Many thanks to Grandpa Joe (Biden) for saving his big announcement for Survivor Wednesday. Couldn’t he have waited a day, or do it on Tuesday? Or actually ran for President! Oh well, we’ll just have to let Hillary do all those creepy hugs, or Bernie, or…any of the Republican candidates. It’s like Cocoon meets
And I guess that means we’re stuck with Hillary vs. the Republican machine, since none of the Democratic candidates (except Bernie) look to be able to do ANYTHING against Mrs. Clinton. I guess the Dems are putting all their eggs in one basket (pun intended) and shooting for the first female president. I’m undecided at this point (I’m an Independent, for the record) but the one thing I know for sure is I don’t like to talk politics… No siree, Bob…
Let’s talk about Survivor, shall we?
I’m wanna reiterate that I’m not immersing myself in Survivor this season. I’m watching it, yeah. I’m studying it, yeah. But I’m just not trying to watch EVERYTHING that’s posted, or read EVERYTHING that’s written, and mostly, not following most of the current cast on Twitter. I tried for a while – Kelley, Peih-Gee, Shirin, Monica (oops, still follow her!) – but it’s not like these gals are posting nudes. So why bother?
Hell, I can get better titillation from Christina Cha’s feed. At least she posts some cleavage! When the hell did Survivor become the Christian Science Monitor?! Survivor has always had an element of sexy to it – that’s what reality television is all about! – but this season has been so lacking in the sexy. We want sexy! Survivor without boobies and undies is like Playboy without naked women, and we know that’ll never change, right…?
Oh, wait. Hold up. I just checked the internet and it looks like pigs are flying. Sorry, boys, you gotta read the articles now…
Okay, enough banter, let’s get to the episode. We know Abi’s tribe is getting all the coverage, but is that because it’s going deep, or fading away? Is there a girl alliance in the future? Will Keith, Kimmi, and Monica get any time to talk? Is Wigles even playing? Is Kelley destined for big things? And when will all these hidden immunity idols come into play? All this and more will be answered on tonight’s episode of…Soap.
Previously on…Survivor!
3 tribes…each with their own story…
Ta Keo – the “1%”
Bayon – the “Middle Class”
Angkor – on the other side of Trump’s wall
Night 11 arrives and Angkor stumbles back to camp. With the promises Woo had to make to stay in the game, he had better come through, or else he’s “dead to Abi.” I’m sure there are worse things to be in Survivor, but considering Abi probably smuggled a knife with her onto the show, I’d better watch out. The tribe laments Varner leaving, but Savage knows “he’s in a better place,” so I guess they think he killed himself after getting blindsided by these idiots.
However, if you read the article I did this past week – okay, I’ll admit it, I do catch some Survivor news – then you know Varner is none too happy with Mr. Savage, and particularly Ms. Tash. You’d never know it from the footage we see, but Varner rains hellfire on those two for their snobbery and nastiness, he evens goes so far as saying he’s not surprised that Tash is a “40-something, unmarried, child-less” bitch, so you know there’s some stuff we’re not being shown.
And further – RealitySteve pointed this out to me – when Varner was caught trying to communicate with Kelly after that challenge a couple week’s ago, he evidently went on a 10 minute rant about who’s doing what, who’s aligning with whom, and who’s running the tribes, BUT WE DIDN’T GET TO SEE ANY OF THAT! Isn’t that a little peculiar? Something as significant to the outcome of the show happens, and we’re not shown ANY of it? Hmmm…makes me wonder.
But…Woo is here and this tribe thinks they’re strong (yeah, whatever) and Savage and Tash can’t believe they just pulled off what they just did.
I knew I would not be the only one to see it ! I had faith in ya Fish . That was a deliberate butt grab . Keith you sneaky bastard . We watch the show and read your column every week here at the office and everyone said I was crazy . I knew there was a blatant butt grab (don’t blame him though ) . I needed that I was wondering if the producers and cast had forgotten that we all like a little T & A . RC was my favorite sad she decided not to try and get on this season . Also a big fan of coconuts (her stupidity and shallowness are a bit of a turn off ) she had an outstanding well you know . Big fan love the column !
The show isn’t Christian Science Monitor as long as we got Joe around in his loose undies, who BTW, is the Syndergaard/deGrom of Survivor in looks and skillz.
Woo better not turn his back on Abi or she’ll go all TWD blonde mom on his ass with those scissors – which I wish she would have taken a whack at Carl with those – hair or otherwise, I don’t care. ( I appreciated the SO last week.)
Good luck at the reunion – nothing like some 40-something women at an open bar, except 40-something has been bloated jocks. Just sayin’
Won’t lie, I was thrilled to see Monica get the boot. Boring chick was boring (and I voted for Abi because the show NEEDS drama, if it was 18 Woos, it’d be the worst season of Survivor we could possibly imagine because everyone’s “100% loyal, 99% good guy” You need someone who’s mouthy. Someone to shake the boat. Someone for people to struggle with.
I’m not sure what my thoughts are on TWD’s episode. Morgan is a wuss. He’s trying to drag Carol to Wusstown, and oh yea, the Wolves are here and beyond bat guano crazy. It felt like there was very little story to be had, just tons of violence for little to no reason.
Wiggles and Woo sounds like a kids movie. Be careful at your reunion, when I went to my 30th a lot of people were trying to take a trip down high school sex memory lane and there were a lot of 40 year old white women doing some crazy sh!t.
So sad to see Monica and her butt gone. I do now know why were heard so little from her, yikes, not the brightest.
I loved Keith’s butt grab, I just saw the hand go there and had to rewind to see who’s hand.
Abi can’t be real can she? Upset that Woo mentioned his mother’s heart transplant? Is she that stupid?
Darn I should have gone to my 30th. But then again reliving my HS sex, would have been a solo endeavor.
So you’re saying you’d be looking for some additional hands on experience thedoctor?
Hi Fish – I, too, saw the butt grab by sneaky Keith, however I didn’t realize it was him until reading your recap. I guess we’ve gotta give him credit for seizing the moment … in front of the camera.
And yes, I’ll totally back you up on Joe … what a beautiful creature he is – almost too pretty, but not quite. Ugh, Abi … week after week of crazy coming out of her mouth; and she certainly didn’t feel an ounce of sorrow for Woo – more like, ‘how can I direct the attention back to ME? oh yeah, I had a tendon blahblahblah’
I actually like the robot and find myself not wanting him to go home – I think he’s becoming less and less of a robot each week – he’s like a little boy trying to hang with the adults.
Good luck at your 30th – and by that I mean steering clear of the 40+-year-old white women who’ve been at the open bar too long …
Until next week brochacho … ; ) XO
Brochacho, haven’t you learned by now that most of the hot chicks get sent home early?!? I’ve noticed this since i first started watching Survivor and is part of the reason I would never want to be on the show. Come on, if I’m not going to be able to eat for 39 days (let’s be honest, I’m making it all 39 days) or sleep, I’m going to need something to stare at the entire time…I think the only time the prettiest girl on the season made it the furthest was when Parvati played.
The Keith butt grab was the highlight of the episode, but on the low, people may have missed Jeremy with the thigh grab on Monica. I’m sure she needed some support standing on that barrel, but ol’ boy had a huge chunk of her thigh in his hand.
Thanks, guys, for all your love. Glad you’re all amused by the same things I am…
rick- love you guys! how fun to make it an office “thang.” I saw a tweet from Kelley that said she told Keith to shove her into the barrel if she was moving too slowly so I guess he was glad when she moved too slow. I think he’s getting some backlash in social media for the grab, but who cares, he touched the “magic butt.” And yes, RC, despite that laugh, is still on my list of sexy Survivors simply because of that chest. Damn… And Coconuts, you just made me remember some goooood thoughts… Keep reading, wish I could watch with you folks!
erica- He’s one of those rare specimens that can just look good whenever. Some dude’s have it, some don’t. And I see he was a great athlete too (high school state championship in basketball) so he’s got THAT on all of us too. That guys drips fortune…
Abi is getting all sorts of trashed on social media for her — being Abi. Let’s see if ANY of this sinks in. Prolly won’t…
TBH, I won’t even go to the reunion now. It’s like $125 bucks to hang out with fat people I don’t like/don’t know/won’t remember me. Thanks, I’ll buy a bottle of $8 Burnett’s and try to get busy with the wife. Prolly won’t…
thatguy- I know what you’re saying but I just hate that she chooses to be a bitch. You can play strong, like Boston Rob, and be social, and be a leader, AND confess that you’ll stab everyone in the back when the time comes. He wasn’t boring because he didn’t start crap with everyone, and it made for good seasons because we wanted to see him win. IDK, I don’t need angels, but I don’t want devils either…
Yeah, TWD was sinister last week. Strangely so. We’ve seen brutal (Bob’s foot) but this was just Game of Thronesy…
susie- Don’t need to worry about it now, but it’s not like I’d have to. I’ve seen the girls/women attending the reunion and they’re looking pretty brutal. My wife is hot so I’m not tempted, I just need to remember how to turn her on…
doc- True, she wasn’t showing brilliance, but I’d rather see a girl talking trashy and dumb than a smart boor. Kim and Sophie were not great winners, to me, cuz they weren’t dirty enough. Just gimme some more Parvati trashiness or Amanda allure and I’ll be good.
Yeah, high school sex and me did not mix well either… Shhh, don’t tell anyone…
thatguy- Not sure your “hands on” comment was about the butt grab or his HS sex admission. I’ll leave it alone…
jlb- Hi toots! I just love that he was so “in the moment” he didn’t care a camera would catch him doing that. Even I know not to touch another woman’s butt in public, but he just went for it. Good for him…
Good for you, with Joe. Hope you can have dirty nasty thoughts about him with the aid of your DVR…
Abi is so yuck. You’re exactly right. As soon as someone says something for sympathy, she immediately has to scream, “Where’s MY sympathy?!” Fucking Veruca Salt…
Spencer is so…Spencer. I think I’m just so damn jealous that he gets to play the game instead of me. I was made for this game but it’ll never happen. This column is the closest I’ll ever get. Boo-hoo for me, it’s all about me… (that was MY Abi moment…).
TBH, it’s pretty easy for me to steer clear of the 40-something white women. Now, if there were a bunch of 40-something Asian women, things could get interesting… Meow!
Scotty!- Yes, and isn’t it awful!? What the hell is wrong with these players. That’s exactly why the show needs to put on more hotter women so you can’t eliminate them all. We’d be “stuck” with hot women, wearing next to nothing, with the pounds falling off of them. What a glorious show that would be…
I’ll be honest, I never really thought Parvati was all that hot, something about her mouth… But her whoring made up for it.
Damn, missed the Jeremy grab. Will definitely go back and review. I think I’m all in on Wentworth now. She’s definitely the hottest, and just a perfect specimen. And she can talk dirty too. I may need to put her on the HoneyDo list… “Honey, I’d like to do her…”
BTW, one of my readers thought it’d be interesting to have a season of “Survivor meets Naked & Afraid.” What do you guys think? Would need to air on a different channel, but it would be great if they could get some former Survivor players to compete. Do you think Coconuts would do it…?
Hey Fishy, I’m probably replying too late since I just got to watch the show last night. I felt so bad for you when Monica left. I know a little part of you (snarky comment) shriveled up and died….sorry, just kidding. I too saw the butt grab. It was more like a butt shove if we want to be accurate but yes, a bit handsy. Though, in those moments when they are hurrying, I’d probably cop a feel on Keith if it meant some real food. Every time Kimmie comes on in her swim suit my 11 year old Jack makes barf sounds. He said “look at the rolls!” It made me suck in my stomach and put down the mini box of junior mints I bought to give the trick or treaters. Yes, Joe is cute when he has his locks flowing but then when the man bun is done up, I am totally grossed out again (and by the saggy underpants-EW). There are no really hot guys. Actually, I think Boston Rob is a cutie so I wish he was back. BTW, when I mentioned the woman from Gotham and “Brody”, Brody is the main character from Homelands first few seasons. She played his wife. Who do you find the most annoying on TAR? And hey, give us 40 something white women some credit. We can get a bit frisky after a few too many Coors Lights, but hey, don’t rule us out!
Hey Kate, a little late to the party! Welcome aboard…
Yes, “little Fish” was disappointed, but as we all know, there are always more “fish in the sea.” Hope that means you’ll start reading another blog but for now…I’m “all-in” on Wentworth (I wish)…
You go enjoy those Keith fantasies. Just don’t surprised when he tells you he’s “a spitter.”
And if you don’t like Joe you’re so gay…
Never did Homeland but I heard it’s goooood. Maybe I’ll download the series someday, along with Lost, Breaking Bad, and House of Cards.
On TAR, the Alabama ladyboy and his mom bug me. They just seem like such stereotypes. I don’t mind a gay man, but don’t be “that” gay man. And she’s annoying as fuck. Can’t put that any other way…
Trust me, I won’t rule out the effects of alcohol on women. That may be my only “go-to” someday, so that’s why I’m taking that online bartending class…
Stay tuned for Wednesday’s column. I’ll give you a hint — since it’s just us talking here — I’m gonna give you my list of Shittiest Survivors of All Time. Get ready…
XO
Fish
You’ve never watched Breaking Bad?!
I… I don’t have the words. If you find free time I’d 100% put that at the top of your list.
Homeland was great the first season or two. Hasn’t been as good since (To be fair, pretty much anything after that first season was going to be worse, sadly they set the bar WAY too high).
thatguy – hope it’s not too late to respond…
True. Haven’t done Walter White. No even sure who he is. That show came out when I was waist deep in watching reality TV and nothing else. Sorry! I know…it’s good. EVERYONE has told me that. Just need to find a month free so I can watch them all. Someday…
Just — ahem — “acquired” the premiere of Homeland. I’ll watch it for 2 reasons only..
1. it could be something I really like.
2. Morena Bacarin’s boobs
However, with that hairdo they gave her, the boobs better be good. Stay tuned…