Regardless, POA will use that idol to their advantage, and take out Paul when the time is right.
At Vanua, Hannah is having her own “David starting fire” moment by cracking open a coconut. Good for you, Betty Suarez. The Funky Bunch are also milling about, wondering where the first aid kit is, since that’s where Rupert tells us the show hides the condoms.
Michaela reconfirms that she’s still not down with Figgy, and even threatens her life with a machete to show everyone what’s up. And in what I can only describe as “NaOnka-like” communication, she and Figgy exchange what I would not call pleasantries. These are the words spoken before a drunken dance floor bar fight between rival sororities, and I’m surprised punches weren’t thrown. The only thing that saved Michaela was the few seconds pause she got while Figgy was taking Taylor’s d**k out of her mouth…
But, cooler “heads” prevail, and Toots and the Taytals takes a walk to calm down, or find the first aid kid, or mutual poop in the lagoon. We’ll never know…
Thankfully, Adam is there to scream his next confessional and let us know how dumb it is to fight, or f**k, on Survivor. Adam, keep it down, the folks in Wallis and Futuna can hear you. Seriously, WTF is wrong with this kid…?
We head back to Takali and Paul is barking orders at anyone who’ll listen. He strikes me as a “take charge” boat/marine kinda guy…like Jimmy Tarantino, or Lt. Dan… Trouble is, that age thing (as I predicted) can be a bitch as David Lee suddenly starts swooning from all the coke he did in the 80’s. So while Ken and CeCe discuss taking out Paul, he might be having the heart attack that was teased last week. It’s so serious, we actually HEAR a show producer interacting with Paul (which never happens) and giving the tribe instructions, like, “don’t laugh at Paul right now.”
After we get back from commercial, we finally see Dr. Joe – and Jeff! – show up. Thanks for coming by guys…
Sunday is more concerned about how this affects her game – seriously! – and so is David. And while I wanna be instantly pissed at their disrespect for human life…it’s Paul, so I don’t give a s**t. Eventually, Dr. Joe shoves a coconut thermometer in Paul’s rectum and gives him the “all clear.”
Off to the reward/immunity challenge we go, and we’re WAY out in the ocean for a “swim/jump/retrieve key/throw rings” kinda deal. Winning tribe gets a tarp so let’s rock this challenge. I will highlight when necessary…
Thanks for the Chris butt shot…
“Will right on his tail”…
Paul appears to be not dead…
Michaela thinks it’s wise to swim in an Oxford…
David is lucky he has an idol…
CeCe is what Al Campanis would call, a “non-buoyant” swimmer…
Ken is a monster…
Bret’s moobs may help him float…
In the ring toss section, I’m thinking Figgy’s “tossing” abilities may help…
Jay is…dramatic.
Ken is money…Gen-X wins!
And as Jeff invites the Millennials for a date with him tonight, Mari lets us know that this is real. And someone’s dreams are being crushed. Let’s hope it’s not her (my Final Tribal pick).
The Defeateds file back to camp and Zeke is oddly happy that he gets to vote someone out. With a number of conversations going on, it seems like everyone is set on Figgy going home. But with her being in the Kappa Kappa Survivor alliance, Jay and Michelle discuss taking someone else out. They set their eyes on Michaela, because she’s Figgy’s big villain. Jay pulls the two of them aside and spins a Survivor web of “Zeke wants Figgy out first, then Michaela,” and that’s all it takes for these idiots (or, just Michaela) to rethink her entire plan.
Because, if someone tells me that Zeke said this or that about taking me out, you know the first thing I’m gonna do is go up to Zeke and ask him what’s up. But not these cats, or shall I say kittens? They’ll believe anything they’re told, and that can only mean trouble moving forward. Michelle pulls Will aside and lets him know her concerns, and while he seems to be thinking logically, you just wonder if she promised to help him lose his virginity – off camera – if he votes with her… He’s in (figuratively).
Plan B is to take out Mari, because she’s a player, and has red hair, and is more qualified than everyone else? So let’s see if this cockamamie plan can hold water. Off to Trial Council we go, and as everyone heads off to their first Tribal, Michelle confesses she may have to pull some strings to get what she wants. And I’m wondering what “hard sell” tactics she learned selling bibles to Third World villagers…
I wrote a song for Survivor too ! Three millennial mice ,Three millennial mice . God they are dumb , God they are dumb . At the bottom of triforce alliance their stuck , blew a chance at a million cause they are dumb as f%$k . Three millennial mice .Will I give the most slack . I get it Little Will is getting excited because a good looking older chick is giving you some attention . We have all made mistakes listening to the little guy but damn dude its a million bucks . You will have a lot of hotties giving you attention if you have a million bucks . I bet she didn’t even give you a boobie flash to get your vote . She is very religious . Turn on alliance , blew a million bucks not even a boobie flash . Dude you must learn to ignore little Will most of the time . Trust all of us older guys on this one . The moron o meter gives you a 6 . Hannah I will give you a bit of slack as well . I am sure you had a flashback of sitting alone in the high school cafeteria when Suzy , Cindy and some other cheerleaders come over to your table . They promised if you did their Algebra you could be their friend . Alas there was never an invite to a party or sleepover . They had used you . It hurt I get it . This was your chance to be cool for the first time . However deep down you know it will never happen . You knew the cool kids were going to gang up on everyone else the first day in camp . You had a plan . You found a friend and you were going to take them out . Instead you turned on your friend and cost you both a shot at a million . I feel for you but 9 out of 10 on the moron meter . Michaela no slack for you . You are just an idiot . Call out alliance , fight with co leader of said alliance , vote with that same alliance . You simply are dumb . You had the numbers . You hate Figgy , Figgy hates you . Send Figgy home . I cant wait to see Jeff take your torch . 10 OUT OF 10 ON THE MORON O METER !
I wonder if Tay Tay enjoyed running his tongue over Figgs’ mole? I find it so distracting, I can’t stop staring at it. Instead of Gollum, Jack thinks Schmiegel is a better name for David. I love the David Lee Roth reference for Paul. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know who I am rooting for. Maybe Ken? I like the 2 big guys on Gen X as well. Bret and his boobs and Bubba Esq. I also like Zeke but the best version of myself comment dropped him down a notch for me since I had to stop and puke. Odd all the Asian chicks are dropping like flies. I wonder if Lucy is going to start to feel nervous. If she goes next, I predict a law suit in the months of come.
My fave line of the night came from Jay (aka Nick from FTWD) to Jay – “I’m not losing a million dollars I need it and I know you need it if you want to snowboard and chill.”
Rich- I see your points. I see you… (Avatar)
kinb- thanks for that visual. did you see Figgy replied to my tweet!? Wait, do you Twitter? Start now. I’m still not in love with anyone. I hate when the “also-rans” win Survivor because all the big players were taken out. Just wish the Millennials were playing smart instead of playing with each other. So dumb. I would be okay if Lucy goes home, she’s a waste of a contestant. Everybody needs to bring it!
ericah- Totally! I was going to mention that but I figured it was too obvious. Everybody would ridicule that. Do these kids know they’re being recorded?