My reality show mistress (Survivor) had to wait patiently at the Motel 6 while I attended to my spouse (Dodgers) while she played late into the night. But she’s gone now, and I’m at the Motel 6 ready to bang this out. I hope you’re okay with my affair…
And now, it’s time to crack open this infidelitous (that’s not a word) wh*re Survivor, and see what drama she’s about to unleash.
And if I’m speaking too negatively about our beloved Survivor, it’s only because they allowed lifeguard Ashley to tweet something today about tonight’s episode meaning SO MUCH to her, that I’m wondering if she’s in trouble. Or is some CBS Social Media Coordinator in trouble for allowing Ashley to tweet that? Can the players just STAY OFF social media while the show is airing? Can’t we just go back to the way it used to be? Who’s in favor of a media blackout while “in season?” Come on, guys, let’s start a petition!
Ahhhh, screw it…
Okay, late start tonight because of the World Series, but what an amazing game it was. I should be in a much worse mood than I am, but at the end of the day, it’s a game being played by millionaires, managed by has-beens, watched by people willing to spend a thousand dollars so they can always say, “I went to a World Series game.” Big deal. The bathroom line and bar line are much shorter at my place, and I don’t have to worry about someone sneaking a peek…
I’m not gonna discuss how disgusted I am Dave Roberts pulled Rich Hill when he was cruising, because someone’s retort would be all about Sabermetrics and “He won the Manager of the Year” last year, and “They won 104, he must know what he’s doing.” But that doesn’t mean squat in my book. You play the game you’re dealt, not the game the statistics tell you to play. It’s kinda like Survivor, right…?
Or if you go to Vegas to play blackjack. The odds say if you’re dealt a 14 and the dealer is showing a 5, you stand and assume he’s got a 10 face down and will draw another face card to bust. But you know what? Sometimes he’s not going to have a face card down, and he’s not going to pull a ten, so why am I going to sit around and play someone else’s game? I’m gonna do what I want, feel the rush and hit on 14 occasionally, and maybe bust, or maybe pull a 7 and look like a friggin’ genius. And god*mnit, I’m gonna tip the middle-aged waitress a couple extra bucks because I’m liking her boob job even though they look like leather from all the sun…
No, I’m gonna play the way I wanna play, not give a crap about everyone else at the table, or what the odds tell me how to play, and tell the dealer to shut his mouth when he tries to talk me out of hitting on my 14. I’m playing a $2 hand of blackjack, and sometimes the cards are dealt in your favor. Let’s keep that in mind tonight as we begin episode #5 of Survivor: Boring vs. Boring vs. Boring.
Previously on…Survivor!
-at Yawa, Cole’s open mic audition means Jessica won’t be seeing “little Cole” anytime soon.
-at Soko, the Bellhop is feeling empowered because this is the first time two women are thinking about starting a relationship with him
-at Levu, Devon is a powerful swing vote, and Joe thinks he’s Joey the Greek…
Back at camp, Night 11, (and thank you, Levu, for having something to say after Tribal) everyone’s ready to discuss what has just befallen them. Ashley gives props to Joe, but she also wants to know what he said at Tribal. He tells her he read her face, but does anyone believe him?