SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 10/13/16

Over at Vanua (day 11) a “Lord of the Flies” vibe has taken over as hunger is causing the tribe to form a hunting party and go kill a pig. Now, I don’t wanna say I think the Love Fest/Grandpa/Virgin/Dumbf**ks tribe (I’ll let you decides who’s who) is incapable of catching anything except HPV at Vanua, but they wanna play hunters, so let’s watch ‘em fail at that. A goat is spotted on a nearby hill, so the “bigguns” head off to fulfill their density.

Realizing there hasn’t been a lot of Hidden Immunity Idol searches going on, Adam takes the opportunity to scavenge about and look for one. After yelling at us for something – I find it hard to actually “listen” to what he says, I just hear him screaming – he pokes around and finds a scroll at the base of a palm tree. He unwraps it, cries like a bi*ch” into the parchment, and struggles to collect himself.

Turns out it’s just a map to the location of an idol, so he’s got to find another time to go looking. Unless he wants to convince everyone he struggles with IBS, these “poop run” stories he’s telling the others will soon be revealed as lies… He heads back to camp, wiping away another salty tear.

Off to one of those tiny little sandbanks in the Pacific that must be crap to live on. But it suits this Reward Challenge just fine since we need a shallow pool to play “naked wrestling.” Where’s Richard Hatch and Max Dawson when you need them?

The Millennials arrive first, confident and hungry. But when Gen-X files in, revealing the band broke up and they need a new lead singer, the Vanuans common reaction is “I did not see that coming,” and I’m wondering why Jay and The Mole thought the oldest guy on the other tribe wouldn’t last.

Jeff describes the challenge, a classic “Capture the Flag” kinda thing where tribes square off, 2-on-2, and try to retrieve a ring/grab a pole. Ken misunderstands the description and thinks he’s going to be sexually harassed, but Sunday quickly explains the rules to him again and he gets it now.

The winning tribe will receive steak, sausage, veggies, and spices, and when you’re starving, there’s nothing like chewing on some dry oregano to satisfy those cravings. Off we go…

No need to describe every round…a summary is below. And since Michelle sits out, there goes my strongest carnal craving for toplessness. Let’s get it on!

Generation-X vs. Millennial
Chris/David vs. Jay/Adam – Gen-X scores
Sunday/CeCe vs. Figgy/Michaela – Millennials score
Bret/Ken vs. “Psycho” Taylor/Will – Gen-X scores
Jessica/Lucy vs. Michaela/Hannah – With Lucy trying to tie up the Millennials, she only succeeds in untying Michaela’s top, exposing her little tiny boobies. One hand can cover both nipples, Michaela? I think not. Why couldn’t we do this challenge when Coconuts (Morgan) was playing…? Gen-X scores!

Tied at 2, it’s up to:

Chris/David vs. Jay/Zeke – not sure I’d want to be grabbing at Zeke’s torso considering all the things I’ve been writing about him lately, but he’s a gamer and is annoying Chris as much as possible. It allows Jay to make for an opening, but Chris is too huge (he was a college football player so you know he’s tough as nails) and the Gen-Xers are able to bring home the victory.

The best part of the challenge comes when Probst gets destroyed by a big swell, which is probably the worst hit he’s taken in 32.31 seasons…

The Millennials return to camp and while they know they had an uphill battle to face in that challenge, they’re happy they all contributed. Adam is screaming some b.s. about “we mistrategized,” but that’s not a f**king word so don’t pull that trash here, Adam. God, I hate him…

He makes an excuse to go wash his shoes off and heads off to record a confessional, and look for the idol. As he screams at camera, you just got to wonder how far away from camp he really is, and can everyone in camp still hear that he’s “going to go look for the idol when he said he’s washing his shoes.” I really hope he doesn’t win this season…

He reads the clue and in true “Lord of the Flies” form, he finds the magic conch which will allow him to improve his lot in the game. Using brute strength (or what he’s got), he uncorks the Hidden Immunity Idol, and is feeling super jazzed, until Hannah screams (or was it a whisper to him?) “Good luck on your idol search, buddy.”

Not the thing you want someone SCREAMING at you near camp. His cover may be blown, but he’s definitely feeling groovy because now he can give his mom a little ray of hope as she battles lung cancer. That’s some heavy s**t, so I won’t tease how big of a baby Adam comes across right now…

The next morning (day 12) the Takali tribe is enjoying what’s left of their Reward Challenge spoils. Bret is going to go down as the most lovable character this season as he pronounces yet another word like Boston Rob.

“Shahk”
“Cahd”
“Peppas”

Clearly, full tummies are a recipe for happiness in the Gen-X tribe, and the only thing that could screw that up is someone playing the game again. Lucy – natch – announces she and David are going to go get water, which peaks the interest of both Bret and Chris.

David presses her for any information on who her alliance is targeting – in case they lose the Immunity Challenge – but she’s too smart/scared/dumb to give him anything. He seems annoyed at not cracking that hard shell of hers, but Ken arrives to check on their “water gathering.”

She tells them that neither one of them needs to worry next vote, because she wants to go after Jessica, who masterminded the Paul dismissal. But instead of revealing that and seeing how they feel, she goes full-on black widow and tells them to shut their yaps and she’d better not see them talking to anybody.

Geez, for someone who’s been so silent for 12 days, she sure seems like she’s trying to control the game all-of-a-sudden. David is onboard with anything that doesn’t involve him being voted out, but the way she speaks to Ken – very controlling and dismissive – sets him off. You can tell by the way he looks away when he answers that he’s not telling the truth, and yes I was an FBI interrogator for 7 years before I got my bartender’s license… Ken tells us he’s bugged by how she just presented that whole conversation, and may not be totally down with the Black Widow Alliance. We’ll see…

Next, we’re at the Immunity Challenge, which features numbers, pulleys, and some kind of hydraulic jack that I saw on Disney’s “Swiss Family Robinson” in the ‘70s. This task will involve players being lifted by their tribe and grabbing numbered squares. When all the squares are retrieved, a 30-character phrase needs to be found. Sounds kinda tough, but all these tried and true Survivor superfans will know all the catch phrases, right?

Jeff says “go” and Chris and Figgy take off through the obstacle course and race to the bench. Not sure why Chris would be chosen to go, since that puts a huge burden on his tribe, and it’s not like it takes THAT much brainpower to be able to select the numbers from 1 to 10. Oh, those Gen-Xers like to do things the hard way, don’t we…?

Chris takes the lead for Gen-X and then Ken goes. Michelle heads out second for Vanua. While Ken is jamming through the numbers, all I can say is Michelle looks…spicy good. Ken finishes and David heads out through the course. Michaela heads out last for the Millennials.

With 30 letters to figure out, and not knowing where the word breaks occur, this could take a while. Much like the puzzle challenge in ep. 13 of Survivor: World’s Apart when those idiots couldn’t figure out a simple word puzzle, it looks like this group of geniuses may also need Jeff to start feeding them clues.

After 45 minutes, neither side is any closer, and it looks like this may set the record for puzzle futility. However, both teams are trying new word combinations, not wanting to give up, but nothing is panning out.

Suddenly, with some help from Zeke, the girls of Vanua get an inspiration. They’re onto something, as is David, but they’re on to different phrases. Let’s see who’s right.

It’s the Millennials, as they shift pieces around to form:

“Somebody loses their flame tonight”

Unfortunately, the Gen-X tribe thought the answer was:

“Bordellos tighten fame y smoothies” but Jeff tells them the answer isn’t in Spanish, and that’s not a Survivor catch phrase, and he’s wondering if the word “bordellos” is allowed in the 8pm time slot.

Regardless, it’s wrong and the Millennials are celebrating like the kids in “Lord of the Flies” when they killed Simon. These kids are obviously too young to make big decisions. But as Jeff hands them the Immunity Idol, all I can think is…

“Nice tush, Michelle.”

And as Probst sends the Gen-X tribe away, you just got to wonder who’s actually on the chopping block:

David
Ken
CeCe
Jessica
Bret
Chris

At least the show is doing their job of keeping us guessing, because at this point, it’s anyone’s guess. And with a few hours of pre-Tribal b.s. to deal with, you know this tribe is going to be scrambling…

At camp, Chris and Lucy are off together discussing what to do and she tells him that David (and Ken) are on board with her (and Ed Sheeran and Moobs) to take out Jessica. Blindside is on and there’s no better feeling than to know a plan is locked.

She confesses she’s a Tiger Mom at home, and loves being in the controlling position there, and here… So, “If it’s successful at home, it should be successful here.”

Uh, actually, that’s not how this show works, but let’s see how your confidence will play out. Ken and David get their moment to chat and confirm that the way Lucy spoke to them really pissed off Ken. He wants to “do her,” and that’s not in the biblical sense. He thinks they just need to stick together, with CeCe, and Jessica, and have Jess pull in Sunday. That’s a lot of moving pieces to David, but he knows it’s still the best play.

Ken pulls Jessica aside and gives her the “Lucy wants you out” story, but Jessica’s bulls**t meter is on High and is finding it hard to believe that Lucy wants her out, but at this point, you don’t wanna make a bad decision.

Later, Lucy and Jessica are discussing their plans and Lucy tells her they’re all voting for CeCe. Not one for getting bullshat, Jessica lays it out she hears from Ken that Lucy is gunning for her and she should gun for Lucy. This takes Lucy by surprise, not so much that she’s hearing her name, but that Ken went full “bi*ch-mode” and revealed her plan to Jess.

So when everyone gets a chance to say their piece, Ken tells Lucy that he didn’t appreciate her giving him his parameters, and doesn’t like anyone telling him what to do. And before you go off on me for saying he went “bitch-mode,” keep in mind that Lucy is saying he went and acted emotional “like a girl,” which does not help the feminist cause.

With nothing but chaos in the air, David tells others and us that he just might do the easy thing and vote for Jessica, which would then land him on the bottom again, or he may play his idol for her, which would be a bold (or stupid) move.

Not sure why he’d do that, other than it being one of those “big moves” that everyone always seems to think they HAVE to make to win the game, but you can’t win the game if you don’t make it to the end, and really, what does saving Jessica buy him so early in the game? You know a tribe swap, and then a merge, are still coming, so why give up your only bargaining chip when you could keep it AND get rid of a power player? I’m lost, but it’s Survivor, and David’s a wuss…