SURVIVOR: BLOOD VS WATER – 11/5/14

Merge! Merge! Merge!

For some reason I’m picturing Katniss Everdeen standing in front of the tribe raising her 3-finger salute at the tribes. Suddenly, helicopters can be heard in the distance. Confusion turns to chaos as everyone looks up to see a group of ex-players rappelling down and landing on the beach. They start attacking the “Hunapoyans” with a variety of sticks, logs and coconuts. They are led by Coach, who can be heard about the fray…

“Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought,” he says as he stabs Keith with the dull end of a bamboo pole.

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity,” as he throws a spear at Jon…

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both!” as he hacks at Josh and Reed with a machete…

Other players like Russell, Boston Rob, Tyson, Parvati, Colby, Rupert, Jerri, Malcolm, Brenda and Skupin are part of the carnage. Corinne’s even there, throwing flaming coconuts at Julie whilst holding a cocktail, not spilling a drop. Everyone is attacking the new Season 29 players, chiding them for their uninspired play. Their foolish mistakes. Their lackadaisical effort. It’s a massacre. When the battle is over, only Jeremy is left standing. For he is the only one playing like a warrior. And I think tonight will reveal just how strong (or lucky) his game is.

But first, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m not a violent person. I don’t fantasize about massacres on a regular basis. I’m just trying to illustrate the point that this season’s players really need a kick in the pants. Not sure if there’s just not enough “players” this season, or if they’ve simply gotten so complacent they think the game will just come to them. I don’t need to remind you of the comedy of errors that that BvW2 has given us, because you’re all aware. And I think most are coming to the conclusion that this season is very boring. Honestly, I really hope not.

And as a “superfan” of the show, I truly hold onto the hope that things will pick up. The merge tonight (you did know about that, right?) will definitely improve things, and maybe with all the scrambling that the merge brings, things will get shaken up even more. The season doesn’t really begin until the merge anyway, so I’m looking forward to the second half to see how #29 will be remembered.

I watched a couple preview videos and besides Jeremy being targeted by the Reed/Josh/Wes/Alec alliance, some of you may have seen the “Se7en” moment I tweeted about earlier today (on Wednesday)…

“What’s in the box…?”

Or, “What’s in Julie’s bag?” to be more specific. What could it be? Looks like Jon is going to go snooping in there and find out for us.

And is it just me or is that totally f**ked up? I’ve read previously where Jeff said the show does not care if players look in other players’ belongings, they just can’t steal from them (Not sure why Woo was able to take Spencer’s clue last season, but we all know how THAT turned out). So all Jon is doing is collecting information. And a little bit of information is never a bad thing on Survivor, right?

So what’s in her bag? Is it something we’ve seen on Survivor before? A granola bar? Beef jerky? A can of beans? A picture of John? A cell phone?! (Wouldn’t that be awesome? Two reality shows tarnished by a contestant smuggling in a cell phone… And let’s not think about how/where she smuggled it in!)

Or what about, a hidden immunity idol that someone shoved in her bag to frame her?! Ooooohhh, wouldn’t that be clever…? Now who would be devious enough to do that? Jeremy? Keith?

That actually would be pretty awesome because it’s something that’s NEVER happened on the show. And how often can we say that? Sure, Pete stuck a clue in R.C.’s bag, but an idol would be a new level of chicanery. Enough speculation, let’s get to the episode and see another piece of the puzzle get placed…

In the recap of last week, we’re reminded just how stupid Hunahpu has been. I think it’d be awesome if the merged tribe would have to go live on that beach, just to make a point that you DON’T DO WHAT THEY DID on Survivor. Sure, they’ll get their feast at the merge, they’ll get some stuff back, but they won’t get a tarp, or a hammock, and they certainly won’t get very many food challenges before the finale. Hell, have a Survivor auction and only give them comfort items rather than meals. Make ‘em pay!

Jeff also reminds us that even though Dale was clearly the target last week, Keith was surprised to receive a couple votes at Tribal. That’ll either piss him off tonight, or maybe it’ll force him to give his idol to Julie (?), or maybe he’ll not even remember that his name was written down. “Dadgummit, what happened last night? And where’s Dale…?!”

The episode starts and we don’t get the usual “returning to camp after Tribal” so I’m guessing it was a foregone conclusion that Dale was going home. Or, Keith just wanted to take another nap and wasn’t interested in finding out why his name was written down. We open on the Coyopa camp (Day 16), with Missy telling Keith she wants to explain what happened. While she makes the case that they were only trying to flush Dale’s idol and that he was never really a target, Keith is pissed that he wasn’t informed about the decision beforehand.

“No more lying,” he says, and I’m wondering if he’s ever seen the show.