SURVIVOR: WC vs BC vs NC – 3/18/15

Wednesday night and we’re blessed with another 2-hour block of Survivor. As a fan, I love these nights. We get 2 Tribal Councils, 2 eliminations, 2 more pieces of the puzzle solved. And I hear tonight is the tribe swap, so we’ve reached the next phase of the game.

As you know, this is when the game really begins. Because if you thought things were bleak before (I’m talking to you, No Collars!) this is when the tide can suddenly shift in your favor, and reaching Final Tribal may suddenly become a possibility. We saw it on BBB when the Brains went from bottom of the barrel to the top of the heap in a moment, with both Spencer and Tash benefitting from the swap. No, it didn’t get them to the final, but it did put them in a position where the final became a possibility. I wonder who’s going to benefit tonight, since there’s a lot of people sitting comfortably right now.

Here’s how I see players’ standings in the game:

Sitting Comfortably:
Carolyn – WC
Hali – NC
Jenn – NC
Joe – NC
Kelly – BC
Lindsey – BC
Sierra – BC
Tyler – WC
Boston Rod – BC

Tenuous:
Dan – BC
Joaquin – WC
Max – WC
Mike – BC
Shirin – WC
Will – NC

Kinda strange that most of the Tenuous ones are on tribes that are “winning,” but let’s re-evaluate after the tribe swap and see how things have evolved.

I’d love to spend a lot of time on other business right now, but with a 2-hour show I don’t wanna make this a longer column than it needs to be. And, selfishly, I’m also thinking about how little sleep I’m getting tonight, so let’s crack open this coconut and dive right in…

The recap doesn’t offer anything significant except a little reminder about Will receiving 2 votes last week. We knew that could come back to burn, Hali, didn’t we? We’ll see if it’s something that plays out tonight or if it’s just another show misdirection, but something tells me Will ain’t forgetting that someone other than Nina voted for him last night…

As the No Collars return to camp (Night 8) that’s pretty much the first thing Hali mentions to Will. She plays it like it was a “in case Nina had an idol” move, but that seems like a poorly thought out excuse. Regardless, Will accepts it (half-heartedly) and confesses the tribe is at its “make or break” point, so unless he can convince Joe to turn on one of the girls, Will will be gone next.

Day 9, and I imagine the Tribes’ morning routines go something like this: the White Collars are probably missing their venti caramel macchiatos from Starbucks, while the Blue Collars are thinking about a Styrofoam cup of black coffee from Yum Yum Donuts, and I guess the No Collars are picturing ripping a fat bongload for their daily “wake & bake” routine…

As Dan steps through camp to go somewhere (morning constitution, prolly…) he almost steps on a 3’ snake. Instantly, he calls Mike over who’s like the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He loves getting’ them critters” and grabs the machete. He makes quick work of the snake (f**k you, PETA!) and begins salivating over the snake tartare he’s about to be dining on. He enlists Kelly’s help to skin it, who’s never done this before, and they cook it on a stick. Personally, I’ve never eaten snake, and I don’t think I’ll ever NEED to, but it’s protein, and that’s what Rodney is craving. He gives it try, and admits any beef he had with Mike is in the past.

“That’s just men being men. One fight and get over it.”

Which may signify something’s blossoming between these two. Just as long as Dan as his hairy back fat isn’t involved, I’m okay with it…

And he we go, 4 minutes in and we’re already doing a challenge! That’s what I wanna see! Jeff welcomes the White and Blue tribes in and they take a gander at the new No Collars. I don’t think anyone was too surprised to see Nina gone, it was probably a foregone conclusion to everyone on the other tribes.

As the No Collars hit the mat, I’m seeing the same thing I noticed last week. Don’t ask me why I pick up on this, but it seems like Jenn has the dirtiest cooch on the beach. Okay, maybe it’s just her bikini, or a shadow, or maybe it’s just a heavier flow week, but you’d think you’d wanna – I don’t know – attend to that kinda thing before coming to a challenge. I mean, couldn’t she take a moment and jump into the ocean and do some laundry? Or couldn’t someone on her tribe, give her a heads up? How ‘bout someone on the crew? I don’t know, from what I read online yesterday, the crew actually does help out more than we’re told (supposedly Erinn from Tocantins was a guest speaker in Max’s Survivor class and admitted the crew gave her a lighter when she was on Exile Island one night) so I don’t think it’s out of anyone’s purview to toss Jenn some OxiClean so she can tend to her britches…?!

But I digress…

The challenge is the one we saw in last week’s tease where players are blindfolded and have to collect items and hoist them to a “caller” who’s up in a tower. Once again, this is the challenge where X’XXX proved her incompetence and validated she can never be called a “Brain” ever again. Today, however, we know someone’s getting bloodied, so I can only wonder who’ll be setting the Incompetence Bar very low. With Tyler sitting out on WC and Rodney and Mike sitting out for the BC, let the challenge begin.

With Carolyn, Sierra and Joe functioning as callers, we’re under way with the following blindfolded pairs:

Shirin & Max
Hali & Jenn
Lindsey & Kelly

This leaves Joaquin Dead, Cliffy Marblebags, and Manboobs as blindfolded “hoisters.”

Everyone zeroes in on different items at the start and despite every group violently crashing into posts and obstacles spread around the course, No Collar retrieves their first item and hoists it successfully to Joe. OMG, they’re actually leading a challenge! And as they go out to collect their second item, they surprisingly bring that one back before White and Blue even have one. I’m seeing a bit of foreshadowing as Jeff (or “JP” as Tyler calls him now) cautions Will about the platform hitting him when they drop it unevenly (methinks I smell blood on the horizon…).

As Hali and Jenn go out and grab their 3rd item, Shirin takes another smack on the cooter and I’m wondering how many more it will take to make her squirt (sorry, I went there, but she seemed so pleased when she took that last one…).

With all tribes encountering different obstacles in their sorties, the only consistent thing is the designated “hoisters” are all narrowly escaping disaster when their platforms come crashing to the ground. First Will, then Dan, then Joaquin all barely avoid a platform to the noggin. Jeff is remarkably yelling at them, saying they need to be policing themselves with this, but I’m sure OSHA has a few opinions about blindfolded contestants regulating their own safety and well-being… Oh well, they signed contracts!

When BC comes back with their next item and successfully gets it up to Sierra, the platform is dropped unevenly and it comes crashing down on Kelly’s head, blood instantly seeping through her buff. Jeff instantly stops the challenge and calls in Medical to take a look at her forehead. Of course, he has to keep the blindfold on her, or else he may compromise the integrity of the challenge. Because there’s nothing more important that maintaining the integrity of a challenge when you’re in the running for 10 eggs. But, he assesses it’s just a superficial wound and she’ll be okay to finish the challenge, so Bush Doctor bandages her up and clears her to continue.

Jeff recaps everything for us: Blue has 3 items hoisted, White has their 3rd item on the platform, and No Collar has their 4th item hoisted. We’re back under way…

No Collar continues to outshine and gets their last item and then their flag. The communication between Joe and girls is great as they dominate this challenge throughout and win the big reward – 3 egg laying hens and a rooster. In the battle for 2nd place, White Collar has overtaken Blue and race out to retrieve their flag. They manage to get it up to Carolyn with minimal drama, thus, WC gets 2nd place and the eggs. BC gets a bloody buff…