SURVIVOR: PHILIPPINES – 10/24/12

No non-Survivor news to share with you, or people to call out, so I figure we’d just jump right into the episode, which I felt was a tad lackluster tonight, but still a decent enough episode. I still have to say that this season has been a HUGE upgrade from the past few seasons, which all SUCKED not quite hairy testicles, but the kind of testicles that someone just trimmed and the ends of the hairs still have a little pinch to them. Actually, that would probably be worse than actually sucking just plain out hairy testicles, so maybe I’ll just go back to the hairy ones and skip the trimmed ones, since the past few seasons weren’t stab-your-mouth with pinchy-nut-hairs type bad!!

Don’t ask where my mind had to go for that one.

Anyway, we head back to Kalabaw with the tribe that just sent Dawson back to the Creek, and Katie feels as if she’s the bottom of the totem pole now. Uh, you kinda were from the start, but the fact that you’re nice to look at in a bikini is what’s kept you here so long. So, when you say you are going to “work your magic,” you better mean hang out around camp butty @ss naked, otherwise you’re next to go once Kalabaw loses again. She tries to get in the ear of Denise, telling her that she believes Penner has the idol and that the best time to get rid of him is now, but I think we all know that Denise had no other choice but to say those things to her. Denise wants it to be Katie next, and she’s not going to vote out Penner, who is now one of her allies on the tribe. Sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t even think handing out blowjobs to the men on the tribe is going to save you at this point.

Back at Tandang, Skupin is keeping himself busy eating dry rice. Pete tells us that Skupin is doing it because he believes the human body will cook the rice while in our stomachs, because our body temperature is near 100 degrees. I think someone needs to explain to Mike that rice is cooked in boiling water for 8-10 minutes (and typically for 20 minutes after that on low temperature). And, then that same person needs to tell Mike that water boils at over 200 degrees! So, with his math, he’s thinking rice is going to cook itself inside our bodies, after it’s already trying to be digested, at a low temperature of 100 degrees. Perhaps he got celsius mixed up with fahrenheit. Maybe that fainting spell on his first go round messed up his mind. I’m going to agree with Pete and Artis that Skupin is the most useless returning Survivor ever!! I’m also going to agree with Artis that he’s truly expendable now that they’ve gained Malcolm on their tribe.

At the reward challenge, before what went down actually went down, I wrote down, why would they sit RC and not Lisa? But, really, does it matter now? Can anyone else believe that they made that trade? Why make that trade? If anything, come up with some sort of strategy to win the game, or barter a deal to give up the first round and come back in the third round the next time around and try something different with your strategy. And, come on, I’m sure Probst truly wanted to see Abi play in a damn challenge. That b*tch just might as well stay back at camp for the challenges. I guess the best part about the reward challenge was when Penner was cupping Skupin’s balls and then Skupin proceeded to tea bag his face!! Maybe it was because the two of them felt so intimate that they felt trading the sandwiches for the rest of the rice at their camp was a fair trade. Come on, Penner, you don’t give up the ONLY food Survivor gives you. Although, for what it’s worth, I don’t think the Production staff would allow these people to starve, anyway. They’d probably string them along for a few days and then just merge the two tribes so the folks at Kalabaw would go ahead and get to eat a little something, since we all know Penner ain’t catching no damn fish!! He’s no Ozzy. If Ozzy is on my tribe, I make that trade all day long. Without Ozzy, and Penner instead, I kick Skupin and Pete in the nuts and run off with that damn ball.

Back at the Tandang camp, Artis is still furious about the decision. He loves what Penner just did, thinking it was brilliant on his behalf (not so sure I’d call it brilliant to give up your only food source, but apples-oranges, Artis), and he’s also pissed at RC for trying to spin it positively. Being a pessimist, myself, I actually find myself agreeing with RC. The deal is done, there is nothing you can do about, b*tching and moaning isn’t going to do you any good, so be happy that you just doubled the amount of rice you have, and go from there. Vote Skupin’s @ss out at the next tribal, but how about you be happy that you f*ckers haven’t even lost yet and still have your entire tribe together! Oh, and here’s another thing, building off of Skupin’s point that ALL OF YOU AGREED TO THE DEAL!!!! Mike didn’t just shake hands on the deal, himself, and tell Probst to make it happen. He asked every single one of you what you wanted to do, and you all said it was fine and “do what you want.” Well, guess what, since you said it was ok and he could do what he wanted, you have no f*cking right to b*tch about it now. You know who you should be mad at, Artis? You. For agreeing to something you didn’t like in the first place.