SURVIVOR: BLOOD VS WATER – 9/18/13

On to Wednesday’s premiere episode! We’ve got a 90-minute show to cover, so let’s get right to it. After Jeff’s glorious intro we’re taken to the beach where the contestants are getting a first look at each other. Nothing seems to rock anyone else’s world but we see that everyone is sticking close to his or her SO. Twist #1. Jeff reveals that everyone will be playing against their loved ones, and you can just see the angst set in. The new tribes split up and receive their buffs. The RP will be the Galang tribe and the SO will be the Tadhana.

Jeff takes this opportunity to throw some quick questions to the players, and lo and behold, someone is already asleep at the wheel. Mr. Brad Culpepper, don’t you know the game’s afoot!? “If we’re playing a challenge and it’s been raining, and we’re playing for a tarp, maybe I’d want her to have it…” (paraphrasing) Uh, did you really just say that you’d throw a challenge to keep your wife dry? The looks from his tribe mates speak volumes (particularly Marissa) as they wonder, “Who is this boob?” (I think it’s a theme…)

But…just when you think Brad’s folly is going to spell his doom, Jeff takes us back into the game and reveals that we’re voting out someone from each tribe RIGHT NOW. Can you imagine? Wouldn’t it be awful to make that long trip to the Philippines and hear that your experience may be over already?

So, Tadhana votes and determines that Laura, Rupert’s wife, is the first to leave. No big surprise there. Maybe Jeff Probst knows his Survivor! Laura makes it seems like she had a target on her back because of Rupert’s success, but I think it has more to do with the fact that she’s just an “old lady” to her tribe mates. Maybe I’m wrong.

Galang votes and the other Laura and Candice are the targets. I’m shocked that not one person voted for Colton. Didn’t anyone watch his season? Shouldn’t he be a target because of his past bigotry? Ask Paula Deen if that s**t ever goes away… If not for that, shouldn’t it be because he’s wearing flip-flops on Survivor…!?

At least the RP know to play the game and offer us a few “I only voted for you because I don’t know you…” crap. And maybe Laura’s getting targeted because she’s older (?) No, that can’t be it since Tina is…ahem…much older. But in the end, Candice is targeted. Can’t figure out why. Blond? Bitchy? Successful? We don’t know what the others know about her, but there goes my power couple. I just don’t think she was the “weakest link” on her tribe.

So, Twist #2: The ladies are not out of the game, they’re going to REDEMPTION ISLAND! Oh joy, they get to compete against each other to stay in the game! But then, Twist #3, Jeff tells them your SO can take your place at RI, (we see Rupert step forward like a noble gladiator), but listen to the consequences, Jeff says… (Rupert halts like a schoolboy being sent to the principal).

I guess he figured he’d already stepped forward so he might as well do the gallant thing and takes his wife’s place.

Now this is where I have a big problem with Rupert’s (or the show’s logic). Okay, he takes his wife place. What a guy. He can now possibly beat Candice in a duel. But maybe that duel will be against John…? And more importantly, he’s now sending his wife to the Galang tribe; WHERE SHE’LL INSTANTLY HAVE A TARGET ON HER BACK! Can you imagine you’re one of the RP and you’re handed the reject from the other tribe? Doesn’t make sense to me…

So John’s given the same choice and after some deliberation with Candice, they determine that she can beat Rupert and she’ll stay in the game. I think this is the better play, since it doesn’t tip the scales either way. The Galang “weakest link” stays at RI, and John doesn’t disrupt his tribe. The only thing we learn from all this is that John is very a very emotional guy. Good for him…

We then go to the respective camps. Galang is doing the group hug, and you can instantly see that Laura is no Rupert. Gervase lets us know toot sweet that she’s on the outs. She isn’t doing much to prove herself as she can barely chop open a coconut without dismembering herself. A bit later, Monica pulls Colton aside and essentially plays her hand. “You’re not going to turn on me again, are you?” He says “no” and goes about his business…of trying to castrate himself with a saw. Not sure where he learned to saw bamboo, but something tells me he’s doing it wrong… Nurse, we got a bleeder…!

Over at Tadhana, the SO are realizing this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco… They appear to be putting together a shelter, but it just looks like a big failed effort. Vytas offers us the “my girlie Yoga hands are foreign to hard work” excuse, so not sure that’s his best move. Let’s keep a close watch on the things that come out of his mouth. Brad Culpepper then feels the need to explain his earlier faux pas. He didn’t mean he’d throw a challenge, because he’s going “100%” in everything. Good for you. Marissa’s still got her eye on you though…

Then after all that hard work, the boys (Brad and John) feel the need to go to the day spa. Waterfall shower, a bath in the pond, what, no apricot scrub?! Here’s where we see the first bit of real game play as Brad proposes a “men only” alliance to defeat the girls. We’ll call it the He Man Woman Hater’s Club. “We got 5 guys, and there’s only 4 girls, so let’s take ‘em out…”This moment has been brought to you by Brad…

Next we hear a little of the contestants’ personal stories. Ciera is telling Brad and Vytas her story about being a young mother (pregnant at 16, a mom at 17) and then Vytas one-ups her with his tragic story of being a junkie and a criminal and spending a year in jail. “Best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He says. Later, on the beach, he tells us he wanted to open up to his tribe so it makes him appear honest. Not sure if that’s what they’ll think. Maybe they’ll just think of him as a druggie ex-con, 14 years clean notwithstanding… I’m not judging him, mind you, just trying to read into what his tribe mates might think.

At the Galang fireside chat, everyone is subjected to Colton and his explanation for why he was the way he was last time, and what he has to deal with every day, and darn it…it’s just too much. Monica does her best to comfort him, but leaves us with a reality check: “He is Colton Cumbie.” Watch your back, folks… (not a pun)

[There’s something I want to mention here as we’re given some great shots of the flora and fauna of the island. I don’t know if the show has hired new cameramen or if they just upgraded their cameras, but the show has never looked better. Great background scenes in the interviews, fantastic b-roll of the island and wildlife, and all finished with incredibly vibrant colors. As one who works in this area of television production, I just had to give a shout out to the camera and post-production departments of the show.]

We head over to RI and Candice is taking out her frustration on a coconut. Chopping into it and repeating each person that voted for her like a psychopath. Rupert is just chilling out watching her, and decides he needs to go sit in the water. Candice reveals that living with Rupert – however short it may be – is extremely annoying as she’s doing all the work. And just when you think the big Deadhead is just a lazy stoner, he reveals his plan. In the past I would work too hard around camp and not have enough for challenges. I’m changing that and saving all my energy for the challenge.

The first Immunity Challenge of the season is a pretty intense obstacle course in the water with all the classic traits of a water challenge: swimming, untying knots, rowing, etc. Tadhana gets an early lead and then turn it into a HUGE lead as Gervase nearly drowns between obstacles. Aras has to help him just before – I’m sure – the production lifeguards would need to step in. Fortunately (?) they get him in the boat safely.

And then Galang can’t remember how to row a boat! Now, I’m not one to get into a boat every weekend and paddle around the ocean, but I do recall that it’s not that difficult. The RP look like a bad river-rafting trip with your accountants, made worse by Colton threatening to hit Kat over the head with his paddle. I’m sure that’ll come back to bite him at some point…

But even with the enormous lead, Tadhana can’t put the puzzle together. With all their big talk of “beating their moms,” the girls, and Caleb…falter miserably and Galang cruises through the puzzle. Oh, victory tastes sweet, especially to Gervase, who actually began talking s**t to Tadhana. Uh, weren’t you the guy who almost drowned 6 minutes ago? Are you delusional? And worse…Twist #4…now that he’s talking crap, Dr. John points out that that may not be such a good play, since Tadhana will be deciding who’s going to RI tonight. Maybe, just maybe, Gervase’s mouthing off may put Marissa in danger…?

We head over to Tadhana and they’ve already started damage control. They don’t want to get too far down on themselves, especially Marissa, who’s the first to point the finger at Gervase. Not sure that’s the best play for you, milady… You’ve said over and over that you’re here to win, but you can’t win playing alone. At some point you need to exercise a bit more judgment and bite your tongue a bit. Rule #1 of Survivor is to talk, but not talk too much. She’s digging her own grave attacking her uncle.

Brad reminds them that “we will win challenges” and when they do, they should try to win with grace. Nice thought. But, this is a game, so you may want to refrain from telling other people how to play. The men go off and reconfirm they’re 5 strong, and not really afraid to show it to the girls. Vytas gets the bright idea to reveal some of what the guys are thinking to a few of the girls. He tells Marissa something, he tells Rachel something, and before you know it, he’ll be digging his own grave a little. As we all know, the one thing you don’t do early is betray your alliance. Let’s see what happens at Tribal…

After hearing a replay of the same exact thing Jeff has said 26 times before – I mean, seriously, they could just play certain parts of Jeff’s lines on a video monitor – we are back at Tribal Council. All indications are that the tribe is either voting Marissa or Katie, so Jeff knows to focus all his questions about their situations. As always, nothing is given away, and we’re voting…

And Marissa is gone! Surprise, surprise. I guess the first thing she needs to do is have a talk with her uncle about “how not to act after winning a challenge.” Actually, no, that’s the second thing. The first thing she needs to do is give her tribe a good old-fashioned stare down. What happened to playing with grace?! Oh, yeah, that’s only if you win. If you get blind-sided, it’s okay to give the ol’ stink eye to your tribe.

The best thing we saw in the tease for next week is that THE OLD COLTON IS BACK! Yay! Let’s see how that plays out.

And, we’ll find out how the first RI challenge will go. Let’s see if all of Rupert and John’s planning works out for them.

Until next week, I’m out. Thanks for reading…

Fish
bryan.fish.fischer@gmail.com

One thing I’d like to add for those of you who are in a position to help someone out. An old friend of mine is suffering from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) and could really use some help. Reality Steve mentioned that it’d be okay for me to promote something, and I can’t think of a better cause than this. Sean is a wonderful man. I worked with him many years ago. We grew up and went on to do many things in life: start careers, start families, etc. Sean found a calling in the ministry and – with his wife – went to live in Africa for 5 years to help people suffering from HIV and other maladies. If there’s truly someone who could have done well on Survivor, it’s my friend Sean. His spirit and outlook on life has never been anything but positive and uplifting.

His situation now is very serious and all of his friends and family are banding together to help him and his wife any way they can. To that end, they’ve established a fund to help with any future costs that may (will) arise. And they will be significant.

I understand this is the first column I’m writing, and believe me, I know you don’t know me from Adam, but if you have any change in your pocket, or dollars in your wallet, or something more, we’d appreciate the help. Thank you.

To help out, please go to: http://donatefraser.wordpress.com/donate/