SURVIVOR: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY FINALE – 5/21/14

Here we are. The finale. We’ve been waiting for this night ever since the tease at last year’s reunion show. All those months waiting and wondering how Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty was going play out, and then watching, aghast at every crazy twist that unfolded. We cringed at the stupid decisions made on Day 1, idol clues revealed a “Sophie’s Choice,” alliances formed, people snapped, and tribes almost disintegrated. There was talk of throwing challenges, near fisticuffs, stolen clues, and a mysterious new idol with “special powers” unseen in this game.

We witnessed Tony’s antics. The honest cop, who started telling lies on Day 1, and finding idols. He made proclamations of playing dirty, and eventually formed his “CopsRUs” alliance with Sarah. His paranoia was evident from the start, with his eavesdropping, swearing on family members, and not one, but two “SpyShacks.” And I’m sure at some point in the game, most of us thought his gameplay would come back to bite him in the ass…

Then there was Spencer and his perceived superiority, who knowingly had to contend with the prediction made by Jeff Probst that he had “…zero chance of winning this game.” And while the Brains tribe proceeded to make one bad move after another, we all thought Jeff was right. But something strange happened on the way to the forum. Spencer stayed alive…just barely. Week after week he was in line to go home, but somehow he stayed alive as one blindside after another took someone else out. And with a narrow “window of opportunity,” he was able to win challenges or convince others to turn on their own.

Woo has always played the role of right-hand man. First it was to Cliff, his NBA fantasy date, and then to Tony, who ran his alliance like a mafia don. Woo thought himself a consigliere, who was kept alive by never being a target and staying loyal to his alliance. But while his strategy may have been honorable to himself, to us it appeared that Tony was playing the role of don and consigliere. With all the strategizing against Woo, he seemed to be getting set up the play the role of a Gervase, and how well can a “Gervase” do against a jury?

Kass is the wild card. Not only because of her self-proclaimed nickname, “Chaos Kass,” but for the simple fact that she believes she still has a chance to win. Not only is this totally delusional, it’s downright insulting to the players she blindsided to get to where she is. As I’ve theorized publicly on Twitter this week, Kass may not be playing to win at all. She may just be going for the 2nd place money ($100,000) and just call it a day. So why haven’t we seen her say that in confessional? It’s not like it’s America voting on this…it’s just her and the other players. So why isn’t she owning the fact that her blindsides, flipping and general bitchiness is just a strategy to get to the end and cash that 2nd place check…?

Many scenarios will play out tonight, and since it’s Survivor, ANY of them are possible. As we know, this is a crazy game that never goes as expected, so I’m anxious to see how this plays out.

But before we dig into the finale, I wanted to go over a few other items. First of all, we’ve reached the grand finale of Bryan ’s Rankings of All Survivor Players. (please click through to the end if you simply can’t wait). The Final Four greatest players of all-time are revealed with a bit more fanfare, commentary and statistics than previously included. Later tonight or tomorrow, we’ll be posting the final list of all 406 players so you can see (in a viewable format) how everyone scored and a few updated comments. I had a lot of fun at some players’ expense, forgive me if some are too salty…

Moving forward beyond tonight, I would like to post a new list next week (or in the coming days) that includes the current players so you can see how they ranked. With all of the hidden idols and challenge domination, some players may end up doing pretty well. Of course they’re up against players who’ve played 2, 3 and 4 times, so I don’t see anyone cracking the top 50, but we’ll see how things pan out.

Whatever happens, I just want to say thank you to everyone who’s bothered to read, comment, like, favorite, retweet or send me an email. I truly appreciate everyone’s input and will always respond to you eventually. I take my Survivor addiction seriously, and know that some of you do too. It’s the one “mania” I’m allowed to indulge in, and I truly enjoy talking turkey about the game and its history. If it’s not perfectly clear by now, I would die to play this game, so anything I can do to get inside the Survivor “family” is my goal. This week I was thrilled to see Coach receptive to a few of my tweets, as well as Eliza, Skupin and Erik, so props to you veterans! I’m humbled you included me in your “space” for even a moment…

Okay, enough ass-kissing, let’s crack open this coconut for the last time. We have a 2-hour show to recap, and then possibly some reunion tidbits to go over. I get the feeling contestants know this is their last time to really be heard by millions of people, so there’s no telling what inanity and insanity will come out of their mouths.

And finally, while I was hoping to get some feedback about my Survivor: Sabotage idea, I haven’t received any nibbles. I know there’s a lot of theories for Season 30 (Survivor: Legends it’s been leaked…) which doesn’t sound like anything I threw out there, but who knows what season 31 or later may introduce.

But tonight, I’m all about Season 28, and finding out who wins this cockfight. And then I’ll be watching intently as the show reveals Season 29, and what that twist will be. Mostly, I’m praying that Jeff Probst brings Tyler Perry onstage, and he gets jumped by the jury. Because that special powers idol is the 2nd dumbest idea the show has ever had, 2nd only to the “Have/Have Nots” theme used in Survivor: Fiji . Despite these choices, I like that they’re open to trying new themes – like Sabotage? – for future seasons…

So without further ado, let’s get to this bad boy. I don’t expect to cover every single scene, as that would require me to write long into the night. Let’s just say I’ll be writing this first and foremost as a fan, who wants to get to the winner as quickly as possible.