November 25th, 2012 | 3 Comments | Posted in Survivor 25 - Philippines

First off, let me start with a disclaimer.  Do not drink “Hallowine.”  It’s an apple and pumpkin wine, made with cinammon and nutmeg spices.  I should have known not to drink it the second I read the cork and it said “Illinois River Winery.”  I live in Illinois, and this is NOT wine country.  And, I’ve seen the Illinois River, it’s not a sight to see.  Chances are, it’s not even a winery, they just dump buckets in the River, throw the water in a strainer, boil it with apples and pumpkin seeds, and throw some cinammon and nutmeg into the bottle once it’s “finished.”  Although, if it means anything to you, I drank the entire bottle.  That’s just how I am.  I commit myself to drinking whatever I put in front of me (except warm apple cider & microwaved cognac).  Seriously, though, don’t f*cking drink this stuff.  I’m sure the Illinois River Winery owners are great people, but they really messed it up on this.
Ok, secondly, Happy Thanksgiving! 
Third, we had a show to watch, didn’t we?  Let’s get to it.  We had to endure a little of Abi to start the show off.  She wants to come up with a new game plan.  From watching her this entire season, I’d imagine her idea of a game plan for Survivor is to continue doing the same exact thing she’s been doing, with maybe cussing people out a tad more often than normal, and possibly peeing in someone’s water bottles as a way to grow closer to them.
On the flip (half-smarter) side, Skupin thinks he made his first big move in the game, but believes it will take more than just one big move to win the game.  Well, thank you, Mike for pointing out that you need to make more than one move to end up winning the game.  I always assumed that you could show up, eat a coconut or two, cook some rice, and vote one person out from your alliance, and end up winning the entire game of Survivor.  You should be proud of that big move you made, voting Artis out.  It was such a game-changing move.  I don’t mean to mock, it actually was a pretty good move, but in all honesty, it left him in somewhat of the same boat.  They were an alliance of five with their old tribe, and now they’re an alliance of five in the new alliance, so until you do what you say, and make another big move, you really haven’t done anything for yourself.  I have to believe that the Hallowine is starting to kick in, because I am hitting the <--- Backspace button quite more often than I usually have to.  Bare with me.  Well, really, not like you notice, you aren't exactly watching me as I type.   Abi and Lisa have a heart-to-heart, and Abi wants to know if she is leaving their alliance.  Wouldn't you, if you had half a brain?  Let's see, two of you left, and five of them?  Maybe I missed that class in 1st grade where they taught us that six was greater than three and I'll stay loyal to two morons who call me out in front of everybody else at Tribal, telling them that they can't trust me as far as they can shove a finger up my vagina.  But, Lisa tells us that she's "never been good at breakups," but she does a halfway decent job breaking up with the b*tch Abi, telling her that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her time on Survivor trying to prove she's trustworthy to a girl who might as well use her big butt cheeks as ears since she obviously doesn't use her actual ears to hear what people are saying to her.  If that doesn't make sense, blame the Pumple Wine I've been drinking.  I say Pumple, because that's a mix of pumpkin and apple.  It sounded better than Apkin.

3 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: PHILIPPINES – 11/21/12

  1. Abi doesn’t get that she’s annoying?? All her friend’s love her personality? She must not have many friends. It is not an ESL problem. And even as Denise tried to (very nicely) explain to her what a big B she really is – Abi continued to interrupt. And when Denise pointed out that she couldn’t finish a sentence, Abi didn’t care. Really Abi? As easy as it would be to bring her to the end. And as smart an idea as that probably is to win a million . . . I really hope they get rid of her. She is so mean to other people. Beginning with how she went after RC and on and on. How can she possibly imagine Lisa would want to be in an alliance with her? She has been nothing but rude and mean to Lisa.

    I’m still hoping it can be Malcolm or Denise at the end . . .

    Thanks for the updates – they make me laugh!

  2. I used to enjoy your column but stopped reading. I missed last weeks show so I came to read about it. Now I remember why I stopped reading: a few offensive comments ruin the entire recap. I just don’t understand why you add them (like “shove my finger…” and what Lisa finds attractive in Penner). Your column is overall well written but I get so turned off by the few disgusting words/images that I won’t be reading anymore.

  3. ^lucky…ditto, to the last sentence in particular. I actually do like to hear your thoughts on strategy. And I also find stupid humor to be well…humorous. But talking about Lisa’s vagina and Penner’s nutsack? It just turns me off from reading your columns at all. I realize that you are entitled to write whatever you like and you can and probably will continue to write about nutsacks and vaginas. I’m just giving you my $0.02.

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