SURVIVOR: WC vs BC vs NC – 2/25/15

Initial Cast Assessment

White Collars
Carolyn (52) – Let’s start off by saying that women over 50 have an uphill battle for so many reasons. She may be athletic, and tough, and a great read on other people, but when the other 5 people on your tribe are 20- or 30-somethings, you’re the “old lady,” and you’re going home soon. I’d hate to see what Carolyn’s early days on the island are like, IF, the WC tribe doesn’t win immunity. Prediction: won’t make Jury

Joaquin (27) – this guy just reeks of getting his ass handed to him via blindside. What a douche. Calling yourself selfish, and the “alpha male” is just such a douchey thing to do when you’re introdouching yourself to America. I hope he’s out early because I hate when guys like this stick around. Because he’s young/strong/outspoken, he’ll probably make some alliances, but he’ll also make enemies, both of whom will put a target on his back. No chance to win, but will be around for a bit… Prediction: Won’t make jury

Max (37) – Here’s a guy that thinks he’s got it all figured out, but I think his confidence is his biggest downfall. “You taught a class on Survivor?” Big friggin’ deal. Who was the idiot admin who approved that syllabus? You look like a dork walking around in your button down tab collars, stepping over logs and ducking under tree limbs. And JFC, for the life of me, can we stop with this whole “beard thing.” He’ll adapt, but he’ll annoy… Prediction: Jury

Shirin (31) – I do think she’s “smarter than the average bear,” but I wonder how long until she breaks. It’s one thing to say you like to eat gross things and walk all over people, but it’s another thing to sleep on the ground, with the bugs, and the starvation, and then the physical challenges start taking their toll. At some point, she’ll be viewed as “undeserving” and be sent packing. Prediction: Won’t make jury

So (31) – Ok, right off the bat I don’t like her and here’s why. 1) she was supposed to be on Season 29 with her sister but had to drop out at the last minute. That means she was just a “throw-in” on this season. 2) She comes across as a bit of a snob/entitled/bitch, so that typically gets noticed, and 3) her f**king upper lip never moves and that bugs the f**k out of me. It’s like that Jim Carrey character with his upper lip tucked in. Prediction: Won’t make jury

Tyler (33) – I like him out of the blocks. An athlete, intelligent, a beach kid who could roll with things, and most importantly, someone who’s swam with sharks and knows it’s all b.s. until Jeff hands you that check. I like his odds. Prediction: Top 3 if he can align properly

Blue Collars
Dan (47) – Okay, this guy’s too wack to be viewed as nothing more than “that crazy old guy.” Every season has one, they typically don’t win, and they’re viewed as the “weakest link” from Day 1. Who else on this tribe would be voted out first? I hope he enjoys his time as a “Survivor,” because that’s the only title he’s earning this season. Prediction: Won’t make Jury

Kelly (44) – She’s someone I get a good vibe about. And no, it’s not just because she was a bartender! I like that she’s smart, athletic, and willing to play hard, it’s just a feeling I get. True, I got this feeling from Sarah (BBB), and we know how THAT turned out, but let’s hope Kelly can align properly and go deep. Prediction: Top 3

Lindsey (24) – OMG, this is some weird s**t. Another “Lindsey the hairdresser with a tattooed right arm.” Is the show trying to give redemption to hairdressers or something? I just think it’s a bit weird that Lindsey and Lindsey are soooo similar. They’re both moms, too!? WTF? Typically, producers would say they’re “just too similar,” but not the Survivor producers. They’re too stoned (one would assume) to give a crap. “Let’s pick another Lindsey, and see if America notices.” Yeah, we noticed. And I bet she’s going to hate Carolyn after the merge, because you wanna relive the whole Lindsey vs. Trish thing, right!? Stupid… You’re beginning to piss me off, Survivor. The only saving grace about Lindsey #2 is that she likes vodka, so she’s instantly my favorite to win. Prediction: Sole Survivor (bite me!)

Mike (38) – I really like the fact he’s humble enough to call himself “dumb” and understand that he’s assuming a role when on the show. It may be “nice-guy” Mike back home, but it may end up being “bad-ass” Mike on the show. Whatever it takes, right? I like his chances, IF, he can recognize the moves being made by others, instead of just thinking he’s the only one making moves, a la John Rocker. Prediction: Jury

Rodney (24) – All he wants to do is buy his mother a cahr… Sounds like a good plan. I like his confidence, and the fact he’s from Boston seems to be a good luck charm on this show, but let’s see if his braggadocio is too overwhelming for the others in his tribe. The fact there are some other East Coasters may help him to the merge, and let’s just see how good his “hustle” is. I’ll give him jury depth, but I don’t think he can win. Prediction: Jury

Sierra (27) – The fact she’s an athletic cowgirl may keep her around for a while, but I think it’ll eventually work against her. If she goes deep, she’ll be viewed as a threat and summarily dismissed. I think she’s one of those people who say they can take it, but when the Probst hits the fan, she’ll wonder why she agreed to do this. Prediction: Jury

No Collars
Hali (25) – Not sure why she’s on the NC tribe, since she’s heading towards a WC life, but I guess she’s young enough to qualify as NC. I think at 25, like so many others, she’s anxious to tell the world who she is, but she doesn’t even know that yet. Let’s see what happens if she can align like she says she’s going to, and then pray she stays around for awhile, so we have some eye candy. Meow… Prediction: Jury

Jenn (22) – Perfect fit for this tribe. She just seems comfortable embracing the chill of being NC. Whether that’ll work to her advantage is TBD. I think she’ll benefit from being one of the “young’uns,” which will hopefully keep her around till the merge. Then, let’s see what kind of magic she can pull off. She doesn’t strike me as someone who can win, but let’s see how much weight she loses and what she looks like in a bikini on day 30… Prediction: Jury

Joe (25) – I think he’s the guy that Hali said she wanted to align with right off the bat, so maybe that’ll work out for him. I kinda like his vibe, kinda laid back, kinda hard working, kinda chill, so that should make him less of a target. Based on his age, and the age of others on his tribe, he’ll probably stick around a while, and I just have a good feeling about him. Let’s see how deep he can actually go. Prediction: Top 3

Nina (51) – Another one who will be labeled “the old lady” and viewed as weak. Especially since she was placed on the NC tribe. Just try and tell me the kids on this tribe won’t view her as an outsider. Especially with her hearing impairment, and the notion that only one person can talk at a time around her, I think she’s facing an uphill battle. Prediction: won’t make jury

Vince (32) – The whole “life coach,” “coconut vendor,” “living on both coasts,” “traveling to 39 countries” seems okay on paper, but when you put this guy on a beach with some relatively normal people, eventually that’ll wear on them. Like Fabio, he may not be viewed as a threat, but unlike Fabio, he seems to want to be a voice that’s heard, so that may spell his doom. Prediction: Won’t make jury

Will (41) – Eventually his personality (or his moobs) will piss off the others on his tribe, or maybe the fact he’s the only person of color may distance him from the rest of the tribe. (And yes, we know that’s still a factor, even after 29 previous seasons…). Mostly, I think he’s already getting the short end of the stick on his tribe (along with Nina) by being older than most of the others. Prediction: won’t make Jury

So that’s 10 to make Jury depth. Let’s see how things unfold this season, and let’s get to the gosh darn episode. I’m dying to see how 90 minutes of Survivor looks again. To the episode…

As soon as we fly in over the jungle and beach, everything looks so vaguely familiar. Oh, wait, it is familiar! We’re back in Nicaragua again and not on some tropical beach in the South Pacific. Great, there goes my first fantasy blown to shreds.