Due to popular request, no more politics!
And no, that didn’t come from a reader, or RealitySteve, or my family. I just don’t wanna talk about it anymore. There’s a GOP debate tonight and from what little I saw on Twitter, I probably won’t like I’m gonna see, so let’s just skip that topic altogether. And with Dr. Ben now leading Trump! Oh, just forget it…
I want to remind you of the tweet I sent out this week alluding to a big announcement I was going to make tonight. Okay, it’s not shockingly big, but it qualifies as a big one on this little blog. Here goes…
You’ve all seen my “Rankings of Every Single Player Who’s Ever Played Survivor,” right? If not, here ya go, http://survivor.realitysteve.com/2014/05/22/survivor-brains-vs-brawn-vs-beauty-finale-52114/5/
And I’m sure you’ve seen my Updated Rankings of the Top 125 Players (that included season 29): http://survivor.realitysteve.com/2015/03/05/477/4/
And if you’re a true Survivor fan, you’ve seen other Top Ten (or more) lists of:
The Best Players of All Time
The Hottest Survivor Women
The Hottest Survivor Men
The Best Schemers
The Biggest Dorks
The Dirtiest Vixens
The Best Cruciverbalists
And I’m sure there are a host of other “Top” lists to check out. If you Googled “Top Ten Survivor” and then paused, I’m pretty sure you’d get a few other options. So I was thinking… After the last few seasons of Survivor, with all the nastiness, poor players, bad attitudes, and general crappy competitors, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of…
The Shittiest Survivor Players of All Time
Ok, this list is not about people who did not perform well in challenges, or couldn’t start a fire, or got voted out first (even twice!), or sang, danced, spat, farted or swore. I’m looking for the players who really extended themselves and proved they’re complete a**holes inside and outside the game. I’ll throw it out to you so I can hear your thoughts, but a few players who will definitely make the list are:
Abi-Maria
X’XXX
Dan Foley
(the person who’s name I will never mention in this column again)
…and probably the Hantz boys…
I’ll check the comments, emails and other communiqués I receive from you this week to see who else I may be forgetting. I have a few others in my back pocket that I’ll spring on you next week. So, until then, throw on your Way Back hats and try and remember the bad times… Surprise me!
Next, I have to take a moment to give a shout out to everyone who wrote in this week. Really great to hear from you and I’m glad you’re having a good time. I am too, but I’d prefer if the waitress came around a little more often.
Seriously, when one of the readers (RickHatesBBQs?) mentioned his company watches Survivor together and then reads this column; well, I’m gonna admit I got a little choked up. I guess because I wish I had a job. And I wish I could watch Survivor with my pals. And I wish…oh snap, hold up, the waitress just showed up. Man, I’ve got the sexiest waitress here at home… Me-ow, kitty…
Okay, I’m back… The last tidbit before we get started is I wanted to recognize everyone for being sympathetic to my dissatisfaction with Monica going home last week. With only one other “hot” girl left (Wentworth) – and TBH, there were only 2 this season anyway – I’m not expecting to keep a “semi” all season. Even when Kelley got sexually assaulted on national TV last week, it’s still not enough to keep me “Full Fish.” I’m gonna need some nudity, and I’m gonna need it quick, and I’m not talking about Kimmi or Abi…or Joe. And I’m certainly not talking about Keith! Keep your drawers on, Forrest…
Crap, I’m getting distracted. What I wanted to say is that I saw an article on RealityBlurred recently mentioning Monica was quoted in a few exit interviews that she feels there was some “producer involvement” in how she left the show. I would like to think the show plays out totally legit, but it’s kinda hard to believe in the current atmosphere of reality TV – BTW, have you heard what they do on “The Bachelor”? – that there can’t be some truth to what Monica is claiming.
Her gripe is that the show is protecting certain players (specifically, Spencer and Kelly Wigles) and leaving others hanging out to dry. Whether that sounds like sour grapes or not, I don’t know. She mentions that it felt kinda “fishy” (wink, wink) the producers switched up the tribes the same week Spencer may have been in trouble in his last tribe, or the fact Kelly Wigles is never seemingly in trouble of going home, even when she’s always on everyone’s “hit list,” or whether producers are dropping hints to Kimmi in her confessional about Monica’s “all-girl alliance”, we’ll never know.
When I interviewed Coach last season he said there’s no producer involvement at all in the way the game is played, since there are certain rules that must be followed to keep it a legit “game show,” so maybe it’s just the way things worked out. This is something that NEVER seems to get addressed by Jeff, the show, CBS, because there’s always that desire to not show everything “behind the curtain.”
Some have suggested, “Maybe Monica just isn’t that smart,” and she “got outplayed,” and was just there as “eye candy,” and “Who’s Monica?” I wanna believe the show isn’t getting involved to that degree, it’s just another random piece of the puzzle, and that none of the producers are castaways from the Mike Fleiss Company, and that the show we love is completely honest, forthright, and doesn’t play favorites. But come on…
As Jeff Probst said last season, “…on the island, Perception Is Reality. Period.”
I guess Monica’s perception of producer involvement is reality then, and we’ll all be disappointed when Jeff writes his tell-all book years from now. (Seriously, Jeff, that’s a great idea! You’ll make a boatload! I want my cut for suggesting it!) But it’ll probably be full of a bunch of religious crap, so I ain’t gonna buy it…
Alright, that’s all I got for my lead-in this week. Let’s get to the episode and Joe’s saggy underpants and Kelley’s magic butt!
Jeff’s recap reminds us:
-Ta Keo is rocking this season, and Joe’s saggy underpants have already made the edit. I’m sure that’ll come as a big hit to reader Erica (and many others’) desire to see Joe’s drawers lying on the shore as he skinny dips… Personally, that would be happening EVERY DAY if I was on this show.
-Angkor is just beginning to show signs of life…
-And Bayon went to Tribal and voted out the “prettiest girl in the tribe.”
I mean, “the dumbest girl in the tribe.”
I mean, “the sneakiest girl in the tribe.”
Actually, I mean, “the girl with the nastiest bug bites on her legs in the tribe.” (Did you see those photos?! Seriously, this show REALLY takes a toll on the ladies…)
Yea, I get to be first, I get to be first! Thanks for the double shout outs about Joe’s saggy underpants. I really don’t get all the panting over him. Jeremy has a totally better body. Odd that Tasha (NO I”M NOT BEING RACIST) seems to drool over Joe and not Jeremy when he is actually hotter! Hey, Fishy, can you summarize what Varner ranted about Tasha other than her being 40 something without a husband and kids. I’m too lazy to read it. I find Wigglesworth so weird. Is she stoned? The botox and fillers did something really weird to her. You know what it is about Spencer. He’s got an annoying personality and he looks like a grown man trapped in perpetual puberty. He has that perma awkward phase. Bartender Jack laughed as much as his flu and pneumonia would allow him this week when Feshbach started running down the slip n slide. He made me rewind the DVR 2 x to see that and we both made huge splat sounds when Kimmie hit the ground. Yes, Jack is bummed Woo is out but maybe too doped up on his Tami-flu to really have it sink in. Woo was really boring this season. But the gleam in Abby’s piggy eyes when he was voted out was horrible. Crappiest player of all time. That’s difficult. I’m trying to think of who I hated. Actually, I fine Ciera really annoying. She does nothing and big deal that she voted out her mom in blood vs water. As Jack’s buddy up the street says, “I don’t give a fart!” Maybe most annoying player would be better. You know who was crappy, that really skeleton skinny blonde chick that was first on the China season-Courtney. Joaquin was a tool too. I’ll have to do some research. I wish we could watch together too Fish! Open bar, it would be a ton of fun.
oops, meant to say “Fish-bach” stupid auto correct!
I’m going to stick with Coach on this one. Monica is nuts, there was no producer involvement in her getting voted off.
Why would the producers hint to Kimmi about Monica’s all girl alliance? Monica outright told Kimmi. Is it completely out of the blue that she’d run and tell the boys “Hey, Monica’s out to get ya’ll but I don’t fly like that?” yea, I’d say that’s pretty shocking, but once the guys knew, it was obvious (IMO anyway) that Monica wasn’t likely to make it through tribal.
Anyway, enough conspiracy nonsense.
Massive feels for Terry and his son and I was so glad to get the update at the end of the show. Big time respect for Terry doing the right thing and taking the first ride home.
Stephen… Yea, 100% agree with you. That man’s going to lose his mind when he doesn’t win this season. Please advise the neighbors to keep small pets and children away from him, and if someone could go to his house now and remove all sharp objects, that’d be great. I’m no licensed psychiatrist but that had to be some sort of mental breakdown going on. There’s at least a few screws that need immediate tightening.
Aww, I like the weird eating challenges. Little bit of culture from the comfort of my couch while I watch others eat stuff I couldn’t even begin to think of eating (unless of course a million dollar payday may be on the line in which case I’m eating whatever they put in front of me).
Savage… sigh. If you’re ever going to suggest throwing someone of your alliance under the bus, you offer your name. Your plan could have worked exactly as you wanted it to go, you just had to say “Tell Spencer your are all out to get me.” Of course Ciera is unimpressed that it’s her name. Of course Ciera is going to take a stab at shaking things up. You’ve just told her that you’re throwing her name out there. What is she suppose to think other than “I must be bottom of the totem pole.”
Don’t go down the rabbit hole, Wigles and Abi didn’t make good TV over these 3 days, that’s why they didn’t get much air time. Coach told us that tribal goes on for hours, everyone is asked questions, etc. etc. They had boring/typical responses and didn’t make the final cut.
TWD: Glenn’s not dead for a number of reasons.
He wasn’t on Talking Dead.
He wasn’t listed on Talking Dead’s eulogy list.
After dumbass shot himself, he fell on top of Glenn. Dumbass was getting his guts torn out.
Using said guts, TWD is going back to season 1 where Rick and Glenn covered themselves in guts to walk amongst the zombies (until the rain came anyway).
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
oh and one more thing, you really should watch Homeland because the OPENING scene has the girl from Gotham topless!
My kingdom for an edit button…
I realize it should be “Tell Spencer you are all out to get me.” not “…your are all…”
Ha Fish I love BBQ its a work code and since I read and post from work I just added to my log in . I regretfully admit I enjoyed Abi oiling up this week . If only she would never speak . Woo is clueless ! Great guy in fact if I had a daughter I would want her marrying a Woo . Hell I may adopt one so she can marry Woo ! Terrible ,clueless Survivor though ! Naïve check . Trusting check . Super nice check . Survivor loser check . My Fishbeck theory is he has lost girls ,friends , jobs etc to guys like Joe . Hell his mom probably loves a guy like Joe more than him . He is super jealous and deep down knows he cant win . Being the mastermind behind blindsiding Joe would be the highlight of his life . I am sure you read Varner s post Survivor interviews about how Tasha and Savage are terrible people . He basically said the way the show is being edited is portraying them as much better people than they are really . Tasha I am not sure about but any girl who is so quick to throw nasty looking stuff into her mouth cant be all bad ! Savage however I am starting to see Varners point . He is smug ,insincere and 1000% fake . I have never seen more contrived ,phony answers . Savage is a weasel . I get its part of the game to lie a little but come on Andrew ! Love the column . Look forward to it as much as the show !
Enjoyed the recap once again. Tip your waitress for keeping you clever and entertaining as always.
I too was wondering why we would drop buffs again this week…and then seemingly merge just one episode later. But…keeping folks on their toes and reassessing alliances is better TV no doubt. Maybe with the premature departure of Terry, that meant they needed to bump the merge up a week.
I knew Woo’s goose was cooked as soon as Abbi heard his name put out there by Ciera. She has been waiting to exact her vindictive revenge for committing the sin of writing her name twice.
And about Ciera…she has been such a non entity at first I was thinking…Who is this chick? Has she been here the whole time?
The oily slip n slide was it’s own form of entertainment…but that warm tingly feeling was dashed by the disgusting food challenge. But damn…Kimmi wouldn’t even TRY. You’d think an ample girl like that wouldn’t refuse food of any kind. Should be grounds for immediate torch snuffing if you don’t even try.
That Psycho Steven really creeped me out with his weepy breakdown. It was tough to watch. I’d sleep with one eye open and a sharp stick in hand if I were Joe.
Once again…enjoyed the recap!
Fish my boss has just ripped me a new one for failing to mention that we are hiring ! So if you are looking to re locate to good old Missourah (home of Tasha ) you can watch with us anytime ! The boss bakes one hell of a cake and we always have other snacks here plus occasionally a bottle (or 5 ) of booze !
I am not a lawyer, so not sure how the law works, but since filmed outside the US, could there be manipulation and not run afoul of US game show rules.
I liked Kelley’s tan lines. I did not like Abi’s wide caboose. Like everyone else, so happy we did have to listen to her.
Couldn’t have Fishbach pulled out the Jewish card and refused the pig snout? But then the next one might have been worse. Keep the food challenges to Fear Factor.
Also not a fan of the one week teams. (assuming preview of merge is what happen next)
Wow, what an outpouring of love from you guys. Thank you for making this a great week!
kinb: Kate, thanks for checking in. Maybe Tash is just being respectful of Jeremy cuz he’s married? IDK.
Here’s a snippet of what Varner said about Tash, “…it’s (her) attitude, the nose in the air, the dirty looks. And when we get to Angkor she was so sweet to everybody. But she looked at me and she’s a bitch. She’s just hateful and closed off. The more I tried to be nice to her the harder she got. She’d wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, everybody.” Then she’d look at me and be like, “Are you looking for an idol!” I got nothing from her. Everywhere I went she was right on my heels. But you know…I love her. I love everybody. I’m not bitter at all. But, I have a problem with anybody who plays “Survivor” with God as a tool. To me, God does not like “Survivor.” Read the Bible and everything that “Survivor” is about, He’s not happy with that. To come in and use him as a tool. To go in the corner and pray and then come back to the beach and throw f-bombs everywhere? And then talk about how your church family said it’s OK, so you’re going to go do it? Own your own game. Have the balls to play your own game. Don’t say you’re going to be evil all day long because you can pray at night. Romans 6 in the Bible is very clear about abusing God’s grace. Because it’s not OK. To me it’s not OK. When I saw her playing that whole card, I had a major issue with it. And she said that God for whatever reason had decided that she’s going to be 40 and single and childless…and she just had to embrace that. I wanted to say to her, “You are 40 and single and childless because of you and your choices.” She’s just a very hard, stern, closed-off person and she’s created that life for herself. She shouldn’t blame that stuff on God. It’s her fault.”
And yes, something is “off” with Kelly. I look at her and see Jennifer Garner, who is attractive, but I look at Kelly and I just see Botox, or something wrong. Not necessarily stoned, but just “frozen” reactions. Maybe it’s an intelligence thing…
Spencer is a man-boy. Hope that guy finds what he needs…
Stephen = Sinister Pussy. I can’t rephrase that. What a weirdo.
I didn’t see the Porky Pig look you mentioned, but I’ll support the comment just because it’s her…
Yes, on Ciera. She does nothing and is given so much credit for the “mom-vote.” Who cares? She thinks she’s so important but she’s just a load of potential…
And yes, if I ever find myself on the east coast on a Wednesday night, I’m coming over! 😉
And I downloaded the Homeload pilot. Will watch to see if I should watch all of them, but had to fast forward to the boobie scene. As Borat would say, “Very nice!”
thatguy: I hear ya, but I just wonder if the producers drop a hint to Kimmi like, “We heard Monica say something about an all-girl alliance. If you ask her about it, we’ll make the edit look like she brought it up. And then you can go to the guys and spill the beans, and get some great air time. Whaddya say?” So, as much as I wanna believe the producers just ask questions, I gotta think they’re also creating some drama. Maybe not as much as Monica claims, but they have to be doing SOMETHING to try and create drama…
Yes, Stephen = Man on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.
And I agree that Savage shouldn’t have thrown Ciera’s name out there, but I wouldn’t necessarily offer mine up. I’d try to make it a group effort and say, “Who should we say is our target?” and then let the group suggest someone. If it’s me, so be it, but at least I’m not pointing the finger at anyone.
Kelly/Abi – perhaps you’re right, but wouldn’t Probst try to illicit anything from them? Who knows…
And I’m with you on TWD. However, the blood that Rick & Glenn put on themselves was Walker blood, and the blood available to Glenn was still human blood. I took at that scene again and think the only thing to do is climb under the dumpster (or in it?) but not sure if that’s possible given the 6 inch clearance at the bottom. Perhaps there’s a massive AK-47 rescue mission that saves him, or a trap door?, or some other television “suspension of disbelief.” I just hope it’s something believeable, in the spectrum of what’s believeable during a zombie apocalypse…
RickBBQs: Ewwww, Abi oiled up is like Dan Foley oiled up. Just…no. And yeah, Woo is just a non-player. No legacy to speak of. Be glad we’ll never see him again after the reunion show.
Fishbach – agreed. Funny how the show latches on to these simpletons and gives them the opportunity to shine. It’s like, Ken Hoang, Cochran, Todd Herzog, all guys I don’t wanna see on my TV. Not that they’re not Alpha males, it’s just that they’re such wienies…
Yes, while Tash may not be Varner’s BFF, I’m sure I could find some way to relate to that pile of mess. One of my specialities is finding the diamond within the pile of coal, and I see a lot of coal on Tash… But yes, I agree on Savage. He seems way too “used car salesman” for me. Don’t think he’s coming across sincere at all, and that’ll make a difference later…
Thanks, Rick! Would love to work with you! If I suddenly find myself unmarried and without a plan, I’ll gladly move to Missouri. I need a change from this place as it is… Or, maybe I’ll make a cross-country trip and watch the show with all my best readers…!
hath: Thank you. My waitress – and her fake boobs – are almost too big a distraction on Wednesday nights, but somehow I find a way to focus on Survivor.
Yeah, if Terry hadn’t gone home, then they’d have tribe swapped, sent someone home, and then merged next week. Something’s fishy about that… This is why I’ll keep my theories about show involvement. Someday, the truth will be revealed.
Again, Abi and Ciera are nothings. I hate that they get so much airtime. I agree about the food challenge. I think if Kimmi was on my team, I’d try to convince people that she’s not there to win, she’s there to live by her own code. The only code needed is the Survivor Code, and that’s Outwit, Outplay, Outlast… Thanks, hathor!
doc: I read somewhere that despite being filmed outside the US, the Survivor bylaws mandate that players must still abide by US laws regarding many things. And I assume that applies to game show rules since it airs in the US. That’s my belief…
I’m with you. Kelley good, Abi bad. Need more Kelley. Need less Abi. And that didn’t even occur to me about the pig snout/Jewish thing. That could have been a “moment” on the show, and they didn’t even address it. Funny how other religions never make the cut… Not sure when the Jury begins, but let’s hope someone that rhymes with “ass” goes home next week so my episode 1 predictions are accurate. Let’s see what happens next week.
Love you guys and gals!
Fish