SURVIVOR: PHILIPPINES – 9/20/12

We’re BACK!!!! How did everyone enjoy the break? It truly seems as if Survivor was just on and I can barely remember who won last season. No, check that, I can’t remember. Was it that Sophie girl, or was that two seasons ago? I swear these reality shows need to take longer breaks, because it actually helps me remember seasons better that way. No matter what last season was, I remember it not being so great, so I’m just hoping this one does us more proud. No more Serenity Island or whatever the hell it was called, where people have the chance to get themselves back in the game by winning stupid duels or whatever. I just want a straight up season of Survivor. You guys are already starting off on the wrong foot by having back previous contestants, although I will say that I do like the added twist that it is contestants who were taken out of the game due to injury. I can appreciate giving those players a second chance, rather than seeing people like Coach or Ozzy back for another go at it with ultimately no chance at winning! And, from the previews I’ve seen on CBS, I’m going to enjoy watching the show this season due to the eye candy factor. I think I saw four or five girls in the promos who make watching a show where girls trot around in their underwear even easier to watch!! Let’s just get to it before I piss my wife off even more…

Let’s all give a big welcome back to Mr. Jeff Probst!! How is that new daytime talk show treating you? I haven’t caught a dead second of it, and probably never will, unless of course you want me to be on it!! Interested? Call my agent, who happens to also be me. I’d be on your show in a heartbeat. For all of you who are new to my blog, I have a love affair with Jeff Probst, as a reality TV competition show host! He is the best. Hands down. Nobody is even close. I love how he calls people out, cracks on people’s stupid comments, and even tells them when they suck at competitions. So, welcome back Jeff. I’m glad to have you back on my TV each week.

One thing I’ve always wanted to know is how people get videos of animals the way they do in these opening clips on Survivor. Like the monkey eating the bug on the tree? You just happen to be standing next to a tree with a bug on it, and a monkey just happens to drop down and eat that bug while you’re filming? And, yes, I know they make cameras with incredible zoom features, but that’s even more strange for someone to be 550 feet away from a tree, with a bug on it, and then just happen to catch a monkey dropping down and eating that bug! Are these unmanned cameras that are set up in forest areas? I need to know these types of things before I die. That means someone four or five streets over could have a bunch of films of me sitting here, writing these blogs with my shirt off, getting up every few minutes to stretch my back, or possibly even the few times where I’ve gone to the bathroom without shutting the door all the way. You know, for the longest time, I never understood this phenomenon, but it’s just something people feel the urge to do. I think I get that now. There is no real purpose to why I do it, I just do it. I think it’s the laziness factor of actually having to apply enough force to the back of the door to shut it, rather than just walk in, handle my business, and walk back out. But, now that I feel like I’m that bug on the tree, I think the shirt is going back on and the door is getting shut each time. Or maybe I’ll just wipe my @ss in the direction of the window from now on. They can get a nice closeup of my brown, hairy bunghole. Sorry if anyone is eating while reading this blog, but after a few seasons under my belt, I’d like to think you all know better by now!!

Anyway, on to meeting some of the cast. We meet Jeff Kent first. Never liked the guy when he was playing ball. I think I may change my mind about him while on this show, though. He came off as someone that will be interesting to watch, and someone who is going to play this game to win by all means necessary.

Then we meet Frankenstein, who talks about how Frankenstein picks flowers with a girl and then strangles her the next second. If I’m not mistaken, that’s not so much how the story went. I thought he was picking flowers and throwing them in the lake with the girl, then ran out of flowers and figured the girl would float in the water just like the flowers, so he threw her in the water, in which she proceeded to drown in. He didn’t maliciously murder a little girl after picking a flower and giving to her like this moron says. Don’t go and give Frankenstein a bad name now, buddy. My guess is that this idiot doesn’t last long. Or, he wins the entire show and translates that victory into a victory for the Republican party in November for the Presidency. Couldn’t be worse than Bush, right? Which Bush, you ask? Exactly.