SURVIVOR: FANS VS FAVORITES – 3/27/13

March 28th, 2013 | 8 Comments | Posted in Survivor - Fans vs Favorites

This past week has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. As many of you who follow me on Facebook know, March Madness is an obsession of mine. It’s slightly better than Christmas, minus the part where I get presents from people. However, life got the way of many of my laid-out plans. A member of my wife’s family passed away. She was her Godmother. She died much too young, leaving behind a husband and three young children. I never like starting my blogs off this way, and contemplated not writing anything, but someone that close to my wife deserves a moment of acknowledgment, even if it’s in the beginning of some silly blog her Goddaughter’s husband writes. To Nadine, I give you these laughs I try to provide in the following paragraphs. You meant so much to my wife growing up. It’s the least I could do.

(pause)

We open on a dim lit stage, sand bits piled one on top of the other until a beach is formed, trees casting heavy shadows in the background as Julia, the frumpy, soft spoken mistress of the game talks about pissing herself at the broken, humbled team’s last spent minutes at Tribal council. Ok, enough of that. I was going to attempt to dramatize my entire blog, as if this were old English literature, but you can’t shine sh*t and make it look like steak, right? Julia was, basically, frightened at Tribal, almost to the point where she nearly wet herself for the first time in her life. I believe she’s race car driver in “real” life, and from everything I hear about race car driving, you often have to wet yourself during those long races, so somehow I’m going to call bullswippy on her lies and assume she’s peed her pants in the past few years.

While Julia discusses her urinary tract, Michael is off making the best of the situation, knowing he can’t mope around after losing his buddy. He immediately gets in Corinne’s crotch, even though Corinne already stuffed his gay head right up there for the duration of her stay in this game. It is while she is speaking to the camera where I realize that Michael is going to be the death of her game. She’s letting her love of the gays (again, her term, not mine) cloud her vision, leading her to go against her very own alliance – most notably Phillip. As much as she doesn’t want to believe Phillip holds the key to her having the opportunity to win this game, she needs to just suck it up and go along with his reign of terror until the merge comes and someone bigger, and more worthy takes down the Special Agent. She’s not equipped with the band of dummies she’s been given to take down Phillip. Cochran and Dawn aren’t exactly figures of prominence, so I’d stick with them until the merge and then try and reattach yourself to Malcolm, and just hope that he’s done the smart thing by linking himself to the right people on his given tribe so that they can take down Phillip and then allow themselves to take each other out, as she stands on her own until the tribe is down to five, or even four, before they’ve even given the thought to voting her out again. Will she be able to hold off and stay behind Phillip until then? Or, will she let her love of the homosex take her down?

Phillip, smartly, wants Corinne gone. He knows that she’s going to stick with Michael, and that she definitely loves Michael more than she does him, so it’s about time for her to go. But, Cochran, even more smartly, lays it to him straight that now is not the time for that to happen. She may be up to something, yes, but they have the numbers in the game, and you don’t want to relinquish numbers by voting out your own just because you’re holding a little grudge. Although, at the same time, they do have enough numbers to go ahead and dump one member of the clan – mostly because they all know she’ll jump ship at the first sign of younger, fitter land ahead. To bide time with his plot to rid the game of Corinne, Phillip decides to show young Harvard his fetish for arm wrestling. And just how skillful he is at it. And, yes Phillip, beating the gangly redhead from Harvard definitely proves your worth in the arena of arm wrestling. The rest of the world shivered after seeing your pure domination of Cochran. Did Cochran’s arm even touch the sand? Good Lord, that man is clearly delusional. And, here I am saying that he deserves to win the million dollars?!? Maybe I’m going to need help after watching this season. I should probably retire from this blog, because my brain is definitely lacking oxygen and dying more and more each episode. What has it been, four seasons now? Oy vey.

Jeff calls upon the two tribes to come forth and take battle in a Reward challenge that was completely unfair from the get. Phillip may have become too tired way too early, but did it really matter? Sure his tribe may have been mad at him for talking himself up so much and then completely failing them in the challenge, but no matter what strategy they drummed up, they weren’t going to win that challenge. We could walk into the brainiest classroom at MIT and ask them to devise a plan for Bikal to have won that challenge, and I guarantee those kids would have died in that classroom trying to figure out some formula before realizing they never had a chance of creating one. That challenge was designed for the Gota tribe. All they needed to do was show up, walk at a brisk pace for a few minutes, and they would be off to enjoy espresso shots, brownies, and croissants with each other. I know it’s been two weeks without food, and I’m guessing I would be excited about brownies and cookies, too (even though I’m not a sweets kind of guy), but we all know there was some disappointment running through their heads when they heard Jeff rattle off all the “goodies” that would be there. Just like Dawn said, that stuff probably ran right through their systems. Especially with the coffee and espresso. Anyone ever had a shot of espresso by itself? If you’ve ever experienced the coffee enima, you’re in for a whole new treat with the esprenima treatment! You should just drink it on the toilet. With your pants down already. I erased what I just wrote. You’ve heard me say some sick things over the past few seasons, but even what I just wrote was TOO sick for me to even allow myself to write. See what I mean – I need some help.

“You tubby lunchbox, I’ve yet to see an ab on you.” It’s much funnier writing these things down and replaying them in my head, with my own voice, but even so, Corinne spitting out that gem was HILARIOUS!! Just the terms “tubby” and “lunchbox” together makes Corinne my lifelong friend. It goes without saying that after you say something like that about a person, chances are you don’t want them still in the game. She’s still on that kick about getting Phillip out. Soon enough it’s going to be put-up-or-shut-up time for her – she either needs to make it happen or settle for fifth place this season. If I’m Phillip, I get her out, pronto. If I’m Corinne, I back off Michael a bit, ease tension with Phillip, coddle him a little more, and wait for the merge to make my move. Neither scenario I just typed out for each of them will happen. Tension will build, and one of the two is going to garner enough votes to take the other out at the first tribal council after the merge (barring one of them wins immunity).

8 thoughts on “SURVIVOR: FANS VS FAVORITES – 3/27/13

  1. So, ever since I watched last night I can’t help but wonder what if Julia had went to Corinne instead of Dawn to complain about Philip. IF she had done this, she might have been able to get Corinne on the “overthrow Philip” bandwagon and the vote would have been a 3/3 tie for Philip and Julia. And then, MAYBE, just maybe, everyone would have taken that opportunity to oust the tyrant. But alas, I guess that’s why Julia went home, bad-to-no gameplay…

    Even I want Philip gone, hah! So tired of listening to him run the show for his tribe.

  2. Philip is definitely delusional. He seems to think that because he played with Boston Rob that he is the new Boston Rob! Sorry to break it to you, Philip….you are not Boston Rob. He is playing better than his first time, but he still has some major flaws in his gameplay. At this point, I am hoping Malcolm wins. He learned from his last season, and is playing a smart game. He also has the advantage of nobody seeing his last season.

  3. I agree with both of you that Phillip is becoming tiresome. I almost feel like this season has been the tale of two edits with him. We have to assume he’s been THIS crazy the entire time, but early on they were giving him a good edit, and probably not showing us all the crazy stuff he was doing/saying. But, now, it’s becoming too much. He’s let the “power” he’s gotten go straight to his head, which has affected/effected his game play and strategy to the point where he stands no chance of winning now. I don’t see any of his tribe mates voting for him in the end. This season has, once again, become Malcolm’s to lose.

    And, I disagree with you, Sheila. Malcolm is playing just about the exact same game he did last time around. He is at an advantage (a la Russell in his second stint) that nobody has seen his show, but that’s all the more reason why he’s playing the same game he did last time around. The only thing that cost him the title last season was that he couldn’t win that final Immunity. He’s going to need to win that challenge this season, otherwise he’s gone. His only other hope is that whoever is in the final four with him are the type of people that want to take the best of the best to the final three. Those are the only two ways he wins this season. And, we all know with the way voting has gone in the past that it’s not even a sure thing he’ll win…

  4. You know, Phillip even said it – he said if it was BR that he knew exactly what he would do- placate Corinne in conversation and then vote out Michael. He said it, but didn’t do it.

    I’m finally over my PB obsession with Reynold and now I just see him as a bit silly, and clueless with his game play. I do like Malcolm and would be fine with him winning, but I’m ready to see some of the girls step up their strategy come the merge – Corrine, Brenda, and sherri (that’s her name, right?) have potential – not much lately but from what I’ve seen of them in the past, if they banded together – otherwise they are going to be over run by the males. There aren’t that many females left – or it just seems like there isn’t many left cause they seem nonexistent in strategy talk. Barely seen anything from Brenda this season, she was pretty prominent last time I saw her if I remember right. Hopefully we see these ladies step up!

    Happy Easter!

  5. Yes, Brenda was a mainstay the last time she played. Now, she’s an also-ran. She definitely just came on the show for the paycheck and the vacation.

    No chance a woman wins this season – unless the final 3 are all women. Even then, the jury would break contract and just not vote. But, there’s still a lot of game to be played, so they still can step it up…

  6. Funniest part of the episode, to me, was Corrine whining about how weak Philip was to Cochran. How she (Corrine) could have carried all the bags and won by herself. ( I lost track but that would have been her carrying 100-120 lbs.)
    But Cochran dropped out and gave his bag to Corrine. So she is talking about Philip being weak to a player that was weaker than Phil.

  7. Reynold – “Even a prostitute would have held out longer than you did” – HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    And Cochran is much better this season – instead of being annoyingly smart, he is humorously smart – calling Julia bland would be a disservice to vanilla – cracked me up! And how the heck did he keep a straight face when Philip told him that he threw the challenge . . . . oh wait, he really didn’t. There was a small smirk there 🙂

  8. Hey rsanon, I cracked up at your post, thinking you read that line in another blog! I’m so bad at remembering the things I write – thanks for giving me something to laugh at, even though it’s something I wrote, myself! 🙂

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