SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS – 3/17/17

On Day 9, we fly over another massive challenge and are given a glimpse at the Hidden Immunity Idol that Troyzan needs to grab. Jeff calls everyone in and describes the challenge. There’s an obstacle course, a teeter-totter, and a puzzle that needs to be solved. Top two tribes to finish will receive Immunity and a Reward. A tarp and a choice of comfort for the winner, and whatever’s left for 2nd place. Coming in last gets you an invitation to Tribal.

The only thing worth mentioning at the beginning is that Troyzan will not be working on the puzzle, so if he’s going to retrieve the idol, he’s going to have to do it AFTER the challenge somehow. Let’s see if the photographer who’s shot the 2nd most nudes to Bert Stern can figure this one out…

Once they get under way, it’s worth noting that Caleb takes the Mana tribe on a low route through a maze, rather than over the top of it, like the other tribes. This proves costly… Nuku and Tavua get through the obstacle course first and can begin hauling their buckets of water. Nuku finishes the water section first, then Tavua, and they both start untying pieces. Eventually, all three tribes are working on the puzzle, and it’s up to the puzzle builders to win or lose it. Eventually, Nuku finishes first and then Tavua thinks they’ve got it, but there’s a slight error in their pieces. With a couple more shifts, and Mana getting dangerously close to finishing, Zeke makes the final adjustment and gets it done. Second place…

And while Mana drops their pieces and stares at how close they were, Troyzan slowly makes his way around the table to the corner where the hidden Immunity idol is stashed. And since it’s away from the other players, no one notices when he crouches down to stuff it into his shorts. And how many times has Troy stuffed something into his shorts to:

A. Impress a model
B. Sneak into a Grateful Dead concert
C. Get through airport security

But he succeeds here, and is feeling empowered for his victory. Plus, they have some spices to enjoy, so Troy is feeling very spicy right now. Nuku, with their tarp and comfort items, are already thinking about their next slumber, and lowly Mana, with all the drama, relationships, and kissing, need to figure out who to send home. The tribes head out and let the chaos begin.

As we go to break, Debbie lets us know it’s either Hali or Caleb, and that’s what you get when you kiss the Chicken Man…

It’s Day 9 and Mana returns to camp. Hali informs us she’s aware it’s either her or Caleb, and with Caleb being a powerhouse, she knows it’ll be a miracle if she survives this vote. Caleb is reminiscing about leaving on Day 9 of BBB2, so he’s also very aware of what’s at stake tonight.

Sierra and Debbie pull Tai aside to feel him out, and he claims to be onboard with voting out either Hali or Caleb, but says that Caleb can help them with challenges. Sierra agrees, but also confesses that with the pre-existing relationship between Tai and Caleb, that’s a difficult thing to overlook. And while she admits that getting rid of a strong player may be unwise, it may be less wise to keep a strong relationship around.

And I’m just gonna throw this out, because I’ve only said this, I don’t know, EVERY FRICKIN’ SEASON, keep your go**amn tribe strong because if you can win challenges, then you DON’T HAVE TO COME BACK TO TRIBAL. I swear to frickin’ god, I say this every season, and tribes continue to do the opposite. Is anybody reading my columns!? Are these really RETURNING players? Because it’s not a wise approach to weaken your tribe and hope you keep the numbers. I’ll say it one more time…

Keep your tribe strong, and avoid Tribal Council.

And if you don’t agree, then you don’t know how to play.

Debbie then gives me another reason to hate her when she confesses that “past relationships do matter, and you’re a fool to discount them.” But she says that immediately AFTER saying that she played the same season as Tai and Caleb. So maybe she should be thinking about what relationship SHE may have with the two of them instead of thinking what they have?

Do you guys agree?

Brad then presents the exact same conversation, and says if it came down to it, Debbie, Tai and Caleb would send Brad home, so he’s gotta target one of them. He doesn’t want to come across as the leader of Mana right now, and asks Tai to come sit on his lap and suckle his left teat…

While Tai exfoliates, Brad is telling the Chicken Man that he needs to play for “this season” and not for another one. Tai admits, and thanks, Brad for such sage advice. And OMG, doesn’t Tai’s skin look radiant right now…?

To be honest, I think there’s a big language barrier between what Tai understands and what he says, so everything he does seems off to me. And considering how poorly he played two seasons ago, I’m still wondering why he’s even here. I’m holding out for a big move at Tribal where they send Tai home, but none of these game changers seem to have the stones to make a seriously big move yet, other than Tony. And look what that got him.
Whatever. It’s Hali or Caleb, and probably the wrong one will go home. It’s time to head to Tribal, let’s see how they f**k this up.

Everyone files in, grabs fire, and takes their seats. Jeff elicits the following in his questions:

-Debbie admits that Kaoh Rong players are perceived to have something going on
-Tai agrees
-Caleb says it’s possible, but other allegiances developed the first 7 days…
-Brad is nebulous
-Sierra is very concerned about the Kaoh Rong lovefest, but isn’t down with a tickle fight with Hali
-Hali is quick to point out that Caleb might be in bed with more people than she is
-Caleb lobbies for his strength vs. Hali’s moldable, bendable, manipulatable essence…
-Brad says both are valuable (but I think we all know Brad likes hot women around him)
-Tai says he’s looking “big picture,” which just spelled Caleb’s doom. Tai, shut the f**k up and just get through this vote. No one cares about your “big picture,” because we all know you don’t understand what the big picture is. You’re just trying to get through another week without looking like a total d**k (Mission: not accomplished)
-Caleb offers up one more, “Hali has something on the other side,”
-To which she says, “Are you sure?”

More B.S. but it’s time to vote. No idols are played. Jeff reads the votes:

Caleb
Hali
Caleb
Caleb
Caleb

Boom goes the bisexual as he gives Tai a kiss on the forehead, and Tai instantly starts removing his shorts. He thinks the cameras won’t cover the REAL way he wants to say goodbye to Caleb, but there’s a bunch of pervs on the Survivor crew who’d totally watch. Tai is disheartened as Caleb heads over to Jeff to have his torch snuffed, so he sits back down, with a semi…

And as he watches Caleb walk down the path, he’s starting to show his tribe how unhappy he is, which only makes me think he’s putting a target on his back now, so there you go, Survivor casting…nice pick on Tai…the Game Changer. Seems like he’s still learning how to play. Can we just vote him off ourselves and never see him again? Can we ship him to some secret island owned by Sia, where he can just run around having sex with trees? I told you I’m not going to be kind about this Game Changing theme, and I’m still waiting for it to be proven.

Caleb leaves without a word to anyone and I suddenly realize Brad has now put himself in a position where it’s him vs. 4 women. Not a smart move, Mr. NFL, are you sure you don’t need to undergo concussion protocol? Because it looks like this tribe will be heading back to Tribal soon, which is – from what I understand – not something you wanna do. But you guys believe relationships are more important than strength. Idiots…

Next time on Survivor!

J.T. is about to flex his muscles and go after Sandra, and it’s two tribes going to Tribal Council! Looks like we’re losing a couple more players next week, and something happens at Tribal that’s about to make Jeff crap himself. Don’t see that too often. Wonder what’s in store next week. Tune in for all the highlights, or just come here next Friday for Fish’s take on the reality of reality TV.

Caleb’s final words reveal that everyone voted him out, so even Tai threw him to the sharks. Just goes to show you that nothing that is said at FT matters. It’s just all for show/good TV/sound bites. There is no logic to Survivor, it’s just a bunch of amateurs playing a game they think they know how to play.

Well, another piece of puzzle is placed, and I’m not happy right now. And darn, I was in such a good mood earlier. What happened to my mojo? Looks like I’m gonna figure out how to cheer up, and I just realized what it is. It’s my old friend, vodka. There you are, little buddy. Hiding behind my laptop screen. I’ve missed you so much…

Alrighty then, let’s wrap this up quickly. There’s a bunch of March Madness scores I need to check out, and see how I’m doing in all my pools. Did you join the Reality Steve pool? I did… Let’s see who takes the big prize!
I thank you all again for your support and patronage, and comments, and emails, and DMs and everything else. You make this fun for me so I’ll continue to try making it fun for you. And please let me know what YOU think of all these Game Changers.

Now, time to set up my DVR…

XOXO
Fish

Email: bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com
Twitter: @BF_TheFish
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