The Night Before Thanksgiving column is always an interesting one. Not only does it mean we can sleep in tomorrow, but it also means we can reflect on how thankful we are for the good things in life. Currently, for me, that isn’t a lot, but I am thankful that I get to write these recaps, so I’m going to pour all of my heart and soul into tonight’s column.
Yes, because with a big double episode of Survivor, that means:
-double the fun
-double the eliminations
-double the work
-double the editing
-oh f**k, double the missed sleep!
But wait! RealitySteve came to the rescue and let me know he’s out of town so there’s not much chance this column is going up on Thanksgiving. Hell yes. I’m gonna take my sweet time, enjoy the episode(s), and try to catch every typo that typically find their way into my recaps. No promises, but this could be the best column ever…
Or, since I’m already on my second highball, this could end up being a f**king mess and putting a nail in the coffin that this is the last season I do this. We’ll see. It’s the booze talking right now, and as I’ve mentioned, if I’m able to go to the finale, I may fall deeply in love with the show again. Til then, it’s pointing out the players’ faults and secretly envying them for burning a hole into my soul. Why doesn’t Lynne Spillman call me!?
Maybe I shouldn’t have talked crap about her all these years, right? I’m sure she can take it, but perhaps that wasn’t the best ploy to finesse my way onto Survivor: Legends vs. Social Media D**kheads. I’m sure that guy from RealityBlurred, that Redmond dude, @Missyae and I could have made a great alliance…
However, that’s another column. We’ve got two episodes to review, and I’m more interested in being a fan tonight than a blogger. I really like when pieces of the puzzle are placed, and a double episode means we’re Chutes & Laddering a whole lot tonight. But who could be going home? Is it one of the bitches? Is it SP? Is it someone flying under the radar (Kimmi)? Or Heavens to Murgatroyd, could Joe lose a challenge and be sent to the Ponderosa Sex Camp? (Get in line, Kass, you’re getting sloppy thirds behind Kelly and Savage!).
I don’t know what’s in store, but let’s dive right in because there’s a lot of show to watch and I have to make dinner for my kids…and I still would like to sleep tonight. So just before I step away for a short break, I wanted to mention a few of the things I’m thankful for…
-my readers (can I call you “fans?”), because without you, none of this is possible.
-my family, who sticks by me every Wednesday, despite not being Survivor fans.
-RealitySteve, for providing me a forum to say really nasty stuff without getting arrested or punched.
-the good folks at Skyy Vodka
-the guy who invented the ice cube tray
-the first person who said, “Hey, let’s put asterisks in cuss words so you can’t read the word but still know what I’m trying to say.”
-Al Gore, for inventing the internet
-the creators of Gotham and The Walking Dead
-whoever invented porn
-Jeff Probst
-breast augmentation
-Richard Hatch
-and mostly, a wife who sticks by me, despite everything I’ve written about the women of Survivor (and thank my lucky stars she never reads these!)
Okay, let’s crack open this pre-Thanksgiving coconut and find out who spoiled their Thanksgiving with family by getting voted out tonight. Let’s hit “Play,” shall we…?
“Previously on…Survivor.”
-everyone’s playing for themselves (duh)
-Jeremy is playin’
-Ciera is playing the voting bloc game
-SP is playing with fire
-Adonis is playing far above everyone else
-and SP was able to get Spencer and Jeremy to flip on the Sedentaries and take out Kelly
Let’s see what drama unfolds at camp, now that the Fish(bach) has hit the fan…
Night 24, the tribe shuffles back to camp and Ciera opens with “Interesting tribal, huh?” and it just sounds so smarmy. Kinda like a little girl who screwed over her little brother and then wipes his face in it. Just so bitchy…
Jeremy knows he’s got some damage control to do, and will have to grab Tash before she grabs a machete. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” comes to mind, and that woman wasn’t playing for a million bucks! But he also knows this game is being played Tribal to Tribal, so there’s always a chance to repair what’s been done and re-align with his “Power Group” again… We’ll see.
Jeremy tells her they’re still tight, but Tash is that woman scorned. She’ll put on a smile for him, but that is the last time she’s gonna be on the outside. Joe is pissed his strongest ally went home, and still needs to find out what went down exactly. He approaches Jeremy and Tash (and Spencer and SP) and they go over the vote, why it happened like it did, and confirm they’re all tight and will target one of the Bottom Feeders next time. Joe will bide this time, but admits winning Immunity is still his best play, knowing they’ll be coming for him pretty soon.
The rains continue all night and into the next day, which really puts a damper on anyone’s game to go out and have conversations. Ciera is expressing how her game is getting better than it was a few days ago, but she knows there’s still work to do. And this darn rain is putting the kibosh on that.
Keith gives us a perfect Keith scene. He says “yeah, this sucks,” and “yeah, we’re hungry, but I’m playing for a million bucks. Suck it up.” Comic relief as always.
A slight let up in the rain allows the players to do a reward challenge, so let’s head down to the beach so the players can remain nice and wet. And just as Probst begins asking how everyone’s doing, the rain picks up again. These are miserable conditions, and you can see how cold everyone is. Shivering and shaking in their tiny bikinis and t-shirts. This does not look fun. I’m not a cold weather person at all, so I’m trying to imagine how the cold, fatigue, and hunger can begin to break a person’s spirit. This is like systematic torture, and I’m sure these players will all be f**ked up for the rest of their lives. This is some PTSD s**t right here.
Jeff reveals the challenge – seen previously in Tocantins – where teams of 3 play “Survivor UFC Basketball” and try to shoot a ball into a basket as the other team tries to stop them/do the same. Lots of grabbing, lots of wrestling, a possible drowning… Good times to be had. Someone will probably get hurt, or be emotionally scarred, or commit a misdemeanor, but those Cambodian laws don’t apply to us. The winning team will be taken to a circus, where food, a roof, and some time away from the game will brighten 5 players’ moods. Let’s get to it.
Green Team
Wentworth
Kimmi
Fishbach
Jeremy
Keith
Purple Team
Tash
Abi
Ciera
Joe
Spencer
First team to 3 points win. I’ll comment only when necessary.
Round 1: Spencer misses the shot, Jeremy doesn’t. Green scores!
Round 2: A physical one as Joe throws girls, and chauvinism aside. Boobs, booties, blurring. Joe shoots and scores. Tied at 1.
Round 3: A wrestling match. Spencer scores. Purple up 2-1
Round 4: With the rain coming down hard, all players are locked in 1-on-1 battles, Tash finally breaks free and scores the winning basket for Purple. Get on out of here, you crazy wet kids!
Green Team…go home and wallow in misery.
Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving ! Lets talk SURVIVOR TURKEY ! I must start with a little venting ! Mr Probst with all due respect those were not blindsides !!!!! Cierra has been bottom 3 for a long time . Yes she maneuvered her way past a few tribals but her time was coming and she knew it . Fishbach got 5 votes the tribal before ! How in the hell is getting voted out the next tribal after having to be saved by someone else’s idol a blindside ? Come on Jeff ! You actually diminish the actual blindsides ( talking about you Savage ) when you call every other vote a blindside ! Ok Jeremy great freaking move . Guaranteed yourself the Fishbach vote plus put a huge move on your resume . However (this hurts to write ) the move of the night was old Fishy tricking Abi into picking the wrong answer ! That was priceless ! Stephen I mocked your tears but you made me shed tears of laughter with that move ! Of course you made me remember why I detest you with your smugness when you thought your vote was getting Joe sent home . Joe I must say disappointed me a bit letting Stephen tackle him . I will give Joe the benefit of the doubt as Fishbach s primal grunting may have distracted him ! That is it for me ! I was really trying for proper punctuation as the grammar Nazi (my boss ) has been pretty tough on me while reading my comments . But realized whats most important is sharing my twisted thoughts on our favorite twisted game !
Great recap as always Mr. Fish. Love it! I hope things improve for you. Keep your chin up dude!! The 2 episode survivor was great. I’m so glad to see Ciera gone but think they were all really stupid to not get rid of JOE. WHY??? What do you think Fish? I know you like Adonis but why would anyone keep someone who is just getting better and better. Besides, that smug smirk he has on his face is really annoying. For some reason, FishBleck actually grew on me and I enjoyed watching him more than Mr. Personality (or lack thereof)-Joe. I’m hoping Spencer gets bonked on the head next week bc I like Keith much better. Yes, I agree with the poster above, Steven tricking dumb Abi was awesome. Love the comparison of Wiggles to Caitlin Jenner-YOU ARE CORRECT SIR! Nailed it. One observation, no matter how much they starve, Tasha’s thighs stay very jiggly. EWWW I am really rooting for Jeremy now, all the rest are just annoying.
Agree with everyone else – Fish tricking Abi was awesome. She is such a pain in the ass. Like it doesn’t matter what you do and say, she will be devils advocate and want the opposite. She’d probably vote herself out if everyone else wanted her to stay. I have to admit, I didn’t vote for ANY of the women for this season. I didn’t really like any of the options that they gave us. There have got to be better candidates to have returned this season.
What the HELL was Fishbach doing by splitting the votes?? Yeah, it wouldn’t have mattered anyways but still, what the eff was he thinking in doing that? He lives and breathes plotting to get rid of Joe, the opportunity presents itself, and he pussies out halfway through or what??? Whatev…
Thanks for the recap. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wonder if Fishbach was worried that someone might give Joe an idol so he gave one vote to Abi as a backup plan?
These 2nd chancers are making some bad decisions. Giving up an idol, splitting votes/not splitting at the wrong times. Oh well, who really knows what is going on with editing and all. I have read a few booted survivor stories, according to those people Tasha is getting a very favorable edit.
Ok, how was Fishbach able to run, when he could barely walk. he does not seem like the type to fight through the pain, but he also tackled Joe so who knows. Now, two times Spencer has been owned by Fishbach.
I am not a fan of challenges where the players physically fight each other and co-ed to boot. Come on Survivor, you are better than that. Two more immunity challenges that involve no movement. (OK some movement in the feet block challenge.
I thought someone mentioned days without food due to rain, true or embellished. On the to white/black rock, could the players have worked out who played/sat out to guarantee shelter?
After last weeks scramble for an idol, how come nothing this week after Jeremy used his?
Hey there, folks! Apologies for just getting around to this today, but I’ve had a bear of a time figuring out how to get around the Website Blocking firewall at work. I’ve finally figured it out, so I should be able to reply a bit easier. Thanks for your patience…
rick: I agree with you on the blindsides. Jeff is just overdoing the marketing hype a little bit, right? And I’m not totally convinced Fishbach tricked Abi. Take a look again (if you can) and see if you think he even had time to think about the answer before grabbing that middle urn. Yes, she probably just grabbed what he did, but I’m a little unsure if he consciously tried to trick her. Whatever, right? I’m just happy he’s gone. And don’t let your boss crack the whip too hard on ya. As long as your memos are proper, she should cut you some slack on Survivor comments. No grammar Nazis here…
kinb: Thanks for checking in with me today. Means a lot. I finally beat the firewall! Thanks for the comment. Why do you hate Joe so much? Doesn’t matter anymore, but how can you not love some Joe? And thanks for the recognition about Caitlyn/Wigles, it’s so creepy how much they look alike. I’m with you on Jeremy. I think I need to double-check my predictions again… Fingers crossed the season ends spectacularly… XO
bonnie: Agree with you on everything. And with as great as this season is supposed to be, there have been a lot of missteps. Wonder how it’ll play out. Happy Thanksgiving!
doc: Know what you mean about bad decisions. Just as I said above, there have been some questionable decisions… And you bring up a point about favorable edits and the editing. Do we think the people who make Final Tribal are given betters edits throughout the season, or is every episode treated like a separate entitly and made as good as it can be? Or are there themes the editors keep in mind, planted by the producers, with regard to how players are presented? I wonder. I actually know one of the editors, but I could never ask him this question… From what Varner said about Tash, maybe she is getting the Final Tribal favorable edit. She’s only been shown in a relatively good light, so maybe there’s some truth to the “good edit” theory. I think shoes make a lot of things easier to do. When I rip up my cracked heels and can barely walk barefooted, I can simply put on sneakers and not feel a thing. I guess… I don’t mind the co-ed challenges, gives an opportunity for some legal harrassment.Too bad no one ever goes for a boob. Do you consider last night’s “pole” challenge no movement? If so, I’m sorry… I do think there are a lot of challenges that could be revisited. I wonder if they’re always doing that? It’s gonna be a sad day when Survivor is on its last legs and starts looking cheesy. I am not looking forward to that… I think people exaggerate when they talk about “no food for days.” They just mean, not a big meal… Agree? I guess they didn’t have time to negotiate any white/black rock deals. That’s a good question. Maybe I can try to get someone to answer some questions. Your comment made me write about Jeremy’s idol in my column last night. Thanks for the inspiration!
Ok, folks, sorry again for taking so long to reply. Call me Anonymous now that I’ve hacked around the company firewall! Love ya…!
Fish