Welcome back, my friends, to another edition of Naked and Afraid, starring Michaela Bradshaw as Naked, and David Wright as Afraid. We find out this week if Lucy will ever speak, if Adam’s voice will be used to scare away rodents and insects, and whether Bret’s moobs or Figgy’s mole will be sliced off to provide nourishment as the tribes near starvation.

Seriously, the fact there’s a Season 33 plot line that involves “ta-tas” seems a little gross, considering how religious these zealots are. Not sure how you feel about religion being shoved down your throat, but would any of you get a mush-on if you heard there was going to be “nudity in church” this week?

“On Wednesday, Rev. Probst is presenting a sermon on the hottest prostitutes in the bible. He has some vivid stories and tells a colorful tale about Oholah and Oholibah, the chicks who put the “ho” in whore…”

Okay, maybe that’s a sermon I would like to hear, considering I’m a pagan and found the stories about prostitutes in … Continue reading →

Wednesday night, and it’s time for another episode of, “As the Coconut Turns.” In this week’s show, some of the Millennials are bummed about Mari’s departure last week (not as much as her, though), and a twist might shake things up…

But first, I wanted to mention that at the end of tonight’s column, I’ve updated my Rankings of Every Survivor Player and have posted the top 200 players in Survivor history. Click to the last page to see where your favorites stand after 32 seasons of Survivor.

Considering the love that blossomed last week, and the differences between generational plotlines, I feel like I’m watching a bad soap opera. TBH, they’re all “bad” soap operas, but this one seems worse because the actors don’t know how to act. Seriously, everyone seems like a caricature of themselves (except Zeke, of course, who’s playing the role of Glorious Zeke fabulously) but none of these clowns are winning a daytime Emmy. Susan Lucci, you’re a shoo-in this year…

That’s right, tonight’s episode reminds me of soap operas … Continue reading →

“Love is in the air, everywhere I look around… Love is in the air, every sight and every sound…

That’s right, folks, love is in the air tonight (is this a John Paul Young/Phil Collins mash-up or what?) and since we’re only 1,600 miles from Australia, I say we break out that dusty VHS of Strictly Ballroom and paso doble our way to the bar to pour another episode of the greatest reality show on television, Survivor! And in case you don’t know how to dance, that’s okay because you’d probably spill your drink!

FYI, tonight’s recap is going to be a bit shorter than last week’s. With the whole premiere episode, and cast assessments, and 90 minutes, last week was always going to be a monster. But this week, we’ve got a “normal” episode, with a regular amount of gameplay and drama, so I’m hoping to not be typing this up at 2am in the morning…

Moving forward, I think I’ll try to have something special for you every other week so there’s a … Continue reading →