your vote. I don’t see anyone knocking on the bamboo pole near your side of the hut, asking if you’re home and can come out and play! You’re going home. How’s that for swing vote.