Off to the Immunity Challenge and let’s see how the “best laid plans of muscle and men” will go down. It’s the challenge where players are shown a series of items behind a screen and then have to go recreate the series. We saw this last in Survivor: One World when the women (Salani) won their first challenge and began to turn the tide against the pitiful Manono tribe. I wonder what I would have said about the Manono tribe, had I been recapping the show then. I would not have been kind, that I know. But that’s a long time ago, and I’ve erased all memories of that pathetic season from my mind (except for Christina’s bosom). So let’s see how tonight’s Man vs. Woman challenge will turn out. They’re playing to 3.
Round 1: Carolyn vs. Boston Rod – BR seems to be dogging it as Carolyn wins (1-0)
Round 2: Hali vs. Sierra – Both seem to know the order but Hali finishes first, and gets it right (2-0)
Round 3: Will vs. Joe – Another close one as Joe keeps Escameca alive (2-1)
Round 4: Shirin vs. Dan – The Yahoo Exec. vs. Marblebags. Obvious winner, right? Nope (2-2)
Round 5: Mike vs. Kelly
Of course it comes down to them, and when Mike begins muttering under his breath for Kelly to win, he presents the worst case of faking a challenge the likes I haven’t seen since Survivor: China and Jaime and Peih-Gee’s debacle in the Chinese Zodiac puzzle challenge. Let’s just say I’m not a fan of throwing challenges – ever – and I hope anyone associated with it seals their fate by doing so. Mike can go f**k himself tonight…
Having said that, when Mike and Kelly get to the “re-create” station, Mike seems to be putting up any combination of items, but that may still work, since Kelly is totally clueless about the correct order. Glad to see an officer of the law has a terrible memory and can’t remember things.
“Let’s see, Your Honor, I drove up, told the deceased to put his hands up, then I think he didn’t do that, so I drew my gun and shot him. Or maybe, I drove up, shot him, and then told him to put his hands up. I honesty don’t remember, I used to be a bartender and occupied all my brain cells memorizing drink orders…”
So Mike places 6 random items and steps to the mat. He’s wrong. Kelly’s wrong. Let’s take another look. While walking back, Mike whispers to her that he’s trying to throw the challenge, but Kelly’s almost too dumb and I think she’s going to say out loud, “What did you say? Are you trying to throw the challenge?” Thankfully, she doesn’t, so as Jeff reveals the items again, Mike even begins to say the order out loud (albeit quietly) to help her out. Running back to the station, they both fail again to get it right. Now, Jeff has to drop it down to 5 items – and change the marketing of the season to “almost the best cast ever assembled” – since these morons are too stupid to remember 6 friggin’ items. Thank god they have cell phones to remember phone numbers, else they’d be sitting there wondering how the hell to call anyone…
5 items seems to be manageable, and since Mike whispers that he’ll simply “switch the bottles” the challenge should be a lock for Kelly. Well, he’s smart enough to pull that off as he switches his two bottles and Kelly/Nagarote win the challenge. I can’t help thinking he’s just not smart enough to pull off a thrown challenge, and he almost proved me right. Now, let’s see what damage he’s done.
Rule #2 of Survivor: Don’t throw challenges.
“Yes, Jeff, they’re incredibly well cast and historians of the game…”
And as we head to the break, Kelly tells us how incredibly tight she feels with her old BC tribe, and can’t wait to hook up with them again. That is, if they can survive their own stupidity… God, I hate Survivor sometimes…
Upon returning to camp, the Escamorons begin apologizing for performing so poorly and lamenting “what might have been.” Mike confesses to us he’s even disappointed with himself for throwing the challenge, since he’s not “that guy.” And as he watches Rodney and Joaquin buddy up more and more, he envisions all the power couples who’ve played previously, and realizes he needs to break up the bromance before the bromance breaks him. But Mike wants to get some “bro time” with Rodney first to confirm the plan for Tribal, and they discuss Joe is still going home. We’ll see if that plans holds strong.
The Bromance Boys also confirm the plan is to take out Joe, and everything seems to be lining up. That must mean that it’s not, right? With all the confidence Joaquin and Rodney are exuding, something has to go wrong. What could it be?
Next clip and Joe, Dan and Mike are discussing what’s up. Mike reveals that Rodney was already mentioning sending Joe home, but Joe knew he was in trouble. He thought the plan was to take out Sierra first, but now Mike is lobbying to go after Joaquin, since he’s been tight with only Tyler. Joe is on board for anything, considering The Bromance Boys haven’t shown him the time of day since the tribe swap. It’s all hinging on Sierra, who could be the swing vote either way.
Dan and Mike pull Sierra aside and lobby her to join them again and vote out Joaquin, but she’s still pissed at them for how they treated her. She’ll nod and pretend she’s on board, but her mind is not made up. Joaquin informs Tyler of the plan to take out Joe, and he’s good to go. One final conversation between Joe and Sierra and there’s one thing certain: she has no idea which way she’s leaning. With an undecided conscience, she heads to Tribal, knowing the decision she makes could lead her to the finale (seriously?) or spell her doom.
And as they march into Tribal Council, I’m thinking the only thing that CANNOT happen is Mike spilling the beans he threw the challenge. That can’t happen, right…?
As Jeff conducts Tribal, the following is revealed:
-Joe discusses how it feels to be the only NC in this new tribe. He admits it was not great, so he had to exploit any crack in the 4 BC players’ alliance.
-Dan comments there is some dysfunction in the original BC tribe, which is a concern to him.
-Tyler admits he didn’t have to do anything to crack the “Blue Collar Code.” It already existed and most of it revolved around Sierra.
-Sierra takes this opportunity to state how poorly she was treated after the tribal where Lindsey went home, and since only Mike wasn’t a d**k to her, she’s felt more appreciated by her new tribemates (Joaq, Tyler, Joe) in 24 hours than the previous 11 days with the Blue Collar numbskulls.
-Rodney realizes he doesn’t have much time to stick his foot in his mouth, so he blurts out that while he has 3 Blue Collar people on his side, he also has 3 new people he could buddy up to, and it’s all about “what can these people do for me?” (Okay, Rodney, that’s something you reveal in Confessionals, not at Tribal, you stupid motherf**ker).
-Joaquin confirms to Jeff he’s not as concerned as he was a couple days ago
-Joe acknowledges he’s on the bottom and alone
-Sierra finally reveals she’s in the middle and could go either way (everyone takes a moment to digest that one…)
Jeff prods the group and says, “Why don’t you just stick together for a couple more votes and take the others out?” and again, I’m wondering if Jeff is overstepping his involvement in the game. He even likens the situation to dating a girl who may be seeing somebody else, and you gotta “woo that girl away from that guy.” Personally, I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be better, in that case, to toss that b**ch aside, since she’s already proven her disloyalty, but this is Survivor, and that b**ch could help you win a million dollars, and this really isn’t about love, so let your chick blow that other guy! You still get to bang her, right…?
All this dysfunction aside, it’s time to vote. And I’m going to say I have no idea who’s going home: Sierra, Joe, Mike, Rodney, Joaquin? Seriously, it could be any of them…
Jeff collects the vase and reads the votes (no idols played)…
Joe
Joaquin
Joe
Joaquin
Joe
Joaquin
and…..Dead Man Joaquin…
The Bromance was oh-so-short-lived. And with all the facial expressions Rodney is making, you can tell he’s none too pleased his new love was sent packing. Looks like Sierra stuck to her BC roots and sided with Mike and Dan (and Joe), and with tonight’s vote, both Rodney’s main ally and Tyler’s main ally is gone. Wonder who’s gonna flip next time…?
And the tease reveals that things are getting interesting as we’re headed for a MERGE, MERGE, MERGE next week. And just in time because Rodney is pissed at the Blue Collars for turning off his “Showmance.” Looks like Rodney’s best-laid plans are now kaput and I wonder how he’ll respond. Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel.
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You are an unapologetic and socially inappropriate master of recapping and I love it! You have a little flavor of Daniel Tosh, as long as you insult everyone about anything, it is all funny. Go boobs!
You hit everything i wanted to talk about.
A cop who can’t recreate a scene. I hope she is working indoors and not out on the streets. How did no one hear him or were the words added in later? Did everyone really get it in one shot (beside the last group) or more editing?
The turtle reward challenge must have had the lamest obstacle course. I could not believe how no one struggled. Will had no problems and where was his usual self-stereotyping comment?
At least we saw fish getting caught. But no celebration of fish being brought to camp and cooked and eaten.
I am not a fan of Jeff trying to influence the tribal conference. maybe switch things up, have the vote and then discuss.
Also not a fan of the blatant misleading on what is going on. Please show the steps that lead to the decision, don’t try to blindside the viewers. But it is not a blindside anymore, since if they push scenario A we know it is B or C.
No hook-ups this season? Did we see rodney at Karma during the Jersey Shore shows? Why was yahoo girl shown to be normal this episode? Once again how can a cop have observation skills so pathetic?
Still bored, but now I have the 36 bikinis to look at. So puts the So in Me so horny.
Thank you both for your comments.
susie – You need to be my agent. I’d take Tosh’s career any day. Go boobs!
doc – I knew we were on the same page…
-I’m guessing they were far enough away from the others to not be overheard, but who knows? Would be dumb to alert the others you’re throwing a challenge.
-And yeah, Will wised up. Maybe someone said something?
-That’s an interesting suggestion, have the vote first. I’m pretty sure the show would never do something so sacrilegious as that, lest they get thousands of angry fan comments. But it is an interesting idea.
-I think I know what you mean about misleading. You’re saying that Sierra knew exactly what she was going to do but left it open, right? If so, I know what you mean. Unless she’s a fantastic actress and sold everyone at Tribal.
-I guess hook-ups are not for “the greatest cast ever assembled.” But considering So is already banging Malcolm, I’m thinking she was in full “bone someone associated with Survivor” mode just to lengthen her “15 minutes.” We’ll see. I’m wish them luck, though…
-I’ve never seen Jersey Shore, but I’m sure a lot of guidos/ettes on the east coast found that show so frickin’ cool. That is so crazy to me. For ANYONE to think that show is cool dumbfounds me. But, I’m sure there are ethnic groups that wouldn’t like Survivor or the shows I like.
-I get you that it’s boring. I agree. I’m just wondering if the whole “labeling” players works to their disadvantage. If you’re on the show, just PLAY YOUR GAME, don’t try to “fit in” to the quality of the tribe you’re on. Like Lindsey’s whole “we’re Blue Collar, man, we work hard” thing. Just play your game. IDK, you never know what’s going on off-camera, but I think people have brought way too much “personal baggage” with them into the game: Rodney, Dan, Mike, Shirin, Vince, Nina, all of them seem to have some kind of agenda in their games. Agree?
Thanks again, keep writing in. I love talking Survivor!
B
Thank you for another hilarious recap – it was both wonderful and awful at the same time! And YES, for bringing back Ozzie, Penner and Malcom. Ozzie and Malcom for their beauty and Penner for his Alan Alda voice and mannerisms!!
jberry, you saying Alan Alda ain’t beautiful!? 🙂