SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS GEN X RECAP – 10/6/16

Day 8 and Takali is taking stock of their tribe. David and CeCe are discussing the fact they’re on the bottom of the tribe (with Ken), yet David keeps up his charade of not having an idol, telling CeCe, “If you go home, then I’m next.” He then shows us how much he’s grown by snapping a twig in two and then nearly burning his hand on a hot piece of wood. Insert joke here, David.

Paul is feeling like the Atomic Punk and rejuvenated after his heart attack scare. He tells the tribe he’s going fishing and WILL bring back some yellowtail. Hell, the only yellowtail I want him to bring back right now is Rachel, because there ain’t a lot left to look at in the Gen-X tribe!

Offshore, with the current being as strong as it is – he claims – Paul isn’t able to catch anything, which makes Ken complain why Paul is at the head of this tribe – who provides nothing – and Ken is at the bottom. A very good point, begging the question, might there be cracks in the Van Halen Alliance?

At Vanua, Treemail arrives at the Millennial tribe and Adam informs the Vanuans (loudly, natch) there’s gonna be a summit with members of the Gen-X tribe. Rocks are drawn and the 4 “lucky” participants are:

Will
The Mole
TayTay
JayBones

And while the 4 chosen are clearly elated to be going, it occurs to me this could also be a Survivor switcheroo and these 4 players are being traded to Gen-X. Doesn’t that even cross anyone’s minds? I guess not, since these kids are sure this meeting is about collecting Intel. Michaela reminds them the mission is about recon, but they don’t wanna hear that crap. Taylor is already thinking about whether he and Figgy can find a canoe to bone in, and hopes Will doesn’t watch and Jay doesn’t join in.

And once again, we see Zeke’s Plecostomus torso, which still freaks me out, but none of you seem to care. Maybe it’s just me…

Jay comes across as the most logical in the group, who claims to only want to find out more about the Gen-X tribe, and hopefully not have the Funky Bunch start mackin’ in front of the other tribe, thus revealing just how dumb the Millennials are for allowing a Power Couple to stay in the game. Off they go…

Gen-X sends,

David
Chris
CeCe
Paul

And it’s clear everyone just wants to rape the other tribe of information and smush on Figgy as much as possible. David and “David Lee” were clearly sportin’ wood after meeting The Mole, so gentlemen, calm yourselves, because it’s time to eat PBJs, and it’s rude to bring a boner to the table.

Figgy reads a note about breaking bread, a truce, making friends, mispronounces “respite” (I’m sure hardly anyone noticed in this group) and everyone commences dining. David and Chris endeavor to collect some information from the kids about who went home, whether it was a blindside, and if anyone’s hooking up, and the Millennials appear to be upfront about everything, except who’s hooking up. Those clever kids!

Paul tells the group he sings in a rock band, and annoyingly, Jay asks if it’s ZZ Top. Uh, duh, Paul doesn’t look anything like the guys from ZZ Top, but Jay is so damn amused at his lack of rock band knowledge he doesn’t care…he’s giggling like a schoolboy. Paul tells them he’s old so he plays a lot of things they’ve probably never heard of, like a guitar, a piano, and an ocarina (well, maybe the Millennials have heard of that one…).

He goes on to tell the kids how lame David is, right in front of David, which makes the scaredy-cat cry to us about how much he hates guys like Paul, and how he’d never want to work with him. It seems the show is starting to lay in on Paul, which is funny considering he was almost dead last week. Tough room… But David shares he needs to find a crack in the Millennial tribe, because once there’s a swap or merge, he wants to be able to reinvent himself.

Paul then heads off to the beach for a dump and make it a little more “Hot For Teacher.”

“I’m going right in the agua…”

Now you got that visual. You’re welcome.

David says he wants to make friends with the Millenemies, because he wants to start the process of taking out Paul, and then he, CeCe, Figgy and Tails exchange a little Intel about how cool Ken is, how Alpha-male Paul is, and what the overall vibe at Vanua seems to be. When everyone leaves, David goes all-in with Taylor and blurts out he’s ready to take out his own tribe if he makes the merge. Seems a little too much info to divulge, but David’s not known for his coolness or gameplay so far. Dude, chillax, just say you’re open to working with them, don’t “swear to God” you’d kill your own, Jesus F**king Christ, David…

Not sure how well he thought out his plan to take out another Gen-X if it got down to 4 (2 vs. 2), because then he’d be on the bottom. But who cares? It’s Day 8 and David could still fall into a spider web and die…

When the Summit members return to Takali, everyone is brought up to speed on what happened, who was there, and what they discussed. CeCe tells Ken that Figgy referred to him as “Ken doll” and it seriously looks like Ken’s feelings are hurt. Dude, you can go bang half the broads in Fiji when this is over, just relax and laugh it off. But no, this conversation dredges up some deep childhood anxieties and Ken asks the tribe how they’d like to be referred to as a “plastic Barbie with no penis.” Which is funny as hell – CeCe clearly thinks so – but then did you see Lucy NOT. REACT. AT. ALL?

Seriously, did she not play with Barbie’s? Does she not know what a Ken doll is? Has she ever heard the word “penis” spoken by a white man…besides the guys who harassed her in her parent’s restaurant? Of course, she could cast all aspersions aside and talk, but she’s a frickin’ mute this season…

To shake off his mood, Ken decides he’s gonna go fishing, and when he says he’s gonna do something, he damn well does something! He spears a few guppies, brings them back to camp to roast, and is able to take a walk with Jessica (who’s sportin’ a mighty fine back tat, I might add, you naughty attorney!) and voices to her about how he feels about Paul, and how the mighty fisherman from Florida hasn’t brought back a single fish. And you know what they say about fish on Survivor…

“Everybody Wants Some!”

Jessica understands what he’s saying, and honestly feels bad for Ken that he’s outside the Power 6 Van Halen Alliance, but she’s gotta do what’s best for her game, and riding your alliance as far as it’ll take you is a recipe for success in the game. Everyone knows that.

Over at Vanua, Taylor is feeling pretty good about his situation and that he’s here with his girl. “And The Cradle Will Rock” is appropriate for these kids as Taylor, Figgy, Michelle and Will discuss taking out Zeke next, since he’s still the grandpa of the tribe.

Adam is more interested in taking out Figgy, since she’s obviously too dumb to play the game. No one goes on the show, makes an obvious sexy power couple alliance who’s good at challenges, and NOT have a target on your sexy back. Everyone knows that. Adam needs a shift to occur, but he’s gonna need some help at that.

He heads over to Michaela and Hannah and tries to get them to understand that the Kappa Kappa Pi(e) foursome is solid, and no one’s gonna infiltrate that. He suggests taking out Figgy first, so his glorious shift can occur. Michaela and Hannah are all ears, but it doesn’t seem like they brought their brains too. Michaela claims to be in the majority (first time she’s ever said THAT, I bet, right? (jk)) and says she’s gonna do “nothing but sit back, and listen, and think.” Yeah, I doubt she’s doing much thinking. Adam is making perfect sense, and in the lexicon of Survivor, being the 5th wheel in an alliance of 5 makes you the first out from that group. We’ll see…

And right now is a good time to mention Spoiler Alert the cast of Season 34 was released a long time ago and it includes Michaela. So she either pulls her head out of her ass very soon, or she somehow “Vecepia’s” her way to Final Tribal. I don’t see how anyone who’s playing as blind as she is can make it very far, but evidently the producer’s saw otherwise. She’d better bring some A-game surprises the rest of the season, otherwise I’m filing a complaint. With who? I’ll figure that out later…

On Day 10 we get our Reward/Immunity Challenge, and the overhead shots tell us it’s another classic obstacle course with a series of stations that’ll require a variety of skills. The tribes file in and Jeff announces that Mari went home last Tribal. Yeah, Jeff, that’s old news. The Summit let everyone know who went home. Jeez, is he getting senile…? He asks if everyone is ready to get to the challenge, and OMG, we “see” Lucy say “Yeah!” so she’s reached her quota of words spoken aloud on an episode.

Jeff describes the challenge, which features heavy bags filled with sand bags and coconuts need to be dragged under an obstacle, then carried over a slanted balance beam, then the sand bags are separated and used to knock over puzzle pieces (when thrown), which will then be reassembled to complete the challenge. Sounds pretty basic. Let’s get to it…

Millennials get through the obstacle course first by a slight margin and Taylor hits the balance beam. He’s a natural at physical challenges like this and should be leaned on to help the kids. Chris does well, Will has difficulty, Bret does fine, Figgy jams, and then CeCe…what do the kids call it…an epic fail. I don’t want to say anything too harsh, but JFC woman, when you cost your team that much time, it’s time your ass is voted out.

Taylor keeps carrying bags for Vanua while Lucy fails too. She obviously doesn’t like noise – that must be why she doesn’t speak – and keeps shushing her tribemates who are rooting her on. God, I’m starting to hate Asian women…

With the Millennials holding a big lead, Jay is firing bullets at the puzzle and knocking pieces over consistently. When Gen-X finally hits the tossing stage, Ken is rifling sand bags, just as well as Jay did, however, the lead is too much to overcome as Zeke and Michelle steadily build the puzzle. With each piece bringing the Millennials closer, David and Sunday try to catch up. But no, The Kids Are All Right and bring home the bacon, sending Gen-X to their 2nd Tribal.

But just as Jeff is about to hand over the Reward to the Millennials (some crappy (un)comfort(able) chairs and other crap) from Cost Plus, Jay chimes in and begs Jeff to let them trade comfort for some fishing gear. No need to go too deep into it, Gen-X says “suck it” and Millennials gets to keep yet another device (a hammock) that Taylor and Figgy can envision having sex in. Jeff hands Jay a gift receipt and says it’s almost curfew, time to go home…

Chris lets us know there’s no way CeCe ain’t going home, considering how lame she came up in the challenge. And in a small way, I think everything’s right in the world if they send her packing…

Takali returns to camp and gives the old “we gave it our best shot” speech, but everyone knows what’s up. Paul reminds us that CeCe cost them the challenge, and it’s a no-brainer she’s going home.

“But, it’s Survivor…and when you get too complacent, things happen,” Paul divulges.

“She can’t do swim challenges, she can’t do these challenges, I mean, enough’s enough…” is the best argument Moobs can present (which is pretty damn convincing, if you ask me). Can we just vote her out now? Chris, Bret and Sunday all agree they need to keep the team strong, but something tells me it won’t be this easy. It never is…

Back at the shelter, CeCe asks “what’s up?” but Jessica doesn’t want to reveal what the plan is. She’s good at keeping secrets, that Jessica… Later, David explores the notion of taking out Paul since that’s his only play, and while CeCe and Ken are down, I think they’ll need a few more votes to pull it off. Are we in for one of those, “let’s split the vote cuz we’re stupid,” Tribals?

As David explains to us why this should work, we get a shot of Sunday and Lucy where Lucy’s boobs are – shall we say – defying gravity. Is there some kind of bamboo shelf holding the girls up? I gotta admit I’m a big fan of breast augmentation, but she’s got that same angular thing going on that the boulders found by David last week had…

As time ticks down to Tribal, Paul, Jessica and Sunday have a last minute chat to confirm they’re all good to go. Jessica, ever the detail oriented player, wants one final confirmation that Paul isn’t do a “boys thing,” and rather than saying, “No, we’re six strong and all is good,” he responds with, “if they were doing that, I’d say, ‘Ladies, you’re on your own.”

AYFKM?

The Millennials know what that means. Do you?

Seriously, this guy is bordering on Chicken Morris, Zane Knight, and Wendy DeSmidt-Kohlhoff territory. Did you seriously just bring a hammer and nails to your own coffin assembly party? What a maroon, what an ignoramus, can someone please check to see if Jamie’s Cryin’? Holy smokes, did this d**k just dig his own grave?

Jessica pulls Sunday and Lucy aside and runs everything by them, and aside from Lucy finally saying something, I’m wondering why Jessica thinks the girls are “on the bottom” when it would be 3 men vs. 3 women. Am I missing something here? This is where I start pulling out my hair, or questioning the casting department, or (more likely) pouring another drink.

Ahhhh…that tastes good. Where were we?

As Jessica continues to work over the options with the girls, the 3 men in the Van Halen Alliance question whether they’re still good. Paul assures them they are, so I guess it’s his fault if he goes home, right? Jessica’s only concern is how this will affect her standing with Bret and Chris, with whom she’s been aligned since the beginning.

Off to Tribal we go and Jeff probes David and CeCe about their trepidations in the game so far, but the meat of the discussion is when the 6 vs. 3 topic comes up and Jeff asks, “Why not make something else happen, because you could be #5?”

Chris replies that it’s “way too early to be making those assumptions” and everyone needs to stick to their alliance for their own safety. Jeff then moves the discussion to the Immunity Challenge and asks CeCe if she was happy with the way she performed, and to my surprise, she seems happy that she got over the beam. And…no one calls her out for being a worthless sack of potatoes. Okay, guys, have you seen the show?

Jeff leads the discussion into a whole “Millennial vs. Gen-X” thing, and talks about texting, and vinyl, but who cares, let’s vote…!

Jeff fetches the urn and reads (no idols played):

Paul
CeCe
Paul
CeCe
Paul
CeCe.
Paul
Paul!

“Bom-ba-dee-da-Bom-ba-dee-da,
Happy trails to you,
Until we meet again,
Happy trails to you,
Keep smiling on til then…”

Boom goes the cocaine straw… (it was just a rolled-up $1 bill anyway…)

Yes, folks “…like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives…” and as Paul takes his mic stand, his bandanas, and heads to the great karaoke bar in the sky, we all feel we hardly got to know him. He’s not bitter, he’s not salty, he just doesn’t get to play an encore this time. At least he’s man enough to wish his band well as he heads off to rehab.

And props to the guy who knew he had an uphill battle going in and can still leave with his head up, even after that brutal blindside. You can tell he was confident he wasn’t going home, so that must have stung. Just goes to show you how one tiny comment can alter your place in the game. Too bad… Not sure how this’ll play out in the big picture for Jessica, Sunday, and Lucy, because they just weakened their tribe significantly. But…they may have just dropped Moobs and Ed Sheeran to the bottom of the totem pole, so they got that going for them.